A Working Title: Part Three
by IBACULLEN
Summary: Bella has had many ups & downs throughout her relationship with famous Edward Cullen. Now it is her time to shine in the spotlight. But in order to do that she will have to find the strength within to fight for the things she wants in life. Will Edward be able to let go of the control he once had for the sake of his and Bella's relationship? Final part of A Working Title Series
1. Chapter 1

**WARNING: **I think you've been warned enough. :-P

**CHAPTER ONE**

My tears had finally dried and now I lay on the soft leather couch just staring at the chair on the opposite side of the plane. It took everything I had to keep those tears at bay for as long as I could. When I arrived at Darren's, I probably looked like the creature from the black lagoon.

"Don't ask any questions please. I just need to know, were you genuine when you said you would do me a favor?" I asked barging into his house after he opened the door.

"Uh…yeah of course." He replied confused.

"Can I borrow your plane?"

"Yes. Are you in some kind of trouble?" he asked.

"I said not to ask any questions." I murmured. "Can you drive me to your plane?"

The only thing beside my appearance to perhaps tip Darren off was that I asked if he could take the Escalade and wouldn't mind if I lay down in the back. It was a chore and a half to get in and out of that car.

The plane was waiting when we arrived. I told Darren I needed to go to New York. You can analyze me all you want but the first safe place to pop into my head was Embry.

"Thank you, Darren. I'll never forget this." I hugged him close.

"No problem. You can always come to me; no matter what."

I nodded my head and walked up the stairs to the entrance of the plane. The pilot told me if I needed anything to intercom him but I told him not to worry. I looked down on the leather couch; it would be the only place I could stay. I lay down and all the tears came. Like they say before death, your life flashes before your eyes but this wasn't death and it wasn't my whole life that I was reliving; it was my time with Edward. The first moment I met him, the first time we kissed. All the feelings and emotions that I had ever felt were all in one big ball of a migraine. It didn't pass quickly either; it seemed to play out in real time.

How could he do this? I trusted him. Bella you're just as much to blame, you pushed and pushed. But did I deserve this? Did I still love him? Yes. I would always love him. I knew that this was not some teenage crush, I was meant to be with this man. He was my destiny. Then why was I running away?

I would never move on. I was broken and of no use to anyone else.

The plane touched down and it was nightfall, I didn't pay attention when the pilot alerted me of the time or weather. Now was the hard part. I needed to get to Embry's and there was no doubt that I had to sit somehow.

I walked out of JFK airport and hailed the first taxi van I saw. I gave the man the address and told him that I needed to lay down in the back because I wasn't feeling well. As I sat down slowly to lie down, I cringed and let out a soft yelp. My backside at least wasn't screaming in pain any longer but it still felt tender and hot to the touch. Thankfully the driver didn't notice.

An hour later we pulled up in front of Embry's house, it was two a.m. I gave the driver my credit card and a more than generous tip for his trouble. I called Embry on my cell phone and prayed he would answer, if he didn't I would be spending the night out in front of his high gate. It upstate New York at the end of September at two in the morning, I was really starting to feel the chill.

"Come on. Come on." I chanted.

"Bella." I heard Embry pick up in rush.

"Hey…."

"I'm opening the gate, now." He interrupted.

The big gate started to open and I was momentarily frozen. How did he know? Darren must have called him.

I walked up the path to the house and Embry opened the door when I was about half way up.

"Are you okay? What happened?" he asked.

I looked up at him and I started to cry. He pulled me into a strong hug and took me into the house. I tried to gain composure; I didn't want to wake the girls up.

"I'm sorry, I'm just so tired…mentally, I'm exhausted." I tried to explain.

"It's okay B. Come on; I show you were you can sleep."

He brought me upstairs to one of his guest rooms.

"Embry, I didn't know where else to go."

"You made the right decision."

I don't know why I felt compelled to spill my guts but once I started I couldn't stop.

"I was learning how to ride a motorcycle. Rosalie was teaching me, I knew that if Edward found out he would be mad. We have shared this relationship where in the past if I did something wrong he would spank me or punish me in some way. Mentally I was okay with that even though it was weird but I guess a part of me knew he was doing it because he loved me and wanted good things for me. When he came home today and saw me riding his motorcycle, a rule he had been very firm on; I think he lost it. He had never done more than spank my butt but today…today he took off his belt and whipped me…" A fresh wave of tears came and I could see Embry's calm façade wane.

"I screamed for him to stop but he didn't listen. I finally tried to turn to stop him…he…I think he realized what he had done. Oh god. How did this happen. I love Edward; I don't know what to do."

I could see Embry shaking but like a switch had been turned off; he walked over to me and continued to hug me.

"Come on, I'll help you. Lie down on your stomach."

Embry walked off to the bathroom and I settled myself down on the bed. He came back with a medium-sized wet towel.

"I'm not trying to do anything sexual okay but I need to lower your sweats."

I nodded and I could feel him pull down my bottoms. He quickly placed the cold towels on my backside and sighed out in relief.

"It's going to be a couple of days before you're back to normal. Try and take a cool bath tomorrow morning." Embry advised.

"You seem to know a lot about this." I said sadly.

There was a moment of silence. "Yea…I do."

I knew what he was thinking about; Embry often rapped about his early home life and how his father used to beat him. I was being interviewed a couple of years after this and I was asked who knew me best? The correct answer was Edward but at the time I immediately answered Embry Call. For years I was given shit for that answer by the media. My husband should know me best but he didn't. Even he knew that I trusted Embry more than anyone else and he wasn't upset by my answer because he knew it was right.

Before Embry left he told me to sleep as long as I like and that he wasn't planning on telling the girls I was here until after school. He closed the door behind him and I was left with the cold towel still resting on my behind. I closed my eyes and willed myself to sleep.

_If I find you not following my rules then I promise not only will you never touch a motorcycle again but I will ensure that every single time you even sit down for the a week after, you will remember this moment._

I remember. The problem is; will I ever forget?

The next morning, I first awoke to sounds of Savannah and Gracie getting ready for school. When they left, I fell back to sleep again. The second time I woke up, I stiffly got out of bed, the towel fell from me and I walked over to my sweatpants and pulled them on. I briefly looked out the window and gasped. I could have sworn I saw Edward at the end of the drive. Did he know I was here? Yes. I was sure of it. But he wasn't there; it must have been my eyes playing tricks.

I turned back around and went toward the bathroom. The bathroom was beautiful and peaceful, just what I needed. Embry was right the cool bath was exactly what the doctor ordered. I was floating around when I heard Embry enter the bedroom.

"Hey B, I'm just going to put some extra clothes on the end of the bed for you; sorry about the size, it's just some stuff of mine. The girls had an extra toothbrush; feel free to use whatever you want. I'm sure the girls have a lot of stuff you could use. I know you didn't arrive with anything. Sorry for the limited selection." Embry called out.

"Thank you, Embry. Don't worry; I don't think I want to leave the house anyway. I'll be downstairs soon." I replied.

"Take your time."

I sunk back under the water. Peace.

"Derrick, it's so good to see you." I greeted when I arrived down in the kitchen. I gave him a hug.

"You too, this is certainly a surprise." He replied. "Would you like some oatmeal or cereal?"

"Sure. Just show me where and I'll get it."

Derrick showed me to the cupboard.

"Derrick has been nice enough to help me out with Savannah and Gracie." Embry notified.

"That's great, thank you for that."

"It's no problem, it's what family does." He answered.

"Hey, um would you mind coming down to the studio? I have my album nearly done." Embry said.

"Yes, of course." I was gitty, this was a dream. To be able and hear new music before anyone else; I couldn't wait. "Let's go."

I picked up my bowl and started to lead the way. Embry laughed and followed after me.

It was apparent that rehab was the best decision Embry ever made. When I first met him, he was having trouble dealing with writer's block and the pieces I had heard were average at best. The music he was able to create now was something completely different from his former albums; he had truly grown as an artist. I think he was finally at peace.

"What song did you want to be your first single?" I asked.

"Well I already submitted it to the label; they want to release it in November and they set the album to come out around Christmas."

"Okay, so which song did you choose?" I asked again.

"I don't want to play it for you yet; I want you to hear it with the rest of the public in November."

"What?" I frowned. "What's the point in being friends with you if I'm not given the goods?"

"B, just trust me. You can wait until November; I already played you all the other tracks. Isn't that good enough?"

I pouted, "I guess."

"So, I wanted to talk to you about that piece you sat down and wrote that one time. I want to incorporate it into my final track." Embry said.

"Okay, what about it?" I asked.

"I want you to do a clean record of your first lyrics and write an intro to the track. Let me play you what I got." Embry walked over to the board and the music started playing. His rap was intense and melancholy. It was all about how you see someone else's life and you wish you could changes places; in the song he gets his wish and switches places to find out the other person has it as bad as he does. I knew exactly how he felt.

It was hard writing an intro, I guess perfection had set in and I wouldn't accept anything less. Before when I wrote the first piece it was me just screwing around but now I had a job to do. I wrote a new intro which Embry was able to incorporate right away.

Intro

_Some days I want to break down_

_Some days I want to cry_

_Change places with me_

_And deal with this life of mine._

_I feel the distance growing_

_I feel you farther and farther away_

_I will reach out and try to catch you_

_Saving you just might save me to._

Hook:

_ Life is hard in this skin of mine. Let's swap lives for a brief time._

_Take my shoes; I'll walk in yours. You won't fight alone anymore._

_Your troubles are heavy, I can feel the weight. Walk with me, I'll keep you straight._

_It's the weight of the world all on me; It's the world that weighs down on me._

It was almost time for Embry to go and pick up the girls, I wanted to go with him and surprise them but I was still in sweats and wasn't fit to leave the house. Embry said I should call a local store and have them deliver some clothes; apparently they did it all the time since he rarely went shopping.

While he was gone I went and called a clothing store and ordered everything from a shirts to undies. I was thankful that I had kept my separate account from Edward so I could have my own money to support myself. But what about the money he gave your parents? I had no clue really how much he gave them and I definitely didn't have that kind of cash to pay Edward back. I hated feeling like I owed him. I did owe him.

I sighed and looked down at my phone. I hadn't turned it on because I was afraid to see the missed calls or texts. I placed it back in my purse unwilling to turn it on yet.

"I think you're surprise is in the kitchen, girls." I heard Embry tell Savannah and Gracie. I waited for them to turn the corner.

"Surprise."

"Mommy!"

"Mom!"

Both came flying at me and threw their arms around me. I didn't miss the "mom" out of Savannah's mouth.

"Hey, how was school?" I asked.

"Good."

"We painted today."

Gracie pulled out her picture and showed it to me.

"Wow, that looks so pretty. Maybe we can put it on the refrigerator."

"Where's Edward?" Savannah asked.

My eyes went to Embry. "Well, he couldn't come. So… how about we make some cookies before I start dinner?" I asked quickly trying to change the subject.

I was able to make cookies with my girls while we talked about school and life. For a couple of hours I was able to forget about the man so far away. My backside didn't hurt as much today but it was still slightly tender so when I sat I tried to pick fluffy areas and made sure to sit down slowly.

I was able to read the girls a bedtime story and tuck them in with a kiss. If this really had been just a visit; this moment would have been perfect. I turned in for sleep right after but was plagued of nightmares. You would think my nightmares would have included Edward and a belt with that bench but they didn't. In every dream it was Edward leaving me in some form. Him flying away and never coming back. Edward dying and me visiting his grave. I woke up in sweat and tears. I needed to talk to him; didn't I? If nothing more just so I can "give" him a chance to explain or say his peace. But I couldn't allow that yet, I wasn't ready.

After another nice long bath, Embry announced that my clothes were here. I was excited for underwear the most. Embry had left the boxes in my room and I went through and placed them in the chest of drawers after picking out a sun dress.

The girls were already gone for school, I decided to watch TV and relax for the day but Embry had other ideas in mind.

"Hey, come with me." He didn't even wait for a reply. He just started to bounce down the stairs toward the basement.

I followed him into his music studio, maybe he wasn't happy with the track from yesterday and wanted to work on it some more.

"All right, Bella. Now it's your turn."

"My turn for what?" I gently sat down on the studio chair.

"I heard that you turned down Warner Music Group for that record deal? What the fuck? You have a gift and you just want to throw that away?" he asked.

"I want to do other things; beside I can still do both without putting out a record. I have helped Liberty Project write music and Justin Martin. And I can still do production. It's the best of both worlds." I defended.

"B, what are you afraid of? I know this is a fear thing. I can smell it."

I sat there staring at him. I hated how right he was. I didn't want to put out my own music because I was afraid of the possible negative critiques. Just like before when I was younger. Embry could tell there was a war going on in my mind.

"Why don't you just start with something that has already been playing in your head and we can go from there."

I sighed and turned around to leave.

"Come on B." Embry shouted after me.

"I'm getting my notebook." I snapped. "I don't have all this stuff just whirling about upstairs." I pointed to my head.

Embry smirked at me and I continued on.

I stood, flipping through the pages. "This is my problem; they already placed me in this pop category and I don't necessarily want to do just pop. I hate having to be stuck in a genre." I complained.

"You don't necessarily need to be." Embry started to say.

"Warner Music Group wants a pop album, I can guarantee it."

"This is what we will do; you are going to make two albums. One full of happy, cheesy American Top Forty music and the other will be your edgier stuff. This is where it gets complicated. You are going to present your awesome cheesy pop album to the executives but you are going to tell them that in order for them to acquire your album you want them to do a limited release of the second album. If that album sells then we're all winners if it doesn't then they still have the first to fall back on."

"That may work but then both albums will need to be flawless. Night and day on content but perfected."

"Then we better get started. It's a good thing that I have friends in high places." Embry said. "I invited over Levi Grimes; don't fuck this up."

Levi Grimes. Renowned music producer; mostly hip hop but he was talented and lately for shits and giggles started branching out to other music genres. If he was really going to help me and my album failed then it would be me who fucked up.

"Don't go getting all nervous." Embry noticed my face pale.

There was a knock on the door and Derrick brought our guest in.

Levi Grimes. He looked me over and walked toward us and placed his notebook down.

"All right, let's get started." Levi said.

Levi was really easy to work with; he wouldn't tell you something wasn't working he would just make you keep going over and over until it did finally work. I was so captivated by him and his method that I hadn't even realized that Embry had left to go and pick up the girls from school. I thought it was best to work on the pop album first but Levi said I should work on what inspires me first. When I was able to complete the songs that I was really proud and excited for it would push me to complete tracks that I may have only felt obligated to do.

Levi came back and helped me the rest of the week. I don't even know looking back if Edward truly grasped just how much Levi had done for him. It was because of this new focus that I was able to start to heal. Music was able to do more for me mentally than any other device. However when I did finally see Edward in person the first time; I still wasn't ready.

I had been at Embry's house for almost a week. I had decided to run to the grocery store and help Embry out since we were running low on things. The other solace I found was in baking. Every day the girls would come home and I would spend time with them; baking. Eventually, if I kept this up we would all need to go on some serious diets but for now I felt at peace in the kitchen.

I had finished my shopping and was loading up the car when I saw him. I froze for a second and involuntarily took a step back towards the rear of the car.

Edward held up his hands and walked slowly. "Bella, I'm not going to hurt you. Please. I just want to talk to you."

He looked like shit; he looked like the way I looked when I first arrived at Embry's maybe even worse. His hair was tussled and looked unwashed. He was unshaven but what shocked me the worst was his eyes. Both had bags and dark circles except for his right eye. His right eye looked puffy and purple like someone had punched him.

"Sweetheart, can I just.."

I cut him off, "Don't sweetheart me. Sweetheart is a term of endearment; it is meant to be said with love and affection. There was no love or affection with what you did to me."

Edward sagged and his face contorted into pain.

"Bella, please…I'm so sorry. I feel sick with what I did to you…please…"

"Go home Edward. I refuse to be a victim to your _Tria Fata_ belief system." I was surprised at myself.

"Bella, this isn't _Tria Fata_; what I did to you was all me. I was the monster. I fucked up and now it lost me the only thing I ever loved. Please, I am begging you please just hear what I have to say. Give me a chance to make this up to you."

"Make this up to me? What? Do you think you can go off and buy me a pony or some fancy house and I will just forget all the promises you made to me and broke to me? You want to make this up to me, I need time. And while you leave me and family alone I want you to practice saying, Bella, I abused you. Because that's what you did; you abused me. You are no better than any other abusive asshole out there. And maybe just maybe I will someday come back to you and hear an apology but for right now, just stay the hell away from me."

I turned to walk to the driver side of the car.

"Bella." Edward called out to me. "I'm not leaving. I will stay here the rest of my life until you are ready."

I slammed my door shut and started the car. I couldn't look back; I couldn't look and see Edward.

I managed to make it all the way back to the house with slow tears to slightly obstruct my vision but the moment I turned off the car I could no longer hold back and I sobbed for the life that once had. Was it possible that just three weeks ago, all my dreams were coming true? I was engaged. My career was on track. I was finally surrounded by family and friends. All the things that I had wished, prayed and hoped for on a silver platter and poof just like that my whole world came crashing down.


	2. Chapter 2

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **Thank you for reading and reviewing. I cannot even express just how much your kind reviews have meant to me. Thank you! It makes it all worth the work. I do not know how many chapters this part will be. As of right now I have it outlined for twenty-one chapters but the last part was outlined for twenty-three chapters and it went to thirty-one. If you have not read Non-Disclosure Agreement you might want to do that soon as I will finally reveal all in the next couple of chapters. Thank you again!

**CHAPTER TWO**

Embry eventually found me and he must have carried me in because when I woke up I was no longer in the SUV, I was in bed. I didn't tell him about Edward, I just said that I had a girl moment that was unavoidable. But seeing Edward pushed me into a dark place. The past week before I saw the broken Edward, I was able to find many distractions and that helped me temporally forget the severity of Edward's actions. Don't get me wrong, I had a constant physical reminder but the pain dulled and I was able to push my thoughts into other directions. But now, that was not the case; all I kept seeing were images of Edward the broken man. The nightmares at night continued and rarely was I able to get more than three hours of sleep at a time.

Levi noticed the drastic change; my music turned almost savage. At first he was excited for the change and thought it was brilliant but after a couple of days he said he needed to take a break because it was starting to become depressing.

"What's going on, B?" Levi had just left and Embry and I sat in the recording studio.

"I don't know?" I whispered.

"Yes you do." Embry replied. "I don't approve of what Edward did; in fact I would love nothing more than to whip the shit out of him to give him a taste of his own medicine…"

"Embry, that's not the answer. I'm not going to fight violence with violence."

"Eye for an eye."

"You hurt me once, remember? You pushed me into that concrete wall over there and you would have hit me if I hadn't said anything."

Embry sighed, "I know, I was asshole on drugs and I was drinking."

"That doesn't make it more right then Edward. I'm not upset with you, Embry. I understand that people can make mistakes. I forgive you and I hope that someday if I ever make a mistake you will forgive me too." Embry nodded his head. "I saw him the other day."

"What? I told that fucker to stay away from you." Embry spit.

"You saw him?" I asked.

"He came here; the night you showed up. He called me around six a.m. and asked for entrance at the gate." Embry rubbed his neck and sighed. "I was pissed so I let him in. I met him on the driveway; I let my emotions get the better of me and I threatened him. I told him; he may have friends in high places but I got friends in low places and I could assure him that if he ever touched you again my friends would turn him into a bloody mess."

I stood there in shock and awe; I can't believe that he would do that for me. Since I had known Edward, he always had friends who would do whatever he asked. Embry was the first person I knew that would stand up to him and not just hand me over.

"Thank you, Embry. I don't know what to say. I'm afraid however that I may have to sit down with Edward eventually."

"You're going back to him?"

"I love him." It was a pathetic excuse but I couldn't deny it. I did love him. I would always hate what he did and it would take a very long time before I could ever place trust in him but I loved him.

Embry sighed and sat down. "I know, but I'm serious; if he hurts even a hair on your head I won't care if you love him."

I walked over and wrapped my arms around him.

"Bella, if you insist on speaking with Edward; do it here." Embry asked.

"Okay."

I understood. Embry was still worried. I was too.

Another couple of days passed and I was starting to feel more confident. I had sat down and wrote out a list of things I wanted to discuss with Edward when I finally decided to meet with him. If this relationship was going to work; there needed to be drastic changes.

I worked with Levi trying to complete as much as possible. That was another decision I made; I needed to stop being afraid and go out and achieve what I wanted in life without the fear of failure. When I returned to Los Angeles, I would be a different Bella. I would be a stronger Bella.

I was happy with what I had accomplished in such a short time. Levi had already spoken with Darren and told me when I got back to L.A., he would be there to help me complete the two records. Levi said it was the fastest he had ever worked but he credited with the fact that I already had a full notebook of well thought out ideas at my fingertips. I not only thanked him for all of his work but for the therapy he helped provide in the process.

I volunteered to pick up Savannah and Gracie from school on Thursday. They had been dying to show me their classrooms and meet their teachers. I was happy to walk around and see what they had been working on. Both teachers seemed to be very nice and positive about Gracie and Savannah's work. Gracie seemed to be having trouble with counting and I assured her teacher that we would work on that. Savannah was at the top of her class and her teacher was impressed with her reading abilities.

We were driving home and I was trying to help Gracie recite her even numbers.

"Two, four, six, eight…ten….twelve…"

"You're doing great Gracie. You know how you can remember all the lines from Cinderella? Well that's because you watch it over and over. Just recite your numbers over and over and pretty soon you'll be able to recite your even numbers at warp speed." I said.

"Warp speed?" she asked.

"Sorry ahead of your time, kid. I mean really fast like lighting fast." I laughed.

We arrived home and I helped the girls with their homework before starting dinner. I told Embry that Gracie needed to start saying her even numbers out loud and get used to them. After dinner and after the girls were tucked in for the night I went to my room and pulled out my phone.

With a deep breath I turned it on and waited for the Apple to disappear. For two minutes straight it buzzed with text messages, emails and voice messages. I quickly started looking through text messages. One from Rosalie apologizing profusely and asking for me to call her. A couple from Jacob asking why I had disappeared from off the planet. One from Alice asking me to forgive her and begging for a chance to talk to me. She must have tipped Edward off, after all. I didn't know how I felt about that. Betrayed yes but….I sighed. Then a couple of miscellaneous ones from Marcus, Justin, Scott and Darren. I was surprised that Edward hadn't tried to text me but he was sort of old-fashioned and knowing him he would have found texting in this situation unfathomable.

There were however fifteen voice mails from him and I have a feeling there would have been more if my mailbox hadn't been full. I sat there and listened to every last one of them. In all the messages he was cut off by going too long and in all the messages he begged and pleaded for me to call him back. I didn't want to call him, I was afraid we would get into a long discussion over the phone and I wanted to do this in person so I sent him a text.

_Ready to talk_

My heart was racing when I hit send. I quickly added to that message afraid he would think I meant now.

_Can you come by tomorrow at noon?_

I didn't have too wait long; I could picture Edward lying around at some swanky hotel surrounded by room service with his phone near his hand.

_Yes. Thank you! I will be there. Thank you!_

I placed my phone on the night stand and prepared myself for sleep. Before closing my eyes, I went over my checklist of things I needed to discuss with Edward tomorrow. Two hours later my eyes still wouldn't shut. I don't know what time I finally passed out around but when I woke up it was already eleven-thirty.

I jumped out of bed and ran off toward the bathroom. The way I have been sweating at night it would not do well to not get in a shower before Edward arrived. I hadn't even told Embry of his impending arrival which may not have been the smartest idea since I was running down the stairs when I heard the buzzer for the gate sound.

"Embry, its Edward I told him to come by. Can you let him in." I said slightly out of breath.

"What?" he gave me a disgruntled look.

"Don't look at me like that? Would you rather have me meet him someplace else?" I asked.

"No. Of course not. Could have told me." Embry mumbled and pushed the button for the gate.

My stomach started to hurt as I pictured Edward driving up the path. I heard the car door open and close.

"You can go, I'll be fine." I told Embry.

"No. I want to talk to him first and make sure he understands one thing." Embry said and then turned to open the door.

Edward was immediately startled and faltered a step. He looked a tad bit better than at the supermarket. He had at least shaved and I could not see the hint of a black eye anymore. Although he still looked tired and older. This was the first time that Edward ever looked as old as he was. I could see my promise ring dangle from around his neck on a silver chain but there was another ring with it; my engagement ring.

"Before you talk to Bella, I want you to understand that I'm right in the next room and if I even hear one call for me…" Embry started.

"I understand." Edward interrupted him.

Embry stepped back and Edward tentatively stepped into the house. Embry gave him one last menacing look before departing.

Edward looked to me and whispered a, "Hi."

"Hey" I replied back softly. "We should go into the living room." I turned awkwardly and walked the few feet into the living room.

I took a seat in the high back chair leaving the couch for Edward. I really wasn't sure what to say to start but Edward was ready first.

"Bella, thank you for giving me this opportunity." He breathed out and continued. "I wish there was something I could do to make you see that I would never hurt you again. You were right, what I did was abusive, I abused you. I abused the person that means everything in world to me."

I could see him trying to blink his tears away. I didn't want to speak for fear I would lose it so I just let him continue.

"I will never forgive myself for hurting you. I will do whatever it takes to get you to love me again. I just…"

"Edward, I never stopped loving you." I interrupted. "Even if this doesn't work and eventually we go our own ways; I won't stop loving you. But I refuse to be in an abusive relationship. My whole life there has been people who tried to tear me down. There were days when I was growing up where all I could think about was death and wishing for it. You can't fathom what I have had to go through but all of that does not even compare to loving someone and placing your trust into that person and then having that person hurt you the way you did. That was the worst kind of pain I have had to endure yet. You know all I have been replaying in my head the past couple of weeks were your words to me in Italy. You said I needed to trust you, trust you that you would never use more than your hand and trust you to know you would never give me more than I can handle. I went along with this crazy archaic_ Tria Fata_ crap because I loved you and I trusted you but I refuse to do it any longer. You made a vow, what I don't even know; but if in your vow states that you will raise me up to abide by the _Tria Fata_ standards of a wife then we cannot be together. You need to make a decision on what is more important to you."

Edward nodded his head slowly. "There is nothing more important in my life then you. Please Bella give me another chance. Let me prove to you that I can be whatever you want to be."

"I want you to be Edward. I don't want you to change except for the crazy scary man I saw a couple of weeks ago. I don't ever want to see him again." I stated.

"I fucked up..."

"Well what happens the next time I fuck up in your eyes?" I asked.

I could see Edward visually swallow and shake his head if trying to find the right words.

"Nothing."

"Nothing. No more spankings?" I asked, he shook his head.

"No more restrictions." He shook his head.

"I want you to tell me that you will never lay unkind hand on me again. There will be no more punishments."

"I promise I will never hurt you again. I will never touch you in anger ever again. I won't punish you ever again. I promise."

"I am going to admit that I wasn't completely faultless. I promise to try to communicate with you more and I promise that I will do my best when it comes to my health, safety and well-being. However, I am a grown woman and I will do what I think is in my best interest. I will take your advice under consideration but I will make choices for myself and if you cannot live with that kind of Bella, then I cannot live with you."

"Okay. Whatever it takes. I will prove myself to you. I know I was never worthy of your love but I will do whatever it takes to earn it completely. To earn your trust." He vowed.

"I'm not going to lie, it will be awhile. I know there are things that you have kept from me. You have always punished me in the past for withholding information but how is it any different from what you do. There are I'm sure a million things that you do not tell me about your secret society. Some of which has to involve me. I'm not asking for you to divulge all the secrets because I can respect your little group enough to understand the idea surrounding a secret society. But I would just like you to think about that."

Edward nodded but didn't defend himself. He knew I was right.

"Moving on, I want you to get rid of the whipping bench, I don't ever want to see that piece of furniture again and in return I promise that I will never step foot near a motorcycle. I don't think I could stomach it."

Edward placed his head in his hand and nodded. "Not a problem."

"There's one more thing." I stared at the rings dangling from his neck. "I don't think I can accept your proposal at this time."

His head snapped up to meet my eyes instantly.

"I don't want to commit to marrying you until I feel safe with you or trust you. It wouldn't be right."

"Bella, can't we just have a long engagement." Edward started to play with the rings dangling.

"No. I'm sorry. If you love me, you will wait even if it takes years, you will wait." I said resolved.

I could see the disappointment in Edward's eyes but I knew I was doing the right thing. Edward looked down and then when his eyes met mine again he looked determined.

"You're right. I will earn that honor back." I could see his fists tighten and he caught me looking at them apprehensively. Edward loosened them, quickly. "Sorry, I just…I'm fighting the urge to touch you. I have missed you so much; I have missed even just touching you."

I took a large breath and rose out of my chair and slowly I sat down next to Edward. Edward moved his hand ever so slowly to my face. He pulled himself closer I could feel him breathe me in. He placed a gentle kiss on my temple.

"I'm so sorry, god Bella; I'm so sorry." I could feel his body shutter as he softly cried. Eventually I was able to embrace him and as much as I wanted to cry, I couldn't. I guess my tears were already done falling.

"Edward, the girls are going to home soon. I probably should speak to Embry before that happens." I whispered.

"Okay, what's going to happen?" he looked into my eyes trying to search out an answer. I knew that I needed to get back to L.A. I had to get back to working. Also if Edward and I were going to try to work this out we needed to be back in our home and seeing if the changes could work for us.

"I think it's time to go home." I stated. Edward breathed a sigh of relief.

"When can we leave?" he asked eager.

"Tomorrow, I want to give the girls one more night with me. Maybe you should go back to the hotel and pick me up tomorrow."

I could see Edward instantly begin fighting within himself to do this. It wasn't natural for him to not be where I was; it wasn't safe by past standards. Yes it was kind of a test to see if he understood what I wanted from him.

"Okay, what time should I pick you up?" he asked.

"How about one pm. I assume you brought your plane."

"Yes. I will tell the pilot." Edward got up from the couch and I stood up with him. We walked toward the front door. "I'm staying at the Inn on Cutter Mill."

"No Four Seasons out here?" I tried to joke.

"I don't know, this was the closest I could get to you." He replied. I guess my vision of Edward lying up at some swanky hotel was amiss.

We arrived at the door and Edward paused. He turned back to look at me. He kissed my forehead, "Thank you."

I didn't know what to say so I just nodded. I watched him leave to his car and I watched as he drove down the path.

"How did it go?" Embry asked from behind me. I shrugged.

"I guess as well as it could be under the circumstances. Hey, you didn't give him the black eye did you?" I turned to close the door and address Embry.

"What? No. The dude showed up already mangled. And for the record it wasn't Darren either. He asked what happened to you but I didn't say anything. You can keep your semi-freaky lifestyle to yourselves."

I smirked. "Semi-freaky lifestyle? Well, there will be no more semi-freaky lifestyle. One of the conditions Edward agreed to meet. But it wasn't just spanking and punishing, apparently there is this whole secret society founded on these principles where these men take an oath to love and protect their soul mates above all else. You know I could get behind some of the principles but the whole punishing aspect had to go."

"You guys are just all kinds of weird. But never fear your secret is safe with me." He vowed.

"Thanks." I paused. "Embry, I'm going to be heading back to Los Angeles tomorrow."

"I know. Sorry I couldn't help myself. I wanted to make sure he was going to try anything." He had heard the whole conversation.

"I don't think he will ever try anything again." I said.

"What makes you so sure." He asked.

"I have faith."

Savannah and Gracie arrived home from school and I broke the news that Edward was going to be coming tomorrow to take me home. I could see the girls both disappointed but Embry and I promised that they could come to California in a few short weeks for Thanksgiving.

We spent the night having a pajama party, eating pizza and ice cream and watching movies. I even painted the girls toes and they tried to get their dad to do his toes but Embry wasn't going to fall for it like Jacob. After he outright refused I told him the story of Jacob and he just about died laughing. It was nice to be able to spend one more night with them. Tomorrow would be a whole new day.

I was upstairs packing when Edward arrived. I wasn't there for the talk that Embry wanted to give him but when they both came upstairs to the room I had stayed in. They actually shook hands with one another. That must have been some talk.

The girls upon seeing Edward ran over and gave him a hug. They had helped me pack.

"Hey B, here are your audio files. Be careful with them. Darren's expecting you bright and early Monday morning." Embry said.

Edward looked to me with a curious expression. I walked over and took them from him and placed them in my purse.

"Thank you, Embry and please be sure to thank Levi once more for me. I will be sure that he receives the proper compensation."

"Don't worry about that, I think he was happy to do it and plus he owed me a favor."

"Well I think I'm ready. Edward can you help take my bag down."

"Sure, sweetheart…" Edward faltered. "I mean Bella."

Edward must not have forgotten the last time he tried to use a term of endearment. I would need to talk with him about that. I gave the girls a big hug and kiss and then walked over to Embry.

"Whatever you need." Embry said.

I hugged him, "I know. Thank you again, for everything."

Edward was talking with the pilot while I sat staring out the window. I had been thinking over the past couple of weeks and going over every detail. I knew I needed to let it go and move on but I wasn't so sure that was going to be easy.

"All right. We are ready to go." Edward announced while taking a seat next to mine and buckling his seatbelt.

I nodded.

"Is there something I can get you, hon…Bella."

I sighed. "Edward you don't have to stop calling me honey, baby, or sweetheart. I was mad at you that day at the grocery store. I'm not going to be mad if you use an affectionate name. I can feel your tenseness and I'm sorry for that but really you don't need to be stressed out around me."

"I can't help it Bella; I went weeks without you and I never want to go through that kind of pain again. I don't want to lose you again." He confided.

"Then just don't hurt me."

I could see him cringe. "Edward just because I said I wanted to wait to get married doesn't mean that I'm running away. I just need time."

"Okay…honey."

I smiled at him and looked back out the window.

"When you showed up you had a black eye. What happened?" I asked.

Edward breathed in and slowly let it out. "Emmett. Rosalie went home and told Emmett what happened with getting caught and he came over and I was of course upset from what had happened. He tried to make me feel better but then I told him what I had done. He didn't hesitate. I know you think that the _Tria Fata_ is responsible for what I did but it wasn't. In fact it went against all rules and Emmett did his job as a fellow member. He probably would have done worse if he hadn't taken off to find you but you had left and at that moment I couldn't stick around to receive the price of my actions. You see Emmett took the same vow I did and like I always told you that I would protect you even from yourself; Emmett promised to protect you even from me if necessary."

"So are you going to have to pay some kind of retribution when you get back?" I swallowed nervously.

"I don't know. I haven't spoken to anyone since I left. Ironically enough, the society could choose to kick me out if they wished."

"What would happen if they did that?"

"Well…" he laughed a little, "You would be in a relationship with very poor man."

I gave him a puzzled look.

"You see Bella, everything I own; the car, house, everything is not technically mine. For the past couple hundred years the society has been putting their money all together. Whatever I make goes into a bank account and that money is essentially there for all of us to use. All the years that the _Tria Fata_ existed they have been earning money to build up the nice nest egg we all live off of. When we take our oath, it's like a contract. We know that if we were to break the oath then we could be left with nothing. The house would be reprocessed by the other members; I would no longer have access to any accounts. Even my career would be in jeopardy, I would black balled from Hollywood. I would be literally left with nothing."

"Wow. You guys don't mess around." I sat there in awe. "Well, I almost have a hundred thousand built up of my own money. I can float us for a while."

Edward smiled and leaned over to me. "Thank you baby, but I don't think they will go to that extreme…I have you with me and that means something to them."

I couldn't focus on anything else the rest of the trip home. I kept thinking that I only just had the tip of the iceberg of information about this secret society. How many other things did I not know of? I never would have guessed that Jacqueline Wayne held all my answers.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE**

Edward and I opened the door to our home and I nearly jumped out of my skin.

"Jacob!" I clutched my chest, "What are you doing here?"

Jacob was standing in our entry way, he looked relieved to see us.

"I tried calling but none of you would answer the damn phone. I was worried so we took the first plane out. Emmett told me. Bella, I want to talk with Edward for a minute." Jacob looked scary.

"Why the hell would you need to talk to Edward? This doesn't concern you, Jacob. Thank you for your concern but this is between Edward and me."

"He hurt you, he physically hurt you." Jacob replied angered.

"Yes and it is up to me to decide what I wish to do about that. Now you can either leave it to me to handle or you can just leave."

Jacob huffed and backed up a pace.

"Emmett needs to see you, Edward." Jacob informed.

"I will call him and invite him over." I replied never letting Edward answer. I walked toward the kitchen and dialed Emmett's number. He seemed relieved to hear from me and I asked him to come by as soon as he could. I don't know why but something was troubling me. Edward said that Emmett would have done worse if he hadn't taken off; I needed Emmett to understand that I would not stand by and allow him to be violent with Edward. He could yell and lecture all he wanted but I didn't give a flying shit what the _Tria Fata_ protocol was; I would not allow them to hurt Edward for his past actions.

"Bella." Becky bounced into the kitchen and greeted me happily.

"Hey, how are you." I went over to her and hugged her.

"Great. Happy to be back in the United States; things just make sense for me here." She replied.

"Well don't get too comfortable this is Hollywood, I doubt much makes sense here." I laughed. "When did you arrive?"

"On Wednesday. Jacob was really freaking out. We were in London and he finally was able to get a hold of Emmett; I hardly had time to pack a bag. Jacob was really pissed. Is everything okay? He wouldn't tell me what happened."

"Edward and I got into a big fight so I went to New York for a couple of days. Edward and I finally talked and worked out our issues and I think we will be okay but you know Jacob and how much he loves to blow everything out of proportion."

"I'm glad everything is okay." She smiled.

The doorbell rang and I went to get it. It must be Emmett.

When the door opened however it was Emmett and Jasper and Garrett and Peter and Carlisle.

"Whoa, is this some sort of welcome home party?" I asked kidding.

"Bella, let them in. I need to talk with them." Edward said softly from behind me.

I pulled the door open and they all filed in. They looked to be headed towards Edward's office.

"Just a minute." The herd stopped and turned to look back to me. "I know you wish to deal with this in your own little _Tria Fata_ manner however you better not lay a hand on Edward. I appreciate your need to stand up for me but I don't agree with any sort of violence and I am warning you now if I find out that you went against my wishes I will do everything in my power to bring your little group down. Do not fuck with me."

They looked startled by me, hell I was startled by me but I stood my ground. I did not see the need for adding more physical cruelty to the situation. The men all turned and slowly continued on toward Edward's office. Edward came down the last couple steps to me.

"Baby, it will be okay." He kissed me on the head and squeezed my hand and left to join them. It took everything in me to not push my ear up against that door.

I decided to find focus in the kitchen and start answering some of my messages from the past couple of weeks. I did the coward thing and just sent out a cliché text.

_I'm home. Sorry to worry you. I'm fine._

That probably wasn't the best thing to do because my phone blew up with calls and more texts. The first person to get through was Scott.

"I'm fine. I promise. I just needed some time away." Scott had asked me a thousand questions of course he wasn't privy to the truth surrounding the past couple of weeks but I tried to keep it vague as possible.

"Well they are releasing the movie next month and Warner Bros. wants to talk to you regarding a contract to use that song we wrote. Can you meet with them sometime this week?"

"Yes, Scott but not Monday. I already told Darren that I would meet with him Monday morning. I've been kind of working on a possible album."

"What? That's great. But you didn't sign with WMG."

"Well, I want to keep it on the down low for now and I plan on meeting with them in a couple of weeks and see what we can do. But I want to have it finished I will not allow the suits to come in and tell me what kind of album to make. They will either take it or leave it."

"Damn what happened to you? You're all kick ass Bella."

"Taking names in the evening." I laughed. "I guess I just found my voice."

After Scott I talked to Marcus who was not too pleased with my prolonged absence and said he could forgive me just this once. I told him I would take him out to lunch this week to make up for it.

I called my mom next which turned out to be a mistake.

"Oh Bella I saw on _US Weekley_ that you couldn't handle the engagement and you fled to get away from Edward. Are you alright?"

I groaned.

"I'm fine mom, and Edward is…fine as well. Please don't read those gossip rags."

"Well if you won't call me back then I have to resort to drastic measures to get my information on you and your whereabouts." She complained.

"I…we just wanted to get away for a little bit and go and visit Savannah and Gracie." Not a complete lie.

"Well next time do you think you could, I don't know check in every once in a while or at least tell us when you are going on vacation."

I sighed, "Yeah, the next time we go on vacation; I'll be sure to alert the media."

"Not the media, just your mother. Geez, Bella for all I knew you and Edward could have been lying in a ditch somewhere."

"Mom, I gotta go. Give my love to daddy."

Jacob walked into the kitchen and laughed at my expression.

"Talked to your mom."

"She's relentless." I huffed.

"Bella, I just care about you…you know that right?" Jacob turned serious.

"I know and thank you but just tone down the Rambo." I smirked. "So how many days did you hold back filming this time with flying out here?"

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Two days. Nothing." He dismissed.

I slapped him in the arm. "Nothing to you but that's a lot of money the production loses every time you want to act like a diva. I must say, if I ever get to direct a film, you will be my last choice to work with."

"That's harsh, Bells."

My attention turned to Emmett who appeared in the doorway.

"Bella, I just wanted to check on you and make sure you are really okay?"

I walked over to him. "Physically I am fine, mentally I am not there yet but that is for Edward and me to repair. I know you hit him in what I'm sure was a moment of anger but please don't do that again. I truly appreciate everything you have done for me. You know I love you like a brother but I need to handle this with Edward and only Edward."

"Okay Bella, you know I'm always here for you." He leaned down and kissed my cheek. He turned to leave, "Oh and can you call Rose when you get a chance."

I nodded. Rose I had saved for last. But I didn't think a call would be sufficient so I decided to plan on visiting her tomorrow.

I found Edward still standing in his office staring out the window that overlooked the pool. I quietly approached.

"So…how did it go?" I asked.

Edward remained silent for a couple of seconds before turning to me. "It's done. I didn't hear anything I didn't already know."

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to know what happened but I wasn't sure if I should push it.

"I remember the night you told me you were a virgin. At the time I already loved you and something inside me said that if I loved you I should let you go. I knew the life that I was going to bring you into if we continued on with our relationship. But I was selfish, I knew you were the one but if I had left you then maybe you could have gone on and found someone else to make you happy. Someone who wouldn't have hurt you. Emmett told me at the time that there were no guarantees with who you would eventually end up with. I remember him saying that I would have no control and it could be anyone. That man might cheat on you. That man could be abusive. I never realized that I was that man. I should have let you go."

"Edward, I don't know if I would have let you let me go. Well first off imagine what would have happened if you broke up with me the day after I told you I was a virgin. I would have gone nuts; we all know I made crazy stupid choices back then. Somehow I don't think you would have allowed that if you truly loved me. I'm sorry that you are in such mental anguish I wish there was something I could do to help alleviate it but unfortunately guilt is something I have lived with and no matter what I do or say; you are the only one who can change it. I do love you. I wouldn't be here if I didn't but I can't just forget what happened."

Edward pulled me to him. I could tell he was breathing my hair in. He did that a lot lately. "You said you would give me a chance and I will prove my love to you. I don't deserve it. I never did but I don't want to let you go."

We held each other for a few moments.

"Remember when we were in Venice and we couldn't leave so we just stayed inside and ordered room service. Can we just order in tonight and hang out?" I asked.

"Sounds perfect. Edward whispered.

Edward told me to order whatever I liked. I went to ask Jacob and Becky if they wanted something and I decided on tacos. I called down to our usual restaurant and waited for them to arrive. One of the things I loved most about this place was that they were always so prompt. Within twenty minutes they were at our door for delivery. I left Becky and Jacob's dinner on the kitchen counter and made my way upstairs.

I almost missed a step on the stairs when I realized that this would be the first time that I would step foot in our bedroom since the incident. I was suddenly worried about how this was going to affect me. My hand shakily took hold of the door handle and I tried to compose myself before opening the door.

Edward opened the door for me. I guess he heard me standing outside. When I walked in our room it looked different. The whipping bench was gone. Where I do not know but Edward made sure that I would never see it again. He pulled the top mattress down to the floor and brought the television down to sit in front of it. He had dimmed the lights and even put blankets on top of the bed spread which I still believe was his intention to change the room as much as possible before I came in.

"Do you like it?" he asked nervous.

I nodded my head. "Thank you." I didn't need to tell him my nerves, he already anticipated my feelings. Edward took the plates from me and brought them down on a tray on the mattress. The television was already geared up to my favorite movie, _Sabrina_. He remembered.

We ate our dinner and talked. At first I think we were still fighting the awkwardness but eventually Edward laid down and I forced myself to lay in his arms. I know force is a strong word to use but at the time I knew I needed to try to move on and the only way I could do that was if I could find forgiveness. Laying in Edward's arms for the first time after…I still could feel the belt whip across my bottom. I still could see the look of anger raging in Edward's eyes.

"Edward, I forgive you." He looked down at me. "I…I still don't know if I trust you but I love you and I can't love you if I don't forgive you. Not truly, so I forgive you."

Edward laid the most gentle kiss upon my lips, it was the first time that he would kiss me on the lips. "Thank you, Bella. I don't deserve your forgiveness so I thank you for that gift."

My body relaxed and after Sabrina talked of the moon that reached for her; I feel asleep.

I told Edward that I wanted to go over and see Rosalie. After breakfast, I made my way to the garage. I was pulling the BMW out when something caught my eye or rather the lack of something. Edward's motorcycles were missing. I stopped the car and got out and returned to the garage. I looked around trying to locate them but nothing. Then something caught my eye. It was what looked to be part of the mirrors and it was broken into pieces. I don't know what happen and I wasn't about to ask.

Rosalie came to the door and when she saw me she exhaled with relief and what seemed to be anguish.

"Oh god Bella, I'm so sorry. I feel absolutely sick, this is my entire fault."

"Rosalie, this was not your fault. I'm afraid to say if it didn't happen now, it would have happened eventually. I made the poor decision but Edward made a worse decision. It's not your fault."

Rose pulled me in for a strong hug. We walked together toward her sitting room. "You're okay right?"

"I am getting better every day, it was hard for a long while but I want to heal completely." I declared.

"Alice feels absolutely horrible, she called Edward on us."

"I know. I'm not crazy pissed at Alice but I do feel somewhat betrayed. I'm not sure if I should be allowed those feelings but I can't help it."

"Emmett told me that you told the boys, that they weren't allowed to touch Edward. He said that you said to not fuck with you. Is that true?"

"Yes." I laughed. "As far as I'm concerned, what happened is between Edward and me. I don't give a shit about the _Tria Fata_ and their proverbial pound of flesh. I didn't mean to be a bitch but they needed to understand that I meant business."

"Okay who are you and what the hell happened to Bella Swan?" she laughed.

"I think in a weird way that what happened could very well be the best thing to have happened. I feel for the first time, like I am strong woman. I feel like no one has power over me any longer. I guess I finally realized that I needed to be my own advocate. One of the conditions that Edward agreed to was that he will no longer punish me in any form."

"Wow. I'm happy for you. I hope that you and Edward will find peace."

I stayed a little longer but then I knew I needed to get home. I still had a lot to do now that I was back from what my mom called a "vacation."

The next week flew by, probably because every day I was working on something. I felt like I had never been busier in my life. Most of my time was spent with Darren; I would spend nearly eight straight hours a day with him in the studio perfecting the double album.

Jacob and Edward were finally talking to each other again and in fact Edward told Jacob that since he needed to return to London for the last few days of filming we would watch over Becky until his return. I think Becky was happy to stay with us for a change. She was super easy to live with and since she was sixteen I didn't feel the need to constantly watch after her.

Edward and I were making progress with one another. We slowly eased back into our relationship and were able to joke with each other and laugh. Edward didn't seem nervous as much anymore. We still hadn't had sex and it felt like the longest time in history for two people sleeping together to not. I had a feeling he was waiting for me to give him the okay but I wasn't sure if I was ready yet.

I was happy to see Jasper and Emmett talking to Edward again and I tried to watch their body language to see if there was any awkwardness but from my point of view they seemed okay with another again.

"Hello." I answered my phone. I saw it was Jacqueline so I sang the hello.

"I'm finally home for good…well at least until I have to pick up and move my life to whatever movie I'll be making next."

"So good to hear. Maybe now we can hang out more."

"Of course. Why do you think I was calling you? Are you free for lunch tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow? I guess I could eat tomorrow. Where?" I asked.

"How about some place where we can be ourselves. I make a mean chicken salad. My house?"

"All right I will pencil you in. Let's say one?"

"Cool. See you there, chica."

I was happy to end the conversation when I did. I could see Darren buzzing through and I really needed to take that call.

"What up, yo?" I said in my best gansta voice.

"Don't…just don't." Darren laughed. "I got the records ready. I went through and made all the necessary changes that we discussed."

"Awesome. I will call up Riley. Thank you, Darren. This never would have been possible without you, Embry and Levi."

"Just remember that in thank you portion on the back of the CD."

I laughed. "Already written."

I walked over to Edward's office; it was time to discuss some things.

"Hey sweetheart." He greeted.

"Hey…so I need a favor." I started.

"Always happy to help."

"I need your lawyer; do you think he can handle contract law?" I asked.

"Yes, of course…what is this regarding?"

"Well, I am about to call Riley and tell him that I want to set up a meeting to go over my possible album. When I was in New York, Embry got me to see that I should do this. So I did with the help of a few friends. When I go into that meeting I want someone you know we can trust to help me regarding the contract. I want to be very specific in my terms and agreements."

"Okay, that's not a problem. I'll call Sam Uley. He is the one that handles our contracts and such. However honey, I don't believe that Riley is with Warner Music Group any longer. I can call them and see who we could talk with."

"What happened to Riley?" I wasn't upset, he was dick but still. Edward looked away for a moment and then his eyes met mine. "What did you do?"

"Bella, I did what was necessary. I didn't want that man around you. I merely informed WMG that I was not very happy to hear one of their own accosted you."

I sighed, "You know if you keep this up, pretty soon there will no one left in Hollywood to work with."

"Well you still have Canada; I hear a lot of production is moving there due to the California tax rate."

"Ha ha, Edward. Just find out who I need to speak with." I turned around and went back to my desk. And another one bites the dust.

It was a chore and a half to find Jacqueline's house the next day. Even my GPS was having issues, I finally had to call her and get the play by play but when I found it I fell in love. Her house was nestled into all of these trees and plants. It looked like Snow Whites cottage. Once you were inside however the home seemed to go on forever.

"I love your house." I remarked.

"Thank you, it's the only place in the world where I can find complete serenity. It took nearly two years to get it all complete." She replied.

I followed her into the kitchen. Her table was already set up in a small round room surrounded by windows.

"So, how's it been? I have seen some things in passing on magazine covers but don't worry I'm not stupid enough to believe it." She started.

"Well, Edward and I did get into a big fight and I thought it would be best to leave and go and visit my friend Embry. I took care of his kids over the summer and I missed them. Of course Edward came and we were able to work out our differences."

"That's harsh. I hope everything is okay."

"It will be. I think we both needed time to evaluate our relationship."

"I see you're not wearing the ring." Jacqueline poured me some tea and I started nibbling on her little tea sandwiches.

"Yeah…I think I rushed into things. I love Edward and I do want to marry him but I…I just feel like I don't know him well enough. I'm fighting with myself constantly. Do I trust him? Should I get married to a man who I just don't know a whole lot about?"

"Well you two have only been dating a year. I don't think that taking some time is absurd. I know you love him…you must…I hope it works out for you. Have you talked to him and fleshed out information you think he could be keeping from you. Maybe if you had all the facts, you may feel different."

"I understand that sometimes you just want to keep things private. I have my own things I try to keep private. I try to respect that but sometimes it really kills me. I'm a hypocrite. I keep things from Edward all the time." I replied.

"Maybe you both need to just level the playing field. I think you both need to work on communication."

Jacqueline and I talked on some more while we ate. She was right; she did make a mean chicken salad. After we were done with lunch she was nice enough to give me a tour of her gorgeous house. For a girl only twenty-two, she had done well for herself.

"This house is beautiful, its good to see that you used your money wisely from your child star days." I remarked.

"That money is in the bank. This place I got with my inheritance. You see my mom passed away when I fourteen. Cancer. Her father, my grandfather never really like my dad. I was an only child and so when my grandfather died two years ago he left me quite a sum of money and everything he owned. It was a chore and a half to go through his house and belongings but I knew I owed it to him."

We walked into the Library that she had been telling me about. I could see why, it was definitely the largest room in the house and majestic. Two stories high with long windows to fill the room with sunlight.

"Wow, Jacks you weren't kidding. This room is gorgeous, look at all the books." I walked around in amazement.

"It's my favorite room in the house. I spend most of my time in here."

I was scanning a shelf of books; Jacqueline went to sit on the couch.

"Bella, there's something I have been wanting to share with you. But, I'm kind of worried to do so."

I turned around and went to sit on the couch near her.

"You can tell me. I promise I won't say anything. If it's a secret you wish me to keep."

She laughed a short laugh. "This isn't about my secret; I think it's more about yours."

I gave her a look of puzzlement.

"I want to give you something but I want you to understand that I am not giving this to you because I want to create distress among you and Edward. I want to give you a book. You can do what you wish with it. It's yours. Keep it. Burn it. Read it. I won't be upset with whatever you choose to do."

Jacqueline rose up from the couch and went to pull a book shelf out. There was a safe hidden behind it. What in the world could she possibly be giving me that would require a safe?

"Wow, really? It needs its own safe?" I laughed.

"You have no idea. When I was at my grandfather's packing things up, a man came to my door one afternoon and tried to tell me that I had something that belonged to him. He asked for a book back and tried to tell me that it wasn't my grandfather's to will but I assured him that my lawyers were better than his and I would have no problem kicking his ass up and down to the Supreme Court if need be. I wasn't just going to hand something over to him because he said so."

She walked back over and exhaled.

"This was my grandfather's and I want you to have it."

"Thank you." I replied.

"Don't thank me yet. I sincerely hope that this won't cause a problem between us. I haven't been able to make many friends; you are the first genuine friend I have had in a long while."

I took the book from her. It wasn't very large, maybe only fifty pages or so. It looked really old however. I opened the front cover to the title page. There was no title only a symbol. Three intersecting circles in a line. Kind of like the Audi Car symbol but only three circles instead of four. I was still confused so I turned to the next page.

**Tria Fata Oath.**

"Oh…my…god." I said slowly. I looked up to her in shock.

"How…how…how…" I couldn't even form a sentence.

"How did I know?" she relayed. "When I was over at your house that night after we completed the music video, we were all sitting on the couch and when Edward came in he sat down and he brought his leg up. I saw that symbol on his ankle. It was brand, Bella. They brand their members."

How did I not see that symbol before? How could I have missed it all this time? I'm sure Edward would have told me if I asked but still how unobservant was I?

"Like I said, it's yours to do what you wish."

"Your grandfather was _Tria Fata_?" I asked.

"Yeah…kind of weird to think that my granny got spanked and shit." She shook her head as if to try to shake the image from her mind.

I sat there just staring down at the page. I had the _Tria Fata_ handbook in lap. I felt tingling with power.

"So what are you planning to do?" Jacqueline asked uneasy.

I looked up to her with a smile. "I plan on leveling the playing field."

* * *

**A/N: EXCITED FOR THE NEXT FEW CHAPTERS AND YET NERVOUS AS WELL! THANK YOU FOR READING AND REVIEWING!**


	4. Chapter 4

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **Here we go...

**CHAPTER FOUR**

I left Jacqueline with the biggest hug I ever gave a person. For the first time I felt a tad drunk with power. Imagine all of these secrets at your fingertips. The problem was I wasn't sure where I could read it. I didn't want to go anyplace exposed and I sure as hell wasn't taking this book home. I sat in my car driving around for a good ten minutes. I kept picturing men in black coats showing up everywhere I went and wrestling the book from hands. I finally made the decision to go home and sneak into the guest house out back.

We hadn't been using it for anything. Mostly we would just use it after we got out of the pool and needed to dry off. I was pretty sure I was secure at the moment on the forgotten property. I placed a large fluffy blanket on the ground and brought a pillow down with me. I felt like the kid from the Never Ending Story.

I had just opened the front cover and started reading the Sacred Oath when my phone shrilly rang out scaring me half to death. It took me a minute to calm myself to be able to answer. It was Edward. Did he already know? I stupidly looked up to see if there were cameras in here but there weren't. At least Edward hadn't gotten around to that.

"Hello."

"Hey, baby. Whatcha up to?"

"Uh…just reading. I wanted to relax a little. Nothing much." I cringed.

"That sounds good, sweetheart. I just wanted to let you know that I set up a meeting with WMG first thing Monday morning, okay?"

"Great. Thank you. What time are you planning on being home?" Might as well see how long I had.

"I should be home no later than six-thirty. Why don't I stop by Spago so we don't have to cook." He replied.

"Sounds good to me. I'll just have my usual. I'll text you with Becky's order."

"Okay, baby. I love you."

"I love you too."

Finally back to business.

**Declaration of Intendment. **

_Tria Fata was founded on the principle to create a fulfilling, safe and loving environment for Guards and their families. To take the Scared Oath and join the brotherhood is an honor that will reap benefits for all Guards and their Mates. A soul mate is the absolute highest privilege from God and she should be rewarded with love, safety and peace. It is our job to ensure that our Mates are given every chance to succeed with a long and gratifying life. _

Okay. What the hell is a Guard? I flipped through a couple of pages. Oh here it is.

**Guard.**

_After one takes the Scared Oath, he will no longer be just a man. He will have become a Guard for the Tria Fata. The Guard after selected by the seven Alpha's will be become a Beta along with his six Beta brothers. The Guard will swear to look after his Mate and the Mates of his fellow brothers._

Now I'm starting to get lost. This book needs to come with some sort of a guide. What do they mean Alpha and Beta? So then I abandoned that section to try to locate Alpha's.

**Alpha.**

_There are seven Alpha's to make up a branch. Once the Alpha reaches the designated age, he must search for a Beta. When the Alpha nominates a man for Beta, the remaining Alpha's must agree on the nomination. It is the Alpha's work to guide the Beta up until his demise. Once the Alpha has passed on, the Beta will become the new Alpha._

All I could think was that some man somewhere a long time ago, had far too much time on his hands to create this society. Wasn't there some kind of revolution going on a couple hundred years ago when this was started that should have taken precedence?

I scanned over a couple of pages trying to locate the section on punishments thinking I could redefine what those Alpha Beta Guards boys of mine seem to think. That was until my eyes landed on the words:

**Virgin Bride.**

_Virginity is of the highest integrity. To have the honor of being the first to accept the sacred gift is to be celebrated. A virgin Mate is fragile in mind and soul. As a Guard when a virgin Mate in selected, she not only gives her body but her soul. To ensure that her fragile state of mind and soul is taken care of after her Guard passes and the Mate has had no other previous relations before the time of marriage it is imperative to initiate the Rule of the Second. A Guard needs to protect his virgin Mate/bride above all else and ensure that she lives a long fulfilling life, even if it means to protect her from herself..._

Okay what the hell is the Rule of the Second? Am I considered a Virgin Bride? I mean with all the sex that Edward and I have had that hardly constitutes a Virgin Bride right? I reread the line again, _having no other previous relations before the time of marriage_.

What is the Rule of the Second? I thumbed through the pages trying to locate the title. And by the way I take offense to them stating that I have a fragile mind just because I didn't sleep around with every non Guard member before Edward doesn't make me fragile, dammit.

**The Second.**

_To take the Second Oath is great honor. Alpha's and Beta's should treat Seconds with the highest respect. The Rule of Second is in regards to a Guard wishing to take a Virgin Bride as his forever Mate and wife. The Guard should inform his fellow Alpha's and Beta's when the Rule of the Second is required. The Guard will choose a Second. If the Guard is unable to fulfill his duties to his Mate or if the Guard passes before his Mate, the Second will take the Guard's place and fulfill his duties. The Second will take the oath and promise to marry and love the Guard's wife as the Guard loved and married his Mate._

"WHAT THE FUCK!" I shouted.

I must be in shock, my hands were trembling. What the fuck did I just read? If this was true and in some fucked up imagination I was supposed to have a predetermined "Second" then we had way more problems to deal with then just acts of chastisement.

I reread the last line again, hoping it would clarify my current thoughts but the more and more I read it, the more I became disgruntled. I closed the book, I couldn't continue reading. I felt that at any moment I could have coronary. I looked over at my phone it was five-thirty. I really needed to set up a meeting with these boys; I hadn't even cracked the surface of this book and already I had just a couple of things that needed to be discussed with them.

I had to come up with a plan of action; there was no way that I would be heading into the lion's den without the upper hand. First I needed to figure out how to get the Alpha, Betas, Guards whatever the hell they call themselves all in a room. I needed the element of surprise. The only thought that flashed through my mind was seeing Garrett's face when I showed up holding this book. That alone drove me.

There was no doubt about it; I had to open that book again. I started thumbing through the pages, there had to be something about calling a meeting. I mean I'm sure the _Tria Fata_ who thought of everything including the intact hymen that once rested between my legs would have some form of a bat signal. I scanned through each page until I found it.

**Parcae.**

_If an Alpha calls for a Parcae, then all other Alphas are required to be present unless a Guard in the case of extreme circumstances is unable to attend. The same goes for Beta's. Parcae can be called to nominate, initiate or to handle any dispute among Guards._

That doesn't tell me anything. How the hell do they send out the stress call? I needed to get Edward's phone, there had to be answers on there. Unless he emailed everyone. I doubt he'd have a secret Facebook group set up for this type of thing.

I slammed the book shut and stuffed it into my purse. It was almost six o'clock if I was going to get on Edward's computer I needed to do it now.

I was just entering Edward's office when Becky scared the shit out of me.

"Hey Bella." She said.

"Holy shit!" I screamed and nearly fell over.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to scare you. I've been waiting for you. My brother called and he said he'll be home later this evening like around midnight."

It wasn't her fault that I was a little unhinged at the moment. The poor girl probably thought I was just another casualty of the Hollywood crowd.

"It's okay Becky, you're just so quite sometimes. That's great about Jacob. By the way Edward is going to Spago, can you text him your order. You can find a menu online."

"Sure. Thank you." She skipped off towards the living room.

When she was out of sight I rushed over to Edward's computer. Password. I started typing in "Bellalove1." You can imagine the look on my face the first time I asked Edward for his password.

Everything started up and I started to scan his desktop. It had to be email or text. I doubt in this day in age the _Tria Fata_ would resort to the old-fashioned phone tree.

I started looking over his emails. Mostly standard film stuff. However I finally found one email labeled Parcae. Harmless if you didn't know about the secret society. Parcae was in reference to the Tria Fata roman or greek gods. One might think the email was in reference to that. In that moment I was never more happy to have accidentally been shoved into that mythology course when I was in my third year at the University.

The email was sent from G77 at gmail. G77 sent it to G73, G74, G75, G76, G78 and G79. Edward, I ascertained from hitting replay, popped up that his email was being sent from G75. The original email that was sent out from G77 only said.

_NOW G75._

I looked at the date it was sent. The same day we came back from New York and all those guys showed up at the door. The time coincides with around the time I called Emmett to let him know of our arrival. Emmett must be G77. He sent out an email stating they needed to arrive now at G75. Meaning our home or Guard G75's home. So all I needed to do was send out an email that states Parcae with the time and place I wanted them to show up. But how was I going to get Edward there? Since it was his email sending out the Parcae S.O.S., I would need to figure out how to send him an email from another _Tria Fata_ member's computer.

Who could I ask for help? Alice and I were still on the outs. I didn't really know Charlotte and Kate very well…ROSALIE. She would definitely help me. I could go over in the morning and send out the communiqué first thing. Damn I was a regular Sydney Bristow.

The only thing I couldn't help but ponder was the fact there were seven different email addresses. If Emmett was G77 and Edward was G75. Let's just assume for a minute that Carlisle could be G73, Peter could be G74, Garrett could be G76 and Jasper could be G78. I had seven email addresses but only six guys and the handbook said that there should be seven Alpha's or Beta's. Who belonged to email G79? Who was the seventh _Tria Fata_ member that Edward had failed to introduce me to? It wouldn't be Jacqueline's grandfather because he passed away and I'm sure they would have filled his spot by now. Maybe the mystery person was unable to come to the previous Parcae due to extreme circumstances. Something about this mystery G79 really stirred up my stomach.

I closed up the computer and tried to sweep away any evidence that I was ever there. Just as I was coming out of the office I heard Edward at the door. Okay it's show time.

"Hi baby." I greeted way too enthusiastically.

"Hi…uh…you seem to be in a good mood." He replied.

"Surprising…trust me." I went and helped him with a bag of take out before he could question any further. This was going to be harder than I thought. How was I going to keep my cool until tomorrow? I mean what if Edward really did evoke the Rule of the Second. I could potentially have a homicide on my plate to deal with tomorrow.

I went through the motions of getting plates out while Becky and Edward talked. Did Edward already pick a Second? What if he did? Who did he choose? I mean everyone we know is already with a Mate.

You don't know G79. Oh shut up Bella, G79 is probably some sad little Alpha who's ready to be put out to pasture.

"Bella. Is something wrong?" Edward broke me out of my thoughts of cows and grazing fields.

I shook my head.

"You look like you're disturbed?" he said.

Boy was I ever.

"I think I'm constipated. Excuse me." I took off running toward my bathroom upstairs, grabbing my purse on the way.

I think I am constipated? I couldn't come up with a better excuse?

I made it to the bathroom and locked myself inside. I pulled the book out. There must be more explanation to this whole Second thing. I flipped to the back cover and there written were the original seven founding fathers. A few names caught my eye, wow…

I'm sure you'd love to hear who was on that list but I think the least I can do is try to maintain some secrecy. I started back at the Second portion where I had last stopped my reading. I read through the oath which essentially states that if a person takes the Second Oath they can never marry or look for a Mate. Of course they couldn't. It wouldn't do well to tell your wife someday that your Beta bro passed on and now you had to run off to his mate and fulfill his duties.

**A Second Union.**

_Before the marriage of the Guard and Mate; a Second Union can be created. During this time it is vital that an emotional and physical union is created between the Mate and her Second. When her Guard passes she will have the emotional and physical attachment to her Second. The Guard must allow a time for his Mate to become familiar with her Second, to help with the transition later on._

Oh sweet Jesus, I'm going to vomit. What the fuck were they smoking back then? An emotional and physical attachment. That better not mean what I think it means.

I pulled out my phone and fired off a text as fast as I could to Rose.

_Need to see you ASAP in the morning. When will Emmett be gone?_

I heard a knock on the door. "Bella, are you okay?"

NO I'm not okay. I am the very fucking opposite of the definition of okay.

"I'm gravy, Edward." I needed to keep myself in control; I would have all my answers tomorrow. "I'm not feeling too well. I think I'm going to go to bed."

"Are you sure you don't want to eat something, sweetheart?"

"No. I…I…just want to go to bed."

"All right baby. Please let me know if you need anything." He replied. Yeah, how about an alibi. If this shit was true then I could very well be digging some graves tomorrow.

_Emmett has an early day he should be gone by seven, what's happening?_

Good. I told Rose I would see her at seven and I would tell her then.

I crawled into bed and tried to sleep but my stomach was in knots. Edward finally came up after eating and asked how I was doing. I told him I had a stomach ache so he nestled up behind me and rubbed my tummy. If I wasn't so mad at him at the moment I would have appreciated the gesture but I couldn't stop thinking about that damn book. I think our relationship could very well come down to a decision he was going to have to make. _Tria Fata_ or Isabella.

I set my alarm the next morning for six am. Edward was still passed out beside me as I crept into the bathroom and started to get ready. I was pretty sure I was ready to set my plan into motion. Thankfully Edward did not rouse from sleep and I was able to make it out to my car without incident. I arrived at Emmett's and Rose's house at seven sharp. Emmett was already gone.

"Okay, what the hell is going on that I had to disrupt a rem cycle?" Rose greeted me.

"You have no idea just how twisted my mind is right now. I need access to Emmett's computer."

"Fine…why?" she narrowed her eyes.

I pulled out the book and held it up, "This is why."

"What is that?" Rose asked taking it from me.

"It's the _Tria Fata_ handbook to one really fucked up world."

I made my way toward Emmett's office; Rose was trailing me with her nose in the book.

"Wow you're really pissed. What did it say to piss you off this much?" she asked.

"Remember how I told you I was a virgin?" she nodded. "Well just flip to the page regarding "Virgin Bride" and then if that doesn't creep you out enough, locate the section entitled "The Second." But oh wait there's more, if that doesn't completely make you want to vomit, turn to the next page and locate "The Second Union.""

I huffed as I sat down and fired up G77's computer. I left Rosalie in silence so she could read.

She huffed, "I don't know this all reads like gibberish."

Always impatient.

"It means that since I was virgin when Edward and I came together in holy _Tria Fata_ matrimony. He made a vow to appoint a person to take over his duties if he should die. And not only will this person marry me but according to this, it states that he will get to take a ride and sample the goods before Edward and I get married."

"WHAT?" Rose exclaimed and threw herself back into the book.

"Thank you, I was pretty sure my thoughts were valid." I located the emails and made sure that I was correct in assuming that Emmett was G77. Okay now for the email. Here we go Bella, there's no turning back now.

"What are you going to do?" Rose asked.

"I'm going to initiate Parcae."

"What are Parcae?" Rosalie questioned.

"They have to initiate Parcae when they have an issue to discuss, like when Edward came back and they wanted to discuss with him his actions when he whipped me."

Rose came over to stand behind me. There was a folder on Emmett's email that already captured all the _Tria Fata_ members. I deleted them all except for G75's email.

"Who is G75?" Rose asked.

"They all have code names I was able to deduce that Emmett is G77 and Edward is G75. I had to send this from Emmett's computer because Edward would see that I sent it from his email to himself and that wouldn't work."

"Why couldn't Emmett be G69." Rose laughed.

"Rose, you're just as bad as Emmett." I scolded.

"Birds of a feather." She shrugged.

_1PM G75._

I looked through some of the prior emails that Emmett had and saw how they worded it. I hit send.

"Tsk Tsk Emmett, just because you have a firewall doesn't mean you should allow your email to automatically sign in because you're using your home computer." I turned to Rosalie, "Wish me luck?"

"What I would give to be in that room when shit starts flying. Knock'em dead, girl."

I left Rose's and head for home; I was going to have to be stealth and get into Edward's office again and send out the message to the other members. When I turned on Edward's email the email from Emmett had arrived but I made sure not to click on it.

Once it was done I snuck back upstairs. It was only eight a.m. Edward wasn't in bed, when I arrived he was in the shower.

"Bella is that you?" he asked.

"Yep." I replied.

"You were up early."

"Yea, going to bed early does that to you. But I think I might try to lay back down for a little bit."

I flopped back down on the bed and started to think about just what I was going to say to these gentlemen. As the time passed, I became more nervous. Edward would be downstairs reading the email in his study. Would he know something was up?

At twelve-fifty p.m. I felt absolutely sick. Come on Bella, pull it together. Pull out ass kicking Bella; you know she's in there. I could hear the door opening and the guys greeting one another. I slowly crept down the staircase and I could see the sliding door start to close. I walked over to the door and pushed my ear up against it.

"Should we wait?" Jasper asked.

"No. Let's just get started." Edward replied.

"So what did you want to discuss?" Garrett asked.

"What do you mean? I didn't call this meeting." Edward answered. "I received the email from Emmett."

"Don't look at me; I received the email from you." Emmett said.

"Okay, who sent the email out?" Carlisle asked.

No one answered. I have to admit this was all kind of funny. I could imagine their faces right now, clouded in bafflement.

"How did this happen? If you didn't send the email and you didn't send the email. Then who did?" Garrett asked.

That was my cue.

I opened the door. Everyone looked over to me.

"Baby, did you need something. I'll be out in a minute." Edward said.

"Yes. I would like an explanation." Edward furrowed his brow. "I initiated the Parcae."

* * *

**AN:** Unfortunately I will be unable to update Crossfade this week. I have been trying to write the hell out of this story so when I go to Comic Con in a couple of weeks, I will still be able to update while on vacation and have enough chapters so when I get back there should be no disruption in posting. Thank you as always for reading and reviewing.


	5. Chapter 5

**POSTING THIS BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP BECAUSE THERE IS NO BETTER WAY TO WAKE UP THEN TO REVIEWS ;-)**

**CHAPTER FIVE**

I could feel a cloud of confusion enter the room. I shut the door behind me and straightened myself up. In my hands was a notebook which I think was mostly to hide my little handbook. I started to take my place in the direct center of the room behind Edward's desk. Emmett and Jasper were sitting on the couch. Carlisle was near the window in the corner. Edward was standing near his desk and Peter and Garrett were seated in the chairs on the other side of the desk.

"Thank you gentleman for meeting me on such short notice. I appreciate you taking time out of your busy day to speak with me even if I am not a Guard, Alpha, or Beta." I started.

"What do you know of Parcae?" Garrett looked to me and then turned his gaze to Edward.

"You know I have heard throughout my years how enjoyable and informative reading can be. I never fully understood that until yesterday." I pulled out the _Tria Fata_ manual for all things fucked up and displayed it like the prize it had become.

"Where did you get that?" Garrett asked with a mix of shock and anger.

"I have my sources." I smiled.

"Jacqueline." Edward said with a surprisingly sly smile. "We knew her grandfather."

"Bravo." I congratulated him. "Now let's see, where should we start?" I opened the book.

"Founding fathers of your little group…very impressive; it's like the who's who of the revolutionary period." I commented.

"Bella, I think we should discuss this in private." Edward said.

"No. I think I want to discuss this here and after what I've read I think you owe me this." I rose an eyebrow in challenge.

Edward exhaled and gestured for me to continue.

"All right, I will just get meat of the sandwich."

I exaggerated clearing my throat.

"Let's see here oh yes, Virgin Bride. _Virginity is of the highest integrity._ Yada, yada, yada, _a virgin mate is fragile in mind and soul._ Don't even get me started on that phrase. Blah, blah, blah; here it is, _to ensure that her fragile state of mind and soul is taken care of after her Guard passes and the Mate has had no other previous relations before the time of marriage it is imperative to initiate the Rule of the Second._"

At this point no one dared make eye contact with me. That's okay; I didn't need to see the whites of their eyes to find the courage to continue.

"Now I was sitting around yesterday and I thought what the hell is the Rule of the Second, so being the newly avid reader I am, I flipped around a little bit and landed on this delicious little morsel. _The Rule of Second is in regards to a Guard wishing to take a Virgin Bride as his forever Mate and wife. The Guard will choose a Second. If the Guard is unable to fulfill his duties to his mate or if the Guard passes before his Mate the Second will take the Guard's place and fulfill his duties. The Second will take the oath and promise to marry and love the Guard's wife as the Guard loved and married his mate. _Now before I even dive further down the most fucked rabbit hole of my life I want to know if what I am reading pertains to me and if so...what the fuck?"

"Bella, I understand that you are feeling con…" Edward started to say but was interrupted by the sliding door to the office opening with a bang.

"Sorry I'm late guys, I just woke up…" Jacob. He slowed down once he saw me standing there in the middle of the room.

"What are you doing here?" I asked irritated.

Jacob walked slowly into the room, "I was about to ask you the same thing."

"You're _Tria Fata_?" I exclaimed.

Jacob let out a small breathy laugh and smiled like he had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. G79! Why didn't Edward tell me? Why didn't Jacob tell me? All the sudden, it slowly started to make sense. All the times Edward had asked me to give Jacob a chance. The fact he was never upset that Jacob was following after me like a lost puppy. The home invasion. Vegas. All the pieces were fitting well into the puzzle.

I flipped around to Edward so fast I was surprised my head wasn't spinning. "You picked Jacob as the Second?" I hissed.

"Gee Bells, don't sound so happy." Jacob replied sarcastically.

"Shut up, Jacob." I snapped.

I turned back to Edward. "You expect me to sleep with Jacob? I read all about the Second Union." I said while waving the book back and forth.

I turned to address the room. "At any point when you were being initiated; did any of you have one thought in your brain that this was just a tad bit fucked up? Or were you just bedazzled by promises of riches and fame."

"I'm offended, none of us ever entered into this because we wanted to be famous or rich. If you fully read the book there are chapters dedicated to our loved ones and the lengths we will go to always love, protect and honor our mates." Garrett replied.

"_It is vital that an emotional and physical union is created between the Mate and her Second" _I read aloud. "Now, does this go into the loving your mate section or honoring your mate section? You'll need to forgive me as I'm sure you already know I have a fragile virgintastic mind and soul. I tend to be confused sometimes."

"Bella, the Second Union is no longer practiced. It's antiquated." Carlisle spoke up.

"This whole book is antiquated." I shouted. "I can go out to Sunset Boulevard and do a survey of a thousand random women and I think we all know that if I were to ask them if their husbands, mates or boyfriends spanked them in a non-sexual manner; just how many of that thousand would answer yes? Even with this being Hollyweird I highly doubt I could find one."

I turned back to Jacob. "Look, I don't care about what oath or merit badge you earned by agreeing to this. I will just tell you now, if you were planning on waiting around for Edward's sloppy seconds then that will never happen…like ever. I am not some sort of human beverage where you can just take swig and then pass it off the next guy."

"This was my choice, Bella." Jacob said softly.

"Well now you have a whole world of choices in front of you, I release you from your "duties." You are going to go off and find your own little soul mate, you're going to marry him or her and makes babies and live happily ever after, whether you like it or not."

Jacob shook his head slightly, disbelieving.

"Jacob, this is never going to happen. In fact if something were to happen to Edward. _Tria Fata_ be damned if I would ever remarry into this society again. It is up to me what happens after my "Guard's" demise. I could become a lesbian; I could jump off a fucking bridge; whatever it is that I decide to do, it will be up to me. I won't care if you are some big Alpha, the most you will ever be to me is like some lovable kid brother which that is even on thin ice at this point since you have pretty much been lying to me ever since I met you."

I looked around at the men in the room; each of them wouldn't look at me. They all looked like they were waiting to be called into the principal's office.

"I read this book and yes overall I can find some merit in what it is you all wish to accomplish. So, you may commence with your little group meeting but leave me and my future out of this. Emmett." I waited until Emmett's eyes made contact. "I think you should know that I shared with Rose some portions of this book. I think if you all cared for your wives and girlfriends the way you say you do then you should be able to level the playing field and share this with them. You follow these teachings and practice love and protection for your mates and families but what you failed to practice was truth. You expect us to all just blindly follow your rules but you give us no valid reason to do so. But heck what do I know? I am no Guard or Alpha or Beta so my words probably mean little to you but I am a human being and you will no longer make decisions for me." I started to take leave.

"Can we at least have our book back?" Garret questioned.

"No. I think I'll be holding onto this for a little while." I replied.

"It belongs to the _Tria Fata_." He argued.

"No, it used to belong to the _Tria Fata_, until Jacqueline's grandfather passed away and left her all of his processions. Since this book was in his procession, it was up to Jacqueline to decide what to do with it. She gifted it to me, so now the book is mine. However if you would like to bring up the legality of my claim we can always call law enforcement and have them sort this out. I happen to have one on speed dial, I'm sure my father would love to hear all about this."

Garrett was pissed. I could see the tension just roll off of him in waves. I was just to the door when something popped into my head. I paused for a minute and then slowly walked back over to Edward. I stood in front of him and I could see his eyes clouded, with what I wasn't sure. He didn't look upset but he wasn't happy either. I pulled my rings off from around his neck; the silver necklace was long enough where I didn't have to undo the clasp.

I took the book and placed it on the desk in front of everyone and then placed my rings on top of it.

"Edward, you can either return these items to me or you can keep them. I'm sure you'll need to take into consideration what your Alpha…Beta brothers wish. Good day, gentlemen."

As soon as I closed the door and walked a couple of paces, I could feel my body sag with relief that it was over. Well, I think that went well. I remember feeling at that moment that I wasn't pissed at Edward. I remember feeling surprised by that. I was plenty pissed yesterday but now I couldn't even describe my feelings. I guess because for the first time I felt empowered. I knew that Edward would make the right decision. Part of me even fell a little more in love with him at that moment because, when it came down to it I had faith that Edward would choose me over _Tria Fata_. He would give up his career and wealth for me. It was the first time in our relationship where I truly thought that Edward was justified in his love for me. Before it never made sense that he would choose someone like me but now I understood.

"Bella, hold up." Jacob jogged after me.

I turned to face him. After everything I had learned; I think I was upset with Jacob the most. "What do you want, Jacob?" I snapped.

He put the brakes on surprised. "Uh…I…look, I know you're mad. I get it, but…" he huffed.

"Can you move this along, I haven't got all day. At this point Jacob, I feel betrayed and I don't know if I can even be friends with you."

"Just hear me out." Jacob pleaded. "What I'm trying to say is that I didn't know when I took that oath if I would ever be called upon to be a Second. But when Edward asked me, I regretted making that decision. My dad loved my mother and then he watched as cancer ate away at her. He was miserable, and at the time; I remember thinking that I never wanted to feel that type of pain so I took the oath. Edward asked me to come out to L.A. and meet you. The whole trip here I was pissed that I had the potential to end up with you; even though I never even knew you. But, then I met you and you were just so determined to hate me..."

"I didn't hate you. I was irritated by you." I clarified.

"And I think I'm in love with you."

I stood there with my mouth open in some sort of trance. This was so not where I thought my day would lead. I slowly swallowed, "Jacob, I…" I sighed.

"I love Edward. That will never change. I am one thousand percent sure of this. Even if something were to happen to Edward; I would not be able to love another person the way I love him. I love you but only as a friend. I'm sorry…I'm sorry." I turned from him and as fast as my short little legs could go I ran up toward my bedroom.

How is it that a person could go their whole life without any sort of male attention and then I turn twenty-three and I have suitors lining the hallways? Was God trying to make up for lost time? I sat down on the bed trying to process the past couple of days. I could see now why people said, "I need a drink."

I did love Jacob, he had become family to me but I would never love him the way I loved Edward. I was of course upset with him; I know what you're thinking, Edward was just as much to blame as Jacob but I guess I had come to accept that Edward kept things from me. Hell I kept things from Edward but Jacob was my friend and I held him to a higher standard.

The bedroom door opened and Edward walked in slowly. I didn't miss the book and silver chain in his hands.

"Hey, I think this belongs to you." Edward held out the book to me. I reached to take the book and necklace but he only gave me the book.

"I told you that I want to earn the honor of your hand back. I don't think I have yet so I want to keep hold of these for right now."

I was a little shocked by Edward's words but I nodded anyway.

"So I guess we need to talk." He said.

"Yeah, I knew you kept things from me. I wasn't stupid enough to think that you belong to some secret society and you were going to just privy me to all the information but I have to say that the bombshell I read about is a pretty big deal, Edward. Even if you no longer practiced the Second Union you were going to eventually tell me about Jacob, right? You did realize that I may have a word or two on the subject?"

"A word ? I was expecting an essay but, yes; I was planning on telling you. I was hoping that you would get to a point where you would love Jacob and understand why I did it. You once told me that you didn't know how you were going to go on living after I was gone. It was for that reason that the Second idea was ever put in the book to begin with. I love you, Bella. Do you think that it would make me happy if I were to die and you killed yourself or became a shell from depression. I want you to have a long happy life, even if I'm not in it. Being a Second doesn't necessarily mean that Jacob would marry you. Yes at one time; that was the practice. You are talking about days when people's lives were shorter; there was war going on. My hope for Jacob was when I am gone he will be there by your side, his promise to me is to make sure that you are taken care of after I am gone in whatever capacity you need him in."

"That's all well and good, but I don't want to take Jacob's life away because of some oath he took. I would be responsible for him never getting married or falling in love with someone and I am not okay with that."

"I know, sweetheart."

"I'm a little surprised on how well you are taking this. I pretty much just outed your group and broke what I am sure was some sort of code."

"I'm not upset with you. I think I am…proud of you." He evaluated.

"Proud?" I exclaimed.

"Yes. Proud. The way you stood up in that room and handled it. I have to say that it kinda turned me on?"

I looked at him in disbelief, but there was no doubt about it; Edward's eyes were frosted over in lust. I guess I can't blame him; it had been almost a month since we made love last time. I'm pretty sure at this point my virginity probably grew back as well but I couldn't allow us to go off a different direction.

"Just answer me this question; how would you feel if I designated a person for you to take over my duties if I were to die before you. Let's say, Becky. I have chosen Becky to follow in my footsteps so to speak."

Edward laughed a little, "Bella, that's gross. She's sixteen."

"Well, I wasn't planning on dying tomorrow. I'm sure I could hold out for at least two more years if not four. So here you go, I died and I hold up on silver platter to you a younger, newer model which is yours for the taking. Who cares about love, I'm sure in time you can find some love for her. How does that feel?"

"Well, if I was able to provide you with a somewhat content life; my job would be done." He stated.

"So it's okay for you to kill yourself but I'm just supposed to suffer here with Jacob?" I questioned dryly.

"I wouldn't kill myself but I probably just return to Italy and live my days out there."

"I guess I must love you more than you love me. I can't even imagine my life without you." I was joking but I don't think Edward took it that way.

"If you truly loved me the way you say you do; you would live. Someday we will have children; I would hope that you wouldn't abandon them because of me."

"I guess you're right. I just can't even picture myself having more kids."

Edward gave me a look so fast; I was surprised that my skin didn't melt off.

"I'm kidding." I laughed.

"Don't say those things." He exhaled.

"Geez Edward. I'm sure in a few years you'll talk me into pushing out a kid or two."

"A few years?" he asked in disbelief.

"Well yeah, I mean I will want to establish my career first. I never want to be one of those mothers who have to hire nannies. I want my children to know me."

"Honey, I am almost forty, I would like to be able to play with my children before they have to put me into a home." He replied.

"The way I look at it, I could change their diapers while changing yours. Wouldn't it be easier if I just buy a one size fits all and then line you up in some sort of Ford assembly line?"

Edward narrowed his eyes at me making me aware that he was not amused by my witticism.

"When were you thinking we would try?" I asked wearily.

"I was thinking next year. You know a honeymoon baby."

I could feel my heart start to speed up. "Uh…what?" I exclaimed. "But…but I just started my career. I mean, what?"

"Well…I just want…"

"Edward, you already have a career. You have had the opportunity to be able to accomplish things in life. If I have kids now, I will never be able to accomplish anything."

"Bella, you're being over dramatic. People's lives don't just stop once they have kids. Look, at this point we're not even engaged so I guess it doesn't make sense to discuss this now. Maybe we can find a compromise." Edward sighed.

I knew how Edward's compromises worked in the past and you could be sure to believe that this new Bella would not accept less than a fair compromise.

"Wouldn't this be the kind of thing that people should discuss before they agree to marry?" I asked.

"You're right. I just don't want to fight with you right now. I just got you back and amazingly I survived the inquisition downstairs. I don't know how much longer my luck will hold out." He admitted.

"I agree. You have no idea just how thin the ice got for you, yesterday. I was ready to skin you alive. The only thing that kept me going was knowing I hatched this big plan and I wanted to see it to fruition."

"Well thank you for allowing me to keep my skin. You have no idea how much I appreciate that."

"Oh trust me I do. We're almost coming up on winter here; the last thing I needed was sky rocketing heating bills because you went skinless for the season." I replied.

"Bella, you're so weird." Edward laughed.

"Yes I am. But you love me for it. Now who's the weird one?" I giggled.

We laughed together but then when the laughter was done it left me in thought.

"What about Jacqueline? She isn't in any kind of danger for what she has done?" I asked.

"What? No. Of course not. Jacqueline even though she doesn't know this; is under our protection. Before her grandfather Robert passed away; he made sure that Jacqueline would be taken care of. Since his wife and only daughter passed away already, he made sure that Jacqueline would always be looked after by us. The money she received from her "grandfather's" account was _Tria Fata_ money. The house we gifted her as well. Yes all of the processions inside the house are his to do what he wishes. If I ever truly left _Tria Fata_; all of our processions would be ours to keep. The house I gave to you for your birthday is under your name and therefore unable to be touched by the _Tria Fata_. Some people may not have been happy that Jacqueline refused to give the book back but we took an oath to protect her. We will always be here for her."

"So if I may ask, what happened after I left? Did they boot you from the club? Take away your letterman's jacket? Unbrand you? Make you wear a Scarlett letter?" I was trying to keep the mood light. I didn't know how much he would still tell me of his little secret society.

Edward sighed, "Well of course Garrett wanted to take the book back. But Jasper and Emmett fought against it. They said that if you were willing to take me back then that was the prevailing factor. I didn't care what they fought about as far as I was concerned; it was up to me and there was no way I was going to choose wrong. I got your message loud and clear, my loyalties are with you, Bella."

"I knew you would choose me. It wasn't my intention to give you an ultimatum. You know how I feel about them but I needed you to know that I was being one hundred percent serious. I will not have my life defined by what men wrote a couple hundred years before me."

"I understand." Edward leaned in to me and softly laid his lips on mine, like he was testing the water. I encouraged him by applying a tad bit more pressure. Edward gently placed his hand on my face and applied more pressure. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him on top of me and just like that we were back to making out like a bunch of horny teenagers.

A knock came at our door.

"Bella. I want to talk with you." It was Jacob.

I pulled my lips off Edward.

"Jacob, I swear to god if you don't leave us alone this minute; the only Second Union between you and me will be my fist colliding with your face." I yelled.

Edward laughed a little and I pulled him back down on top of me. I was still not ready to make love but I think we could progress to second base.

* * *

AN: **T****HANK YOU FOR READING AND REVIEWING...I'M SURE I MAY RECEIVE MIXED REVIEWS ON THIS CHAPTER HOWEVER I HAD FUN WRITING IT. THANK YOU AGAIN FOR ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT. **

**P.S. I AM GOING TO VEGAS THIS WEEKEND SO I AM NOT SURE IF I WILL BE ABLE TO POST ON SUNDAY, IF NOT THEN MONDAY. **


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER SIX**

Our weekend passed and it was spent mostly in our bedroom as Edward and I re-acquainted ourselves with one another. Not sexually so get your mind out of the gutter. But, I can say that I think we were working on the art of communication and trust.

I swear we spent all Saturday in bed just talking and laughing with one another. We would watch a movie and then discuss it from a filmmaking point of view. It was one of the best weekends of my life. So simple and yet so powerful.

"I always loved this movie; doesn't Michael Douglas just make like the best president ever?" I asked before scooping a big wad of ice cream into my mouth.

"Of course he does. But I've always been a fan of Martin Sheen myself." Edward replied.

"Morgan Freeman…Bill Pullman. Today is our Independence day! I always get chills."

Edward laughed. "Speaking of which, you know next Tuesday is the big day. Who you voting for?" Edward asked like he was trying to be all coy.

"Nah ah. First of all, I already voted absentee and second of all; I'm not telling you."

"Come on Bella, we are supposed to be able to share everything together. You know who I'm voting for." Edward prodded.

"Everyone knows who you're voting for especially when you made that million dollar donation to your party." I rolled my eyes.

"I just don't understand what the big deal is…unless you voted against my guy. Maybe you're afraid to tell me because you think I'll be upset." I could tell he was trying to get a rise out of me.

"I really don't care how you feel although isn't funny to think if I didn't vote for your guy then my vote potentially will wipe out your vote come Tuesday and it's almost as if your vote didn't even count. Million dollars right down the drain." I laughed an evil laugh and Edward scowled at me in return.

"So you voted for the other guy?" he assessed.

"I'll never tell." I sang.

Edward huffed and I have to say I was a tad more amused with his frustration then I probably should be.

"We need more snacks and since you're being quite impossible at the moment, I nominate you." Edward stuck his tongue out at me. Edward had been doing all of the snack and food runs since we locked ourselves up here. He knew I didn't want to deal with Jacob so he was kind enough to go for me but now how the tides turned…over politics, ugh!

"Fine." I huffed getting off the bed.

I crept all the way downstairs without a sign of Jacob. He was still trying to say his peace so he managed to corner me in the pantry by blocking my exit.

"Holy mother of pearl, you scared the shit out of me." I scolded after I turned around to see him staring at me.

"Holy mother of pearl?" he chided.

I rolled my eyes and started to leave but Jacob blocked me.

"Do you mind?" I asked.

"I want to talk to you." He stated.

"Well you choose a really bad way of doing it. Blocking me in here? Really Jacob, I have no problems kicking you in the nuts?" I pulled up a can of mixed nuts in my hand. "Nuts." I smiled, holding it out for his inspection.

"Very cute. Look, you won't give me the time of day so this is what I came up with." Jacob defended.

I physically pushed Jacob aside. "You're so thick sometimes. Maybe there was a reason I didn't want to give you the time of day."

"All right. I screwed up. I apologize for baring my feelings to you. I learned my lesson; from now on I will just bottle everything up." He exclaimed.

"You think I don't want to talk to you because you told me that you love me? Jacob, that isn't exactly something I should be offended about. I don't want to talk to you because you were my friend. I trusted you and you never told me of this Second crap and more importantly you never told me you were _Tria Fata_. So why don't you return to your dog house with your tail between your legs and when I am ready to play with you again I will find a bone for you to fetch." I flipped around and refused to listen any further.

I knew that I needed to prepare for my meeting with WMG come Monday morning and I started to outline some of the points and conditions I planned to make. I really was in the best position; I wasn't desperate to be picked up by WMG. Don't get me wrong I wanted to work with WMG mainly because they were a Warner Bros subsidiary and my loyalties would always be with Warner Bros., if they wanted me. However Darren made it clear to me that if they were unwilling to agree to my very reasonable demands he was sure that another record company would scoop me up in a heartbeat. Darren said to lay down my conditions first and then let my music speak for itself.

Jacob always had a way to worm himself back into my heart. I guess that's why so many woman of all different ages were captivated by him. Monday morning after Edward and I were up and ready; I was just leaving our oasis when I almost stumbled on an object lying outside our bedroom door.

Wrapped in a red bow was a large dog bone, a note attached.

_Did the hard work and found you a bone to throw. Hope you kill it at your meeting this morning. I know you will._

_Friendly yours,_

_Jacob_

"Why do you have a dog bone?" Edward asked coming up behind me.

"Don't ask." I sighed and tossed the bone inside our room.

We arrived at WMG and I started to feel the nerves. I wore a professional pant suit, a tad boring but hey sometimes you have to play the game. Our lawyer Sam met us at the door. I had only had one phone conversation with him and I made sure to inform him of my terms ahead of time.

A receptionist showed us into a very lavish conference room and offered us a beverage. I knew if I had anything other than water I may puke, my stomach was already turning.

Edward held my hand until we were greeted by the WMG exec's. We stood from our chairs and went to shake hands.

"Bella, it's a pleasure to meet you. I am Stefan Vladic and this is Seth Clearwater, he has filled Riley's position." Stefan looked to Edward at this.

"And this is Quil Ateara." He continued as I went to shake Quil's hand.

"First we would like to apologize to you for Mr. Biers behavior toward you and want you to understand that we strive to create an environment where our artist's can work in a safe and secure place to better enhance their creative talents." Stefan said.

"Thank you for your apology, it is appreciated." I replied.

"I am a little surprised that you did not ask your agent or publicist to be in on our meeting today." Stefan remarked while taking his seat.

"Why would I need an agent or a publicist? There just going to take ten percent of my money and either try to control me or pester me to death. I don't need an agent or publicist; I just need one hell of a lawyer." I smiled to Sam.

"Okay." Stefan answered awkwardly. "Well, I have to say we were a little amazed that you were willing to call for a meeting. Riley had informed us that you didn't wish to continue with music. We have heard that you were working with artists here and were a tad confused on your reluctance to work with us."

"My apologies, it wasn't WMG that I was reluctant to work with. I have loved Warner Bros. since I was a child. I can assure you that my loyalties will lie with the WB. At the time that Mr. Biers approached me I was unsure of exploring my potential in the musical arts but after further reflection I think I am ready now."

I pulled from my satchel the discs and handed them to Edward to pass to the three executives.

"The past couple of weeks I have been working very hard on my music. Levi Grimes along with Darren Young helped produce this record."

"Just what type of record did you make?" Quil asked confused.

I chuckled a little, "Don't worry gentleman, I assure you that this is a pop album. I know what you want from me. There are fourteen tracks and I hope you will be as pleased as I am with this work. I am willing to allow WMG the rights to this album on certain conditions. You see, I have also worked up an additional album as well. Kind of like a companion to one in your hands." I pulled out three more discs and handed them to Edward to distribute.

"This is the deal I am willing to make. If you decide that my first record is something that WMG is willing to invest in; I am willing to give it to you for free. I will sign over all rights and you may do what you wish with it. All revenue you make is yours; I will not take a cut. I do however want you to pay Darren and Levi the normal contractual fee for their work."

"You are willing to take no compensation or residual fee?" Seth asked.

"Yes." I answered.

"That's crazy." Quil replied.

"No. It's strategic." I smiled. "This is what I want in return. I want you to distribute the second album at half. However many copies you produce to sell of album one, I want you to produce the second album that I gave you with at least fifty percent of the copies from album one. Of course I would like it to be available for download as well. I will tell you now that the second album is the night to album one's day. It does have a couple of pop songs on it but it also has many other genres. I also will warn you that album two may need a parental advisory label due to language and content. I will take the average compensation and residual plus ten percent for album two and we split the rights."

"And if we don't want album one?" Quil asked.

"Then I will shop it somewhere else." I replied with a shoulder scrunch.

"What if we only want album one?" Seth asked.

"It's a take it or leave it deal." I answered. "Look, I know it must be hard to discuss something without you hearing the product. So how about we table this for right now, and I will return after you have had a chance to assess the music."

"I would like you to consider something." Stefan began. "On Friday is the Annual Warner Bros. Halloween costume party. We will listen to the records and give you our decision by the third of November, one week from today. I would like to see you perform four of the songs I choose from your records at the WB Halloween party. Do you think you will be able to meet this request? We have many artists lined up that night and I think it might do us well to see you perform in a public arena."

Now this was something I hadn't seen coming. I wasn't about to let my terror show through. I had never performed in front of an audience bigger then Emmett's birthday party. I could feel my palms start to sweat and I ever so un-noticeably wiped them on my pants.

"I would love too." I replied with confidence and a smile.

All right Bella, go get 'em.

"So we will meet, one week from today with our decision." He concluded.

I nodded my head once. We all rose from the conference table.

"Now, now boys; please be sure to let me know sooner than later what you would have me perform so I may be ready." I laughed shaking their hands once more.

"Absolutely, we will call you by Wednesday." Stefan agreed. That left me two days to prepare. Suddenly a random thought popped in my mind. I was going to have to find a Halloween costume.

Edward and I thanked Sam for coming when we reached the parking lot. He said he would come on Friday to see the performance; at this point what's one more.

As soon as we got into the car Edward praised me. "I think that went really well; you did an amazing job, Bella."

"Are you freaking kidding me?" I exclaimed. "I think I may have just shit a brick. I am going to have to perform in front of Hollywood royalty, alongside with seasoned artists. I think I'm going to have a panic attack. Yes. I feel it coming on." I started breathing heavily.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa…baby it's okay. Just calm down." Edward tried to coach me. "Bella, you have performed before and done well. I know you can do this. You are going to knock it out of the park. What happened to my new confident Bella?"

"She just crawled right back up into my asshole." I fumed.

"No she didn't and you know it. We are going to go to that costume party on Friday and you are going to kick ass." He stated determined.

"And just what are you planning to wear that evening, Mr. Cullen?" I asked momentarily trying to put my focus off onto anything else.

"That depends, what were you planning to go as?" he asked, playing along.

"I was thinking... Cherry Blossom."

I gasped. "And you can be my brony."

"What the hell is a brony?" he looked at me in horror.

"It's the name given to boys or men when they love My Little Pony. Bro. Pony…Brony."

"I don't think there is enough love in the world." Edward shook his head.

"Edward Cullen! Are you telling me that if I asked you to be a brony for the night you wouldn't do it?" I raised an eyebrow.

Edward cringed and started to look positively sick.

I huffed. "Geez, I was kidding." I rolled my eyes.

"Thank god." He sighed in relief.

I started up the car, "Look, I have a lot to do before Friday. I will put you in charge of costumes but just remember I have to perform in this thing so don't go picking something too slutty or unrealistic. I'm sure you have pull at the WB closet so maybe you can call Magda for ideas."

"I'll get right on top of that." He replied sarcastically.

"We can always change jobs. You can perform and I will be in charge of the costumes."

"I was kidding Bella, take a chill pill."

"Edward, I don't think people in this day in age use the phrase, "Take a chill pill," you're dating yourself." I laughed.

"Whatever you say Miss Swan."

We arrived back to the production offices and the first call I made was to Darren. As I relayed the new information to him, I started to get more and more worked up. He told me to "calm my ass down." He said I should come by on Wednesday and he would work with me on my performance. I did have to say it felt good to have people like Darren in my corner.

After I was done with that I was surprised to be greeted by my Liberty Project boys. I had seen them the week before to go over the standard agreement with Warner Bros for the song we wrote together. I didn't have much to say in that meeting.

"What are you guys doing here?" I smiled while getting to my feet to welcome them with a hug.

"Well, we wanted to talk with you." Aaron replied.

"Uh-oh. Good surprise or bad surprise?" I laughed.

"Good surprise. At least we think it's a good surprise." Mark replied.

"Lay it on me."

"Can we go somewhere private to talk?" Scott asked.

"Follow me." I gestured to follow me into the conference room near my desk. "Okay, out with it. You're starting to freak me out and with the day I had, I'm not sure my heart can take anymore."

"So we've been talking. Of course WMG is on our ass because they want another music video; we know that you've been busy so that's why we waited. So now we want to ask you to do our next video." Scott relayed.

I sighed. "I would love to but, I have a lot on my plate right now." I told them of my meeting with WMG and how I just couldn't even focus right now.

"Look, we are really proud of you. I'm sure you will be successful and of course we will be there front and center to cheer you on come Friday." Mark replied.

"But, do you think there could be anytime in the next couple weeks to put something together?" Scott added.

"What's the song?" I asked.

"We were thinking of one the ones you wrote." Kyle said.

I sat there in thought for a moment. Whenever I wrote a song I usually had in my mind how I would want it to be performed and sometimes I even had ideas for music videos, however something about the music I had wrote for Liberty Project made me feel vulnerable and I wasn't exactly wanting to work on a project involving those songs. Maybe I could find a good alternative. "Give me a couple of days and let me see what I can come up with."

"Okay. Great." Scott answered excited.

Just one more thing to add to my plate.

Edward saw me saying farewell to the boys.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"They want me to do another video. I don't know if I can. This is why I was hesitant to do a record. Normally I would jump up and down for this opportunity but now I feel like I made a choice and I have to give up something I really wanted to do."

"Bella, you don't have to give it up. You can do both, it's all about balance. You just really have to prioritize and allocate certain days or times to certain projects. If I only worked on one project at a time, my filmography would be dismal."

I nodded my head and stood there reflecting on his words. This is a good thing. To be exceptionally busy is what you wanted. I guess I was afraid that since I recently was given balls to juggle I would eventually drop one due to my rookie position. Suddenly it felt like the balls were being traded for chain saws and with one wrong move and I might just lose an arm or a leg.

Edward and I arrived home and all I wanted was a couple of minutes of peace and quiet. I had so many things to go over and my head started to feel a tad bit crowded. I went outside and sat down on a chaise lounge that overlooked our pool flipping off my shoes.

Okay Bella, there no reason to even start worrying now about Friday since you don't even know what songs they plan on picking. Maybe they will listen to the records and decide to just pass on them sparing me from the performance. No. Those records were flawless. Darren and Levi made sure of it.

I huffed.

Problem two. Liberty Project wants a new music video. This time it wasn't a question on whether I could do it like before. Now it was a question of whether I had the time. Plus there was the fact that I needed to come up with a concept. I know the boys wanted me to do one of the songs that I wrote but lately I was leaning toward their track called, _Erase Me. _The words inspired something in me, I was sure I was going in the right direction.

The sound of a throat clearing shook me from my thoughts.

I sighed, "What do you want, Jacob?"

Jacob sat down near my feet. "How did it go today?"

"Good...and then bad." I replied.

"What happened?" He asked softly.

"WMG will give me answer on Monday. They seemed open at least to my concessions.

"But…"

"But, they want me to perform at the big Halloween bash on Friday. I know I'm stupid; I should have known that if I was planning on putting out a record eventually I would need to perform in front of human beings."

Jacob smirked and started to rub my feet. "You'll be fine. You just need to learn to adopt a persona when you're on stage. Kind of like acting, you play a part. When you go out on that stage you are no longer are Bella Swan but you are the character you create for yourself."

"It's easier said than done. Some of us weren't raised in the Actor's Studio." I replied.

"Acting isn't brain surgery, Bella." Jacob remarked.

"Liberty Project wants me to do another video with them." I continued.

"Really? That's great." He looked at my face, "Isn't it?"

"Of course it's great but I just don't know how I can focus on another thing right now. I think my mind is too focused on Friday."

"Well, then don't think about it until after Friday. I think the boys can give you that much." He paused for a moment. "Bella, I really am sorry. I know if I were you; I would have been upset as well."

Jacob changed topics sensing it was okay to finally discuss my issues with him.

"I am upset but I will remain friends with you and forgive you but don't expect me to trust you again so soon."

Jacob nodded his head. "That's fair."

"I will forgive you but I want your word that if someone were to come along someday; give them a chance. I care about you and as your friend I want good things for you. Please don't shut yourself off from possible happiness for a vow to a society that would have no problem taking away your prospects in life to ensure my happiness. I will be happier if I can see my friend find his mate and make little Jacobs."

"Little Jacobs." He laughed.

"Well, little Jacobs would be preferable to the Jacob in front of me." I jested.

"You know I wouldn't be too cocky when sitting next to an unheated pool in October." Jacob challenged.

"You do and there will definitely not be any little Jacobs in the future." I threatened.

Jacob barked out a laugh. "Come on little Swan, time to make dinner." Jacob got up and offered me a hand. "I'm making my specialty tonight." He boasted.

"Ah blue box. Nice choice." I teased.

It was after dinner; I was getting ready for bed when I had an epiphany. I was flossing in the mirror humming to myself the music of _Erase Me_ when I was struck with a concept. That is why I was unsure of the new Liberty Project video; I didn't have a concept. I washed my mouth out and ran to the bed and jumped in grabbing my journal off of the night stand.

"Wow, someone's excited to get to bed." Edward remarked sitting beside me.

"Shhhh." I hushed him so I could focus and write down all of my thoughts before they left my mind. After ten minutes. I finally was satisfied. I turned to Edward with a big smile on my face.

"I'm ready to do this video." I proclaimed.

Edward laughed softly, "I figured as much. Good job, honey."

I started to settle down under my covers.

"Oh and I called Magda and told her what we needed. She assured me that she would go to the Warner Bros. closet tomorrow and drag out a couple of things and bring them to us." Edward commented.

"Hmm…past Warner Bros. movies, I wonder which one she will outfit us in." I pondered.

"Maybe we will be Batman and Wonder Woman." Edward suggested.

"I doubt it; I hardly have the body to pull of Wonder Woman." I cringed just thinking about the costume. Man I had left my fate in someone else's hands. I was suddenly very worried.

"I have to disagree; I think your body does wondrous things to me. Wonder Woman." Edward pulled me to him and we began to kiss. Lately our kissing was getting more and more PG-13, something told me that I wouldn't be able to hold off much longer and we were sure to enter back into our natural NC-17 rating where we belonged.

* * *

**AN: **Thank you so much for your Vegas well wishes, unfortunately everything I won my husband lost...oh well. As always thank you for reading and reviewing, I have truly appreciated your reviews!


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

"So we start off in an open green field. It looks like it's about to storm. What we are looking at is the aftermath. There is a person lying on the ground and there are thousands of shards of glass surrounding them. You see them looking pretty cut up."

"Wait a minute." Kyle interrupted. "Is it a man or a woman who is lying on the field surrounded by glass?"

"It doesn't matter." I answered.

"Well, yeah it kind of does. It's hard for me to picture if I don't know." He replied.

"Ugh, just choose one."

"I was picturing a girl." Scott added.

"I could do that." Kyle responded. "But what does she look like?"

"It doesn't matter, can I get through my concept or not." I snapped irritated.

Kyle looked like I had just told him Santa Claus wasn't real.

"Just picture Jacqueline. For now it doesn't matter." Mark told him.

Kyle nodded and I assumed I could continue.

"All right so Jacqueline is lying in a field, her skin is cut up from the glass shards lying around her. This is during your intro. The guitar starts playing and the camera zooms in for a close up right into her glossy eye the camera pulls out to a different scene. We see…Jacqueline running out of this haunted looking house and she runs into a maze; the maze it is made from glass mirrors."

I paused for a second making sure they could follow me up until that point.

"Everywhere she looks she can't escape seeing herself. Your song is about doing something and then having to live with the consequences. Sometimes it's hard after you have done something wrong to face yourself in the mirror. In your song you talk about how you would just rather Erase yourself then have to face what you did. Here is the concept; she is running in the maze unable to get away from herself. Everywhere she turns she sees herself. Finally she stops running and walks up to the mirror to confront herself. Her image that is reflecting back on her jumps out of the mirror and starts attacking her. The image is symbolic for the wrong she did and how since she didn't face it; it eventually attacks you. She fights with the image. During the instrumental portion of the song I want to show each one of you walking up to your own mirror and facing the man you see. When we come back to Jacqueline she has won the fight and is carrying her body that is of the image that fought her and now she wants to bury it. She takes it to the center of the maze and throws it down into a grave. The moment she releases the body the mirrored maze blows to smithereens and as she fights to push the dirt into the hole and bury her issue the mirror glass is flying about; slicing into her. She is a mess; blood sweat and tears. I also want to show you all smashing the mirrors you stood in front of."

"But isn't that bad luck?" Aaron interrupted.

"It will be fake mirrors." I waved him off. "The last thing we see is the girl lying upon the mound of dirt surrounded by the glass just as we found her from the beginning of the video. There thee end." I exhaled dramatically.

They sat in a moment of silence.

"Do you think that Jacqueline will come back and do another video?" Kyle asked.

The guys all groaned and threw objects at him.

"What? You had me picture Jacqueline." Kyle defended.

"It doesn't have to be a woman; it can be a man too." I said.

"Yeah but we are already five guys, it would make sense to get a woman for the role. Statistics show that films, videos and television shows are susceptible to higher ratings when both male and females are represented. It gives both gender viewers something to identify with." Scott informed.

"Fine, we will find a girl. I am a little disturbed that you none of you will tell me if this concept is even acceptable." I said.

"Well I like it." Mark spoke up. "I get the symbolism."

"Still don't know why we can't ask Jacqueline." Kyle pouted. I think I could get the hint of a crush forming.

After that they all quickly agreed on my concept. One problem down, many more to go. For this video it would be a task to find the right girl for the job. It looked like I would need a casting agency.

I told the boys that I could not afford to focus on this project until after November third. They seemed to happily agree.

As I was walking back toward our production offices my phone started to ring. It was Jacqueline. Well speak of the devil.

"Darling." I greeted with a smile.

"I have been dying over here. What did you do about the book? Not that it's any of my business but come on."

I laughed. "You would have been proud of me. I confronted the group and we had a little chat. Sorry but they knew the book came from you." I apologized.

She snorted. "I'm not afraid of them, what are they going to do; spank me."

I laughed, "Knowing you; you'd like it."

"Too shay." She replied.

We spoke my whole way back to the production office. I told her about my meeting with WMG and how I would be performing on Friday. She assured me that she would be there with bells on. I didn't dive too much into the _Tria Fata_ handbook, that conversation would be better in private.

I nervously awaited the call on Wednesday morning over at Darren's house. He was nice enough to at least make me some eggs but he said that eggs were about the extent of his cooking skills. I didn't care, anything at the moment probably wasn't going to settle well in my stomach.

Finally the call came through and at least I had my answer and play list. I looked to Darren, "You'll never guess what song they requested." I sang.

Darren shook his head, "I figured they would. Let's get started."

I followed Darren. Of course WMG would pick the song that DNR guested on. At the time when Darren suggested it I was a bit apprehensive. I was honored but worried that it might affect Darren's career. Darren was actually offended at the very idea that one song could take down the empire he built. Now it looked like I would have a guest appearance on Friday to back me up.

"What is this?" I asked entering the room. Darren had a room that actually had a medium-sized stage and all the sound equipment one could ever want.

"Like it?" Darren laughed. "It's where my boys can come down and battle one another. It can get pretty competitive."

"Are you serious? Does Embry ever do it?" I asked.

"Oh yeah. It really helps with getting ideas to flow." He replied.

"You have to tell me the next time you have one these things. I would love to see it."

Darren laughed, "Okay, Miss Hip Hop." He rolled his eyes. "Let's get started. Get up on stage."

I did what he requested and started to think of Jacob's advice about creating a persona. The first couple of times it was pretty rough but then I started to get into it and Darren helped coach me along. At one point he even called Embry to give me an ass kicking pep talk via speaker phone. It never sounds good to be yelled at on speaker phone. I wish he was going to be there.

Thursday was the same. Darren chose the arrangement of the four songs and made sure to have everything ready for the big hollow's eve night. I still hadn't heard too much on my costume and I was starting to worry. My worries were heightened when Edward told me that Magda found us the perfect costume to represent Warner Bros. but she needed to make some upgrades since I would be performing in it. She assured Edward that we would be dressed to match. Jacob who happened in on the conversation asked if she could help him and Becky find a costume for the night as well.

It was Friday morning when Magda showed up with her costume rack. All the costumes were in garment bags so unfortunately there would be no peeking. Edward and I welcomed her into our home and waited with anticipation along with Jacob and Becky.

"Well, where should we begin?" Magda said thumbing through the garment bags. "Edward here you are." She handed him his garment bag. Edward unzipped it and pulled out something black and long.

He kept trying to figure out what it was. "What is it?" he asked puzzled.

"Why it's Harry Potter."

I snorted and started to laugh quietly. "A forty-year old Harry Potter. Fitting." I giggled. Both Jacob and Becky began to laugh as well.

"I'm not forty." Edward pathetically defended.

"Alright Bella, here you are." Magda helped me unzip mine. "Hermione." She proclaimed.

"But Harry ends up with Ginny." I stated.

"Yes, well someone refused to dye her hair or wear a wig so you left me with no choice, young lady." She gave me a cross look that told me to shut up and just take it.

"Why does mine have sequence? Edward's doesn't have sequence." I stated.

"Because you are performing so I wanted to give you a little pizzaz." She replied.

Great, just what I needed; sequence.

"All righty, for you my dear." Magda looked to Becky and handed her the garment bag. "Nymphadora Tonks." Becky smiled and said a quiet thank you.

"And of course last but not least. For you Jacob." She said handing over the last garment bag. Jacob took it apprehensively already seeing a theme in the making.

"Sirius Black."

I busted up laughing, leave it to Jacob to get saddled with the dog.

"Well I guess some things never change, Jacob." I taunted.

"Whatever, I'm going to rock this costume." Jacob puffed out his chest and with whatever dignity he had left he climbed the stairs to get ready.

"At least not showering, paid off for you." I yelled after him.

Edward and I thanked Magda again and told her that we would see her tonight. Now all I needed to do was get dressed.

"Honey, I'm going to need you to draw on my scar." Edward was standing in the mirror with my eye brow pencil in his hand. I had been watching him out of the side of my eye having issues with getting it on straight.

I laughed. "Never thought I would hear those words come from out of your mouth." I pulled the pencil from him and sat him down. I drew on the iconic lighting shaped scar and stepped back to admire my handy work. "There all done."

Edward stood back up and looked into the mirror. "Not bad."

I started to pull my costume on. "What the hell?" I gasped at the length of my skirt.

"Damn, baby. You look hot." Edward's eyes fogged over and he looked to be in some kind of trance.

"Edward, my skirt is like six inches above my knee." I exclaimed.

"Well, I'm sure Magda just wanted to highlight your beautiful legs. Put on the top." Edward tossed me the top and I put it on.

"Geez, which Hermione costume did she pillage. The Chamber of Secrets? This outfit looks like it would fit Savannah better than it would fit me." I complained.

"I don't know baby, I happen to think that costume fits you just right…in all the right places." Edward had a stupid little smile on his face.

"Please tell me you're not having some kind of fantasy over there." I cringed.

Edward walked up behind me and pulled my hips to him. I could feel exactly what my costume was doing to him. He started to kiss my neck and for a moment I got lost in the sensation. It had been so long. God, how I felt my lady bits tingle. Pretty soon I would not be able to resist or my lady bits would outright revolt against me.

I could feel Edward's hands start to wander as he began to lightly paw at me. "Edward." I said breathy.

"Yes baby." He whispered into my ear and then began to nibble on it.

"We…we…we're going to be late." I managed to get out.

Edward kissed my neck one more time and then released me and I swear I could feel a cramp bubble up. Yep! My insides were revolting against me.

We arrived to the party being held on the Warner Bros. lot. When the WB wanted to throw a party, they could throw one hell of a party. They had turned one of their soundstages into a haunted arena complete with a large stage. On the outside there was food and games people could play.

There had to be at least a thousand people there. Edward and I walked hand in hand through the throngs of people. It was a good thing I had charged my phone because that was the only way I could find anyone.

Band after band took the stage; while Becky and Jacqueline and I munched on appetizers. I couldn't find it in me to eat. I was supposed to go on at nine-thirty. I had yet to see Rosalie but in this mess; it might take a while for that to happen. Edward came over at nine o'clock kissing me quickly and wishing me luck.

I met Darren at the right side of the stage.

"You ready?" he asked.

I nodded.

"B, entertain them. Don't be focused on your vocals. Focus on your persona."

I nodded again.

To be honest with you all I can remember from that first performance was the lights were brighter than I expected them to be. The music was louder than I thought it would be. And Darren was the perfect person to back me up. It was over so fast that when I had just started to really get into it, I was on my last song. I finally had learned what exactly Jacob was talking about. I was able to create a person who was not me when I performed. She was sexier, confident; everything I wasn't.

"Bella, you were amazing." Rose yelled to me over the loud music. Catwomen. Of course Rose would be Catwoman.

She pulled me into a hug, not even spilling a drop of her drink the moment I got off stage. Alice was right behind her dressed as dairy cow. Her stomach was definitely visible now.

"You did great." She said awkward. Alice and I hadn't spoken to each other or seen one another since that day…

"Thank you." I replied. We both stood there for a moment not saying anything.

"Come on guys, can't you just make up yet?" Rose prodded.

"I really am sorry." Alice said. "I had no idea that Edward would go that ballistic."

"Alice, I'm not upset with you because of what Edward did. That was his mistake. But I never expected you to betray us." I replied. I didn't want to be bitchy; Alice was my friend. I sighed.

"Look, it doesn't matter if you run off to Edward and report back to him every little thing I do because from now on Edward and I have a different relationship. When I realized what you did, I was mad but I want your friendship more than my anger so…I can forgive you."

"Thank you, Bella. I am sorry. I will try to be a better friend in the future."

I pulled her into a hug. Just as I was hugging her I could feel the baby kick. I jumped back in surprise, "Wow, I felt it."

We laughed and I started to put my hand on her stomach again to try to see if I could feel the kick again.

"That is truly amazing."

I wished I could say that Alice and my friendship picked right back up from where we left it but unfortunately we were never really close to one another after that. Don't get me wrong we still were nice to each other and every once in a while spent time together but it wasn't the same.

The party went on and on. Jacqueline and I managed to steal a moment away from everyone so I could finally tell her about what went down. I knew she must have read the book; it would be hard not to once someone showed up to your house and tried to collect it.

"You should have seen me; James Bond couldn't have pulled it off better." I praised myself on my cunning skills on sending out the original Parcae S.O.S.

"So what happened when the meeting started?"

"At first they were arguing with one another over who sent out the email and after that got a tad bit boring I announced my presence. The look on their faces was priceless. I continued to scold them and I made them understand that they were free to continue on with their society but they needed to leave me out of it."

"Good for you, Bella." She laughed.

"Sorry, it was never my intention for you to be revealed as my source. They knew your grandfather." I said softly.

"That's okay. I have a feeling I have been public enemy number one on the _Tria Fata_ list ever since I denied them." She brushed off.

"Well, they are obligated to protect you and help you since you were a close member of an Alpha." I informed.

"That's nice to know." She remarked. "So Edward is okay giving up some of his _Tria Fata_ beliefs?"

"He seems to be. I think our argument really hit him hard. I think us taking time away from each other was the best thing we could have ever done. Edward seems different but still himself. When we got back to Los Angeles it was hard for him because I think he was expecting me to judge every little thing he said or did but we finally worked on our communication and I think we will be okay."

"That's great and I think I will pat myself on the back for helping you stand up against the _Tria Fata_." She patted herself on the back.

"Yes, you do deserve some credit. But like I said before, the _Tria Fata_ isn't all bad. Overall their premise is honorable they just have a tad bit of difficulty executing it properly." I defended.

"Well Miss Swan, it seems to me that you hold all the cards."

"I don't need to hold all the cards. If I did, I wouldn't have anyone to play with."

A couple of drinks later and a couple of ass shaking dances later; I was ready to get home. There wasn't enough magic in the world to get me to walk a straight line now. I had to depend on my poor Harry and his nice strong, firm arms to hold me up. Edward and I left the party at one-thirty in the morning and I was a tad bit tipsy.

My poor Harry didn't know what hit him. The whole ride home my eyes just drank him up as I realized what a fool I had been to withhold sex with this god-like creature. We had arrived home and Edward helped me upstairs since my legs were a bit wobbly. As soon as he shut our bedroom door I jumped on him like a rabid dementor and tried to suck his soul out with my kiss.

"Oh god, Bella." Edward moaned out the moment I released his lips. I started to push him back to the bed. I needed him. It had been weeks, hell it had been over a month. I wouldn't be satisfied until his wand was shooting charms up into my who-ha.

We landed on the bed and I crawled on top of him pulling my shirt off as I went. I started to grind my soaked panties onto his harden crotch.

"Wait…baby. I can't do this." Edward grasped my arms and lightly pinned them to my side.

"Why not?" I groaned.

"Baby, you're kind of drunk. I don't want to take advantage of you. It's not right." He replied.

"But, I want you to take advantage of me." I said pathetically.

"I don't want you doing something you may not be ready for. I want to. You have no idea how much I hate myself for stopping but I don't want you hating me in the morning, Bella."

I started to tear up as I sat there right on top of his junk.

"Oh baby, please don't cry. I just don't want you doing something you'll regret. We have been doing really well with our relationship and I don't want to push back that progress."

I slide off of him and went to lay on my side away from him. He came up behind me and pulled me to him.

"I'm not that drunk." I murmured.

Edward kissed my neck, "Well how about I help sober you up some more and if you still want to make love or have crazy, freaky wizard sex then we will."

"How are you going to sober me up?" I pouted.

Edward got up from the bed and handed me my top. "Come on my little Hermione." He helped pull me up and put my top back on. I thought we would be going to the kitchen but instead he took me to the garage. I sat down in the passenger seat and he took off down the street. When we reached Sunset Boulevard he turned toward UCLA's campus. We arrived at an all-night McDonald's and Edward proceeded to order enough food to feed an army.

We took the food upstairs and put the television on for background noise. I was giggly and we were having the best time trying to throw French fries into each other's mouths. I hadn't noticed how hungry I was. It wasn't uncommon for Hollywood parties to be over generous with the drinks while skimping on the food.

It was one of those moments when you stop and look at the person in front of you and your whole future was brightly laid out. The skies were blue, the sun was shining and I was falling in love with this man more and more every passing moment. Eventually, I was full and tired and I never did get to try out my wizarding sex skills with Edward before I passed out in his arms.

I woke up around seven a.m. and I noticed that my costume was on the chair beside the bed and I was dressed in one of my pajama tops. I looked over to Edward and he was sound asleep in his boxers the cover thrown off of him. He moaned and turned over to pull me against him.

"My Bella." He uttered.

"My Edward." I whispered.

I felt him squeeze me a little tighter and I smiled to myself. This was definitely my Edward.

* * *

**AN: **Happy 4th of July! Thank you as always for taking the time to read and review. I have really appreciated listening to what you have to say about my story.


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

Edward never brought up my crazy sex attempt from Halloween night. The next morning when we both woke up fully; Edward just kissed me on the head before retreating to the shower. Part of me was really proud of him for not just jumping on the bandwagon so to speak but another part, a much a bigger part was disappointed that he didn't allow me to jump on his bandwagon. I wouldn't have been upset with him if we had sex that early morning. How was I to tell him that I was ready to introduce the physical aspect back into our relationship?

It had taken me so long the first time around to get him to agree to progress our sexual deviancy. Now my loins had to settle for opaque images as he washed himself in our shower. In a sad stalkerish way the past couple of days I had started to peep in on him while he was in there. I would pretend to go through my morning routine but my eyes would be focused on his figure as he slowly rubbed the wash cloth up and down his rock hard body.

I had to squeeze my legs together to try to find relief. That's it! I would seduce Edward before nightfall. One way or another I was ending my day with an orgasm. Our meeting with WMG was this morning. I figured if the news was good I could talk Edward into a celebratory bang. If the news was bad; maybe he would agree to pity sex. God this is what my life resorted to; pity sex.

"What's wrong, honey? You seem…flushed." Edward pulled me from my plotting. Now he was standing before me naked with a itty bitty towel wrapped around his waist, droplets of water cascading down his chest.

I shook my head. "I…I…just feel funny."

Edward came over to me and put his hand on my forehead, "Do you feel dizzy, nauseous, sick?"

I shook my head and he pulled me to him and embraced me. "You're kind of worrying me, baby."

How did I tell this man that the only medicine he could provide me came from his lower regions?

"I'll be okay." I answered softly.

"Maybe you're just nervous about this morning's meeting. It will be fine, honey." He guessed.

"Yeah, it must be the meeting." I sadly agreed.

Okay so I had a temporarily lapse. I could only fix this by diving into my work which seemed to be piling up around me. This morning I would find out my fate with WMG and then I had to dive right into the Liberty Project video. I wanted it to be done by Thanksgiving.

No matter what I may have wanted this morning the moment we parked the car and walked up to the WMG building doors, my head was back in the game. As usual we were shown to the swanky conference room and Sam was already inside waiting.

We greeted him and as we were finishing that, the three amigos walked in. We all said our greetings and got straight down to business.

Stefan began with their decision. "We have listened to your multiple albums and we thank you for performing at our Halloween bash on such short notice. WMG would be happy to represent you as an artist. We were impressed with what we heard and have seen. Of course we love the first album and feel that it is quite marketable. I will be honest and say that right now we are split on your second album. It is not due to the content but rather our ability to be able to represent the type of artist you are. You have to understand that this is the reason we are a tad bit wary of accepting your proposal. It is already a gamble to invest in your first album when you have not fully proven your value to the music industry. If we were to invest in both albums and only one did well even with you not taking the standard compensation we would only hope to break a little higher than even."

This was not sounding good. Don't think anything on it, Bella. We can always go to another record company; there are many more options for you. When one door closes another is sure to open.

"However, we are required to take into account that not only were you able to write and perform this music but you have worked with other WMG artists to help further their careers. We see that you are an investment. You are not even under contract with us and already you have helped WMG a great deal. You have proven yourself with the success of your past music video projects and we are aware with your involvement with your upcoming Liberty Project video. Therefore we at WMG would be happy to accept the terms you have requested and hope that this may be the beginning to a long successful road for both of us."

I looked over to Edward and we smiled at one another.

"Thank you gentlemen. I promise to work hard and prove to you that your faith in me is valid. So…where do we begin?" I laughed.

After that it was mostly our lawyer's job to go over the contract and specifics. Of course WMG wanted me to agree to do the standard press events and promotions which was no problem.

So let me just recap for a moment. I had landed the deal. I was a signed artist at WMG. All I could think about was my celebratory bang that Edward had no clue about. This is when I realized something needed to be done. I was a woman who was thinking with her dick…I mean vag. It seemed pretty clear to me that I would not be able to put my focus into anything and be productive until we did the deed.

"I am so proud of you, baby. You not only showed great professionalism but you have by far exceeded everyone's expectations." Edward praised. We had just walked into his office and I ever so slickly shut the door behind us. I stood there with a soft smile on my face.

"What is it?" he asked.

Instead of replying, I turned and walked over to his side small bedroom. Once inside I swiftly shed my clothes and laid myself on the bed in just my black bra and panties. I was sure to wear the sexy set today.

Edward walked in and looked confused. "Honey…uh…what?"

I reached out for his hand and he slowly walked toward me and took my hand. I pulled him the rest of the way until he sat down beside me. I crawled up on my knees and started to kiss him fiercely. Come on man, he had to have taken the hint by now but I could feel Edward's lips and they seemed awkward and unconvinced.

Okay on to plan b. I started to straddle his lap and rub myself on him.

"Wait, honey. Wait." Edward pulled back.

"What do you mean, wait?" I asked stupefied.

"It's just…I'm having a hard time understanding why you want to do this now."

"I don't know. Is there supposed to be a reason? We are together. We are in love…I think. What more of a reason do you need?"

"Bella, we haven't made love in over a month." He said.

"Well, now I want to make love. Don't you?" I mean come on.

"Not here. Not now." He admitted.

"What's wrong with here? We've had sex here before. Do you want to go back out into your office and take me on the desk again?" I asked puzzled.

"No. I mean…I want to make love to you. God, baby sometimes it's all I can think about but not here. I want it to be special."

"Why does it need to be special? I am no longer a virgin. Hell, I wouldn't care if it was in Winnebago at the back of a McDonald's parking lot. You don't need to wine and dine me; I promise you I am like super easy, I've never been easier in my life." I said desperately.

"Bella, the last couple of weeks have made me reflect back on our relationship together. Now I will admit that there is a time and place for careless sex but it has been so long for us and I want to take my time and really cherish you. I don't want this to be some kind of quickie."

I slid off of his lap and stood up and walked back over to my clothes. Yep, this was going to be exactly like the first time we made love; weeks of begging, followed by drastic measures ending with a small window of opportunity where Edward's defenses were finally torn down.

All over again I felt a tad bit rejected. I know that any girl in my place probably would have cooed at Edward's declaration but I somehow I felt rejected all over again.

Edward came up behind me as I finished sliding my pants back on. He kissed my shoulder. "Baby, please don't be upset with me."

I didn't want to face him at the moment. I was already pathetic enough; I didn't want him to see my watery eyes. "It's fine. I have to get back to work anyway." I replied short.

I pulled back on my shirt and slipped into my shoes.

"Bella." Edward called after me but I was already out the door.

There was no way I was going to work at the production office with my desk right opposite from Edward's office. I grabbed my purse and practically ran to my car. I could work just as well from home. Of course my pitiful tears slid down my face the whole drive home. I wasn't outright bawling, so that had to be an improvement.

Jacob was right in my path when I arrived home.

"So how did it go?" he asked not realizing that I was momentarily upset.

"Great. I'm signed." I replied pushing past him.

"Congratulations." He beamed. "Bells, what's wrong? You don't seem as happy as one would be after being signed by a major record label."

I turned to address him quickly. "I just want to be left alone at moment."

I kept walking toward the patio door. I was planning on setting up shop at the guest house. Ever since I read the _Tria Fata_ book, I realized how much I really liked the guest house. I decided to turn it into my new office. Of course Jacob never took an outright directive and continued to follow me.

"What happened?" he badgered.

"I don't want to talk about it, especially with you. The last thing I need is your sarcasm."

"Bells, that's what we do. You and I are all about the sarcasm." He pestered.

I stopped and flipped back to him, "Please, just let this go."

"Have you been crying?" he looked me over.

I turned back around and walked into the pool house.

"Bells, you can talk to me about anything. I'm your friend, aren't I?" he pushed.

"Look, if you don't quit pestering me, I might have a girl moment and I will be completely not responsible for my actions or words. Please Jacob, just drop it." I snapped.

Jacob stood there staring at me, silent. He never was one to pass up a chance to joke. He walked over to me and like he was fearful that he was about to get electrocuted he pulled me into a hug slowly and uneasily and started to rub my back with his palm.

I stood there for a moment irritated that someone was touching me but then I could no longer hold it in.

"Edward doesn't want to have sex with me." I wailed.

I could feel Jacob pause his below average back rub. "Uh…well….there, there." He replied.

It was almost comical; I could just picture Jacob cringing with the WTF face.

"Well…I am sure that it's not…you. I mean, it's just that Edward would be bat shit crazy to not want to…uh." Jacob was fumbling all over his words.

I finally pulled back from him and dried my tears with my hand. "Thanks. I just need to focus on something else. I'll be fine."

I walked over the table and started to pull out of my bag all the paperwork I had been working on for the video. "Jacob, would you mind going and getting my laptop?"

"Sure. No prob." Jacob took off probably relieved that he didn't have to face the sex talk.

I went around and pulled up all the shades. Now I would have a perfect view of the outside backyard. Edward had said that he wanted people to come out in January and start on turning the backyard into an oasis that I wanted.

Jacob arrived a little later with my laptop and snacks in tow. I had my phone all charged up. I needed to contact a casting agent and set up a time when I could go through and test girls out for the lead. The boys decided that they wanted a girl…like Jacqueline Wayne. Well Kyle wanted a girl like Jacqueline Wayne so I guess it was easy enough for me to tell the casting agency what I was looking for.

Next I wanted to complete my treatment. I had started on it last week but I needed to finish and then create a shot list. I had to make a few calls to start building a crew and even though I told Jacob I needed peace and quiet meaning I wanted him to leave; he sat there on the couch reading through a script.

Jacob's phone eventually rang and he excused himself to take the call outside. After that I didn't see him for the rest of the afternoon. By four o'clock I felt pretty good about the position I was in and I believed that I could actually get this video filmed by Thanksgiving.

A knock on the door broke me out of my shot list. I looked up to see Edward standing by the screen door to the house. I sighed and looked back down at my work. Edward walked in and pulled out a chair at the table and took a seat near me.

"Bella, would you just talk to me?" Edward asked softly.

I put my pen down and looked up to him. "What would you like to talk about?"

"I know you're upset with me. Please understand that it's not because I don't want to, I just want it to be special."

"Fine." I picked up my pen and started to write again.

Edward sighed. "I was thinking I could take you out for dinner."

"You don't need to, Edward. It's fine. I was in the moment and now I'm over it."

"Would you allow me the honor of taking you to dinner? I want to celebrate with you."

I exhaled, "Fine. When do you want to leave?"

"How about right now?" he said.

I stopped what I was writing and looked up to him, "Right now?" I questioned. He nodded.

"Well, I'll go get dressed." I said standing slowly.

"It won't be necessary. Just come with me." He put out his hand and with utter confusion I picked up my phone and placed my hand in his. Edward turned to start walking. I grabbed my purse on the way. It was like four pm; kind of early for dinner.

Edward didn't stop until we reached the car. He opened my door and I got in.

"So where are we going?" I asked completely curious.

"It's a surprise." Was all he would say.

"O-kay." I responded slowly.

He was driving and the whole time it was killing me to find out. It seemed weird that he wouldn't want me to dress up a little.

"Uh…Edward. Where are we going?" I asked again only this time when I asked we were driving right for the Burbank airport.

"It's a surprise."

UGH!

He finally pulled up to the plane and the pilot was already there to greet us. Edward went to the trunk and pulled out a suitcase.

"Wait a minute, Edward." I looked down at his medium-sized suitcase. "I can't just take off. I have a lot of responsibilities to think about right now. I have a video to prepare for and I should be here for the album's final preparations. And I think that…" Edward cut me off by pulling me into a deep kiss.

"Just get on the damn plane." He said huskily.

I pulled back to look at him. What just happened?

"Go!" He dominantly shooed me toward the plane.

I turned to walk toward the plane steps still a tad bit puzzled by his attitude.

"Keep walking." Edward taunted from behind me.

I took a seat on the plane and tried to crane my ears to catch wind of what Edward and the pilot were talking about. Edward looked back to me and smiled. I narrowed my eyes in response. He walked over to me. "Why the scowl?"

"You won't tell me where we are going." I stated.

"Don't you want to be surprised?" he asked.

"No. I want to know. I hate surprises." I answered.

"Baby, you're just going to have to get used to it." He took his seat beside me and buckled up.

"Just tell me this. Will I be hungry when we arrive or famished?"

"What was the last meal you ate?" He asked.

"Breakfast. The oatmeal and banana from this morning." Edward gave me a look. Ever since I ended up in the hospital for malnourishment he had been irritated when he learned I didn't eat a full days meals.

"What? I had some snacks with Jacob earlier." I reasoned.

"Bella, we talked about this." Edward got up from his seat and went over to the refrigerator and took out some cheese and crackers.

"You'll be famished." He stated handing me the food.

I pulled open the crackers and started to spread some cheese. "Will it be past say Gracie's bedtime when we arrive or more past my bedtime?"

Edward smirked at my question. "Past Gracie's bedtime but not past your bedtime. I'm going by local time."

"Gracie's bedtime on the weekend or during school?"

"School." He answered.

So sometime after eight pm but before eleven which was when I usually go to sleep.

"Can I see what you packed?"

"No."

I pouted.

"Is…it…"

"Enough with the questions, Bella. The only other hint you may get is when we are flying overhead." Edward interrupted me.

"Well fine. But you're going to have to entertain me for the next…umpteen hours."

"Why don't we just talk." He suggested.

"Talk? Why would we want to do that?" I was joking but the look on Edward's face said he wasn't laughing. "Fine. Edward, what would you like to discuss." I asked super sweetly.

"Well, I was thinking the other day that maybe we should set time to really talk about what we are feeling. We've been back for almost three weeks and I feel the difference in our relationship. Good difference but I still feel like I may not know what you are really thinking or feeling. That was made obvious to me earlier today."

"What do you want me to say? I was horny earlier and I thought you'd be happy to start back up with our physical lifestyle, apparently I was wrong."

"Of course I want to have a…physical time with you but you were genuinely upset with me for not just banging you on that cheap bed. I wanted our first time back with each other to be nice and romantic and then you got upset with that. So it makes me think that there is something else happening in that mind of yours and I want to talk about that."

"The night of Halloween I was disappointed that you just didn't do it then. I mean I was kind of proud of you as well but I wouldn't have been upset if you would have just taken me that night. Am I supposed to come right out and say, Edward I want to have sex with you? Was that what you were waiting for? Edward, my god we're practically married; I wouldn't have thought you were taking advantage of me."

"We're not practically married. We're not even engaged." He stated.

"Well whose fault is that? I gave you the chance back at the _Parcae_. For me to trust you again all I needed to know was that you would choose me over _Tria Fata_. That I meant more to you then abiding by some laws placed down hundreds of years ago."

"Bella, I fucked up. I hate myself for what I did to you. I think about it every damn day and I hate myself. I…"Edward stopped himself. He was trying to control his emotions but I could see it, swimming around there in his eyes.

"Guilt's a bitch, isn't it?" I sighed.

"Edward, I know how upset you are with yourself. What happened was…unfortunate but you have grown from that experience. I know you have. And so have I. It was something that had to happen because I think you and I are stronger for it. I love you. I will always love you. I want to marry you and I want you to prove to me every single day that I made the right choice in saying yes to your proposal and I myself want to prove that I was good enough to be chosen by you."

"Bella, you have always been better than me." Edward put up the arm rest and leaned in closer to me.

"Can we just lay down in the back?" I asked.

He nodded and we both undid our seatbelts. We talked a little more once we were laying down on the bed but eventually I fell asleep. My tummy rumbling awoke me and Edward kissed my head before relaying to me that we would be landing in a half hour and should probably return to our seats. I got up and went to the bathroom first.

"Edward, please tell me that you are not going to be taking me any place fancy. I hardly look decent enough." I called out.

"Bella, if you are that self-conscious then I will pull out something for you to wear but it will just be you and me eating. No one you need to impress but me and you have already done that."

It will only be us eating? What time was it? Where was he ultimately taking me? Due to my nap I had no idea what time it was. This ladies and gentlemen is why we can't rely on phones to be our watches. I had to turn off my phone so I had no way of knowing just how long we were in the air for.

I came out of the bathroom and sat down back into my seat. "What time is it?" I asked nonchalantly.

Edward looked over to me and smiled.

"Really, you're not even going to tell me the time?"

"Why don't you look out the window, baby." He replied instead.

I looked out and huffed. "Edward, I can't see a thing. It's dark." I complained.

"What about those lights over there." Edward pointed.

"So you pretty much took me to the middle of nowhere but in the distance there is some form of civilization. The moon isn't even up to full brightness."

"Well, we will get closer and closer and then maybe you can make something out." He sat back in his chair with a proud little smile gracing his lips.

"You're having way too much fun with this, Mr. Cullen." I sat back in my chair and crossed my arms refusing to look out the window anymore.

The plane started it's decent and eventually we came down with a smooth landing. Our plane taxied for a little while and I started to rub my stomach. Finally they opened the door. Down the stairs a car was already waiting and along with who I presumed was the driver, standing beside him was a young girl dressed auspiciously. She was dressed in the traditional Hawaiian garb. I paused for a moment making Edward bump into me.

"You brought me to Hawaii?" I asked softly.

"They say it's one of the most romantic places in the world." He replied smoothly.

I smiled up at him. "You are just…too much sometimes." I continued on down the steps and the girl stepped forward and placed a lei around my neck. Well at least I got laid.

Once Edward and I were in the car I pulled him in for a deep kiss. I couldn't believe that I was in Hawaii.

"Happy?" he asked with a sly grin.

"Ecstatic." I replied. "Do you think we could pick up drive thru? I'm famished."

"We are almost to our destination and I promise dinner will be ready."

I sat back in my seat and intertwined my fingers with his. My stomach started growling and Edward gave me a disapproving look. I had a feeling when we got back to California, he might be a pain about my eating habits for a while. Finally we arrived at our destination. I got out of the car which was parked near a hotel but on the on our side of the street there was a boat dock. Edward took my hand and walked me down to a yacht already set up as promised with dinner waiting.

We climbed aboard and our driver handed Edward the suitcase before departing. There was a man to greet us who I assumed would be serving the dinner. We both took our seats on deck at a small two person table. Little fairy lights surrounded the deck.

"Oh wow, Edward this is so beautiful. It reminds me of our first date."

"What felt like the first day of my life." Edward commented.

The waiter placed two salads down in front of us and embarrassingly enough I tore into it. It was a good thing we weren't at some fancy restaurant or I might be an unsettling dinner companion. Edward just laughed to himself. The wine was poured and all I could think about was the main course. Finally it was placed next; a pineapple encrusted chicken and lobster.

"I didn't know what you would like. So I asked for them to make an array of food. There are also shrimp skewers and filet's if you prefer." Edward informed.

"I know this may make me sound completely undesirable but I'm so hungry, I'll probably eat it all." I admitted.

Edward laughed and we continued our dinner. I never made it to the shrimp skewers or the filet. I was so full that I felt a food coma coming on any moment. I sat there staring down at my plate, trying to will myself to eat one final bite.

"Are you going to finish it?" Edward taunted.

"Give me a moment." I groaned.

"Bella, you're done." He gestured for the gentlemen to come over and take our dishes away. "Come on."

He rose up out of his chair and extended a hand to me. We went and walked toward the front of the ship. Everything was so peaceful as we gazed out on the flawless water.

"Bella, I know that you have had your heart on making love. I could feel the attempts made recently and part of me of course was waiting until you felt comfortable to be able to explore that aspect of relationship again but another part of me didn't want to make love to you until we were engaged again. It is not my intention to withhold sex until you agree to marry me..."

"Edward, I already told you that I would marry you." I interrupted.

"I know but I needed this time to really come to terms with what I did to you and assure myself that it would never happen again. Part of me has been scared about the loss in control I experienced that day. I…what if I lost control again. I feel like there is this monster inside me and at any moment he could take over. I don't want put you in danger of that."

I took his face in my hand, "Edward, I know you won't ever lose control again. I have faith in you. If I didn't I wouldn't have told you that I would accept the ring back."

"I want to make love to you. I want make love to my fiancé and I want to make love to my wife. I made a promise to always love you and protect you when I first proposed to you. I broke that promise because I couldn't protect you from me. I have no right to ask you this because I have proven that promises I have made I was unable to keep. There will never be a day when I don't think you are the most beautiful person in the world. There will never be a time when I don't love you unconditionally. You are my mate, my heart and my soul. I will strive every single day to be a man who will cherish you and love you the way you deserve."

Edward dropped to one knee, "Please Bella, I ask for the honor of walking side by side with you for all of eternity."

The video he made. All of our guests many of whom I loved surrounded us the first time. But this moment was never more perfect. Just the two of us.

"Yes. I would be honored." Edward slipped the ring back onto my finger where it has remained in its rightful place ever since.

* * *

**AN: **I hate to say this but I have been pretty horrible about keeping up with writing so unless I have a stellar inspiration week I think I might have to lower postings to twice a week. I have been under a lot of stress lately and since this story is the biggest writing endeavor I have ever done I want to make sure it's done well. I have been rereading Part One and even though I cant help but catch a lot of grammar mistakes I feel like my writing has been forced lately. I already know where this story is going but I want to make sure i arrive at the destination in strong fashion. Thank you all for reading and reviewing it especially makes me happy when I see new readers adding on and reviewing.


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER NINE**

I laid staring at the ceiling, Edward's body tangled around mine. I couldn't sleep. Of course Edward told me there was nothing to worry about but I couldn't help it, it must have been in my genes to worry. We finally were able to make it down to the bedroom; a gorgeous room that had a window that looked out over the ocean. Edward drove us out to sea and when we were about a mile away from the coast he dropped anchor and then came down to join me in our room. Just the two of us on the ship.

A tear slide down my cheek. How could this have happened again?

Edward had taken me into his arms and softly began exploring my body like it was the first time all over again. For me it felt like the first time all over again. When he entered me I couldn't help but cry out. I tried to play it off like it was a sound of pleasure but it was pain. I cringed and buried my face in his neck as Edward pumped in and out of me. I could hear him say sweet things to me but I couldn't focus on his words, I was just trying on focusing on anything but the pain. Once more just like the beginning of our sexual relationship, I didn't feel pleasure just pain. Finally Edward noticed my tears and instantly he pulled out. My body sagged with relief and I started to curl up.

"God, honey. Why didn't you tell me?" Edward asked in concern.

"I'm sorry…I was trying to make…it good for you." I managed to say through my sobs.

"Sweetheart, why would you worry about that?"

My hands applied pressure to my lower regions. Edward got up and walked over to the bathroom and brought back a warm wet towel to place between my legs.

"Why is this happening to me again?" I cried. Edward wrapped himself around me and kissed my neck.

"Baby, we got through this once before and will we get through it again. But you have to tell me. It will be okay. Why don't we go to sleep; I'm sure you're exhausted."

I nodded my head and I could feel Edward pull the covers over us. He pulled me closer to him and started to rub my arm until he finally fell asleep.

I hated myself. Well, I hated my body. All I wanted to do was share a magical moment with my fiancé and once again I was betrayed. I couldn't stop my body from shuttering from my quiet sobs. What kind of woman was I? I couldn't even pleasure my man without having to stop due to pain. Part of me told myself that I was overreacting and just like before I would overcome this but still…

Edward eventually rolled over to the other side releasing me for a quick moment. I quietly got out of bed and decided to take a moment alone. Grabbing the extra blanket from off the chair, I wrapped myself in it and I made my way upstairs. I walked over to the front and sat down on the deck. It was a tad bit chilly, but I welcomed the cold. I gazed out on the stars that lite up the Hawaiian sky.

My eyes were so transfixed on the stars that ultimately my lids became heavy and sleep overcame me.

"Bella." I heard shouting but it was the brightness from the day beginning that ultimately woke me that next morning. Groggy, I pushed myself up to try to locate the noise.

"Honey, what are you doing out here?" Edward ran over to my side dressed in his boxers.

"I must have fallen asleep." I replied lamely.

"What were you doing sleeping out here?" he asked. "You're going to get sick."

"I had trouble getting to sleep so I just came out here to look at the stars and stuff." Edward helped me up. "What time is it?"

"It's almost seven. Come on, come back to bed." He guided me back down to our room and helped me back into bed. I was still so tired that I fell back to sleep in minutes. When I awoke the second time, it was Edward who was absent.

I crawled out of bed and found a white fluffy robe with a gold "C" monogrammed upon it, laid out for me. I put it on while searching out where Edward had disappeared to. Well, obviously he didn't disappear; the boat was only so big.

Edward was up on deck lounging at the table we had eaten dinner at the previous night wearing his swim trunks and reading a magazine.

"How are you feeling?" he asked upon seeing me.

I scratched my head. "Better. I guess." I replied softly.

"Come here." He reached out for me and pulled me to sit on his lap. "What would you like for breakfast, my love?"

"I'm not that hungry."

"Bella." he was short obviously upset with my response.

I sighed, "I'll have whatever you want." Hopefully that will appease him.

"Baby, please don't be upset over last night. I know you are having a hard time with this but sweetheart, I promise everything will be fine. It could take a couple of times but remember what happened last time; you were able to control it and eventually it felt good. It will feel good again."

His words did little for me. I couldn't help but be disappointed and I felt like a freak. He could tell I wasn't exactly believing it.

"Hey, we are in Hawaii. Look around you. Do you really want to waste this time mopping?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"That's right. I may just toss you overboard." he continued.

"You wouldn't dare." I softly threatened.

"I don't know?" he taunted. He stood up with me in his arms and started to walk me toward the side of the ship. I clung onto him.

"Edward!" I squealed.

"Are you going to have fun? I can't have anyone aboard this ship who doesn't want to have fun." He started to pull me away from his chest.

"Edward, put me down." I playfully demanded.

"Wrong answer." he made like he was going to drop me, I screamed. He brought me back to his chest.

"Okay, okay. I will have fun." I gasped.

He set me down on my feet. "That's right you will." he laughed. He pulled me closer and let his hand roam underneath my robe. I could feel my body instantly respond to his touch and for a moment I was lost in the pleasure I was anticipating but just like that, my brain reminded me what had happened previously and I sighed disappointed.

Edward stopped sensing my negativity. "Let me make you some breakfast. Then we can go swimming. How does that sound?" he asked.

I nodded, "I probably should go and change." I started to take off for downstairs. Edward called after me telling me to put on a swimsuit. I went through the suitcase that Edward had packed for us. Not much in the way of clothing but there were two swimsuits for me. I still hadn't worked up the courage to go with a bikini yet and that thought saddened me.

When I arrived back up top, Edward had eggs and bacon waiting. I hadn't realized that I had taken that much time mopping downstairs. I really did need to snap out of this or else I would ruin everything great this place had to offer.

Through breakfast, I managed to talk myself into enjoying this mini vacay. Edward could notice the change in my attitude and he seemed happier as well. After we were finished, Edward drove the boat toward this deserted beach. He lowered the anchor and it looked like we would be taking a skidoo to the beach. Thank god. I had heard that Hawaii had shark infested waters and I wanted to limit my time in the open water.

Once we arrived on the beach the previous night's events were forgotten and I focused on my precious time with Edward. He apparently knew the area fairly well and knew this area had some sea life for us to see while snorkeling. We spent the afternoon snorkeling and monkeying about.

The warm water and sand beneath my feet, this was how I always pictured Hawaii to be. Edward came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me as I looked out over the clear blue water towards Edward's boat.

"Whatcha thinking about beautiful girl?" he asked softly.

I smiled. "You."

I turned around and pulled myself up to meet his lips. I could feel Edward reach down and pull me up to wrap my legs around his waist. Our tongues were battling it out for dominance and I felt what this was doing to Edward as he began to become hard between my legs. The water held my weight perfectly and Edward took advantage of that. He moved his hand between my legs and started to rub my clit. I moaned out in pleasure and was unable to stop myself from looking around to see if we were truly alone.

"It's okay baby, I promise we're alone. Be as loud as you like, my love."

I unwrapped my legs and stood back from him. I slowly peeled off my bathing suit and my breast lay just atop the water. Edward attacked them on sight, latching onto one of my nipples. I could feel him bend down and do away with his swim attire as well. He brought his fingers to my pussy and started to push a finger inside. I moaned out in appreciation.

"Does that hurt, baby?" he asked quickly.

"No. No. Please keep going. I…I'm so close." I pulled him to me and wrapped my legs around him once more. "Please. Please." I chanted as I could feel his bulge fighting to dive in. Edward took his hand to control his shaft.

"Think about all the dirty things I want to do you. Think of your beautiful pussy being soaked in my cum." Edward was trying to distract me from what he was about to do and it was working. All the moments that Edward had ever put his cock in me flashed through my mind. Slowly he slipped himself inside. I started to pinch my nipples focusing on how erotic it was when I would look down and see Edward sucking and biting on them. He took my cue and continued on with my vision placing his mouth on one once again. He wasn't thrusting in me he just let his cock rest inside allowing for my mind to grasp how full and pleasurable it felt for him to be in me.

Ever so slightly I raised up from him testing and then brought myself back on him squeezing my legs around his waist trying to bury him further.

"Okay, I think I am ready." I gave him the go ahead to start pumping in and out but he wouldn't comply.

"No, baby. I just want you to mentally get used to the idea of me being inside you. I don't need to cum." He pulled me in for a hard kiss. Well that's all well and good but I needed to cum. It had been so long.

"But…I…need to cum." I pouted.

"And you will. Before the day is out." He laughed quietly.

Uh…excuse me? Before the day is out?

"Honey, just think about how amazing this all feels. Look around you. I am making love to my fiancé in Hawaii. We don't need to rush this. Let's just take our time." Edward gently lowered his lips to my neck and laid soft kisses there. His hands placed on my naked behind squeezed my butt cheeks as he pulled me tighter to his body. Slowly he pulled out of me and placed me back down on my feet.

"Let's get back to the boat." He suggested.

I looked around for my suit, the sooner we could get back to the boat the better. Edward playfully tossed it to me and it landed on my face. I scowled as I started to pull it back on.

"Ah come on. It was funny." He taunted.

I splashed him as hard as I could.

"Isabella Swan! Splashing salt water at someone's eyes." He scolded.

"Yeah and I'll do it again." I threatened. I pushed off and started to swim toward the skidoo. "Last one to the boat is a Razzie winner." I screamed.

We raced back to the skidoo and I won by an inch. Once we were back aboard the ship, I told Edward I wanted a moment to shower. Edward said he would start on an early supper to be ready when I was done. I think I was impressed the most with the amount of food Edward could cook on that little ship.

The weather turned cold so unfortunately we had to head back downstairs to eat our food. There was this beautiful living area with comfy couches and a television as well. Of course I had other ideas in mind and as soon as the last bite was had, I promptly jumped back on Edward attacking him.

All the time apart from one another, well physically anyways caused this reaction in both of us to reestablish the bond we once had. I now understood what Edward was trying to tell me back in Los Angeles when I was so upset with him. It wouldn't have been satisfying to try to reestablish our connection with just some quickie fuck; we deserved to really cherish one another.

Edward slowly started to peel my robe from off of me but then paused.

"Wait here." He whispered. He rose up to his feet and left the room. Within seconds he came back with a big fluffy blanket and laid it upon the floor. I watched him as he slowly undressed himself right in front of me, his eyes never leaving my face.

"Lay down on the blanket." He softly commanded.

I practically scrambled to place myself on top of the blanket like he requested. I pulled off my robe and tossed it aside.

"Lay on your stomach, sweetheart."

Confused I slowly turned over onto my stomach. I could feel the floor slightly vibrate as Edward kneeled down beside me.

"I want you to keep your eyes closed but please feel free to be as vocal as you wish."

I never heard Edward's voice sound so smooth. Not sure with what he was planning to do I could tell my body was tense from the anticipation. Edward placed his hands on my back and started to give me a massage. At first I have to admit I was a tad bit disappointed since I really wanted to see if we could try love-making again but that disappointment quickly turned into sheer adoration as his wondrous hands worked themselves all over my body. I almost felt like I could go to sleep but there was this loud moaning that kept me awake. Oh yeah, that would be me.

I could feel Edward's hands as they paused on my butt. He gently glided his hands over them and then I could feel him bring his lips down to backside and leave a delicate kiss upon it. I felt like Edward could actually picture what my backside must have looked like after he whipped me that day. I let him have a moment not wanting to disrupt his need for this. After a time I felt him move on to another part of my body.

Eventually, I could feel Edward prompt me to turn over on to my back.

"Keep your eyes closed." Edward softly reminded me.

Edward didn't massage my front, instead he worshiped it. A tender kiss was placed on my nipple which instantly began to harden. He spread my legs apart further and I felt his legs cross over mine to place himself in between my legs. He started to massage my inner thighs and then I felt a soft breath. I started to wiggle.

I opened my eyes and looked down upon Edward.

"Keep them closed or I will stop." He commanded.

"Ugh!" I flopped back down and shut my eyes once more.

A finger lightly slide up and down my slit almost tickling me. Edward blew on what I was sure was a very wet and slick opening. He kissed my little pleasure mound and finally began to suck on it. I moaned out and couldn't help but push myself on him as I sought out some friction. Edward held my legs down and I whined with dismay.

Once he knew that I understood that I needed to stay put, his hand left my thigh and I felt a finger start to play with the juices that flowed freely from my pussy. He spread them all around before slowly inserting one of his fingers into me and began to pump in and out slowly while still maintaining his brilliant attention to my clit.

"Yes. Right there. Yes." I cried out as I could feel my body so close. Edward abandoned my mound for a moment to lick up and down my slit and push his tongue inside me.

"So close."

And then he stopped everything. It took a moment for me to realize what he had done. I popped my eyes open.

"Why did you stop?" I practically yelled.

Edward couldn't help a laugh bubble up.

"Close your eyes." He whispered. I sat there up on my elbows still staring at him in disbelief.

"Bella, I'm not going to continue until you close your eyes."

I huffed and laid back down. He better not pull that shit again.

I felt Edward come up alongside of me. His hand guided my face to his lips and his tongue pushed inside of my mouth. He brought his hand down to my breast and started to massage it; pinching the nipple every couple of seconds. Our lips never left one another when he took his hand and once again started to fiddle with my wet little hole.

He moved on top of me and I opened my legs to welcome him. I could feel his long hard shaft pushing on my sweet spot. Finally. I reached a hand down between us to guide him in but Edward felt what I was trying to do so he grasped my hand and secured it over my head to the ground.

"Please." I cried.

His cock was pushing on my clit and I was becoming desperate for any kind of release. I kept feeling my body build up and coil in my stomach tighten. Edward surprised me when he finally pushed his shaft inside me and moaned so loudly I wouldn't have been surprised if the coast guard had heard.

Edward started off slowly pushing in and out of me. I raised my hips up to meet his thrusts.

"Open your eyes, beautiful." He whispered.

"Yes, Edward." I practically praised. He quickened his pace and our eyes never left one another. He could see how close I was and just as I was cuming I screamed out and I felt Edward pinch my nipple prolonging the glorious feeling. I felt like my heart was about to burst; it wouldn't slow down. I was panting and Edward pushed into me hard one more time before groaning out and filling me full.

"Oh my god. Oh my god." I couldn't stop chanting. I felt his pull out and fall beside me.

"Yeah. Oh my god is right." He concurred.

I smiled and couldn't help the tear or two that slid down my cheek. Edward pulled me to him.

"I told you. I knew we could do this. We were made for each other." He said softly.

"I guess you're right. But just to be on the safe side maybe we should try that one more time."

"One more time? Isabella, by the time I'm done with you; you'll be walking funny for a week."

I laughed. "Well all right then. You better get started."

And that was how we spent the rest of our time in Hawaii. I went in the water once. Had one Hawaiian dinner. Never stepped foot in the city, jungle or even a souvenir shop. When we left the boat sure enough, I was walking funny but oh was it worth it.

Our plane took off and I sighed looking out over the island as it got further and further away.

"Don't worry baby, we can come back sometime. I promise to take you to every tourist trap there is next time." Edward jested.

"I know. Maybe for our honeymoon." I laughed.

"Speaking of honeymoon. I really want to get married soon. I don't want to wait any longer. Just the idea of you being Isabella Cullen drives me insane. I have been thinking…how about Christmas?"

"Christmas? Wow that's really soon. I have a lot on my plate right now. How can I even begin to plan a wedding?" I asked.

"Well, honey we can hire people to do all the hard work. You just tell them what you want and they will make it happen."

"I just remember the last time we had a big party and no offense, you were kind of a nightmare." I cringed.

"This time you can be the nightmare." He laughed.

"I will be a nightmare if I have to shoot a music video, launch an album. Two albums. Yes, I would be a nightmare. Besides, Savannah's birthday is on Christmas. I want to celebrate that with her, this will be the first time I have ever been there for it."

"Okay well then how about January?" he asked.

"How about June? A nice summer wedding?"

"February. Final offer."

"If I say no to February, you'll call the whole thing off?" I challenged.

"No. But then I will plan the whole thing and we all know what kind of a nightmare I was before and no offense but my marriage to you is to be far more celebrated meaning I'll probably spend ten times what I spent on your birthday. There will be just that many more people. Hmm…maybe I could rent the Vatican for the wedding and then for the reception I could rent an island."

"Edward, we're not even Catholic." I stated.

He looked at me with face that said he was not planning on backing down.

"Fine. February but I swear if you start to go over the top, I will meet you in a cheesy little chapel in Vegas where your only option is to be married by Elvis."

"I love you." Edward leaned over and sealed our deal with a kiss.

I was in the middle of kissing Edward when something popped into my mind. I pulled back with a gasp.

"What is it?" Edward asked worried.

"Your election. Crap. Tuesday was your election." I exclaimed.

"Well, it really wasn't my election." Edward clarified.

"But, I know how much it meant to you. Did you even find out if you won?"

"Bella, I didn't win anything." He smiled.

"It's just that…I know how important this was for you. I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for. You mean more to me then the presidential election. If my guy lost then we have four years and then we can try again."

"Did your guy lose?" I asked knowing that somehow Edward would have found out by now.

"Oh hell no, he totally rocked it." Edward replied smug. "Sorry your guy lost."

"I never said who I voted for, Edward. It doesn't matter to me who wins or loses; I will support the President no matter who I voted for because that is the right thing to do."

"Well it's nice to know you have finally come over to my side." Edward replied superior.

"Ugh! You're incorrigible!"

Just for the record, Edward never did find out who I voted for and I think that always drove him a little crazy. That alone made the secret worth keeping.

I spent the rest of the flight catching up on my work for the _Erase Me_ video. I seriously needed to see what my casting directors came up with in my absence. Crap! I forgot to call my mom and tell her I went on vacation. I can just imagine the headline she had to go off of this time. _Edward Cullen and Isabella Swan Elope._ She'll have a fit.

Married by February! AHHHH! How am I ever going to pull all of this off? I guess I would just have to back down on any other projects that get thrown my way until March.

We arrived home around dinner time and it did feel good to be back until I walked in on a house guest sitting on our couch eating a bag of Doritos. Don't get me wrong at first I was ecstatic until I heard the reason for which he was here for.

"Embry?" I questioned. I turned the corner and stopped in my tracks the moment my eyes met his form.

"What are you doing here?" I ran over and gave him a hug. "Where are the girls?" I asked even before he could answer my previous question.

"Hey, B. They're upstairs. Surprise." He gave me a toothy grin. I started to turn from him and seek out Savannah and Gracie but he caught my arm.

"Wait, I need to talk to you." He stopped me. I turned back to him apprehensive and afraid his visit was for negative reasons.

"So…I did something kinda stupid." He started off nervous. I nodded my head for him to continue and we both took a seat on the couch.

"The producers from the American Music Awards contacted me and I told them that we would perform _Trade Places_ at their award show at the end of the month." He slightly cringed waiting for the blow.

I sat there staring at him, "You are stupid."

"I said I did a stupid thing…not that I was stupid." He tried to clarify.

"No. No. Trust me on my assessment." I paused trying to take a breath. "Are you…out of your damn mind? Embry, I don't have time. I committed to directing a music video before Thanksgiving. I committed myself to do press and crap for WMG for the albums they just agreed to distribute. I can't add on one more thing. Oh and Edward wants to get married by February. There is like no time left. Why would you commit me to something before asking me?"

"I already talked to the people over at WMG and they think it's a great idea, it will give you great exposure. Plus I showed up here now so you would have more than enough time to plan out the performance. It doesn't need to be anything fancy; I'm sure you will come up with something great. You're practically a genius."

"Don't try to win me over with flattery, mister." I shook my finger at him. "You want me to arrange the performance?"

"I thought you would be the best for the job. You did help write the song, who better?"

I picked up the pillow from off the couch and proceeded to scream out my frustrations into it. Embry gently patted me on the head. I snapped my neck up to meet his eyes.

"If you are really putting me in charge of this, we will do it my way. I don't want to hear complaints or bitching of any kind. I mean it Embry. Also you will work on my schedule. I have a very busy couple of weeks and if I feel that you are not pulling your weight, I am out and you can explain to WMG and the American Music Awards what went wrong. Understood?"

"Uh…yeah…got it."

"Now if you wouldn't mind, I would like to go up and see the girls since I will practically be abandoning them until Thanksgiving, thank you very much." I huffed.

"Well if it wasn't for me you wouldn't even see them until Thanksgiving." Embry shouted after me.

"UGH!" I growled back.

I had been so focused on going over the list of upcoming projects in my head that something finally occurred to me. I was going to be performing in front of millions of people with E.C. Crime. Millions of people were going to see me on stage. Millions of people were going to listen to me sing live. MILLIONS OF PEOPLE!

"Bella? You kind of pale. Are you okay?" Jacob was standing in front of me where I had paused for my reflection. My eyes slowly met his.

"Bella." He repeated louder.

And then there was nothing.

* * *

**AN: **Thank you as always for reading and reviewing! You guys are the best!


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER TEN**

Fainting was never something I wanted my body to become accustomed to. However choosing between fainting and a good old-fashioned ralph, I think I'd chose the less messy of the two. I was awake, keeping my eyes closed and figuring out what had happened. I was waiting for the inevitable soreness to kick in from whatever my body hit when I fell. I remember when I fainted from not eating; I had bruises for days as well as cuts on my face from landing on the asphalt.

"Sweetheart." Edward called for me. I was laying upon our nice comfy bed. I slowly started to open my eyes. Edward looked relieved.

"Hey baby, how are you feeling?"

"Confused." I was still wondering where I fell? I touched my head inspecting it for the formation of a bruise.

"What happened?" It was just best to ask.

"Jacob found you on the stairs, staring and then you suddenly fainted. He caught you."

"Oh…okay." I replied.

"What happened sweetheart?" Edward asked.

I thought back to the moment before I fainted and once again the terror of the idea started to make me sweat.

"Bella, what is wrong?" Edward pushed harder when I hadn't replied.

"Where's my cell phone?" I asked trying to push myself up off the bed.

Edward walked over and picked it up from off the table, he came back to me but he kept a hold of it.

"What happened?" he asked again.

I sighed. "I need to make a call. I just need to talk to somebody."

"Bella, I'm not giving this phone to you, until you tell me what is going on."

It was obvious I wasn't going to placate him. "I want to talk to Justin. I need a favor. I'm sorry I fainted."

"What caused you to faint? There has to be a reason, people just don't faint."

"I was just overwhelmed. Embry wants me to perform a song with him at the American Music Awards being in front of all those people…I was overwhelmed."

"Okay, that was all you needed to say. Why didn't you just say that?"

"Because every time I try to tell anybody around here just how much performing scares me you all tell me that it's no big deal. I never wanted to be in front of a camera, my whole life I wanted to be behind it. So yeah, it is a pretty big deal and no amount of late in life acting courses is going to help. I am terrified but if I am going to pull this off, I need to speak with Justin."

Edward handed me the phone and got up from the bed. "Make your call but I want to talk to you before we go to bed." He replied serious.

Edward left and I started to locate Justin's number in my contacts.

"Hey, it's my favorite little prodigy." Justin answered the phone straight away.

"Hi." I paused. "I need a favor. Like a big favor."

"No, how are you doing, Justin? What have you been up to? How's your life going?" Justin continued to rattle off the usual pleasantries.

"Justin. I need a favor and unfortunately I don't have a lot of time. I am in the middle of working hell. Embry has volunteered us to perform for the American Music Awards at the end of the month. Not only do I have that on my plate but I also have to direct a music video before Thanksgiving and Edward wants me to start planning our wedding. So I apologize for not bull shitting with you but I need you. You're the only person I know who could help me pull off what I have envisioned. I need your choreography expertise." I tried to throw a little ego stroking in there to help me out.

"All right B, no need to get worked up. When do you want me to come by?" he replied and I exhaled happy that I had one problem working itself out.

Edward was right about one thing, I needed to start organizing my time. I decided to work on the AMA performance on Saturday and Sunday and then work on the music video Monday through Friday. The wedding planning will just have to wait until December.

I stopped by Savannah and Gracie's room since I still hadn't even had the chance to say hello.

"Hi girls."

"Mommy." Gracie dropped her game controller and ran over. Savannah was reading on her bed and got up as well.

"Are you okay? We saw Uncle Jacob carrying you like Snow White up the stairs." Savannah asked.

"I'm fine. I just got dizzy." I tried to shake it off.

"Are you pregnant? Molly's mom is pregnant and she said that she gets dizzy and barfs and sleeps a lot." Gracie asked.

"Oh child, please don't jinx me." I laughed. "No. I'm not pregnant."

I went to sit on Savannah's bed to hang out for a little.

"If you and Uncle Edward have a baby will I get to be a big sister?" Gracie asked.

"Well…yes but that's not going to happen for a long while." I replied.

"How long is a long while?" Savannah asked.

"I don't know; three to five years." I knew Edward would never allow that to happen but the last thing I needed was for these two to ask me every time they saw me.

"Wow. Aren't you going to be kind of old?" Savannah said.

"What? I'm only twenty-three; even if I wait five years then I'll only be twenty-eight." I swatted Savannah with a pillow.

"Molly said that when you kiss that's where babies come from." Gracie relayed.

I paused for a moment. Did I really want to go into the whole baby talk now? "Yes. Yes, that's how it works. No kissing." I pointed my finger at both of them.

"Hey, dinner's ready." We could hear Jacob yelling from downstairs and I was happy to be saved from further conversation.

When I arrived downstairs, Edward was placing food on the table. He looked up at me and I could tell he was still a tad bit hurt from earlier when he came back to the kitchen, I pulled him to me.

"Hey, I'm sorry about earlier. I was just completely overwhelmed. I'm sorry." I apologized.

"It's okay." I pulled him in for a quick kiss.

"Uncle Edward, you have to wait three to five years before mommy can be pregnant." Gracie recited. Edward pulled away from me and I cringed.

"Three to five years?" he asked pointedly.

"Gracie, this isn't the type of kissing that gets a woman pregnant." I replied.

"I don't know. It's the type of kissing that can lead to getting a girl pregnant." Jacob joked.

"Jacob!" I shook my head at him menacingly.

"What have you been telling her?" Embry asked.

I went and sat down. "Well when you want to have the talk, be my guest."

"Three to five years!" Edward said again.

"Well talk about it later." Oh geez, look what my mouth has done now.

Embry was the first to change the subject at the dinner table and after that everyone felt more at ease. Well, all but Edward. You could tell that he was still fighting with the three to five-year concept over at his chair. I didn't want to look at him until I could explain properly but I tried to catch side glances to see if he had relaxed at all but he hadn't.

Edward disappeared after dinner clean up and I was afraid that he was really stewing over this. I didn't want to get in a fight with him right now especially over this but I have to admit I was starting to feel worried about what would happen when I finally went upstairs and confronted him.

Prolonging the inevitable there was something I needed to discuss with Embry; so I took the opportunity after dinner to do so.

"Hey, before you run off; I want to talk to you about something first." I stopped Embry.

"Sure, what is it?" he replied.

"Well, I know that the girls are on home school right now but a month is a long time to be out of school, not that I don't love having them here."

"Actually I was thinking of staying longer." He said uneasily. "Lately, I have been thinking that maybe the best thing for all of us is if we were to just move here."

I stepped back in shock, "Are you serious?"

"Since my wife died it's been hard but then when we are here, it doesn't feel as hard. I wanted to talk to you about it because…" he sighed. "I think I really do need your help. Savannah and Gracie are getting to an age where they really do need a woman or mother influence."

"I…I don't know what to say. I would love having you all closer. Are you really going to be able to walk away from New York so easily? I know how much you love your home."

"B, I haven't lived or been a part of New York City in so long. You see where I live. I live out in the suburbs which I did mainly to protect my kids and give them more of a normal lifestyle. I can always visit and go back someday but I think what's best for everyone is if we moved here for a little while. The girls could attend school here and maybe even have some sense of regularity."

I walked over and gave Embry a big hug, "This is like the best news I have had in a long while. Thank you."

Embry smiled, "No. Thank you."

After our little chat I told Embry that I expected him to be ready to work on Saturday's and Sunday's since that was the only time I could allow for him. Justin was going to be coming over tomorrow to start and since my little vacay I needed to work in sometime to focus on the video as well.

I opened the door slowly, like I was expecting a ghost to jump out any moment. Edward was sitting on our bed working on his laptop. I started to walk toward the bed but the coward in me steered toward the bathroom.

"Three to five years?" his question stopped me at the doorway to our bathroom. I turned around slowly.

"I didn't mean it. The girls asked me and I just gave them an answer so that they wouldn't keep asking all the time. I already know you would never actually let me get away with three to five years, Edward."

"I'm not going to force you to have a baby, Bella." He said offended. "If you never want to have children, then I guess that is something I will just have to live with." He closed his laptop and got up out of our bed and walked out on our balcony. He was one pissed off mister.

I didn't know what to say. I knew we would eventually have to talk about the timeline for having a baby and it was something we both felt strongly about. I didn't mean I never wanted to have a child, I just wanted to have a few years to dedicate my life to my job before integrating a baby into this life. Does that make me a bad person?

Music video. AMA performance. Two Albums. Wedding. Baby.

I fear I was headed toward a major breakdown. I sat down on the bed my breathing was getting deeper and tears started to cascade down my cheeks.

Music video. AMA performance. Two Albums. Wedding. Baby.

I just needed to breathe. I felt suffocated. I needed to work. Get my mind off of things.

I jumped up and ran out of the room, down the stairs and out the door.

I jumped into the BMW and without a thought in mind I just drove. I eventually ended up at Warner Bros. It was late so I was completely undisturbed. I went over to my desk and started to work on the music video. If I could scratch one thing off my list then maybe I could feel a little reprieve.

I don't know how long I worked. At some point I knew I needed to lie down for a moment because my work became sloppy and my ideas loopy. I knew I should just go and use Edward's side room but I was afraid I would fall asleep and I only needed a small cat nap so I settled for laying my head down on my desk. My desk wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as one would think. I had loads of paperwork spread out and that helped with the padding.

I awoke with a jolt as I realized I had slept more than I had intended. I looked around for my phone to find the time but I must have left it at home. I tapped my mouse and my computer started up. 8:50 AM.

I sighed. I had a feeling that I would have one worried fiancé to contend with when I got home but Justin was going to be there around ten this morning to start working so I guess I better get home so I can get over this little talk Edward was surly going to want before I started with Justin and Embry. It's funny because for a brief moment I thought that me staying out all night would surly warrant punishment but then that thought went away with relief. In the old days there would be no doubt about what I would receive when I arrived home but now I didn't know what would happen and that thought was frightening to me.

I crept in from the garage to find Jacob sitting at the table with a bowl of cereal.

"Well look who's doing the walk of shame?"

I rolled my eyes. "I didn't sleep with anyone last night."

"Oh don't I know it. Edward was up pestering me all night. Thank you very much." Jacob replied.

"Is he mad?" I felt like a kid.

"Probably but I think he was more worried about you however now that your home; I would say that the worriment will have turned."

"Where is he?" I asked looking around.

"His office. He's been on the phone all night."

I exhaled and started to walk toward his office.

"Good luck." Jacob shouted after me and then muttered, "You're gonna need it."

Thanks Jake I thought with irritation.

I slide the door open slowly, Edward had been in the corner looking out over the yard when he turned to see me he exhaled in relief.

"Sorry." I whispered unable to find anything else to say.

Edward walked over to the couch and sat down placing his head in his hands. Tentatively I walked over and sat a couple places away from him.

"Bella." Edward never finished his thought. I couldn't tell just what he was thinking.

"I'm sorry…I just needed to get away for a little while. You have no idea what kind of pressure I am under right now. I couldn't add one more thing. I never said I didn't want to have a baby with you. I just…"

"Bella, I understand that you are stressed. I'm not asking for a baby right now but in the future will you at least have the courtesy of telling me where you are going? Calling me? Anything?" He groaned out in frustration. "You have no idea what it feels like to not be able to locate the person you love. I highly doubt you would be fine with me just walking out and spending the night doing god knows what."

He was right. I would feel positively sick. "It wasn't my intention to spend the whole night out. I went to the office and tried to get some work done and I must have fallen asleep. I…I'm just trying to get through this video and performance and then I will focus on your wedding and your baby. Please just give me some time."

"My wedding? My baby?" he questioned irritated.

"I didn't mean it like that."

Edward got up from the couch and started to head toward the door.

"Yes you did."

"Edward, please." I begged but he left anyway.

I sat on the couch crying for a moment. I think my life was easier when he would just punish me and be done with it. I was so exhausted, mentally and physically.

Be strong Bella Swan. Swallow your feelings and move on. I wiped the tears from my eyes and rose up. All I needed to do was place my focus into something else.

"Justin." I went over and greeted my lifeline. Justin was talking to Embry in the kitchen.

"Hey, let's get the party started." He announced.

"Why don't we go out to my office." I gestured for Justin to go out the patio doors.

"Hey, are you okay?" Embry asked quietly.

Smile and nod. "Never better."

He didn't look too convinced but he didn't say anything.

When we reached the couches in the guest house I sat down and started explaining my vision.

"Okay, so this is my idea. Embry song is about wanting to change places with another person so that he can essentially get rid of his problems for a little while but he realizes when he changes places that the person he changed places with has just as many problems as he does. I start off the song and my thought would be to start off sitting on the stairs that lead up to the stage. I will sing my part and then Embry's rap portion begins. Embry will be sitting in the audience down the aisle; the first portion of his rap will be with him walking down the aisle and when he gets to me, he will sit beside me and we will change shoes. Symbolic that we are changing lives. This is where your choreography is going to come in. I want us to be completely synchronized. Every move I make, he makes but we won't be able to see each other. There will be a wall that separates us on stage and we will both go through the motions of being inside our own individual "apartments" going through our problems. During the final hook we will come out and switch back our shoes, taking back our own problems. It's going to be tough but I think it could be powerful."

"I don't know B, I'm not much of a dancer." Embry looked worried.

"It will be a cross between Hip hop and Crunk. It will be so exact the hard part won't be the dance as much as it will be to be completely in sync. We're not going to do any difficult moves." I answered.

"I can do this. I am already getting ideas. Let me go home and work this out and tomorrow I will come and go through it with you. I just need the song." Justin said.

"Great. You have no idea how much this will help me out. Thank you, Justin. You're a life saver." I hugged him hard. This man was the most beautiful thing right now. Someone to help me with my problems, not create more.

Embry took Justin into the house and got him a copy of the song. It only took an hour for that meeting so now I just needed to focus on the video. Before I could focus I tried to sneak upstairs to spy on Edward and see what he was doing.

He was passed out in our bed and I couldn't take my eyes off of him. Why was I having trouble grasping the things he wanted? Of course I wanted to get married but I am stressed out over the fact that he wanted to get married in less than three months. He wanted a honeymoon baby and I am scared that my career would have to be put on hold…to be completely honest I am terrified of pregnancy. I had seen enough movies and heard stories of how horribly uncomfortable and painful it could all be. I was a horrible person, wasn't I? I could only focus on the pain. I knew growing up that it was an inevitable thing I would probably have to go through. That's just what you are expected to do. Grow up, get married and have babies. I wanted a baby but I was scared.

Edward stirred and slowly opened his eyes. Our eyes met momentarily and I turned to leave.

"Bella." He called out.

I turned around and slowly walked back.

"I don't want to fight with you." He said softly.

"Me neither. I am sorry."

He reached out for me and I complied by placing my hand in his. He pulled me down to the bed and I joined him in bed. He pulled me to him and wrapped himself around me, kissing my neck.

"Edward, you know how we used to do that thing where I would tell you something and then you would tell me something?"

"You mean when we would have a conversation?" he replied playing along.

"Yeah."

"What kind of conversation would you like to have today?" he asked.

"Well, I…I kind of feel overwhelmed. I just thought I should tell you. That's all."

"Sweetheart, I mean it. We don't have to talk about babies right now."

We laid in silence for a couple of minutes.

"I'm scared." I whispered. "I thought I should tell you that too."

Edward perked up. "What scares you, baby?"

"I feel like a horrible person." I started to cry.

"Honey, please tell me what's wrong." He turned me on my back to face me.

"I'm scared."

"Scared of what?" he pushed.

"I'm scared of having a baby. I am terrified of pain; you know that better than anyone that I don't do well with pain. Then after I have it, what if I drop it? What if I don't do something right and I fuck up our child? Gracie and Savannah are the perfect ages. Can't we just adopt?"

Edward started petting my head. "Baby, it will be okay."

"How do you know that? You don't know that? What if you leave me because I fuck up our child?"

"Bella, look at me. You are a great mother and there is no doubt in my mind that you will be a great mother to our children someday. What you are feeling is completely natural but when the time comes I will be by your side the whole way. I will be so there for you, you may be irritated by my presence." He smiled.

I nodded my head. "But you promise that you'll make sure that they don't stick that big ass needle in my back, right?" Thinking of that nasty epidural that plagued my nightmares.

Edward laughed a little, "Well if you want to have a natural birth then I will respect that but from what I hear you may be begging for the drugs before the hour is out."

"Edward don't scare me." I admonished him.

He leaned down and kissed me some more. "Let's go to sleep, sweetheart."

"I need to work on that video. I can't afford to lay down." I said trying to get up.

"Bella, how much sleep did you get last night?" He said holding me to him.

"I don't know a couple of hours."

"Exactly, we need to rest. I'll set the alarm for three o'clock."

"Edward, I can't." I tried to fight him a little.

"Isabella, you can and you will. Just because I won't punish you anymore doesn't mean I still don't expect certain things from you and I still expect you to have a healthy lifestyle and that includes getting enough rest."

It was the first time that Edward had spoken to me with this kind of authority. I knew he wouldn't punish me if I were to go against his wishes but part of me sensed that if I didn't do as he requested that would lead to another fight and as I recently learned; punishment was sometimes far better than fighting.

I sighed and allowed Edward to continue to hold me until we both fell asleep.

"Savannah, your birthday is coming up; have you thought about what you want?" I asked while preparing a salad for dinner that evening. Edward was making spaghetti.

"Christmas!" Gracie yelled.

"Yes, Christmas but also your sister's birthday." I replied. I felt bad that she was born on the biggest holiday of the year. That had to suck growing up. I made it my mission to make her feel special that day.

"Um…well I was thinking of asking Santa to combine my birthday and Christmas gift into one really great gift." She said shyly.

"Okay, what were you thinking about?"

"I was…thinking about maybe seeing if I could have a movie camera."

"Really, Savannah? That sounds like a great gift." Edward replied probably relieved she didn't ask for a puppy.

"You know what I want for Christmas?" Gracie piped up.

Spoke too soon.

"A puppy." She cheered.

Edward looked to me. "Well, I don't know if Santa is licensed to carry live stock?"

Gracie looked confused. I couldn't help but laugh at Edward's explanation.

We all sat down at the table for dinner and looking around at the six faces that surrounded me; there was a peace that came over me and I realized that I had one of the best support systems and knowing they were behind me was enough for me to conquer anything.

* * *

AN: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR READING AND REVIEWING. I will be leaving for comic con on Wednesday and will try to update before I go. My husband and I go for business so unfortunately it wont be nearly as fun; however I am hoping to make it to a couple panels this year. Not sure if anyone else is going, if you are Happy Comic Con and may the odds be ever in your favor.


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

"This is shit is sooo dope." Justin announced. We were at his house inside his dance studio. He told me many times that it wasn't a dance studio it was a choreography studio but looking around, it was a dance studio.

"So I am going to start the song and go through the whole thing. Now I have placed this partition here to symbolize the wall between your two. I need you two to try to imagine the whole dance with both of you doing it." Justin held up his remote and let the intro play.

He moved around the space almost exactly how I had envisioned it. Embry looked a little pale at all the work he would be required to put in. In the past, his performances usually consisted of spitting into a mic while graphics played behind him and hot chicks swarmed him. But he made the mistake of asking me to create this performance and now I would expect nothing less than hard work from him.

The song came to a finish and Embry and I got into place to start learning the moves. I wasn't exactly a dancer either but at least I gave a hundred percent. Embry was already having trouble following along and I could sense his heart wasn't in it. Finally I stopped and asked for Justin to give us a moment to talk.

"Look, I know you're not much of a dancer and neither am I but you have to look at these moves as going through the motions of your everyday life. Every move we make is moves we would normally make in our lives except they're just a tad bit exaggerated."

I got into place. "We walk in and act like we are slamming the door shut. We go over to the chair or couch and frustrated we jump up. We walk over to the mirror and slam our fists on the wall. We place our backs to the wall and slide down it." I went through most of the motions piecing out the choreography.

"B. I've never done anything like this before." Embry started to say.

"Your whole album is unlike anything you have done before. But you did it and it works. I know this can work. Just give it a chance."

"This isn't my thing; I don't want to look like an ass."

I paused for a moment; he was really starting to piss me off. I could understand if Justin had made difficult moves but he wasn't even trying.

"Embry. You asked me to plan out the performance. I know you would feel much better just standing on stage and singing while lighting and special effects did all your hard work, however that's not who I am. You have no idea the amount of pressure I am under right now. Forget about the music video that I committed myself to do. Forget about the albums I am supposed to be working on promoting. Forget the fiancé I have pushing up our wedding date to February. The pressure I have for this performance outweighs it all. Not only will this be the first time that I have ever performed on platform this large but you have also put me in charge of your comeback performance. You haven't performed since you cancelled your tour back in 2006. I don't think you grasp just how of a big fucking deal this is. So you have two options you can call up the AMA's and change your song selection or you can really start putting an effort into learning this choreography. I don't have the time to waste waiting on you to make a decision so I will be at home until you do decide."

I could feel my face heating with the anger inside me. You have to understand that throughout my relationship with Embry Call, there would be many times when we would be frustrated with one another. Many times when we would be upset and have no problem calling each other out on the other person's bull shit however I can honestly say that in the forty plus years of friendship only two times would I say our arguments were serious. One being the intervention a couple of months ago and the other was still to come.

I made it back to the house and started back on my work; tomorrow I would be meeting with the casting agent and see who they had turned up for the "Jacqueline Waynesque" part. I just hoped that that would go better than the other project I was working on.

I didn't see Embry the rest of the day or even at dinner. I'm not even sure if he spent the night at the Cullen Casa but I wasn't focused on him, I couldn't allow myself to be focused on him.

The casting session I attended was more positive than I could have ever foreseen. Monday morning I arrived bright and early to meet with Deborah Banks and see who she had asked to come back and meet with me. The Liberty Project boys didn't care who I choose so they left this decision completely up to me. It was kind of crazy because Deborah had six different girls all lined up for me that all looked similar to Jacqueline Wayne.

Before each girl would come in she would give me a quick rundown of the girls' previous acting jobs. I told her that I wanted to interview each one of them and then if I liked them, we would make them do some improv. It was important that the girls be able to be physically expressive. I needed to believe the fear and pain they would have to express.

Over the years I worked with Deborah quite a few times because she always knew what I wanted in an actor. Of course the ability to act was important but she had also learned that I favored personality as well and I would never hire anyone who I felt could turn into a diva or arrogant asshole.

The _Erase Me_ video was the first time I had ever worked with Deborah and she learned quickly what my additional requirements were. I didn't care how long your résumé was, I dismissed the first two girls after only three questions; Deborah knew then on I was a different kind of filmmaker. Girl three was actually nice enough but when we did improv, she would give some of the weirdest faces and I didn't want that detracting from the video. Girl four, I like very much and I could see the potential in her however I knew we had found our girl when girl six came in for her audition.

"I'm sorry, I am having a little trouble trying to figure out the pronunciation of your name." I apologized while the girl took her seat. She was a little taller than me but looked like a baby. She had fair skin and long brown hair which I thought could work well with the video. Her lips looked to be the perfect shade of red and she wore light makeup. She was a very pretty girl.

The girl laughed a little. "I get that a lot, my parents fought over what to name me. My dad wanted to name me after his mother Desma which was short for Desdemona and my mom loved Renata so I ended up being Renesmee. And no my parents aren't actors so they don't even have that excuse."

We all laughed, "Renesmee Wolfe. Wow. That is a mouthful." I replied. "How old are you?"

The girl looked like she was fifteen.

"I just turned eighteen a month ago." That was a relief; you have no idea the amount of work that goes into hiring underage actors.

"Well, I know that you don't have a lot of professional experience but don't worry neither do I." I smiled at her.

"Thank you." I believed her sentiment; it was hard to get a job in Hollywood with no prior experience. Almost like getting your S.A.G. card. It was a catch twenty-two, in order for one to obtain your S.A.G. card you had to have worked on a S.A.G. project however in order to work on a S.A.G. project you usually had to have your S.A.G. card. Frustrating, I know.

"How about we work on some improv and see how it goes."

Renesmee did a very good job and we told her we would call her in a couple of days to inform her on our decision. Of course I already knew that I had found my girl but it was formality to inform the other producers of my decision first. At the time I even thought that maybe I could introduce Renesmee to Kyle and see if he liked her at all. I should probably tell you now that my matchmaking skills were never on par.

The amount of relief that I felt after deciding on hiring Renesmee was welcomed. I had started to think about Embry and I began to feel bad. I knew that I kind of unloaded on him and unfortunately he became a target for my stress. I needed to see him and make sure he was okay.

I made it my first order of business to find him when I arrived home. He was outside on the basketball court. Embry wasn't even trying to shoot hoops he just sat on the ground rolling the ball around. I quietly approached him and he saw me when I was a couple of feet away from him.

"Hey." He said when he saw me.

"Hey." I replied. "What are you doing?"

"Well, I came out here to shoot hoops but then realized I was much too sore for that so I just sat here and have been thinking ever since." He replied.

"Sore?" I asked.

Embry smiled a little in my direction, "Yea, this psycho chick verbally kicked my ass and made me realize what an ass I was being. So I have been working with Justin ever since. Let me tell you, I think I have spent way too much time with that fool."

I sat down beside him, "Really?" I laughed a little.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause you more stress in your life. When AMA called me up and asked if I would perform something off my upcoming album my immediate response was, hell no. I haven't performed since my wife died. Part of me has been scared to. Before she killed herself we had gotten into a big fight and I was thankful I could run away and focus on my tour. The night that I received the call, I will never forget. I will always blame myself for what happened to her; I made my career more important than her or my kids. Going back out on that stage and picking back up again…" he sighed. "I'm scared."

"I had tickets to your concert tour; Angela and I were supposed to go. Of course we understood when you had to cancel but I have always waited for you when you decided to come back. I wish I could tell you that you don't have to do this but I think you do. Not for me or for your millions of fans but for yourself. I didn't know your wife and anything I do know about your wife has been tainted by Hollywood's version of things but I do know your children and those girls are the most amazing girls. You took time off to be there for them. You have struggled with more than most. I know you love making music, you love performing and I think that it's time for you to be a part of something you love again. I will be here for you and I know Savannah and Gracie will be there too."

Embry nodded his head. "Thanks, B."

"I'm sorry for going all psycho chick on you. I probably took out a little more than I should have on you."

Embry brushed it off. "Ahhh don't worry about that, B. I deserve it. I'm sure it won't be the last time I come in contact with your alter ego."

"I hate to say it but I'm pretty sure you're right." We got off the ground and I started to walk toward the house, I could see Embry kind of taking it slow.

"Wow, really Em; you're not that old to be hurting like this." I laughed.

"Shut up. You have no idea just how hard I worked. I stretched places I never even knew existed on my body."

"If you'd like, we have a nice warm spa downstairs you can go and soak yourself." I thought for a moment of the dirty things Edward and I had done it that spa but we used chlorine so it should be fine by now.

"Don't think I don't know what that look is for." Embry pulled me from my daydreaming.

"What? What are you talking about?" I tried to play it off.

"I practically invented that look. I think I will be just fine taking a bath in my own private tub in my room. God knows what you and Edward did to that spa."

My mouth dropped open and I started to head for the house thoroughly embarrassed. I turned around to him the last second and said, "How do you know we didn't do the same thing to your bathtub?" I laughed an evil laugh and ran off leaving Embry behind with a very disturbed face. We hadn't actually violated that bathtub…yet. But just thinking about Embry looking down on it and the images that might pass through his mind made me laugh.

I realized quickly that with Thanksgiving approaching and these two projects which would come to completion during this time, I was in desperate need of some help. I felt bad that I had to keep relying on Jacob or Edward to help out with Savannah and Gracie; both of them had jobs as well. So I talked with Edward and made a crazy decision.

I called my parents and asked if they would mind coming and spending a couple of days with us to help out with watching Savannah and Gracie. Of course I hadn't thought of what it would actually mean to have my mom always around. Edward and my dad got along well always razzing each other over their football teams but my mother made it her mission to bug me every moment on wedding details.

"So now that you swear to me that you haven't run off and eloped." My mom looked at me pointedly for confirmation grasping her information from the latest gossip magazine. "When is the big day?"

"I don't know…sometime in February, apparently." I huffed looking over at Edward sitting on the couch with my dad.

"It's in February and you still don't have a date?" she pushed.

"Edward said I wouldn't have to do a thing. We could hire people and I just need to show up. I can't really focus on a date at the moment."

"Isabella." My mom scolded me. "You only get married once. You would think you could put out the effort to at least make a date."

"Well mom we are in Hollywood; who knows just how many marriages I'll end up with." Obviously I was joking but my mom slapped me upside the head.

"Geez mom, I was just kidding." I replied shocked.

Edward got up and came over to the kitchen where we were and smiled a taunting smile. I knew he was enjoying this.

"Edward, I know she's your problem now but sometimes…" My mom said frustrated.

Edward came up and wrapped his arms around me. "I can handle her, Renée. Baby, don't you think that you could sit down and we can come up with a date to help settle your mother's nerves."

"Does anyone around here not understand just how much I have to do?" I looked around. "Daddy. Please save me."

My dad who was much too involved with the game looked up at me calling him.

"Huh? What? What's going on?"

"Never mind." I huffed.

"I have a calendar right here. It would only take a couple of minutes." My mom rushed over to her purse and brought out her pocket calendar. She placed it on the counter and I closed my eyes and dropped my finger down on the page.

"There, February seventeenth." I announced. "Done and done."

"Bella, try to be serious. You can't get married on a Tuesday." My mom replied.

"What's wrong with Tuesday? Good things happen on Tuesday's. There's taco Tuesday. Fat Tuesday." I rattled off.

"Bella." Edward admonished.

I sighed. "Well, then you pick out a date."

"What day do you see us celebrating on every year for as long as we both shall live." Edward smiled.

"December 21st, 2012."

"You're not getting married on the apocalypse." My mother almost shouted. She had a slight worry about this so called Mayan calendar ending. I couldn't help but laugh a little.

"Bella." Edward said a little louder.

"All right, all right." I sighed and looked down at the calendar.

"I choose….this date." I tapped my finger down on the calendar.

"Baby, really? Friday the thirteenth?" Edward asked.

"Why not? I would be sure to not forget my anniversary this way and maybe I can convince you to just roll my Valentine's Day gift into what I am already sure will be an ostentatious gift to begin with into an anniversary gift." I replied.

"It's a bad luck day." My mom answered.

"That's hogwash. Besides I already have enough bad things happening to me, Friday the thirteenth is usually a good day for people like me."

"Don't you want to get married on a Saturday?" she pushed.

"No. I like this date. Now if Edward wants to change it then by all means go ahead but I'm done. I have done my wedding talk diligence for now and I really do need to focus on other things."

And with that I pushed back and started off towards my office. Edward hadn't changed the date so in just a few short months I would officially be Mrs. Edward Cullen, something I'm sure I was supposed to be excited for but unable to do so due to stress.

We were coming up on the week before the AMA's; I had a dry run through of Embry and my performance on Friday, a dress rehearsal on Saturday and the final performance on Sunday. Embry was nice enough to be able to obtain some tickets so my parents could come and see me. Edward assured me that Rosalie and Emmett could watch the girls for the night.

I wanted to start filming this Thursday for the video just on the boy's portion and then we would continue on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of next week after the AMA performance. Next Thursday would be Thanksgiving and my mom said she would do everything for Thanksgiving dinner.

My schedule was packed to the max and I didn't have any time for even one more thing. Seth Clearwater tried to call me one day to go over the album covers and I practically came unglued. There was no way I could think about the photo session they wanted to have to achieve for their album covers. After that Seth said he would try back the week after Thanksgiving so I was able to add one more thing to be thankful of.

By the time I was able to get back into the studio with Justin, Embry was way ahead of me in terms of knowing the choreography and this past weekend kicked my ass. Of course I wasn't afraid to use the spa downstairs to soak my poor bones. Throughout the running around and preparing, something occurred to me one early morning.

I gasped as I jumped out of bed. I looked over at the clock it was three AM. Edward didn't seem disturbed; I fumbled around for my phone and crept off toward the closet. I shut myself inside and dialed my friend. I know I probably should have waited until a proper hour but I was almost shitting kittens.

"Hello." Groggy and pissed was what was awaiting me.

"Marcus." I practically shouted.

"What the bloody hell." He replied.

"Marcus. I completely forgot to get a dress for this Sunday's award show. I'm fucked aren't I?"

Marcus groaned. "Well, not because of a dress. However since you disturbed me at an ungodly hour I may send the hounds out to locate you and yes you would be fucked."

"I'm so sorry but I suddenly woke up and realized that I didn't have anything to wear this Sunday except for my costume which consists of jeans and a t-shirt." Embry and I went for the standard white tee and blue jean combo.

"Bella." I heard Edward calling for me. I placed my hand over the phone and through Marcus's rather colorful words I yelled out to him. "I'll be out of the closet in a minute."

I placed my focus back on Marcus who I caught the tail end of him explaining that he had something for me.

"Wait! What? You do?" I asked.

"Emma called me two weeks ago and let me know that you would be attending the AMA's, she said that you have been incredibly busy and that she knew you would need something to wear."

Emma. My godsend Emma. How I loved thee.

I exhaled and calmed down.

"Now on everything unholy in Hollywood; if you don't shut up and leave me be then I will make sure you have a wardrobe malfunction come Sunday." After that he hung up. I guess I would have to send him a coffee in the morning.

I walked back to bed slightly feeling a little better. Edward was sitting up in bed with his side light on.

"Who were you talking to at three in the morning?"

"Marcus." I shook my head. Edward gave me a weird pause.

"At three in the morning." He repeated.

I sighed. "I didn't have anything to wear for Sunday."

"Don't you think that could have waited until the sun came up at the very least?"

"No. It couldn't have waited because I am in the middle of hell week; hell I am in the middle of hell month." I snapped.

"Honey, just calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down. Do I really need to rattle off the list of reasons I cannot calm down. I have a performance a music video, albums to prepare and you're not helping anything by allowing my mom to pester me to death over wedding details."

Edward looked at me for a moment probably trying to gage how much steam was coming out of my ears.

"Lay down." He replied softly.

"Edward." I started to protest.

"Lay down." He repeated with authority.

I looked over at him and after a moment I settled back down in bed. Edward wrapped himself around me and started to massage my scalp.

"After Thanksgiving, you will be done with two major projects." Edward started.

"Well, not really I still have post production on the video."

"Bella, you have an editor. You will be fine to relax a bit. After Thanksgiving you can start to focus on the albums. I want to go and sit down with a wedding coördinator during this time and I will explain to the wedding coördinator that we will give them a detailed wish list and then it will be up to her or him to go out and arrange everything. I want them to understand that we want a very low stress experience. Your mom will get off your back and maybe you won't be so stressed out. Okay?"

I nodded my head. His hands were working miracles on my scalp so I was only half listening but I had visions of what my life would be like after Thanksgiving and from where I stood it was the promise land.

Edward kissed me on my head. "I love you and I really am worried about you lately. I have been thinking of suspending my projects until after the wedding so I can help you out more."

"I don't want you to do that." I tried to defend.

"Bella, please just let me do this. I know that pushing this wedding up is my fault so I have no problem taking off some time to focus on it."

My eyes were really starting to get heavy.

"Okay, Edward. Whatever you want." I answered weary.

"No baby, whatever we want." Edward kissed me one last time and I returned to my dreams.

* * *

**AN: **I think this is the longest I have gone with an update on this story, but man did comic con kick my ass. I haven't slept more then three hours a night since Wednesday. Unfortunately I don't go for fun but for work. I didn't make it to any panels I wanted to see but i am hoping to go and see some tomorrow. Sorry it took so long to get this out; thank you for reading and reviewing!


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

One thing I loved about filming was the fact I was surrounded by some of my favorite people. I didn't realize until later in life just how I was spoiled with this assortment of people. Carl was renowned in his field as a director of photography and yet he always agreed to help me out on my small little projects. Magda was highly sought after as a costume designer but she always had time for me. And other people like Tommy and Kenny were nearly on the same level as I was during the _Italian Revenge_ movie and every time I worked with them they rose a little higher on the ladder.

I was truly blessed.

Filming on the first day went well and even though I could feel my nerves bubbling up inside my chest; it wasn't from the trepidation of directing a music video for a now major artist. Liberty Project's fans were growing every day and the label had enough faith in them to put them on a major world tour next summer. Scott told me that they were finally able to play an arena as large as the Staples Center, the same place where the famous basketball team the Lakers played.

My nerves came from knowing that in just a few days I would be on stage in front of millions of people. Embry and I both had the choreography down but were still having trouble with being completely in sync which is really hard to do when you can't see the other person. Justin was still helping us but it was a trial.

The American Music Awards was going to be hosted by a late night talk show host and the award show would be at the Nokia Theater. I arrived on Friday with Embry and Justin to get ready for our first dry run. We had only ever rehearsed in Justin's dance room and so there were things that we needed to work out now being at the actual location.

The show was being produced by Dick Clark Productions and they had allotted a time for us to go over lighting and any other requirements needed. Even though I was upset for Embry putting me through this stress when he railroaded me into doing this performance; I felt content the day we showed up for the rehearsal knowing what a nice feather in my cap that Embry would be beside me for this. Just showing up with him and walking through the auditorium, you could see how people stepped aside for him and respected him.

Seth Clearwater was there as well as Stefan Vladic. Embry wasn't actually under WMG's label so his label showed up as well to watch and see how this performance was going to go. I was immediately nervous knowing that the suits were going to be watching us before we had a chance to really rehearse in the new space.

"Hey, stop it." Embry said to me.

"Stop what?" I asked.

"It's like your asshole just tightened up. Relax and don't think about them." He nodded his head toward where the suits had taken seats.

"Embry, in the future; could you not think so much on my asshole." I reprimanded him.

Embry laughed, "I'll work on that."

We had a brief conversation with the lighting and sound people over the performance. Lighting went up in their booth and gave us an example of what we wanted and sound outfitted us with mic's. Embry who had been used to holding a hand-held mic now had to get used to one being on him instead. I didn't have that problem.

I noticed that Justin had placed himself in the lighting booth to help facilitate the proper lighting. Overall we were given over an hour for the rehearsal and had yet to do one thorough run thru and the song was only three and a half minutes long. I hoped that tomorrow would be better. I was feeling slightly discouraged that we weren't able to get through the performance even once and I was worried that it wouldn't be ready in time.

"Bella, would you stop stressing out so much?" Embry and I were headed back to the house and I had yet to say anything.

"How can you not be stressing more?" I asked. "We haven't even gotten through the performance once yet?"

"I don't stress. Not about performances. You haven't had a lot of experience in this yet but you may feel like the whole world is coming down around you but come Sunday night when the lights go down and the music starts up; your adrenalin will kick in and as some kind of outer body experience you will sing and move exactly the way you have practiced, it will be perfect. Happens every time. Then depending on how you are, you may get a high from the performance and wish you could do it again or the music will end and you'll be standing there staring out over the people and could feel the need to puke."

I looked over at him in horror. He started laughing, "Don't worry, I won't let you puke."

"Don't say things like that."

"Haha, you should have seen your face, B."

"Let's talk about something serious for a moment." I tried to take my mind off the impeding performance. "We need to talk to the girls and tell them about your plans to move here. Also Emma has been doing some research on some suitable schools. I have been thinking that maybe we should keep home schooling them until after the first of the year and after we have found a proper institution."

"Of course I want the girls to go to a good school but I want to make sure that they have good security. I know how the paparazzi can be out here. One of the reasons why I kept them in the suburbs."

"Absolutely, I agree one hundred percent. I want to do everything we can to make sure they have a great education and of course safety is key. If it makes you feel better we can always hire Derrick to be their bodyguard." I laughed.

Embry gave me an uneasy look. "Bella, Derrick won't work as a body-guard anymore."

"Why not?" I asked.

"He was supposed to be there the night Eugene was killed. He was Eugene's body-guard. He blames himself. He hung around my house saying he was just helping me out and I have told him countless times that Eugene's death wasn't his fault but he took it kind of hard and decided to quit."

I sat there driving down Sunset for a moment in reflection. My heart sank for Derrick; I felt really bad for him. Derrick would sit around and find solace in wood carving until one day Embry had to beg him to come back to work…for me. But we'll get to that.

We arrived back home and Edward was there to greet me. He was a little upset that I asked him not to go this morning but I really wanted Edward to see the completed version of our performance on Sunday. In those first couple of performances he would do as I asked and not come to my rehearsals, it wasn't until after the Academy Awards when he would ignore my pleas for him to stay away. It was hard for me to understand why he was so upset with the Academy Award performance; the thing went off without a hitch. I didn't die and who cares if I kissed Scott Morell, I was acting after all but again I digress.

"How did it go?" He kissed me quickly.

I sighed and shook my head. Edward looked over to Embry.

"Ugh, Edward she seems to think that it was supposed to go flawlessly without a hitch and she's been obsessing over it all day." Embry explained agitated.

"I didn't say that but we were there for over an hour. You'd think we could get through it once." I complained.

"Bella, this is normal. Tomorrow you'll go through it a couple of times. You're just new to this." Edward tried to console.

"I just want to relax and spend time with the girls." I tried to leave them in their words of wisdom hall.

"When did you want to talk to them?" Embry asked.

"I guess now." I replied and he followed me up the stairs. I had already told Edward that Embry was planning on moving here and he was excited to know the girls would be near and could stay with us more often. He even told Embry the next day that he could stay as long as he like with us but if he did want his own house to let him know he could help him out with a fantastic Realtor.

Becky had been watching the girls for us lately when my parents weren't around. Savannah liked hanging out with her because she was in high school and cool. Gracie liked hanging out with anyone. She had always been easy to please when it came to friendship.

My mom thankfully had backed off a little on the wedding talk; I had a feeling that Edward may have talked to her. She had started to teach Savannah and Gracie during the day on their lessons. Having her here was a great way to keep the girls on track with their studies. My dad who retired a few months ago thought that staying at Edward's house was a vacation. He would sit around in our living room, eat and watch ESPN.

Embry and I found Gracie and Savannah in Becky's room.

"Hey, would you mind if we steal them away for a little bit?" I asked Becky.

"Sure. No problem." She replied.

"Savannah, Gracie. We want to talk to you for a minute." Embry called after them.

"Are we in trouble, Daddy?" Gracie asked.

"No baby."

Savannah and Gracie followed me to their bedroom and we all took a seat on Savannah's bed. Princess Meow Meow had gotten rather large since the time we brought her home and she now took up a portion of Gracie's bed and looked like the Queen of Sheba.

"I have been thinking lately that maybe it would be good for us to move to California for a little while?" Embry started.

Savannah's eyes started to light up, "Really. We can stay?" she asked.

I smiled to her and nodded my head.

Gracie scrunched up her little forehead, "Can Princess Meow Meow live with us in California?"

"Of course she can." I answered. "Your daddy and I want to go and look at some schools for you both and we were thinking you would start back up at a school in January."

"Can't we just stay home schooled" Savannah asked.

"Don't you want to go and make new friends?" I asked.

"No. I'd rather stay home schooled." Savannah looked sick at the idea of having to return to school.

"I want you in a school, Savannah." Embry said. I could tell there was something bothering her.

"Gracie, I heard your daddy is looking for a partner to play basketball with. Do you want to go down to the court and show him that new move you've been working on?" Embry looked over to me and I gave him a nod to go. He got up from the bed and Gracie cheered as she jumped down.

"I can't wait to show you what I can do, Daddy." Pulling Embry from the room, I was left with Savannah. I watched them leave and turned back to Savannah who was pulling at her blanket.

"Why don't you want to go back to school?" I asked.

She shook her head, "I don't like going to school…the other kids…they don't like me. They make fun of me. I don't have any friends. I just want to stay here. I promise I will do all of my work and even extra, please don't make me go back to school." She looked up at me with her big brown eyes and my heart broke because I knew exactly how she felt. I wanted to say yes and protect her from her peers but I knew that wouldn't necessarily be right either.

"Savannah, when I was young like around your age; I was made fun of too. I wish I could tell you that the things kids used to say to me didn't hurt me but they did. In fact I still have to fight with the mean things they said and tell myself today that it's not true. You're going to find people in this life whose sole purpose is to tear you down because it makes them feel better about their own lives. I look back on when I was your age and I wished I would have stood up for myself. When your dad and I go to look at schools I want you to come along and if you don't feel comfortable then we won't send you there. But please try to see. Just because you didn't make friends in New York doesn't mean you won't make friends here. I want you to have friends your own age because when you do find a friend; trust me that person can make you so happy. If you do go to a school and you hate it; please tell me. I will always stand by you and if you are miserable then we will figure something else out, okay?"

She nodded her head.

"Does being famous now help with what you had to go through when you were my age. I mean people like you now."

"Being famous wasn't a confidence booster. I still struggle with my self-esteem. Sometimes it makes it harder because people may love you but they will love you for superficial reasons. Your daddy is famous and someday you may find that a person wants to be your friend because of your famous dad. It's hard because you have to be able to be a good judge of character and to see if a person is sincere. People may look up to you just because of who your father is but you need to learn to use that influence for good."

"I will try school again." She replied.

"Good. I love that you love reading but I really would love to see you get out and do other things. Has there ever been something you wanted to take lessons in? Musical instrument? Dance? Art?"

"Well, I have always wanted to take riding lessons. I've never even been on a horse but I want to try."

"I've been a couple of times; it's fun. I will talk to your dad and maybe we can have you go riding and see if it's something you like. If you ever want to try something just let me know. Something that always got me through my school days was my family. It's not just your dad and me and your sister; Edward is here for you and Becky and Jacob. We are all here to love and support you no matter what."

I gave her a hug and Edward knocked on the door quietly. "Hey, did you guys want to come down and help with making pizza for dinner?"

Savannah jumped up from the bed and I followed her out. As I was passing Edward took a hold of my hand and stopped me for a moment. "Hey, try to relax tonight. I think it will be good for you, Bella."

I sighed, "I'll try."

My parents never had the pleasure of being in on one of Edward's famous pizza making lessons. Edward decided it would be far more exciting if we all made our own personal pizza. He made sure that all the ingredients one would ever want on a pizza were out and ready. It was a good thing we had put in an extra oven. I was a little surprised when even my dad rolled up his sleeves and got into the lesson. I of course had a barbecue chicken pineapple pizza.

The next day, Embry and I managed to get through our performance three times and Justin said that every time Embry and I were closer and closer to be in sync with one another. My high for the day gave me the confidence for tomorrow.

Marcus showed up early on Sunday morning with dress in tow. I suddenly realized that if I didn't like it or felt self-conscious in it; it would be too late now. But as always, I don't know what I was worried about.

Marcus pulled out a royal purple flowy dress. The sleeves were long the neck was plunging and it was short in the front and long in the back. I had never seen anything like it before but I thought it was edgy and perfect for the AMA's.

I had tried it on and Marcus was helping me and making sure it fit right in all the right places.

"Wow. You always know how to outdo yourself." I praised twisting in the mirror in front of me.

"Would you please stop moving, I need to see if I should hem it any further." Marcus scolded me.

He was down on one knee scrutinizing every little detail.

"Marcus, would you design my wedding dress?" That came completely out of left field but in that moment all I could think was who better? Marcus nearly stabbed me with a needle as he faltered on my words. He paused looking up at me with a serious expression. Slowly he rose to stand eye to eye with me, well not really since he was like six inches taller than me.

"It would be my honor." He replied softly.

I had never seen him so…choked up before. I smiled at him.

"Thank you." I answered.

Marcus walked around the other side of me and started to play with the dress a little.

"Isabella, I never will be able to repay you for the kindness you have shown me."

I furrowed my brow. "Marcus, you have done far more for me then I have ever been able to do for you. There is nothing to even think on repaying me. I wish I could do something to repay you for all you have done."

Marcus and I never were ones for serious conversations. Scratch that, most conversations we had were serious but both of us used sarcasm as a way of watering down our conversations. This was the first time where sarcasm took a back seat.

When Marcus was satisfied with his work he took leave after telling me that he would now be returning to his dungeon to start on designs for the wedding dress. You should have seen his face when I told him I would need it by February thirteenth. He thought I was joking, poor guy.

Getting my hair and makeup done I was suddenly frustrated of how easy men have it. They could literally get ready in an hour and wear the same suit over and over. I think I was trying to put my focus on anything but my impeding début.

This would be the first award show or event where I wouldn't feel nervous about the red carpet. The red carpet looked like a cake walk compared to what would be happening in t minus three hours. Edward and I showed up an hour before the show started to answer questions from the press and pose for pictures. I was so used to the normal arrangement Edward and I would go through. Get out of the car, pose for pictures, talk to the reporters and then stand by while Edward walked up and down the carpet signing autographs for the screaming fans on the opposite side from the press. This had always been our routine but today Edward pulled me with him to the screaming fans and it was the first time I would ever have people call my name and ask for my autograph.

Don't get me wrong, I had been asked for autographs before but never like this. I couldn't wrap my mind around people knowing me and actually liking me.

After twenty or so minutes, we were told that we needed to get into the auditorium. I walked hand in hand with Edward and said a few quick hello's to friends passing by.

"Coward." I said taking my seat next to Embry. Embry made it a point to me that he did not do red carpets and he usually took the side entrance into shows.

Embry rolled his eyes. "It's not my thing."

"I can't imagine how frustrated your label must be over you. Your album drops in two weeks; don't you think it be who of you to I don't know; do press and promote?"

"B, I don't need to promote it. There is a countdown clock on my official website where my millions of fans have known all about it for months now. Also _Entertainment Weekly_ named my album one of the most anticipated albums of the year. That's all the press I need."

"Don't make me slap you." I replied put off.

The lights came down cutting off Embry's and my banter for the moment. Edward took my hand and I could feel the sweat starting as I mentally counted down in my head. I kept checking my phone every couple of minutes until Edward took it away from me. I could feel the fluttering in my chest begin and I was a little upset that I wasn't able to enjoy some of the amazing performances happening just a couple of feet away. I had great seats. Unfortunately my parents were sitting a little ways back but my mom assured me it was fine. I asked Edward if there was any way he could bring them up to our seats during our performance and he said he would work on it.

"B. We gotta go." Embry pulled me up with him and out of the fog I was in. I leaned over and kissed Edward.

"You are going to do amazing, baby." He said with one final hand squeeze. I nodded my head slowly and resolved. I went into my dressing room where my costume was set up and quickly got myself dressed and ready for hair and makeup. I didn't have much to do since I tried to get my hair and makeup to be close with what I wanted for the performance but still I needed touch ups.

Before Embry went to take his place; he stood in front of me and took my hands in his.

"B, we got this. We're going to do great."

I nodded my head, willing my hands to stop shaking. Embry pulled me in for one final hug and released me turning to go to his mark in the audience.

"Miss Swan, we're ready for you to take your mark." A man told me.

He followed me out to the stage. They were at commercial break and be back in just a minute. It was one of the worst moments in my life to see everyone sitting in the audience watching me as I went to my place on the step. I stretched one last time and tried not to focus on anything else but the song. I was running the whole performance through my head trying to make sure that I had it down. I saw my parents sitting next to Edward. My mom waving wildly at me.

I looked down and then heard the host come out and present us. I remember being worried that I was shaking so much that you would be able to hear it in my voice when I needed to start singing because right up until that music started I was almost shaking uncontrollably. But with that first note and the lights being placed on me; I became someone else and like Embry said, it was an outer body moment.

I went through the motions and sang my little heart out. I listened to every word Embry rapped and did my best to grasp the pain and feeling behind his words. The choreographed portion came and went and it felt like just another day. Nothing could be heard but the music and singing.

We came to the end of the song and Embry turned to me singing the last portion of the song. He placed an arm around me and it was over. Like someone had instantly turned up the volume all I could hear was cheers and screams.

No more nerves.

"So, you gonna puke?" Embry asked looking to me.

I looked out over the crowd and smiled up at him.

"No. Let's do that again."

Embry laughed.

And we did do it again; in fact Embry and I made a habit of working together as often as possible throughout our careers. He was a rap artist. A genre as far away from me as you could be but something about us; always made sense.

* * *

**AN:** Sorry I've been lame on the updates. I think my vacation took a lot more out of me then I realized. But I am back so hopefully I can update more now. I hope you are enjoying the story. I will say that these few chapters are just a warm up for drama coming. Thank you for reading and reviewing, I really do appreciate it and it does help with modivating me. :-)


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

You would think I would want to go out and party after the show that night. I deserved to let my hair down and have a good time with all of my friends and family but I knew that I needed to be up extra early to follow through on another obligation.

It wasn't for a lack of trying on Embry's part either. He kept telling me that we deserved to party hard but I knew I needed to be responsible and I would party on Thanksgiving. My parents who had never been to a Hollywood party before were a tad bit disappointed that I didn't want to go but when Embry saw that I was resolved he agreed to take them and show them to a good time. I still laugh at the very image in my mind of my dad partying with rapper E.C. Crime but oddly enough they got along pretty well.

The girls were already in bed when Edward and I arrived home; we had a brief conversation with Rosalie and Emmett but I just wanted to get to bed. I wanted to get to bed because ever since I got the high from performing on stage all I could think about was getting Edward home and naked. Performing was some sort of aphrodisiac for Edward and I. He willingly let me pounce on him when we closed the door to our bedroom and the only pause between our pre-sex session was the twenty seconds it took for us to both shed our clothes.

We didn't make love that night, we fucked. Oh my did we fuck…twice.

The stress I had been under for the past few weeks was lifted. I had always heard that sex could do wonders for stress; however it was probably a good thing that I hadn't found this out sooner or else I probably would have killed Eddie Jr. with all the times I needed a good ride the past few weeks.

I showed up to set the next day with a bounce in my step. I was one major project down and one to go. By Thanksgiving I would be home free. That thought alone caused me to be extra peppy. People on set didn't know what to make of my positive Polly attitude.

"How are we doing this fine day?" I came to sit down next to Renesmee as she was getting her hair and makeup done.

"Great." She said overly peppy herself.

"Nervous, huh?"

She let out a breath, "Yeah…I just keep telling myself to focus and then every thought I have goes every which way. I feel like I have a giant sized piñata for a brain."

This was her first big break so I could relate to that feeling having my first break a couple of months earlier.

"I'm not going to tell you to relax, that always drives me crazy when people have told me that. I will say that I will be completely patient with you so please don't worry about having to get the shot in one or two takes. I know what you're going through and it does get easier the more we do it. Okay?"

She smiled and nodded her head.

"Okay, I will see you on set in a little while." I got up from the chair. "I gotta get back to work or else they won't pay me."

Emma informed me that the boys would be coming in around noon. They didn't need to be here since we had already filmed their portion but they wanted to come by for moral support. I was walking down to where we would begin our first scene which was going to be Renesmee running through the mirror maze.

As I got closer I saw Seth Clearwater and Stefan Vladic standing around chatting with one another. I almost wanted to walk in another direction but unfortunately they saw me and started on the approach. It's not that I didn't like them but I didn't know how they felt after last night and I didn't want to focus on the albums at this moment; I just wanted to get this filming done.

"Gentleman, did you not party hard enough last night? You're up a tad early this morning." I said as they came closer.

"No rest for the wicked, I'm afraid." Stefan replied. I was a tad bit surprised that he himself would come down here to talk to me. Stefan was a very powerful person with a lot more important people on his radar. I was sure that someone like me could easily be handled by Seth or Quil. I was suddenly very nervous about his visit.

"So what can I do for you?" I asked trying to remain strong and confident.

"Well, first off I know that you are in the middle of something so I will try to make our visit brief."

I nodded slightly looking around to see what was going on all around us.

"We have decided a release date for the Night and Day albums."

"Night and Day?" I asked.

"Yes, you stated once that the albums were night and day as far as music went and we liked that so we thought that Night and Day would be appropriate." Stefan continued.

"I like it." I concurred.

"We set the release date for January thirteenth."

"My mom's birthday. I think she'd like that." I replied quietly. "So fast though? It's going to be ready by then? I mean that's like less than two months away."

"We are working extra hard to get it out by then because we know that it's a usually a good season to premiere new artists." Seth stepped in.

"Okay. Um...sounds good. I know you know what you are doing." I smiled.

"I know that I said that we would not discuss album covers until after Thanksgiving but we really need to get on this as you can see." Seth pushed.

"I agree. I apologize for not being able to make time sooner. I promise after this week, I am all yours."

"Well, there is something else we would like to discuss with you. Something else that I would like you to keep an open mind of since I know that this is rather last minute but what we think could be a great opportunity for your career." Stefan looked slightly uncomfortable which made me uncomfortable since someone in his place should never feel uncomfortable talking to a peon like me.

Somehow I knew that this wasn't a simple house call. He was waiting to drop the other shoe. I didn't say anything; I just waited for him to continue.

"Every year the President of the United States hosts an award show for people in the performing arts he deems worthy of accepting this high honor."

"The Kennedy Center Honors. Yes, I know." I interrupted.

"Yes. This year one of our finest artists is being presented with the honor. Have you ever seen the show?" Stefan asked.

"Bits here and there." I answered.

"It is customary for a tribute to be made for the person being honored. Babette Brice is one of this year's honoree's and we were asked to produce a tribute for her."

I could feel the hair on my arms rise up. Babette Brice was one of the most influential and famous people of this era. She was not only an actor but a singer, producer, writer. If there was a job in Entertainment; she was sure to have conquered it and conquered it well. She got her start on Broadway and quickly succeeded in furthering her career to other areas. I could feel where this conversation was heading and I suddenly didn't feel too well myself.

"Tanya Denali was supposed to be part of the tribute we had put together but as you know…" Stefan didn't continue with that thought. Tanya Denali was an icon herself, at sixteen she landed on the music scene and was now one of the biggest stars on the planet and she was only twenty-four. However like many a cautionary tale she too fell into a world of drugs and alcohol and as of last week she was checked into a rehab facility.

"Babette Brice who was not too happy with our choice from the beginning called me last night and has requested you to continue on with her tribute." He said every word more unsure as the last one. I turned around and placed my head in my hands. I didn't want them to actually see my face turn green.

I took a few deep breaths and turned around to face them once more.

"You…" I shook my head. "I don't think this is a good idea. I…I…I…" I…. couldn't come up with words.

"Bella, this is a good thing. Not only will this be great promotion for your upcoming albums but when Babette Brice requests you personally, well that is a great thing." Seth tried to promote.

"I would be performing in front of the President." I paused. "The President!"

"Well, he is the outgoing President so you would have a different President come next month…if that helps." Seth jested.

"He's still the president!" I all but half screamed.

"Bella, I understand that this is a lot of pressure but like I said this is a great opportunity and I truly believe especially after last night's performance that you would be a perfect person for the job. Unfortunately we don't have a lot of time to decide. The show is taping on December seventh."

Once again I interrupted Stefan. "December seventh?!" I began pacing. "But that's like next week! I thought the show was like the last week of December?"

"No it airs the last week of December; it tapes the first week of December." Seth clarified.

Suddenly everything around me ceased to have any importance. Out of the corner of my eye I could see that Edward had arrived. He came down every once in a while to support me and usually I didn't like having him on set with me because it would make me nervous but today I welcomed it.

"When's the latest you would need to know by?" I asked never taking my eyes off Edward approaching.

"Today. You would need to be in D.C. by next Wednesday. Ideally we would want you to start this Friday with learning the choreography. Since Babette did her fair share of Broadway, there is a lot of dancing involved." Stefan replied.

I sighed. "I'll give you my answer later today." I paused. "I really wish you would have waited to drop this bombshell on me after I got in a day of filming."

"Hey guys, how's it going?" Edward walked up and snaked an arm around my waist.

"Good Edward. Great performance last night. We were really impressed with Bella." Stefan said.

Edward laughed a little, "That's my girl."

"Well, we were just leaving. I know you have a lot to do today and a lot to think about. Bella, Edward." Stefan nodded to us and with Seth in tow they took leave.

I let off a big breath. Once again I had managed to find myself in a stressful situation but wasn't that something I expected when I decided to venture down this path. It was at that moment when I truly understood my life was changing drastically.

"What wrong? What did he mean a lot to think about?" Edward immediately started pushing.

"Edward, I need to get back to work. I can't focus on anything else right now or I may never finish this damn thing."

Edward pulled me back to him after I started to walk off.

"You can't take two minutes to tell me what's going on?"

"No. Because then you are going to want to sit here and dissect everything and I need to get to work." I said with a tad more authority. Edward looked down toward the ground. I think I may have hurt him with my brashness.

I sighed, "Edward, I'm sorry but it feels like I get one thing done and something else pops up. I know that this is a good thing but I'm kind of overwhelmed and unfortunately I don't know what to do. I know what I have to do and that is I need to start filming this video or else pretty soon we will be filming on Thanksgiving because I failed to get this show on the road. So can you please just hold off until we take break?"

"Okay." Edward nodded solemnly. "I'll see you on lunch break. Good luck today."

Edward turned around and walked away and I took a moment to watch his retreat. Part of me was already seeing what being a part of this industry did to relationships. We make fun of people's marriages or relationships breaking up in Hollywood but this was the first time I could see firsthand what the pressure did to cause it.

"Bella, everyone is ready for you." Emma broke me out of my thoughts.

I shook my head out of the fog I was in and smiled. "Well let's get this show on the road."

One thing I was starting to get really good at was being able to compartmentalize. As much as my mind wanted to redirect thoughts to the discussion earlier this morning, once I arrived on set and everyone was in place; I was able to shift all of my focus back to the task in front of me. I told myself that there would be plenty of time to worry about other things another time. I think it also helped to have the pressure of so many people relying on my direction that I couldn't allow anything else to take my attention away.

Renesmee was a little rocky at first; just like I was however I don't think she was as bad as I was in the beginning. I found that after a couple of takes it was good to play back what we shot already so she could evaluate her performance and it was amazing to see the dramatic change in her after that.

The boys arrived around noon and still looked a tad bit tired from the previous night's events.

"You boys look like you're auditioning for the new zombie movie." I laughed.

"Where the hell did you run off to last night? We went to the after party and Embry told us that you weren't coming." Scott said.

"Well some of us have responsibilities." I chided.

"Well some of you need to get a life." Aaron taunted back.

"Well some of us will stop everything they're doing this moment and go and find a life." I threatened.

"All right calm down. We were only joking." Scott put a cease to our talks.

"There's someone I would like to introduce you to. Renesmee." I called after my new little protégé.

She came bopping over with far too much energy. Awe I remember when I used to have energy when I was younger.

"Guys, I would like you to meet Renesmee. Renesmee these are the guys." I announced.

Renesmee's cheeks became a tad rosy as gave a shy hello. The boys welcomed her loudly and I excused myself to go and speak to Carl about the next scene.

"What are you so smiley for?" Carl asked when he saw me approach.

"Awe, young love." I looked back over to the boys and Renesmee. "I think I might just be a matchmaker."

"Don't go patting yourself on the back yet. It's a horrible thing to be involved in someone else's love life. What's gonna happen when your little ménage a six doesn't work out?" Carl asked.

I stood there for a moment and my face quickly turned to disgust, I slapped Carl in the arm.

"I'm not expecting all six of them to hook up. Geez, Carl. Where did that dirty mind of yours go right now?"

Carl started to bark out a laugh as I quickly tried to shake any incoming images from my head.

"You're a freak." I teased.

"You have no idea." He kept laughing.

"Okay, I'm gonna just go over there now." I pointed towards the craft service table and walked away disturbed.

When it was time for lunch I knew I needed to seek out Edward. The boys wanted me to eat with them and Renesmee but I told them I had some important business to attend to first.

Edward was on the phone when I arrived at my trailer. His hair was all disheveled from what I imagined was from his hands constantly running through it. I could tell that whomever he was talking to it seemed like he was not pleased. In fact the moment I arrived he growled out, "Just fix it."

I promptly turned right back around. Retreating seemed like a good idea but he called after me.

"Bella." I stopped and hugged the door frame.

"I gotta go." And he hung up without even a goodbye.

"If this is a bad time…I could come back." I cringed gauging his face.

Edward sighed and flopped down in the chair placing his head in his hands. "No. I'm not upset with you. I'm just stressed."

Edward was rarely one to talk about his stress; I was a little thrown off by this. I mean I knew I was stressed but Edward always seemed put together a lot more than me.

"What's wrong?" I asked cautiously.

Edward shook his head a little, "I'm just trying to tie up loose ends. Don't worry about it." He looked up to me. "So…what's going on?"

I followed Edward's lead and plopped down in the chair across from him.

"Stefan and Seth were here this morning to discuss some things. They choose a release date for the albums…January thirteenth. Which is kind of sooner than I had imagined but whatever. And then they asked me to take over Tanya Denali's place for the Babette Brice tribute for the Kennedy Center awards."

Edward's face dramatically changed slowly. The stress between the eyes faded out and his mouth opened a little like the thought magically appeared into his brain after a moment.

"Sweetheart, that's…incredible. Congratulations."

I started rubbing my arm and looked down, "Well, I haven't agreed to accept. I told them I would think about it and give them my answer by the end of the day."

Edward picked himself up and came to sit down next to me. "I…" he paused and like he literally changed directions he continued on down a different path. "Why don't you make a list of pro's and con's? It may help you make the decision. If there are overwhelming reasons why you should or shouldn't do this then that can help you with this decision."

I sat there for a moment starting a mental list of pro's and con's, "What were you going to say before?"

Edward furrowed his brow and started to shake his head.

"Edward, you said I. I what?" I pushed.

He sighed. "I…I was going to give you my opinion but then I realized that you don't need my opinion. I have pushed you enough into things you may not have wanted to do and I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to be the cause for your stress and I see that happening more and more."

"It's not your fault; lately I've just been biting off more than I can chew. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I never get to see anyone anymore unless its for professional reasons and also to be quite honest…I just miss sleep. I feel like I haven't had a day in so long to just sleep. I blame my lack of sleep for my over commitment issues." I laughed.

"Hmm maybe your boyfriend had a valid suggestion on that whole napping idea." I narrowed my eyes at his taunting.

Edward jumped up from the couch and slapped his hands together. "Okay, here's what we are going to do. I am going to start jotting down a list of reasons why you should do this and I want you to give me a reason why you shouldn't do this."

"Why not the other way around?" I asked.

"If you wanted to do this; you would have said yes instantly. Clearly you have thoughts against it."

He had a fair made point.

"Number one. This is a prime opportunity to further your career. You can reach a lot of people by doing this performance." Edward started to write down career advancement.

"However, maybe a more seasoned artist could better represent Babette Brice as well as Warner Bros since this will be a tribute as well as a performance for the President of the United States." I posed.

"Just last night you were on Embry's case about not doing more to help promote his album. This would be great promotion and it would obviously help out the label." Edward remarked.

"True but seeing how I would be not only performing once again if front of a potentially large audience, I would also have to perform in front of the President himself. I don't think it would do well for my career or my label to blow chunks all over the stage. Secret service may think I was carrying a potentially dangerous contagion and they could deem me a threat."

Edward gave me a look.

"What? It could happen." I defended.

"Let's move on. If you were to do this performance you would have the prospect to meet the President you most likely voted for." Edward rolled his eyes; always trying to get me to slip up on my voting practices.

"It wouldn't matter if I voted for him; its still an honor just to meet a President."

"Bella, is all of your reasons for you not doing this because of the President?" Edward paused his writing.

I looked toward the window; I hadn't thought of that.

"Yes. I think it is." I replied quietly.

"Hmm, well this is a pickle." Edward remarked.

"Yeah, no kidding." I rolled my eyes.

"Would it help if I told you he was the outgoing President?"

"Edward." I reprimanded him. "Besides Seth already tried that."

"Okay would it help if I told you that the President has been known to nod off at these things and he probably wouldn't be watching you anyway?"

"Great, now I'm so boring I put the leader of the free world asleep?" I jokingly replied.

"How about…it would make your parents really proud?" Edward tried.

I sat there for a moment thinking of my rather politically divided parents. One was blue the other red. Edward knew all about their political opinions when he was on his campaign for President. I guess I shouldn't be a surprise that my dad and Edward favored the same candidate. My mom however made a scene at dinner stating they were all sheep. I tried to steer clear of any conversations regarding politics since it seems nothing good ever comes from it.

"Well my mom might be proud. My dad voted for the other guy."

"Bella, it wouldn't matter what party they were partial of. Every parent is honored when they say their child performed for the President."

"I guess. So what should I do?" I asked.

"I'm not the one to tell you that. I will say that whatever you decide to do; I will be here. I will be here in whatever capacity you need me in. I just want you to really think about all sides of this and be sure you can live with whatever you choose. I would hate to see you regret something."

And there it was. Edward's advice. I loved Edward but even though he was all for this new kind of relationship; telling me that he wouldn't give his opinion on things he always managed to sneak in his true feelings. It's not like I didn't know what he wanted me to choose and it did help tilt the scale in his favor.

I went back to work hoping that our little talk would give Edward some peace of mind. He seemed a tad bit high-strung when I came into the trailer and I couldn't help but think it was because of me.

I was walking down to set and I saw Matthew sitting on some rocks away from his fellow band mates. They all seemed to be entertaining Renesmee.

"Hey, whatcha doin?" I asked.

"Hey Bella. Not much just drawing some things." He replied.

"You draw?"

"Well, I just like doing it in my spare time. It helps me relax." He noted.

"That's so cool. Can I see?" I asked.

"Um…well I guess." He nervously brought his notepad up to me.

"This is really good, Matthew. I mean that." I said amazed. He had managed to draw the scene before us of the other guys sitting around Renesmee entertaining her. But he did it in such a fashion that it looked kind of Van goghish.

"Thanks."

"I wish I had this talent. Drawing has never been a strong point for me." I admitted.

"Well, maybe you just need to work on it a little. Besides I think you have enough talent in other areas to carry you." He laughed.

"Hey, do you think you could draw something for me?" I asked suddenly inspired.

Matthew furrowed his brow, "Um…sure. What were you thinking?"

I took a seat down next to him upon a rock. "Seth has been on my case about coming up with a cover for the albums that are releasing. I was thinking since I don't relish the idea of having to do an awkward photo shoot maybe you could do some art work and that can be the albums covers. Do you think you'd be interested?"

"Bella, there are far more talented people who do that sort of thing. I don't know if I would be able to deliver something good enough."

"Matt, please will you think about it? I think you are very talented. You already know what the albums sound like. WMG is naming them Night and Day. You know me; who better then someone who knows me to create something like this?" I paused for a moment trying to gauge him. "Look, if you don't want to do it; I won't be upset but please just think about it."

I saw Emma approaching probably trying to get me back to work. I got up from the rock and dusted myself off.

"Everyone's ready." Emma said slightly out of breath.

"Just let me know." I said back to Matt before leaving. I never told him this but for some strange reason I decided to base my decision on the Kennedy Center Honors off of his decision on whether he would do my album covers. At the time I guess I just thought that if by some miracle Matt agreed to do the album covers and he were to tell me by seven o'clock that evening when I would make the deciding call; it was the universe's way of telling me to do the show.

The hours ticked by and as much as I was able to focus on the video a small part in the back of my mind still thought of the countdown to seven o'clock. I called wrap at 6:45 pm after thanking everyone for their hard work and telling them I would be seeing all their shining faces for the six am call time the next day.

Emma was standing on the side talking with Edward.

"Hey baby, how long do you need?" Edward asked.

"Um… a couple of minutes. I just need to make a phone call and then I'm ready to go." I pulled out my phone ready to call Seth and gracefully decline.

"Bella, Matt wanted me to give this to you." Emma said as she handed me a folder.

So close.

Tentatively I took the folder from her and started to open it.

"He said that it's just a start and then wanted me to tell you he was leaving to work on it." She explained.

Inside was the outline for two different covers and I was already falling in love with my decision to ask him for help.

"What is it?" Edward asked. I handed him the folder and shook my head. Edward looked confused as he looked down upon the sketch as my phone was dialing Seth Clearwater.

"Hello, this is Seth." He answered within two rings.

"I guess I'm your girl."

Edward looked up and after a moment his mouth spread to a proud smile.

* * *

**AN:** Thank you for reading and reviewing. I hope to update again later this week. Hope you enjoyed!


	14. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

I made an agreement with Seth to do the Kennedy Center Honors with the understanding that I would have complete control over the artwork for the two albums. I didn't foresee him picking a fight to my terms but I still wanted to make it clear that he didn't need to harass me any further on the matter.

By the end of the filming on Wednesday; after I had rolled around in the dirt and making sure that every shot just as I envisioned it was captured, we were finally done. I allowed myself one day of putting my mind into autopilot before I was required to show up to rehearsal on Friday. While most people would be out rampaging the stores for Black Friday I would be held up in a space where my only hope was some sort of windows to look upon on the outside world as I began rehearsals for next week's performance.

My mother who was working frantically to help put on Thanksgiving thankfully didn't require my help. Edward and her managed to get into a rather long discussion in which he was telling her that she would have an abundance of help due to the fact we had a lot more people to cook for. She argued and tried to even stomp her feet but in the end Edward won.

It was a glorious morning of Thanksgiving when I woke up feeling more rested then I have since our mini vacay to Hawaii. I sat up in bed and noticed Edward's absence; looking over to the clock I nearly had a heart attack when it read 2:14 pm. For a minute I was upset at the idea that no one had woken me sooner but then that quickly faded when I realized what Edward had done for me.

Lazy, I rose up out of bed to go ahead and start getting ready for the day's festivities. I was in the middle of my nice long bath when Edward came in holding a tray of fruit.

"I thought you'd might be hungry." He said with a smile on his face. I floated my way over to him and he lowered some grapes slowly dipping them into my mouth. I giggled.

"I feel like princess."

"Would you like some company, Princess?" I cringed at the words coming from his mouth.

"Sorry, it's just Jacob calls me that when he wants to be annoying." I shook my head of the thoughts. "But, yes please; if you think there will be time."

Edward started to shed his clothes. "Oh baby, we shall make time."

Edward sat down right behind me and settled me right between his legs. He started to give me a shoulder massage and I couldn't help the groans that came out of me.

"You keep that up and I just may skip Thanksgiving all together and go back to bed."

"Darling we can't have that. Your mother would go insane with your absence and I have a feeling there are a few people who would miss you." Edward purred.

"I guess you're right. It is my first Thanksgiving with Gracie and Savannah." I acknowledged.

"Did you wash your hair yet?" Edward asked.

I shook my head. "Good. I love washing your hair." Edward reached over to the shampoo and started to lather up my hair. He fingers giving my scalp a nice light massage.

"I feel like there isn't anything I wouldn't say yes to when you do that." I admitted.

"Hmm…then I should quickly try to think of something I want."

"Take your time back there big boy." I laughed.

"So…I was thinking…" he started.

"Wow that has to be some kind of record for you. Makes me think you had some agenda."

"I may have had a couple of things that I have been dying for the perfect moment to bring to your attention."

I pulled away from Edward and turned to face him. "Edward, what is it?" I knew my brief sanity would only last so long.

"Well…first of all I wanted to reiterate just how proud I am of you. I am also happy that you agreed to the KCH performance. I really do think that this could do great things for your career…"

"Edward." I prompted him to get to the point.

"I have, well Ian and I have been doing some research and we think we have found a great company to help take on some tasks." Edward was slow and vague.

"Would you just tell me already?" I pressured.

"All right, okay. I made an appointment for Sunday afternoon to speak with a wedding coördinator over at Wedding Wishes."

I sat there staring at him with my hair still in a soapy mess upon the top of my head.

"Honey, it's just a quick sit down. I figured that since we want to get married in two months then the sooner we did this the better it would be for our wedding coördinator."

I slowly nodded my head and exhaled. "But, I think I might be in rehearsals. Why don't you go ahead and meet with them. Take my mom, I'm sure she'd love that."

I didn't understand my feelings at the moment. Part of me was a little upset that he would book an appointment without consulting me first. I mean I already had enough on my calendar and now here Edward was trying to squeeze in one more thing. Didn't he understand that I was tired? Didn't he get how much stress and pressure I have been under? He's the one who was pushing me to do the Kennedy Center Honors and now there was one more thing I was forced to think about. To be honest at this point I wouldn't care if he planned the whole damn wedding himself.

I dropped down to wash my hair off in the water.

"Bella, I want to do this with you." Edward replied.

I sat there trying to wash the soap out of my hair.

"Let's face it. I'm never going to have time. Just plan the dream wedding that you want. At least then one of us will be happy." I snapped.

"Bella. Honey."

"Ugh, I can't get this damn shampoo out of my hair. I'm just going to have to take a shower." I huffed and picked myself up from the tub.

"Wait, I want to talk to you." Edward started to say while trying to pick himself up too.

I walked over and jumped into the shower. "Well you can talk to me while I shower. I don't know if I can fit you into my schedule otherwise."

I was frantically trying to scrub the shampoo away. Edward opened the door and pushed his way in.

"Baby, would you please just calm down." Edward pulled my hands out of my hair and held them against his chest.

"I don't have time to calm down." I yelled. "Every minute of every day has something planned out and I don't get the luxury of calming down, Edward."

I melted into his chest as I was overwhelmed with tears and sobs. "There is just never enough time." I whimpered.

Edward held me for a few moments before stating, "I'm going to push the wedding back."

I pulled my head from off his chest to look at him. "No. I don't want you to do that."

"Bella, you're going kind of crazy. I don't want to be the reason for this." He gestured to my sad form.

"Edward, I will figure it out. Sorry, I melted down on you. I will figure this out." I turned away from him to turn off the shower.

"I don't want you to figure this out. This is too much pressure on you and I am going to change the date. Maybe sometime in Summer would be better."

I grabbed my towel and started to dry off. "Don't you see? It doesn't matter when we get married. I will always have something or you will have something that will cause us some stress. We are not pushing back that wedding date. I had a temporary lapse and I will be fine."

"Baby, you're not fine." Edward said.

"I am fine." I pushed. "Just tell Emma to call WMG and let them know of our appointment with this Wedding Wishes and that I will need to step out for a moment on rehearsals. I will figure this out."

I walked over to the closet upset at how I could lose my shit in front of Edward. I needed to keep it together or knowing Edward's actions in the past he may just forbid me from working all together and even though I know I could fight him; I didn't have it in me to fight right now.

"Bella, can you just stop. I want to talk to you." Edward was still pushing; damn me and my womanly hormones.

"Please, can we just not. I just want to get ready and go and spend what little time I have with my family. Please, can this just wait?" I was trying to put on some clothes. The clock in our closet read 3:33 pm.

Edward sighed and nodded; thankfully giving up his quest…for now.

I put on a simple green dress and some black tights. Working quickly with some light makeup; I managed to look somewhat presentable by four. It didn't take Edward as long to get ready but he did keep throwing looks of concern toward me. Eventually I had to kick him out and told him I would meet him downstairs.

The first thing I noticed when I came out of my bedroom door was how loud it seemed. As I was descending the stairs I could pick out a couple of voices that weren't on my mental guest list. I had been under the impression that it would only be like ten people for dinner but when I arrived downstairs there was at least thirty people from my rough guesstimate.

"Bella, there you are." Angela jumped up and came over to give me a strong hug.

"Hey, Ang. What are you doing here?" I asked confused.

"Why? Did you want me to leave?" she laughed.

"No. I…I just didn't know you were coming today."

"Well Edward called me and asked if I would come by since I haven't seen you in forever Miss Hollywood. So Ben and I came and later this evening we are going to go by my parent's house before the dreaded Black Friday events begin."

"Wow, that's great. I've really missed you." I added sincerely.

"Are those tears? Really Bella?"

We both laughed. "I just have felt so out of touch with everyone for so long. But since I have you here." I pulled her aside away from everyone else.

"Why so secret?" she asked as I pulled her down a hallway.

I turned back to her, "Ang, I was hoping to ask if you would be my maid of honor."

"I didn't think it was a question. I mean who else could ever possibly be as awesome as me?" She hugged me hard. "Thank you, Bella." She whispered.

"Well, well can I get in on this sandwich?" Jacob taunted from behind us.

"Ugh, Jacob you always have to ruin a moment, don't you?" I huffed.

"I live to serve." He mocked.

I hadn't really had time to think about bridesmaids or anything really wedding related but I always knew that Angela would be my maid of honor. There was no question about it.

We walked back toward the living room with Jacob in tow.

"Mommy, come look what grandma help us make." Gracie pulled me toward the dining room where it looked like Edward had transformed the dining room from one long table into four tables forming a square. In the middle of the four tables was another smaller table and upon it a turkey made from fruit setting on a platter.

"Isn't it pretty. We got to stab different fruits and make the turkey colorful." Gracie presented. My mom was always a wonder with craft projects.

"It's beautiful. Did you and Savannah have fun?" I asked.

"Yep. I also helped put marshmallows on the yams today too." She boasted.

"Where's Savannah? Did she help too?"

"Of course and Becky and Rosalie and Esme and Alice."

"Wow there must have been a lot of people here this morning." Suddenly I felt guilty that I hadn't come down and helped.

"Maybe I should go and say hello. Great job on the turkey."

Edward caught me up before leaving the dining room.

"Do you like it?" he asked cautiously.

"Yes. I love it. Um… I just feel bad. I should have helped instead of sleeping in. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wanted you to get some rest. Plus I had everything under control. You said you wanted time with your family and friends so I invited a plethora of people hoping that you would be able to truly enjoy the day."

I walked over to Edward who still seemed a little nervous and wrapped my arms around him.

"Thank you." I said sincerely looking into his eyes. He leaned down and gently placed a kiss upon my mouth. The doorbell rang pulling us from our moment.

"I should get that." Edward said softly.

"I could get it. I know you probably have to get back to base."

"Let's both go." Edward smiled and turned holding my hand.

The doorbell rang once more just as we arrived to the door. Edward pulled the door open.

"I was wondering if anyone planned on answering today or if I should just wait out here until Christmas."

"Marcus." I jumped up with a smile to hug him.

"Be careful with the wine. This bottle costs more than your wedding dress." He remarked.

"I'm so happy you came." I replied pulling the apparently expensive wine bottle from his arms.

"Well, I was supposed to be in New York but I have been working on a project that caused me to cancel my plans. Edward called me and asked if I wouldn't mind coming for dinner and since you were the reason for my cancelled plans I felt the least you owed me was well cooked dinner."

We started walking toward the living room.

"Thank you so much for coming, Marcus." Edward said.

"Wait, you cancelled your plans because of me?" I stopped him.

"You did only give me two months." He noted.

"If it makes you feel better Edward wants to push the wedding back to summer." I rolled my eyes.

Marcus stopped in his spot, "No that does not make me feel better." He snapped. "I have been designing a dress for winter. You said you were getting married in February; well then February it is."

"It's just we have a lot on our plates right now and think maybe it would be better for our stress level if we had longer." Edward tried to explain.

"When you have money, a wedding shouldn't be stressful that's why you have people like me to do everything for you and besides are you two really naïve enough to not think that there will never be a non-stressful time in your life? Hmmm. You two are busier than a pack of wolves devouring a fresh carcass."

"That's what I said." I huffed and Edward poked me in the side.

I took Marcus over to our bar and started to make him a drink. Our home was becoming quite full and I hadn't even said hello to everyone yet. I decided I needed to make my rounds so I handed Marcus off to Angela and proceeded to greet everyone. Darren had come over from across the street and brought a rather fine ass honey with him. Rosalie and my mother were like gang busters in the kitchen. While Alice was sitting on a stool doing what she could, sitting down. She was set to give birth in the next couple of weeks and looked ready to pop.

I saw Garrett, sitting and talking with Carlisle, Kate and Peter and Charlotte. As much as I didn't care for Garrett, I knew the proper thing to do would be to go over and greet everyone. As I was approaching I could hear a little of their conversation.

"Charlotte we will do everything to make this right. If we have to sue the pants off them we will." Garrett said determined.

"I know I should have thicker skin but not when they are so determined to spread such horrible lies." She looked distressed.

"Hey everybody. I just wanted to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving." I tried to sound upbeat.

They all greeted me back even Garrett.

"Great job on the AMA performance." Kate got up and hugged me.

"Thank you."

Charlotte got up from her chair and hugged me as well. "Charlotte are you okay?" I asked worried when I could see her eyes swimming with tears. She tried to wave me off and laugh.

"Oh just having fun with the tabloids. You know how it goes."

"What happened?" I was still concerned and part of me couldn't believe that they could affect her so horribly. I mean I have only been this business for a couple of months. Charlotte had been in it a couple of years and I just would have thought that she wouldn't take them so serious anymore but apparently I was wrong. I tried my best these days to not look at them because I knew just how much was fabrications so I had been a tad out of touch with the latest gossip.

"It's nothing. Not anything that I haven't read before." She didn't sound too convincing.

"Bella, unfortunately we have been the targets for some rather inappropriate attacks lately." Peter explained.

"What? Why? I mean you too are almost saintly. I can't imagine what anyone would ever attack you over." I meant every word. Peter and Charlotte were nothing if not dears. They always made you feel welcomed.

"The media has been on this kick lately with trying to disgrace any person who is a member of the Church of Scientology. They have been doing tear down pieces on everything from Peter and Charlotte's relationship to their belief practices." Carlisle said.

"What? That's disgusting. Why should it matter to anyone what you believe. Ugh, I fucking hate the media." I replied outraged.

"Normally we wouldn't listen to it but it's been somewhat of a stress to Charlotte and I don't want her feeling this kind of stress especially right now." Peter massaged Charlotte's shoulder. I gave them a look of confusion at his last statement.

"I'm pregnant." Charlotte answered my look with a small smile.

"Oh my god. Congratulations." I hugged her. I laughed a little at the joy I felt for them. They had apparently been trying since they were married almost two years ago. I knew that this was a blessing.

"Thank you, Bella." She replied sincerely.

"Like I said Charlotte, we are going to do everything in our power to make sure that Wexford Media and Publishing House is taken down a peg or two by the time we're done with them." Garrett vowed.

I could understand where Garrett was coming from but I think what Charlotte needed right now was just some hand holding and consoling. Garrett looked like he was ready for war. I couldn't imagine why people couldn't leave well alone. Why did this group feel the need to attack my friends just because of their religion? They weren't hurting anyone with their beliefs.

I sat and tried to steer the conversation into a more positive direction talking with Charlotte and Kate over baby things. They boys sensing this, moved on to find a more interesting group to talk to. After a little while I finally got up and went to search for my mom to check on her and see how she was doing.

My dad had been in the media room with Emmett watching the big game. I almost stopped by to say hello but as I got closer I heard a lot of screaming and yelling at the screen being done so I figured it was best to just move on.

"Hey mom. How you holding up?" I asked.

"Oh Bella, there you are. Your kitchen is just fantastic. I really need to think about getting one of these." Wearing her apron while holding a pot holder she was dancing around the space taking different items out and placing them on a long table. It looked like it was going to buffet style.

"Is there something I could do to help?"

"No honey, Edward wants to make sure you do absolutely nothing today. Besides Esme, Rosalie and Alice have been such dears. I think we almost have it all ready."

"Okay well I don't mind, really." I answered. The doorbell rang once more and my mom shooed me out to go and answer it.

"Jacqueline!" I all but yelled with excitement.

"Didn't start the party without me now, did you?" She flounces her way in giving me a hug as she passed.

"No, I mean we were just about to sit down to dinner." I replied.

"Great timing." She looked in the direction of the living room appraising it. "So…uh are we Tria Fata'd out tonight?"

I cringed. "Yeah…sorry."

"Sorry, don't be. I'm not scared." She laughed. "I could go for a good spanking. I've been a very bad girl."

I laughed and shook my head. "If you keep that up, I will pawn you off on Jacob. He's the only one still looking for a mate and don't come crying to me when that happens. I don't know what would be worse being spanked by Jacob or just being around Jacob."

She laughed. "I'll be good."

"Oh it's so good to see you. I've missed you." I said.

"Well, I'm happy for you. I can see that you have definitely been rising on the ladder. Good for you Bella."

"I just wish we could spend more time together." I said honestly.

"Well, then make me a bridesmaid and I'll make that happen Mrs. Future Cullen." She smiled.

I waved my imaginary wand, "Poof you're a bridesmaid." It wasn't a question I had already started thinking about it and even though we hadn't known each other long. I knew that Jacqueline and I would be great friends for the rest of our lives.

"Good and now that that is settled just know that I'm more of a winter then a summer. I need to be in dark clothing." She joked.

"Oh, Jacks I already picked my colors. I loved the whole peach and bright green combo. I think it could be trendsetting." I said serious.

"That's not funny Bella. Do I need to find your manager and lodge a complaint?"

I laughed. "I will keep your color palate under consideration." I rolled my eyes.

"I guess I can wear peach." She huffed.

"Oh no sweetheart you'll be wearing the bright green the peach will be from the flowers that will be braided into your hair."

Jacqueline gave me a look of pure disgust.

"Ladies, I think we are ready to start eating." Edward announced.

"Did you just hear the woman who you asked to marry you?" Jacqueline looked to Edward.

"What?" he smiled.

"Baby, I told her of the colors that we choose for the wedding and she doesn't seem too pleased. Neon green and peach." I answered.

"Oh that's right neon green and peach. Isn't my baby a genius?" Edward kissed me on the temple.

"I know you're joking but in case you're not, I'm going to need a drink and pronto." With that Jacqueline turned towards the direction of our bar and went off in search.

After Edward and I had our laugh it quickly turned into a kiss fest.

"What in blue ball hell?" we both pulled away hearing a yell.

"Crap. I think she must have just told Marcus." I giggled.

"You better get in there and fix it." Edward pushed me off toward the direction from where we heard the outburst.

"What happened to us always being in this together?" I asked.

Edward looked toward the area where the commotion came from.

"When it comes to Marcus; you can handle it." Edward patted me on the back before running off in a different direction.

"Coward." I huffed under my breath.

I started to walk over toward the dining room. People were starting to take their places around the table. I watched as Kate sat her girls down in the chairs and started to cut up their meat. My dad and Emmett still talking furiously over the latest play. Angela giving Ben a kiss as she sat down beside him. Embry laughing loudly at a joke Darren must have just told. Savannah sitting herself down next to my mom while helping Gracie with her plate of food.

"Please tell me she's joking." Marcus said looking at me with glare. Jacqueline was sitting beside him picking at her food with smirk.

All these different people from all walks of life coming together to celebrate this day. I was finally surrounded by true friends; I was surrounded by family. I had never been more thankful in my life.

* * *

**AN:** I have been thinking a lot about this story and I am not sure if I am going to add a part four or if I will just make Part Three really long. Part three spans over a year and a half and a lot happens in that time. I just know that we are only fourteen chapters in and I havent even touched the surface of all that is going to happen. Thank you so much for all of your support and leaving me feedback. It really helps. THANK YOU!


	15. Chapter 15

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

"Five, six, seven, eight."

The music started once more and I watched as Audrey went through the first moves one more time. I hadn't seen the whole dance yet but if this short twenty-second piece was any indication of the rest of the dance; I certainly would have my work cut out for me. I was trying to not feel overwhelmed but I swear this is what the celebrities must have felt like the first day of practice on Dancing with the Stars.

They hadn't brought in the whole company yet to show me the whole dance. That would come this afternoon. I had a feeling that Audrey just wanted to get going on teaching me the steps so I wouldn't feel so overwhelmed when I finally did see the rest. The only thought going through my mind was how I was going to remember to dance and sing all at once. I know it was a silly thing to think on. I mean that's like saying you can't walk and chew gum at the same time but you didn't see the moves that Audrey was doing at the moment.

Around two pm; people started to file into the space and warm up for the rehearsal that was set to begin. I stood over on the side with my arms self-consciously crossed over my chest unable to fathom what was about to take place. Seth was able to get me the performance on CD so I could start listening to it and learning my part earlier that week. I had been listening to it my car ever since.

"Guess who?" I felt two hands come up behind me and cover my eyes. The voice sounded familiar but I was still unsure. I pulled back to reveal Mike Newton and his high wattage smile.

"Mike? What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Who did you think was going to be your costar?" he laughed.

"Wait…you were going to do this performance with Tanya Denali?"

He smirked. "Let me just say how relieved I am that you are here in her place." He replied.

I bet. Tanya and Mike dated for almost four years and their break up was rather messy. Tanya didn't take to well to being broken up with even if she did cheat on Mike. I imagine that Mike would have rather done this performance with an angered pit bull over Tanya.

"Why did you agree to do this if you knew Tanya was supposed to be performing with you?"

"I didn't. I signed my contract and then they introduced to me my dance partner. That first couples of rehearsals were rough. I think the choreographers were ready to ring our necks. So so much drama. Of course Warner Bros. tried to make out the great publicity it would be for both of our careers and we were supposed to play nice with one another and give hope to the public that we would be getting back together but somewhere there was a god looking out for me."

"I wouldn't start ceasing your prayers too soon there. I am not the best dancer and I have a feeling that this could be disastrous." I said unsure of myself.

"Well, I'm just looking forward to the kiss at the end. BTW…I use tongue." He tried being suave and I cringed.

"Uh well…B.T. W. I bite." I threatened.

He started laughing.

"Mike, we are ready for you. I want to go through the whole thing once so we can show Bella what we are going to be doing. Okay?" Audrey had interrupted us thankfully and pulled Mike away.

My stomach dropped by the time they were done with the whole performance and suddenly all those words I had spit at Embry when he was in my position seemed to want to bite me in the ass. I knew I needed to look at it as one thing at a time but I was soooo overwhelmed.

By the time I arrived home; my body felt like it had been used as a crash test dummy. Every inch hurt and all I was focused on was getting up the stairs and into a bath. The hot bath did everything right for me and I was so exhausted I fell to sleep quickly.

I awoke briefly to Edward pulling me up and out of the bathtub. I felt him carry me against his chest over to our bed as he dried me off and placed some clothes on me. I was lifted up once more and placed between the sheets and a soft kiss placed on my forehead.

"I love you baby. Sweet dreams."

I think I managed a small smile from Edward's vocal affections but it didn't take much for me to float off into dreamland after that.

The next morning I forced myself to be more positive even though I had to wake up at six am. I was never much of a morning person. Famished from not eating dinner the previous night; I made myself some breakfast before heading off to the studio.

Day two didn't go so bad but I had a hard time trusting myself to be picked up and caught. I was still struggling with ideas that I was too heavy to be picked up by anyone and I felt a tad bit embarrassed for my co-performers on having to be saddled with this task. Tanya was the perfect size and I was just imagining what was running through these guys minds when they had to pick me up instead.

Seth made sure to schedule our rehearsal schedule around Edward's and my Wedding Wishes consultation. I told Audrey that I would be back as soon as possible. The wedding place was in Beverly Hills so the drive wasn't too bad and I even managed to beat Edward there.

I was unable to change clothes from my rehearsal gear and felt a tad bit weird entering the Wilshire location looking like I had just gone on a run but I had no choice. Giving myself a last-minute spritz of Calvin Klein in the car I sent Edward a text letting him know I had arrived. Timidly I entered the very posh building.

"Wedding Wishes, this is Emily how may I direct your call? One moment please." A young girl sat at the receptionist desk as I slowly approached. She looked up at me and smiled.

"Uh..hi…I am here for an appointment. My fiancé is on his way." I managed.

"Hello, Miranda is just finishing up a consolation; she will be with you in a moment. Would like something to drink while you wait?" she answered sweetly.

"I'm fine." I backed my way up to a stone gray velvet couch and placed myself upon it. I looked around nervously. I don't know why but I almost felt like I was getting ready for a rectal exam.

"There are some magazines there if you'd like? Or do you already have something in mind?" she asked.

"Uh…well…I don't have the first clue of what I want. I never really saw myself doing all this. I never really saw any guy wanting to be with me enough to make such a commitment. I wasn't one to play wedding Barbie as a kid." I probably gave her way too much information but being nervous did that to me.

Emily got up from her desk and walked over to me. "Well, when you close your eyes do you picture yourself in a church or on a beach or in a garden?"

I closed my eyes. "I don't see anything." I responded after a moment. "I think I just picture a lot of people. My fiancé wants to invite the world practically."

"Hmmm, if you don't mind me asking what was your first date like?"

I smiled instantly thinking back to that moment. "Perfect."

"It must have been you should see yourself." She laughed softly.

"Edward made me dinner and he took me to the top of his house and it overlooked the lake, the sun was just setting. There were thousands of twinkle lights. I still feel happy when I see twinkle lights." I admitted.

"You could…have a huge canopy made from sheer material and twinkle lights and you and your guests could dance all night under it. There are even some places where you can see stars in Los Angeles, if you could imagine."

"I wish we could get married in Italy where we fell in love." I replied softly.

"Well who says you can't?" she asked.

"I can't imagine doing that to my family and friends. I think it would be a lot of work to get them all there and it would be quite expensive." I shook my head throwing away that idea.

"There are places that have an Italian feel to them. Maybe you should think of a vineyard. Especially in Santa Barbara or Napa there are a lot of vineyards that make for great locations as well as having that Italian feel to them."

"Really? That sounds nice. Um…I'm sorry are you a wedding coördinator? You seem very good at your job." I praised.

"Oh…no I am a wedding coördinator assistant. I have a couple more years before I can do that but someday. Planning a wedding I know some people think it is just about the most stressful time in a person's life but I love doing it because when the day comes and you see the couple and all the happiness laid out for their future. All the hopes and dreams come true, it's magical."

"Emily, why aren't you at your desk." A woman charged out from an office. Emily jumped up and went back around to her seat.

"Sorry, I just had some questions. It was my fault." I tried taking the blame hoping I could spare Emily trouble. The woman stopped in her spot and quickly appraised me. She looked irritated at my clothing choices but then like a bell went off she realized who I was under the garb.

"Oh, you must be Bella." She put on the charm.

Edward walked in right then. "I am so sorry I'm late baby. There was an accident on Wilshire; I had to cut around using Santa Monica. It was a nightmare." He kissed me briefly.

"Hey honey."

"Mr. Cullen, I'm Miranda. I will be handling your consultation today." She held out a hand to shake. "Kristen will be joining us as well. She is the owner of the company. Would you like to come to my office?"

I felt uncomfortable with Miranda. I could feel the fakeness just roll off her and that wasn't because she had yet to really introduce herself to me. We followed Miranda into her office and took our seats.

"Would you care for something to drink? A latte? Soda? Water?" she offered.

"Bella." Edward looked to me.

"I'm fine."

"Don't you want some water to help you stay hydrated since you need to go back to rehearsals later?" he pushed.

"Okay, I guess." I agreed.

"Two waters would be great. Thank you." He replied.

Miranda quickly left to go and fetch.

"What's the matter?" Edward asked quickly.

"Nothing." I replied looking around the room.

"Bella, I can tell something is wrong. I read you like a book."

"I…just…feel…"

"Here we are." Miranda interrupted us to hand us two bottles of water. "I would like to introduce you to Kristen."

Kristen came over and shook our hands. "It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Cullen, Miss Swan." She walked over to sit behind the desk and Miranda was left to awkwardly stand by.

"So, have you two talked about what you wanted your wedding to be? Here at Wedding Wishes, it is our hope to help make all your wishes a reality" Kristen started.

"Uh…not too much yet. I just want my fiancé to feel the least amount of stress possible." Edward began. "We picked a date in February and I think that we are just hoping that our wedding coördinator can work within our time constraints and be able to deliver what we want."

"What date in February?" Miranda asked.

"February thirteenth." I replied.

Both girls looked down at the calendar before them.

"But that's on a Friday." Miranda stated.

"I know. Friday the thirteenth." I smiled.

"Okay. Well I'm sure most locations will have that date open. I don't see a lot of people rushing to get married on a bad luck date." Miranda answered.

"It's not bad luck. I happen to like the date." I swiftly responded.

I could feel a challenge begin. I could tell that even though Edward could apparently read me like a book he didn't seem to have the faintest idea of the pissing match that was about to start.

"It's right before Valentine's day. How romantic." Kristen cut in sensing some tension.

"Whatever my honey wants; I plan to see she gets it." Edward smiled and squeezed my hand.

"Of course Mr. Cullen." Kristen smiled back, "So, Bella…what do you want?"

I sat there for a moment looking around. "I…I was wondering if I would be able to pick my wedding coördinator if uh…Edward and I decide to go with your company."

"Well, Miranda is the best. She can help you with whatever it is you wish to have." Kristen stated and Miranda stood a little taller.

"I mean no disrespect. I am sure that you are great at your job Miranda but I know that I would feel much better if Emily could be my coördinator. I feel comfortable with her and she just vibes well with me and that's important to me."

Miranda's job nearly dropped to the floor, "But she's just an assistant. She wouldn't know the first thing about being able to provide you with proper service."

"Seeing how I too was once just an assistant, I know that assistants sometimes have a pretty good handle on how to do our bosses jobs sometimes even better than our bosses. Remember honey, when you couldn't even figure out how to do a standard budget sheet?" I smiled over to Edward.

Edward looked so confused as to what was going on.

"I assure you Mr. Cullen and Miss Swan that Miranda really is the best coördinator I have. I know that she could help fulfill every request." Kristen tried to steer us back on path but I wasn't planning on jumping on board so soon.

"I have spoken to Emily about some of my wishes and she has already helped immensely. I know it's important to my fiancé that I feel confident and comfortable with the person who will be helping us. I am requesting Emily for the position but if you don't think that you can accommodate such a request then I'm sure there are other establishments who can." I replied confident.

I was probably sounding like such a bitch to Edward but if I really was about to leave this huge life event in someone's hands I wanted to be able to trust that someone. I had a feeling that Lucy may have some splaining to do later.

"Mr. Cullen, I can assure you that I am up to the task." Miranda was trying to make a last attempt plea. She brought out the big guns with having just the right amount of moisture in her eyes that usually worked when swaying a man.

"If Bella is happy with Emily then so am I. Can I meet Emily?" He asked and I squeezed his hand in appreciation that he was so willing to stand beside me in this.

"Uh…of course." Kristen jumped up from out of her chair. I had a feeling she was ready to do anything to keep what I am sure she must have thought could potentially be her largest commission this year. She quickly went over to the door and opened it calling out Emily's name.

"Can you come in here for a moment, Emily?"

"Yes but I am trying to speak to Creative Dining Creations and they just put me on hold." Emily explained.

"Miranda, can you speak to the vendor please." Kristen looked over to Miranda. Stiffly Miranda left to man the phones and Emily came in with a small smile on her face probably unsure of what I had just signed her up for.

"Emily, I'd like you to meet Mr. Cullen. I take it you have already met Miss Swan." Kristen introduced. Emily shook Mr. Cullen's hand…uh I mean Edward's hand.

"Nice to meet you Emily. You must have really helped inspire my fiancé, she hasn't really told me a thing of what she wants for our wedding." Edward smiled warmly to her.

"Well, I just asked her a couple of questions and tried to give her some ideas since she didn't seem to know what she wanted yet."

"Emily, Miss Swan has requested you to be her wedding coördinator. I have explained that you are still in training but she is quite resolved. Do you think you could be up to the task?" Kristen looked to her. I think Emily's eyes may have just bugged out. She turned to look at me.

"How bout it? You already know what I like? I really need someone I can trust to help make our day magical." I asked.

"You want me? I'm not really qualified yet. I…I think Miranda would be much more equip to handle such an important event." She said softly.

"You seem more than qualified. I have faith in you." I added.

"Emily you would have the full support of the staff here since we know how significant this event is going to be." Kristen looked to her.

"Okay. I will work incredibly hard for you. I promise." The smile on her face said it all.

After a couple more questions I really needed to get out of there and back to rehearsal. Emily said she would be in contact with us to go over some more ideas and I told her that it would have to wait until after December seventh so we set up a time on the ninth. The second that Edward and I exited the building he was ready.

"Okay, what the hell just happened in there?"

"What?" I asked trying to remain oblivious.

"Don't what me. I'm serious Bella. I felt like I was watching a cage match."

"What's a cage match?" I asked.

"Bella." Edward said with warning.

I sighed, "I came in and I had a very nice chat with Emily and it's like she got me. I didn't have the foggiest clue what I even wanted in a wedding. I'm not one of those girls who have it all planned out in my mind. To be honest, I was scared coming here today and she helped me. You weren't around and I felt like she was able to talk me off a ledge."

"Does getting married really make you scared that much?" Edward looked concerned.

"Getting married? No. But having a wedding does. I know that there are going to be a lot of people and a lot of decisions and I feel like everyone will be watching me. You're used to being the center of attention. I'm not quite there yet."

"Well…would you share with me what you shared with Emily? You haven't told me what your ideas are."

"No. As romantic and sweet as it is that you want to make all my wedding wishes come true I have a feeling you would go overboard." I laughed.

"Bella, that's not fair. I'm going to be your husband you should be able to tell me these things."

"I had an idea and Emily helped put a realistic spin on it so I will tell you some things that we came up with later. I have to get back to work." I squeezed his hand one more time and give him a quick peck.

"All right, I'm going to hold you to that. Can I take you to dinner tonight?" Edward asked.

"I have a feeling that I will be exhausted again. Rain check?"

"I grab take out but I want you to eat before you go to sleep again. I'm not happy with the quantity of your food intake at the moment."

"Edward…quantity of my food intake?" I smirked. "You are just too much sometimes."

Edward pulled me closer. My face just inches from his. "I love you, soon to be Mrs. Cullen." Gently he caressed his lips with mine and slowly the kiss became more and more intense. Suddenly a snap was heard and we quickly turned to see that we had been caught by the paparazzi.

"Have you picked a date?" One man shouted.

"When are you getting married?"

Edward pulled me by the hand and ushered me over to the car. "I'll see you at home, my love. Have a good rehearsal."

Edward shut my door and made a path for me to get out before returning to his car. I could just imagine the headlines. Me in my workout clothes, Edward looking hotter than ever kissing in front of a wedding boutique. Charlotte popped up into my head and suddenly I felt guilty for being annoyed. She had to deal with far worse then I. I couldn't imagine what she and Peter must be going through and it made me wonder if as a human race we would ever evolve into a peaceful society. Somehow I think not.

I was able to get back to the rehearsal after been gone for an hour and a half and try to pick up where I left off. We worked until six pm and I managed to limp over to my gym bag ready to get home.

"Bella, can I talk to you for a minute?"

I cringed when I heard Seth trying to get my attention from behind me.

"Why do I feel like you are always the bearer of bad news?" I asked.

Seth smiled widely at my assessment, "Oh Bella, what are you talking about I am the bearer of opportunity. And I come with more opportunities."

"Seth, no. I can't do anymore right now. I need to focus on this performance. No new performances or music videos. I need to do one project at a time for a little while."

"This isn't a music video or a performance. I think we need to get you a little more exposed and so I have been talking with the morning talk show The Onion. They want you to come on and be a guest host next Thursday."

The Onion was this wildly popular morning show in which a group of woman sat around discussing the latest high interest topics. The thing that made them unique was that besides the three woman who were always on the panel they would rotate out a guest host every day which always kept it interesting. I had only seen a couple of episodes myself mainly because I couldn't stand a bunch of Betty's sitting around gabbing, with each one trying to be louder than the next one. The panel was made up of three woman; Daisy who was the nice one, Danielle who was middle of the road and then there was Missy.

It feels weird writing this part of my story. I know from anyone who watched what happened when I guested on the Onion probably couldn't wait to hear what I was going to say regarding this moment in my life. I will honestly say that I wasn't a big fan of Missy even before I went on the show. I guess when I agreed to do the promotion of my album by filing in the fourth seat at the panel I just thought that as long as she played nice so would I. Missy was opinionated…I guess that's the nice way of putting it. Now don't get me wrong, I am all for opinionated people. My belief has always been I will respect your right to have whatever opinion or belief you want to have but you do need to respect that I am allowed the same opportunity to have whatever opinion or belief I want to have. Oh and don't ever try to mess with my family. As many interviewers learned from that fateful day, I tend to become very vocal on issues regarding the people in my life.

Even though the interview turned out somewhat disastrous, if given the chance to go back and either not go on the show or change what I said; I think I would still choose the disaster.

* * *

**AN: **Thank you so much for your reviews; you make it easy to inspire me. Hope you all had a good weekend. Thank you for reading and reviewing!


	16. Chapter 16

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

"You're home!" Savannah greeted me at the door when I finally was able to shake Seth and get home.

"Yes I am." I replied.

"Uncle Edward has something very romantic planned upstairs." She smiled and came a little closer to me, "You kind of smell though."

"Gee thanks. I have been working out all day, you goof."

"Maybe you should take a shower in my bathroom before seeing him. I have bubble gum body wash." She suggested.

"Thanks kid but I think I'll take my chances. After you're engaged the mystery is kind of over."

I laughed as Savannah looked positively confused. Climbing the stairs I started to wonder just what Savannah's idea of romantic was. At her age it should include an overly large stuffed bear with an "I love you" heart.

When I opened the door my jaw started to drop. Laid out on the floor was dark red velvet cloth and upon it what I could only imagine was dinner. The fire-place was going as well as some sporadic candles.

Edward was sitting in his high back chair with a glass of wine in his hands. I slowly closed the door behind me.

"Uh…what's all this for?" I asked.

Edward got up from his chair and sauntered over to me and handed me the glass of wine. He didn't say a word but I could see it in his eyes, passion. I took a sip.

"Are you trying to get me drunk? You know you don't have to do all this, like I said before I'm a sure thing." I giggled.

Edward came a little closer with a soft smile on his lips; he pulled me to him and started to nuzzle his face into my hair, retreating with a kiss on my neck.

"Let's have some dinner." He whispered.

"I thought we were…" I gestured toward the bed.

"Later." He replied and took my hand guiding me over to the picnic in front of the fire.

I thought back to Savannah's and my little conversation maybe I should have taken her up on that shower.

"Ugh, you know what? I'm just going to jump into the shower real quick. I probably smell like someone's smelly armpit." No mystery here ladies and gentleman.

"Bella, you're fine. Please I want you to at least eat something before you pass out on me again."

"Really I'll be five minutes. Please, you smell like roses and I am probably the equivalent to the trash heap. Five minutes." I pulled myself away from Edward and hurried toward the bathroom. I shed my clothes quickly tossing them toward the hamper.

I turned the shower water on to a nice warm temperature and jumped in. I was right in the middle of shampooing my hair when I heard Edward join me. He promptly took over my task and I melted into him. He turned me around and helped the water rid the soap from my hair. I had my eyes closed to keep the water from getting in them when I felt Edward's mouth suddenly attach himself to my breast.

How long had it been since I was able to feel this fantastic? I moaned out loudly. I was so tired. Physically and mentally but man this felt amazing. I think Edward knew I wouldn't be able to make it through the whole show at this point so he jumped a couple of scenes and went straight to the finale. Backing up into the bench he sat upon it and helped sit me down on his strong harden cock. Both knees were straddling him as he helped raise me up and down.

"That's right baby." He chanted into my ear.

I grabbed his neck and brought him in for a rough kiss. I tried squeezing begging for more friction.

"Edward, fill me. I want to feel your cum fill me." I begged. Something about my statement turned Edward into an animal. He quickly got up, his body never releasing me and pushed me up against the shower wall furiously pounding into me over and over.

This is soo what I needed. I felt it building and then perfect euphoria. My screams only second to Edward's groans when he finally filled me.

If I wasn't tired before, I certainly was now. I practically melted into Edward's chest. He finished washing us as I started to drift asleep.

"No, baby. You need to wake up. I want you to eat dinner."

"No." I protested.

"Yes. Just stay awake a little longer and then you can pass out on me again."

I pouted and turned around to grab my towel. I wrapped myself in it and began to trot off toward the bed. I threw myself upon it not caring that I was still soaking wet.

"Bella, I mean it. Up." Edward said with authority. I didn't move.

"I knew I shouldn't have let you leave until you ate something." He sighed.

"Please I just want to sleep. I'm not even hungry." Yeah that was a lie but my need to sleep was far greater than my need to eat.

"I find that hard to believe. Come on. I made your favorite. Can't you give me at least twenty more minutes?"

Nothing.

"You're making me feel cheap over here. You just use me for sex and then nothing."

I jumped up. "That's not true and you know it."

"Well, now that you're up. Would you care to join me soon to be Mrs. Cullen?" he motioned for me to sit on the floor in front of the food.

"You don't have to call me that. Don't you think that name is rather long?" I asked.

"Are you kidding me? I practically wanted to kill the woman today as she kept referring to you as Miss Swan."

"Well, that is my name, Mr. Cullen."

"Not to me it isn't." he passed me a shirt to put on and I joined him on the floor.

"So, you're going to be pretty unhappy if I don't legally change my last name?" I asked coy.

Edward looked to me with concern, "You're not planning on changing your name?"

"If you keep me from sleep, there's no telling what I am capable of." I taunted.

He rolled his eyes and shook his head, "Then by all means let's get you fed before you turn nasty."

Edward put on some boxers before dishing up a plate for me. I pulled my fork out and started to do as sir requested and eat.

"So…you never did tell me why you did all of this." I gestured to the room.

"Do I need a reason to dote on my fiancé?"

I gave him a look.

"I wanted to have some time with you. You…we've been so busy lately and I feel like we don't spend time with one another anymore. I miss you. Today when I heard that you were able to open up to a complete stranger about the wedding, I kind of felt left out. You haven't really ever discussed wedding stuff with me."

I looked down ashamed. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Bella. I just was hoping that we could make some time to talk about some stuff."

It didn't look like I was getting to sleep anytime soon.

"Okay. What do you want to talk about first?" I asked.

"Why won't you tell me what you really want? For the wedding." Edward started with.

I sighed. "Because I know you would do everything in your power to make it happen and even though I love that about you. It's just not possible and I think you would be disappointed as well. Emily gave me some good suggestions today. She said that there are wineries in Santa Barbara that may give me the feel I was hoping to achieve."

"Winery?" he asked. I nodded.

"Oh. Why would you think I would be disappointed with that? I love wine."

I smiled, "I know." I took a couple of moments. "Emily asked me to close my eyes and try to picture the wedding. I couldn't picture anything but people. She asked about our first date and it was then when I realized what my idea of the perfect wedding would be. And then I quickly realized that it would be wrong."

"Bella, please just tell me." He pleaded.

"I would want something small. That goes against what I know you already want. If I didn't take into consideration you or my family and friends I would want to get married where we fell in love."

"Italy." He said softly.

I nodded my head slowly.

Edward looked to be in thought. "Well, we could get married in Italy. I love Italy."

"No, Edward. It wouldn't be right. I don't want to have to force all my family and friends the inconvenience of having to go all the way over there. Even if we were to pay some of their way, we would be taking people away from their jobs and lives. I don't want to be selfish. Plus I know that you want to invite like a gazillion people so…"

I could tell he was still in thought and I felt like he was almost saddened by the idea.

"You never told me what your idea of a perfect wedding would be? Do you have any ideas?" I asked.

Edward smiled a little, "I guess when I close my eyes I just picture you. Coming down the aisle in white. That's all I need."

"So are you opened to the winery idea?"

"I don't know." He said picking at his food.

"Well, I'm all for suggestions."

"Bella, if that is what will make you happy then yes but part of me feels irritated that I now know that's not what you want. I wanted to give you something that you would want."

"Well, technically isn't it my family's job to pay for this thing and give me what I want?" I tried to joke.

"Your parents aren't paying for this. Not when we are both earning enough to pay for it ourselves, it's a new day. You can also inform them that I will not be requiring a dowry."

"Great, now what are we going to do with the oxen roaming around our plot out back." I put my plate down and crawled over to sit myself in Edward's lap. "You don't need to be irritated. I won't care what we do as long as at the end of the day I can officially call myself Mrs. Edward Cullen."

We ended our first peace talks with a kiss.

Mike Newton was standing behind me with his arms around me and his lips near my neck when Jacob walked in and on us during rehearsal on Monday.

"Once again, thank you, Bella. This is sooo much better than Tanya." Mike said in my ear.

"Just watch those hands, mister." I joked.

Mike wasn't all that bad. He had his diva moments but I think he learned quick that I was unimpressed with that kind of attitude. Really the rehearsals with him were going good now that I had somewhat of an idea of what I was supposed to be doing. He was a good partner.

"I think your lady in waiting is irritated by us." Mike said slightly nodding his head toward Jacob.

I laughed out loud, if he only knew. Lady in waiting.

"Okay, can we please focus?" Audrey scolded us loudly.

After another couple turns Audrey released us to lunch break.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I started to wipe off my sweat with my handy towel.

"Well, I thought I would come down and take you to lunch but it looks like you're already someone else's meal." Jacob looked menacingly over to Mike who was taking his time wiping the sweat from himself.

I rolled my eyes, "Now, now don't be jealous. Just because Mike is going farther than you ever will with me, it's no reason to be jealous." I taunted.

Jacob looked down and I could tell my words hurt him.

"I'm sorry. That was bitchy." FUCK!

"Don't worry about it. I'll see you later." Jacob turned to leave.

"Wait, what about lunch?" I asked.

"Forget it." And he kept walking.

Well shit.

I sighed and took out my phone.

"Hey, want to grab some lunch? Are you busy?"

"No. I…I'll be right there. I thought Jacob was going to take you to lunch." Edward replied.

"Well…he had to do something." I shook my head hoping Edward would drop it. "Do you want to meet up at the cafeteria?"

"How long do you have? Maybe we can go across the street?"

"I'm not the freshest of daisies. I think I would prefer the cafeteria." I replied.

"Okay, I will see you there. Love you baby."

"I love you too." And I hung up the phone.

The whole walk to the cafeteria, I couldn't help but beat myself up for my insensitive comment to Jacob. I was hoping he would give me the time to apologize later but usually he could be a stubborn brat when he wanted to be.

Edward and I both grabbed our food and walked over to a decent table in the corner to eat. A cheeseburger for him a salad for me. I didn't want to think how a cheeseburger would not be my friend while I was being picked up and dancing all around this afternoon.

"So I heard you told Jacqueline she could be a bridesmaid. I was wondering if you have thought about who you wanted to ask to stand beside you that day." Edward who always found opportunity to bring up wedding talk didn't waste any time today.

"Yeah and I asked Angela to be my maid of honor but I haven't really thought about it much past that." I admitted.

"Well, I would like to know sooner than later if possible so I can determine how many groomsman I need." He noted.

"I just thought there was some sort of Tria Fata mandate to include your bros."

Edward furrowed his brow, "Is everything okay with you?"

"Sorry, I guess I'm just an all-around bitch today. I'm sorry." I apologized again.

"Honey, what's going on?"

"It's nothing. I'm sorry. So who are you planning on asking to be your groomsman. Maybe if I know how many guys you want to have on your side it will help with determining who I ask." I tried to bring the conversation back into friendly waters.

"Well, I asked Jacob to be my best man…"

"What?" I interrupted him. "Isn't that kind of…mean?" I asked.

"No. He said he would be honored."

"Edward, you know how Jacob feels about me. Isn't it mean to make him stand beside you while I marry you?"

"Baby, Jacob is happy for us. Plus I know that even though he will never be a second I still have respect for him and the commitment he was willing to make." Edward explained.

"I would have thought that Emmett would have been your best man." I grumbled.

"Well, in Emmett's mind he is. And he already told Jacob that he was taking over the Bachelor party." Edward shook his head at the idea.

"Bachelor party… like where you boys go off and get plastered and then sleep with strippers?" I asked uneasy.

"Bella, I would never." Edward assured.

I sat there stabbing at a piece of chicken in my salad. I felt Edward reach across and take a hold of my hand.

"I'm serious, baby. I would never do anything like that. Emmett knows this."

I looked up to him briefly, "okay." I whispered.

"So, I was going to ask Emmett, and Jasper and Carlisle." Edward said.

"Does that mean I have to ask Alice and Esme?"

"No. You ask who you want. Don't make this about couples. You didn't mention Rosalie." He noted.

"I think I was planning on asking Rosalie."

"But not Alice."

"Alice and I aren't as close anymore. I wish I could say that we were but to be honest no I wasn't planning on asking Alice, but I could. I just figured with the baby and all she wouldn't be up to it but maybe seeing your numbers I might have to. If I have Rosalie, Jacqueline and Angela that still leaves me one short."

I sat there for a moment in thought and then an idea came to me.

"Edward, do you think Embry would be upset if I asked him to stand on my side? I know it's weird but I have this bond with him and I can't imagine anyone better. I don't trust a lot of people but I trust Embry."

"Do you think he would be comfortable with that? I already figured that you would want Savannah and Gracie to be flower girls. If you'd like I could ask him to be a groomsman."

"But then that would mean I would need to find two more girls. UGH! This is so frustrating." I complained.

"We will figure this out. Don't get frustrated. Who says we need to have an even number. They don't have to walk together. Just ask who you want and don't pick someone out of obligation."

"Okay."

"So, I have everything booked for tomorrow. We are leaving for D.C. at ten AM. Seth has a plane to take us to New York for Thursday's show. I still think it will be better that we stay in New York the night before since you have such an early call time. I can ask Ian to book us a room. Emma's coming too right?"

"Yes. Emma is coming too. Maybe if I tell Gracie that she will get to wear a pretty princess dress for the wedding then she won't be so upset about not getting to come with us on this trip." I pondered.

I was worried when my five-year old threw one of her epic fits over not being able to go on "vacation" with us. We tried to explain to her it wasn't a vacation but she still didn't understand why I would be leaving for so long and not taking her with.

"Bella, she will be fine. She just needs to see you leave and come home again. That is the only way she will get over this abandonment issue." Edward squeezed my hand. I knew he was right but I still felt bad when I knew that I was the cause for her tears.

We boarded our plane the next morning and I hardly had time to rest before I was taken over to a costumer and had to go through a final wardrobe fitting. I was happy that I didn't need to rehearse that day; I think my body needed the rest. I had never been to Washington D.C. so after my fitting Edward arranged for a car to drive us around while he pointed out highlights.

Wednesday was the first time we would be able to rehearse in the actual space for our performance. I'm not going to lie, being in the Opera House up on that stage was a little daunting but I was hoping that by Sunday it would be old hat.

Edward and I along with our assistants flew to New York later that evening and stayed at the Ritz-Carlton near Central Park. I was unable to enjoy New York the way I wanted. I knew I needed to be on set bright and early the next morning so by the time we arrived to the hotel and after a little room service I was sent to bed for the night.

A car was sent to pick us all up the next morning and take us to NBC studios where they filmed The Onion morning talk show. We were greeted pleasantly and I was pushed into hair and makeup directly. Marcus had made me a special power suit for the occasion which I was sure not to wrinkle. The last thing I needed was one very pissed off mister yelling at me from across the country.

"Bella, can I introduce you to the ladies?" Jenna who was an employee from the show was sent to be in charge of me that day.

"Yes, I'm ready." I think looking back I was amazed at how calm I felt. In the past just the idea of having to be in front of the camera made me nauseous but now I guess I was just getting used to it. Maybe I should have noted that it was always calm before the storm.

"This is Bella Swan your co-host for today, ladies."

The three ladies were in different modes of readiness. Daisy was still having makeup put on her. Danielle was lounging on a chair reading the newspaper and Missy was on her phone drinking coffee while texting I assume.

"Hi." I gave a sheepish hello.

"Bella, it's nice to have you. Now where is that yummy fiancé of yours?" Daisy turned in her chair to address me.

I laughed a little. "Oh, I think he's around here somewhere."

"Let me see that ring in person." Danielle jumped up and came over to exam my hand, "Oh god this is gorgeous."

"Is it true you broke up with him after he proposed?" Missy asked.

"Uh…you shouldn't believe everything you read." I replied.

"So what's the true Hollywood story?" she pressed.

"Missy, stop it. Bella is our guest." Daisy warned.

"Mrs. Hauser, I have your daughter on line three." An assistant approached Missy cautiously. Missy looked back to me one last time.

"See you on the panel, Bella." And then she left.

"Don't mind her. She can be a tad bitchy but she's a slave to ratings." Danielle rolled her eyes.

"Is that why she always instigates arguments and then runs off stage crying over how she's a victim?" I asked.

Daisy laughed, "You got it. Every time she does it, it's a ratings bonanza. She thinks that if she does it then the producers will never want to terminate her contract since she's the cause of it all."

"Doesn't that get irritating?" I asked.

"Whatcha gonna do. A couple of years ago, no one knew any of us and now we are on one of the highest rated shows. Sometimes you just have to roll over and take it." Danielle replied.

I sat down in a chair thinking over their words I couldn't imagine having to work with someone like that. I mean they didn't say she was a bitch but still. I was suddenly happy knowing I didn't have to take a job unless I wanted to do it. I would never be forced to work with someone so…horrible ever again.

Edward showed up and the girls jumped up to introduce themselves.

"Edward, you have to be on panel sometime. We would love to have you." Daisy cooed.

"Thank you. I will think on it."

"We are having a nice time with your fiancé, I'm sure she will do fine today." Danielle said.

"I'm sure she will. Bella's the best." Edward praised as he came over to stand beside me. "Nervous?"

"If I was, it wouldn't do well to ask." I teased him.

"You're going to be amazing. I will be standing right back here, rooting you on."

"Ladies, we are on in five. Please take your places. Bella, they will introduce you so you can stay back here until they call you." A stage manager said.

"See you out there." Daisy winked and waved as she passed.

I started to hug myself to Edward.

"Marcus would kill you if you wrinkled the suit." Edward said softly.

"I don't care. I needed a hug." I replied.

"Well in that case." Edward squeezed me tighter.

We stayed like that for a couple of minutes until it was time.

Daisy did my introduction, "Our guest panelist today is a rising star. You may have recently seen her at the American Music Awards performing a duet with E.C. Crime. She has not one but two albums coming out on January thirteenth and she can be seen performing this Sunday for the President of the United States in a tribute honoring Babette Brice for the Kennedy Center Honors. Please welcome to our panel, Isabella Swan."

I squeezed Edward's hand one last time and started the walk to my place remembering Marcus's words of smiling. There was the standard applause and cheering as I took my seat.

"Welcome Bella." Danielle said.

"Thank you. I am honored."

"Well we have a plethora of topics to discuss today and we will have Jordan Woodson here to perform a track off his new country album later on in the show. But first we wanted to find out more on our guest today. We will be talking about Isabella's road to success and how she managed to land one of the sexiest men on the planet. After the break." Missy took us out to commercial and I breathed a sigh; knowing I would be on the chopping block next.

I looked over to Edward who was standing back stage away from audience view, he gave me a thumbs up.

"Bella, here's a list of topics we are going to be discussing today, okay?" Daisy slid a short list over to me.

A topic in health, yippee! The incoming President and Inauguration coming up. Great more politics. And the controversy surrounding Bree Tanner. Really we're still on this. Ugh!

Bree Tanner is a child star who took some rather grown up photos and it sent the media into frenzy. The girl was seventeen and the photos weren't even that racy considering there were younger celebrities doing far worse. The public was just upset because they had seen this poor girl grow up and weren't ready to release her from childhood yet.

The commercial break was over and the ladies started their questioning. Most of the questions they wanted to know about had to deal with the wedding. They wanted to know the dates, location, what I was planning on wearing. But I managed to give very little detail. I guess it helped that Edward and I hadn't planned a lot yet so I wasn't being completely dishonest.

The first topic was underway; a discussion on glutton which I was not versed in so I kept my interaction to a minimum. The second topic regarding the incoming President got racy as there were very strong opinions on both sides of the fence. Did I mention that I hated politics?

"Bella, how do you feel about the incoming President?" Danielle asked.

"I'm not about to state who I voted for but I will say that when it comes down to it; come January another person will take office and I will support him as our President like I supported our current President. I am proud to come from the United States and I think when it comes down to it we should try to do what we can to support our country."

"It doesn't concern you that a person may take office and drive our country into the ground? You'll just support him because a majority of people voted for him." Missy asked.

"Like you said, a majority of people. I'm not going to go home and lose sleep over it. I would rather go home and lose sleep over the issues. Global warming. The war. Health care and unemployment. The President is one man, I think we forget that there is a whole bunch of other elected positions that have been tasked to deal with these matters and so maybe we should focus on our senators and house representatives just as much as our President." I countered.

"Ladies, I think we have spent enough time on this topic and we really need to move on to the next. After the break. Bree Tanner, has she gone too far?" Daisy took us out and I was just relieved that we would finally be off of politics.

I smiled over to Edward and saw him mouth an "I love you" to me. I smiled. The show so far hadn't gone too bad and I was really starting to feel quite comfortable.

Once again we were back from break and Daisy set up the topic.

"Two weeks ago, photos were released that were set to appear in next month's Vanity Fair. Child star Bree Tanner was the focus for the article and since the controversy surrounding these photos, Vanity Fair has since pulled the article."

The photos were shown behind us. A young girl standing with a sheet wrapped around her staring out a window. You couldn't see anything more than her back and the sheet only dipped down to her mid back.

"With all the negative press, I still don't understand why she hasn't even released an apology." Missy said.

"Well, it's been two weeks. I think it's safe to say that an apology is not going to happen." Danielle replied.

"We've been talking about this for two weeks, Bella do you have a different view on the subject?" Daisy asked.

"Uh…well I guess I don't really understand why you are still talking about it. I don't really see what the big deal is to be honest." I replied.

"The big deal is that she is my daughter's role model." Missy said agitated.

"But that's not her job. Her job is not to be your daughter's role model. That's your job and if you can't do your job then you really can't get on anyone who would try."

Now I had done it. You could almost see Missy's pale face turn to brick-red. It looked like she was about to lash out at me but then she calmed herself and laughed a little.

"Oh Bella, maybe someday when you're a mother you'll understand these things. You have a long road ahead of you. In fact someday you'll have to explain some of your choices to your children. You surround yourself with…controversial people that may not be the healthiest "friends" for your future kids. IF you and Edward have kids."

Okay now she'd done it.

I laughed a little, "Um…controversial people? What? Who are you referring to, Missy?" Yes, I just said her name like it was a scolding.

"Uh ladies…" Daisy tried to interject.

"E.C. Crime, Marcus Volturi." She laughed a little, "Peter and Charlotte South."

And in this corner…

I wanted to refrain but something about mentioning my friends and family always made my blood boil.

"Oh Missy." I smiled. "If you want to say something negative about me then you go right ahead and say it. In fact ninety-nine percent of the time I'll probably agree with you. The moment you want to bring my family into this, we're going to have a problem. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for my family or friends. I would give up everything for them."

The change in my demeanor was evident.

"Now you mention some people in my life who I doubt you have even spent more than five minutes with because if you had you would know how truly good they are. What is it that bothers you so much about them? Is it Embry or E.C. Crime practicing his freedom of speech or is it Peter and Charlotte practicing their freedom of religion or Marcus practicing his right to the pursuit of happiness. Now just what kind of political agenda are you trying to push? I am loyal to my friends and family and you better believe that that is one of the first things I try to teach my children. Loyalty, compassion and human decency because I want to be my child's role model and when Edward and I have children these will be the values that we instill in them as well. So I suggest that stay away from subjects you know nothing of or you could run off stage "crying" hoping to get the "poor Missy" sentiment out of your audience; using them to boost your ratings. What's it going to be?"

I sat there with my eyes probably on fire, staring her down and waiting for her response. I felt like I was getting ready to go to war but she just sat there in what looked like a state of shock.

"And we will have Missy's decision, after the break." Danielle smiled to the camera.

"And we're out." The stage manager called.

I jumped up from my chair and went to find Edward. As soon as I got to him I was taken aback by him grabbing me and pulling me into the strongest kiss I had ever received.

"Uh…what was that for? You're not mad? I thought you'd be mad." I stuttered out.

"Mad? That was the fucking hottest thing I have ever seen. You just talked about our future children. I have been trying to get you to talk about kids for the longest. I have never been more turned on." Edward pulled me into another kiss.

"Wow, do you think the label's going to be mad?" I cringed.

"I don't give a fuck." He stated. Wow Edward wasn't one to cuss and now he was one leather jacket away from being a badass.

"Do you think Embry's going to be upset with me? I kind of just let the cat out of the bag on my relationship with Savannah and Gracie."

"Baby, don't worry about that. It was going to happen eventually. I think the only person that will be truly upset is Harvey Levin. He's going to wonder how he didn't find out sooner." Edward laughed.

Oh Harvey. TMZ has truly made you.

"Bella, are you going to come back and finish the show?" Daisy asked nervous. "I'm really sorry for what Missy did."

I furrowed my brow, "I would have thought you would have been upset with me."

"Are you kidding? That was awesome. Danielle and I never get to put her in her place. Plus, I think you may have just helped us gain a couple of rating points so…thank you."

I shook my head. I don't know if I could ever make a career in television. I would hate to be worried every week about rating points. At least with film once you're done, good or bad, you're done.

I guess I would have to see what fallout would come from this tomorrow but today I was a tad bit proud of myself.

* * *

**AN: **Big thanks to the community Olderward Stories for adding this story. I hope to post again on Sunday but I havent had a great amount of time this week to write. Work has been crazy busy and that's where I do most of my writing. THANK YOU for reading and reviewing, it's much appreciated!


	17. Chapter 17

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN**

Missy finished the rest of the show quiet and reserved. Thankfully there wasn't much left for any of us to do after the final topic. They had their country artist come out and sing and then Daisy ended the show with their final farewell and thanks to me for coming on. I will say that I think Daisy's thank you to me was a tad bit overboard but once it was done I was able to finally get a move on.

"Bella, your phone has been blowing up. Marcus called. Embry called. Seth called. I just let it go to voicemail since we were taping." Emma approached me with my cell phone. There were half a dozen texts as well. It probably would have been better if the show wasn't aired live.

"Uh…here take it back. I will call everyone once I am back in D.C. Only let me know if Savannah or Gracie call." I replied handing the phone right back to her.

We were rushing out of the building to catch our flight. I'm sure Missy would be happier once she learned I was off the property as well but I wasn't doing it for her. I still had a full day of rehearsal ahead of me.

"Do you want me to field some of your calls?" Edward asked.

"Embry sure but I will call back Seth and Marcus when I have a chance."

I personally thanked Danielle and Daisy once more before leaving. We made it down to the parking garage when I suddenly stopped and grabbed Edward's arm.

"Be honest with me. Did I just do a bad thing?" I looked over to him concerned. I was proud of standing up to Missy but then it hit me that this could be a very bad thing. Missy was beloved…well beloved by the right-wing side of the country. How was this going to affect my career?

"Bella, don't worry about it. She may be popular in some crowds but I think you have upper hand and right for what you said. She was very unprofessional. Never should an interviewer call people out by name for a negative reasoning. I think you are going to find that people will stand behind you."

I exhaled and we continued walking. We were at the airport within a half hour of the show ending. I could hear Edward call Embry once we were in the car but I was just trying to rest my eyes for a moment hoping I have a little break before the grueling rehearsal.

"I know. That's what I said but she was worried." Edward said into the phone.

"No man, she's tired. I think she is just trying to get in some rest before she goes to work. She said she would call you later….I know." Edward sighed.

"Babe, he still wants to talk to you."

I didn't look up or even open my eyes I just held out my hand for Edward to give me the phone.

"What's up?" I asked.

"What's up?! Damn girl that has to be the finest hour of television since '94. Woooo!" he screamed into the phone. "You beat that bitch down."

"Embry, calm down. I didn't beat a bitch down."

"You work it. Don't fuck with us, mother fucker."

"Embry, I am tired. I'm happy to hear you're not upset with me but I really do want to rest before the rest of my day begins, okay?"

"Nah, what's there to be mad about? What the girls? Don't worry; I think it will help in the long run. You go rest. I'm going to go and re-watch as you rip that girl's phony ass face off. HAHA."

And then he was gone.

"Well, I guess Embry's cool."

"I told you he would be." Edward replied.

I snuggled into him until we arrived at the airport and then continued to use him as my personal pillow back to D.C. It was a shame that flight wasn't longer but when we touched down I was back to business.

While I started to prepare myself for rehearsal; Edward and Ian went back to the hotel to work on business of his own. He told me that he would be back at seven to pick me up. I tried telling him I could catch a cab but that was much too unsafe for a girl like me. I could still see Edward struggle to keep his cool when it came to factors regarding my safety so usually I just gave in sparing him the stress.

"It's the badass of the hour." Mike announced loudly. I had stretched by myself waiting for the rehearsal to begin. People all around me seemed to be talking in hushed conversations but I tried not to pay any attention.

Mike flopped down beside me throwing his gym bag to the side.

"Hi, Mike." I shook my head at him.

"Remind me to never get on your bad side. Did you see how her face puckered up with every word? It was awesome."

"All right. It's not that big of a deal. I want to just focus on this performance. The sooner Sunday comes the sooner I can get back to L.A."

"You know on You Tube you already have like over a hundred thousand views?" Mike took out his phone. "See."

He pushed it toward me to show me.

"Well, at least it will help her ratings." I replied.

Mike continued to talk nonstop over my morning triumph until I had to threaten him to stop or else he too would feel my wrath.

At seven on the dot, Edward arrived to come and escort me back to the hotel.

"I talked to Seth." He said just as I approached him. I immediately stopped in my tracks.

"Are they mad?" I cringed.

Edward smiled a little, "Yes but not for the reasons you're thinking. Seth really wishes you would get a publicist already. Their office has been fielding calls all day. Publicity wise they are happy but they didn't know whether or not this event would cause a negative media reaction. Now that it's been a couple of hours they can better gauge the situation and they think it will turn to be a positive in the long run."

I continued walking with him out to the car.

"Hey, babe what's going on with Jacob? He seemed short when I was talking to him today." Edward asked.

I was supposed to seek Jacob out after that day at rehearsal to apologize for my bitchy candor but I was so busy I hadn't the time.

"Uh…he and I are…just going through some things."

Edward and I got into the car and he continued to look at me like he was waiting for an explanation.

"He came to rehearsal earlier this week and I may have said some inconsiderate remark and he got all butt hurt over it."

Edward continued to give me a look.

"I know, I know. Come on Bella, be nice to Jacob. That's not how you should treat your friends." I made an impression of Edward.

"I didn't say anything. I know your conscience is already eating you up." He replied smug.

I crossed my arms, scowling out the window. Guilty, I hadn't even thought too much on it until he said something. I was too busy these days to think on these things and that actually started to worry me more.

Who was I turning into that I was slowly putting my family and friends behind my work. I had just ripped into Missy for speaking against the people in my life but was I really any better for not giving them the time of day? Jacob has always been there for me. He would cheer me up when I was down. He went out of his way sometimes to be a friend and I took something important to him and made a mockery of it. I was no better than the Missy's of the world.

I think Edward could tell that I just wanted to be left alone the rest of the night. When we arrived back at the hotel, Emma had already ordered up dinner for us which was eaten in silence. After I was finished I told Edward I wanted to fit in a warm bath before bed. He knew I had a long week ahead so he seemed to give me my way.

The whole point of my nightly baths was to try to relax and allow my body some rejuvenation but I spent the whole time thinking of my nasty words to Jacob. I ended the bath sooner than I normally did and thought it would be best to just get to bed and think of a way to talk to Jacob tomorrow… maybe.

I thought that my feelings would have kept me awake and tossing and turning for most of the night but it was the exact opposite. I was sound asleep having nightmares; not only of Jacob but others as well. I dreamt that I woke up and it was Gracie's high school graduation day and I had been so busy I had missed Savannah and her whole lives. People I loved had moved on with their lives and I hadn't even noticed that I was alone. Last was Jacob whose grave I visited where it was etched into his gravestone that he died from a broken heart.

When I awoke it was two in the morning and Edward was snoring softly beside me. I pushed myself out of bed wiping the tears from off my face. I needed to get a drink of water or something but I sat there staring at my phone and I knew I just had to check.

I crept out of the bedroom taking my phone with me and went to sit on the couch in the living room dialing as I went.

"Bella, what's wrong." Jacob answered somewhere between asleep and what the fuck.

"Uh…Jake?"

"Yeah."

I couldn't think of anything to say. Part of me was surprised that he answered. I was hoping to get his voicemail. I suddenly felt very stupid.

"Bella, is there something wrong? It's like five AM." He pressed.

Nothing.

"Good night, Bella." He huffed.

"Wait." I all but half screamed. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Jacob for what I said."

"Bella, it's early and I'm tired." He tried to dismiss me.

"Would you just give me a minute?" I whined. "I can't go back to sleep. Would you just talk to me? You're everywhere. You're there when I sleep; you're there when I'm awake."

"I'm in your dreams?" he replied amused.

"You're in my nightmares!"

Jacob sighed.

"I didn't mean it like that. Please would you just give me a minute? I…you…there was a grave and you were gone…" I started to cry. "I didn't know what to do, my life was over. I had missed everything…I"

"Whoa calm down, Bella."

My sniffles couldn't calm down. I was overly tired and in serious need of a mental health day.

"Bella, calm down." He said with a little more authority,

Slowly my sniffles and tears came to an end until I was left with a couple hiccups.

"Better?" he asked.

"Yeah." I whispered.

"You are going to go and climb back in bed, get some sleep and then kick ass on Sunday. Monday when you get back then we deal with our shit, okay?"

"Okay." I replied.

"Good night, Bella."

"Good night." I repeated.

I was just about to hang up the phone when I heard him whisper, "I love you." Unsure if I was supposed to have heard it or if he wanted a reply I held on the line for a second to hear him hang up almost instantly after it.

I walked back into the bedroom and saw Edward still asleep and I crawled into his arms laying my head on his chest. I felt Edward pull me closer. Yes, Jacob and I could deal with our shit on Monday.

The first President I ever met was me literally standing there in a line with my fellow performers while he went down the row shaking everyone's hand and giving them the standard thank you. I remember feeling more nervous than I was when I was on stage an hour ago, singing my little heart out and praying a big one to the man upstairs that I not be the one to mess up the dance.

I wasn't sure if the being surrounded by secret service was the cause of my nerves but when the President of the United States walked up to me and stuck out his hand to thank me; I knew it was definitely being here at this moment that was the reason for my sweaty palms. My mother had begged me to get an autograph but, I denied her. I ever so carefully wiped my hands on my dress making sure to not alert the secret service men and took Mr. President's hand in mine.

And then it was over. Michael poked me in the side, disrupting the silly smile on my face.

"Come on! After party!" he said and pushed me in the direction of the exit.

Edward greeted me with a kiss and praise when I saw him.

"Well, was he everything you'd hope he be?"

"I didn't even talk to him but…it was awesome." I couldn't contain the smile on my face. Was it really just a year ago when I was some big nobody getting bullied by that wench on the Italian Revenge's set? Now I was performing on stages and meeting the President. If my ten-year old self could see me now.

Edward and I didn't stay long at the party. Just long enough to meet Babette Brice who honored me with her praise. The party wasn't your typical Hollywood bash it was more stuffy than that. I just was focused on getting home and spending some quality time with my friends and family. I didn't have any big obligations until January thirteenth when my albums come out and this time I planned on keeping it that way.

"Just so you know, I plan on taking the next few weeks off. I will do whatever the label requires of me but no more major projects." I announced to Edward.

Edward smiled and looked over to me. I was content on staring out the plane window and having this conversation. The day looked peaceful as we flew above the clouds.

"Until the next person comes barreling into our office with an opportunity one cannot pass up." He replied.

"No. I mean it. The President of the United States himself could walk in and tell me that it was a matter of grave importance and I would say Mr. President, my apologies but I have to decline."

"I'm not upset with your busy schedule; you are finally getting everything you want and that makes me very happy but it would be nice if we could all see you for more than a meal or two." Edward said.

"I understand. It's the holiday season and I plan on enjoying it. Plus there's Savannah's birthday and I really want to make it special. I know we have a lot to do with getting this wedding underway so I will try to do some of that as well with you."

Edward gave me a grin and settled back into his chair.

"Edward, I know that this is supposed to be a you and me thing but I was hoping to maybe include the girls in on some things if that was alright with you. I know that the ultimate decision will be up to us but for maybe the fun things like cake tasting we could invite them along."

"Sure baby, whatever you want. Hmmm. Maybe they have a Bella flavored cake."

I cringed, "That's gross. Sounds like something Hannibal Lector would have at his wedding."

Edward laughed out loud. "Have you thought anymore on your bridesmaids?"

I sighed, "Not really. I think I am set on Angela, Jacqueline and Rosalie but I feel guilty for not including Alice. Do you think she'll be hurt?"

"Babe, you pick who you want to pick. I think she would be more hurt if she felt you asked her out of obligation. I'm sad to see you not close with her anymore and I know that is because of me. My failure was your price to pay."

"Don't say that. Alice made a choice and she didn't choose me. I wish I could go back to the way things were but it can't and I will still love her and if she needs me I will be there for her but we're not that close anymore."

"Bella, there will be people who come in and out of your life. Not just Alice. You will need to decide who you will fight for and who you can let go. I know that you and Jacob have been having a hard time with one another as well. I should be happy seeing how he loves you. I know that he will never be able to love you the way I do and I respect Jacob because I know that he loves you enough to let you go. I respect him because no matter his feelings he will always put your best interests at heart. He was able to protect you when I couldn't and that is why I choose him as my best man. I know he will always be there for you and he will respect our relationship enough to never cross the line. I hope you two will work out your differences."

"Well, we kind of started the peace talks. A couple of nights ago I had a horrible nightmare so I called him and he seemed at least receptive to talk with me."

"Where was I? I don't remember you leaving?" Edward sounded kind of worried.

"An atomic bomb couldn't have woken you." I laughed. "It was only a few minutes that I was gone…apparently I was back in bed before you knew it."

I smiled at Edward but he didn't seem too pleased so I tried to distract him with wedding talk since we would be meeting with Emily tomorrow. I asked Emma to call her first thing when we landed and invite her over to the house. I wanted to spend some time tomorrow with Savannah and Gracie and I really didn't want leave the house unless necessary.

"We're home." Edward announced loudly once we walked through the door.

Gracie came screaming into foyer. "You're home."

I picked her up and kissed her cheek. "I told you I would be back on Monday. See we're here bright and early. Did you and your dad have a good time?" I asked her.

Embry was going to take the girls to the zoo while we were gone to distract them and also make up for missing Gracie's birthday. Embry came in from the direction of the kitchen and greeted us.

"We had fun. We went to the zoo. We played in the pool. I wanted to play in the spa room but daddy said it needed to be specially cleaned."

I looked over to Embry and he busted up laughing. Edward looked confused and I wasn't about to discuss with him why Embry would say such a thing to Gracie.

"Where's your sister?" I asked trying to change direction.

"She went with Jacob and Becky to the stores." Gracie replied. I put her down and started to lug my suitcase upstairs, Gracie said she wanted to get back to her cartoons and necklace beading. Great, I would be stepping on beads for the next week.

"B, that can wait. Leave 'em and come check out your office." Embry stopped me from picking up the suitcase.

"What did you do to my office?" I asked accusingly.

"Damn. So hostile. I didn't do shit. Wish I could take credit."

Edward followed us out to the back house where my office resided. I walked in and stopped immediately when my eyes settled on a sleek black grand piano. I walked slowly over to it and ran my hand along it.

"Where did this come from?" I asked looking up to Embry.

He scrunched his shoulders. "They left a note." He winked and backed out of the room leaving Edward and I alone. Lying upon the keys was a note folded in thirds and sealed with wax. The seal was three circles linking one another.

Tria Fata.

I looked up to Edward.

"Open it." He replied softly. I took a breath and slid my finger along the paper to break the seal.

_Our deepest gratitude. You honor us with your words and respect. Thank you._

"Peter and Charlotte?" I asked quietly.

"No Bella. All of _Tria Fata_ wanted to extend their appreciation toward you. You may have stood up for Peter and Charlotte but you stood up for something greater."

I looked over to the piano bench and went to take a seat gliding my hands across the keys delicately. I had always wanted a nice piano. My parents were able to get the one we had at a yard sale. It needed to be tuned dearly and once it was it worked well enough but this was something else. I started to play just a little to get the feel and hear the beautiful sound fill the room.

Edward said that all members of _Tria Fata_ were to thank for my gift but I had always thought that Peter and Charlotte were the driving force of the decision. It wasn't until years later when I learned that Garrett was the one to initiate the gesture. Of course when I talked to him he made some snarky reply that he was just thankful that I had finally put my smart mouth to good use. It took me a long time to realize that Garrett and I were somewhat similar. We both loved our family and friends and there wasn't anything we wouldn't do for them.

* * *

**AN: **I want to say thank you and welcome to all the people who recently joined this story. I have seen many people join this week and I am very appreciative. THANK YOU as always for taking the time to read and review.


	18. Chapter 18

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN**

My winter holiday was in full swing. I had successfully been able to sit down and hash out some wedding details to help make my fiancé happy. I managed to slip in a meeting with the boys over at WMG about some more publicity pushes making them happy and I was able to spend more time with Savannah and Gracie making us both happy.

Matt had emailed me the artwork he had completed for my two albums and I loved it. He drew half of my face for one cover and in the background all these images having to do with day and then on the other album was the other half of my face with images of night. When you placed the two covers together you would get my full face. The Night and Day albums were complete.

Seth was able to show me the final product before we started our meeting and I had never had such a proud day. Seeing the hard copies right in my hand was what Oprah would call a full circle moment.

Seth was then ready to tell me that they had lined up several radio shows for me to debut the first single off the album. The label surprisingly decided to go with a song I wrote for the Night album entitled _The Problem with Tabloids_. My first interview was to take place on December sixteenth at the number one radio station in Los Angeles. That date rolled around in my head the whole drive back to the house. Why was that date important? Did I have something important to do on that date?

Maybe I should call Emma.

I walked into the house with my phone out and ready to dial.

"Good, you're back. I wanted to talk to you about Savannah's birthday." Embry stopped me. I looked up to him and then it clicked.

"December sixteenth!" I exclaimed.

Embry stepped back startled by my outburst.

"Yes…good job Bella." He said slowly like he was talking to a child. "That is a date."

"No. I…I was just at a meeting and they asked me to do a radio show to promote my single and they want me to do it on December sixteenth, the day that your album comes out."

"You're debuting your first single the day that I am debuting my single?" he asked.

"Well you were the one who wanted to push-off your single's debut until the date your album actually hit stores." I rolled my eyes. Everyone knew that usually an artist put out a single a couple weeks before their new album but Embry was hell-bent on keeping it secret until his album dropped. I can't imagine the hell he caused his label.

"So…we are going up against one another." He laughed tauntingly while rubbing his hands together evilly.

"First of all, we are not going up against each other. We all know there is no competition; you are definitely the better artist here. And second we have completely different genres. So I don't see it as competing." I remarked.

"Oh, B." he shook his head.

"So…seeing how your song is going to finally hit the airwaves maybe you can finally let me hear your single?" I asked irritated. Embry had let me listen to his whole album but left one song off the copy he gave me. He said I would have to wait along with everyone else and as conceited as it might sound I was maddened by the fact that I had to wait.

"Uh…" he pretended to think about it. "Nope."

He laughed and started to walk toward the family room.

"You are so…frustrating."

"Hey, can we not fight honey. Not in front of the kids." He joked.

"Where are the kids?" I asked looking around.

"Gracie's on a timeout. She threw a mad fit…you don't want to know." He looked exhausted just thinking about it. "And Savannah is reading out by the pool which is why I thought that now would be the perfect time to talk over her birthday. I know you and Edward were planning on getting her that video camera but I still haven't been able to come up with anything good and I really want to do something nice since all the shit I put her through."

I flopped down on the couch. "Well I happen to know something that she might love. A couple of weeks ago I was talking to her and she said she would be interested in taking riding lessons. Maybe you could give her that." I suggested.

"Awesome. Thanks." He looked relieved.

"Also I really wanted to make her birthday special since I know she must always just be an afterthought since her birthday falls on Christmas. I asked Becky to help me out with coming up with some decorations for the day…I know that a real party won't be an option since she hasn't had the chance to make many friends out here in L.A. so maybe we can give her a summer party when she has had a chance to meet some people at the school she goes to. Which reminds me, Northwest Academy has their final week of classes if we wanted to check out that school, this may be the last time we can look before all the schools go on winter break?" I suggested.

"What time did you want to go?" he asked.

"Well obviously for both of us Tuesday is out. I can do Monday." Tuesday I had to be at the radio station at seven a.m. for the interview and I was sure that Embry might have some phone interviews himself to attend to as well.

"Great." Embry got up from the couch. "uh… I needed to ask you something."

He started to pace. "Around January, February; Darren asked if I would fly out to New York with him and guest on his concert and then maybe work on helping him with his next album. He is doing a one off at Madison Square Gardens. I would only need to perform two or three songs at most. I was hoping you could watch the girls for me. It would only be for a week or two."

"Wait, you're performing? I want to go."

"Bella, please I don't want to make a big deal out of this. I don't even know how I really feel about this but I am just going to do this one show and see if I can maybe…get back to where I was a couple of years ago. I promise if I ever decide to do a concert, you'll have front row seats." He looked over to me and I could see in his eyes the doubt swimming behind them.

"Okay. Of course." I nodded slightly. "Why is Darren going out to New York to work on his album when he lives here?"

"He's working with Johnny D.; that producer who worked on his last album and Johnny D. doesn't want to come out to Cali which is completely ridiculous if you ask me. Who wants to be in New York during the winter months." He shook his head at the thought.

"Oh, okay. Uh...hey, have you seen Jacob?" I asked. When I returned from D.C. on Monday, Jacob gave me the awkward one arm hug and said a brief welcome back. We didn't have a sit down like we had discussed because the last couple of days he had been busy. I was hoping that either today or tomorrow he would pencil me in.

"Nope. Bro's been a trip." He replied.

I sighed. Yep, bro's been trippin all right and I wasn't going to keep letting him get away with it.

I stayed up extra late that evening hoping I would catch Jacob coming through the door but around two a.m., Edward pulled me off to bed with him. The next morning I went by his room and he looked like a corpse laying upon the bed still dressed in his clothes. I decided to leave him a note to meet me in my office when he finally emerged.

As I was walking down to the pool house/ office I decided to dial-up Rosalie.

"Hey woman, long time no see." She answered the phone.

"I know. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind coming by. I haven't seen you in a while and I wanted to talk to you about some things." I replied.

"Sure. I don't have a lot to do today. What time?" she asked.

"Uh…now? I have coffee." I tried to bribe her.

"See you in ten."

While I was waiting for Rosalie, I sat down at the new piano and fiddled around on it. It wasn't even ten am and I was in desperate need for some coffee but I tried holding off for Rose.

"Hey, I was pounding on your door for like five minutes. Becky let me in." Rose said crossing the yard to get to me.

"Sorry." I stopped her. "Coffee's in the main house." I pulled her along.

"So what's up." She asked.

"Well, I haven't really had time to sit down with you…alone." I replied serious. I started to pull mugs from the cupboard; pouring the coffee that Edward made that morning into each one.

"Bella, are you breaking up with me?" she joked.

I smiled and rolled my eyes. "Well, you have been a tad clingy lately. Uh…no. I wanted to ask you if you would be a bridesmaid."

"Really?" she looked surprised which I found funny since my first two maidens seemed already in the know even before me.

"Well, yeah I mean of course."

"Wow, I'm…honored." She took a sip and set it back down on the table cautiously. "Did you ask Alice?"

I sighed, "No and I wasn't planning to."

She looked down and gave a small sad smile.

"I'm sorry. Is it bad that I wasn't planning on asking Alice? Edward said she would be more upset if she thought that I asked her out of obligation. I just don't feel that close to Alice anymore."

"No. You should ask who you want. I know Alice still feels really bad for what she did. She knows that she's the cause of your friendship ending." Rose confided.

"Our friendship didn't end. I still think of her as a friend and if she ever needed me, I would be there. But yes we aren't as close anymore and part of that is due to the fact that a part of me doesn't trust her. I love her but I still feel like she would choose _Tria Fata_ over me or us if given the option and I would never choose an organization over my friends or family. Edward knows this which is why we haven't practiced the _Tria Fata_ beliefs."

"So you and Edward…you really aren't?" she asked.

"Well, we don't practice the punishment aspect but I can still tell that he monitors me closely to see that my safety is up to par. I can see him fight himself with certain issues. In some ways I wonder if there is more he is not telling me. Sometimes I can tell that there are cracks beneath his calm façade."

"Cracks?" she asked.

"Cracks…he panics slightly. When we were in D.C. I got out of bed briefly to get a glass of water and I called Jacob and then when I relayed to him about my nighttime conversation he seemed panicked. Like he couldn't believe that I would be able to leave his side and he wouldn't know. Weird, huh?"

"Bella, maybe you should talk to him. You know _Tria Fata_ wasn't something he got into overnight. I'm sure he struggles more than you know with not practicing what was ingrained in him and if you really feel this way I bet there is more that he may not be telling you."

"What do you mean?" I probed.

"Just that…if he really is "monitoring" you, I imagine he may be doing it without you even knowing. Once _Tria Fata_, always _Tria Fata_."

"How is he going to monitor me other than checking in with me and making sure that I keep my nighttime activities to a minimum or at least supervised?"

"You have an iPhone, Bella. There is an app for that. He can see where you are at all times."

I sat there and thought about her words. I hadn't told anyone about Edward's behavior. I think I hadn't clued even myself in on it trying to use whatever distraction at the time to hold me off from it. But if I was honest, I knew that there were definitely more things going on with Edward then he would care for me to know.

Rosalie and I had a nice visit with one another but we both had things to do so we finally parted ways. Once more thanking me for asking her to be a bridesmaid. It was Sunday afternoon and I still hadn't heard from Jacob so I decided to go up and check on him. When I got to his room his bed was unmade and he wasn't lying in it anymore. I called out for him but nothing.

"He left." Becky said from behind me.

"Oh…where did he go?"

"He's had more filming. They really have been running him into the ground lately." She stated.

"That's odd. Why wouldn't he come and see me before he left?" I said mostly to myself.

"I think he overslept. He seemed to be in a hurry. He's over at Paramount."

I pounded on the door to Jacob's trailer; I was far past being subtle. He went out of his way to avoid me so I was going to go out of my way to track him down. Well, it wasn't hard to track him down. Becky told me he was on the Paramount lot and now I stood here in plain view of all the crew members banging down his door like some rabid ex-girlfriend.

"What?" I heard him yell from inside. Well at least I located him. I opened the door without the proper invitation and let myself in. Why did this all feel so familiar?

"Bella, geez what the hell?" he was sitting up from his bed wiping the sleep out of his eyes.

"What the hell? Dude, what the hell?" I asked. "I wanted you to come and talk to me and you just ignored my note."

"You were with Rosalie and I had to get going. I was already running late." He explained.

"You weren't avoiding me?"

"Contrary to what you may think, the whole world doesn't revolve around you, princess." He snapped.

"What is your problem? What did I do? I apologized for my remark. Why are you being such a jerk?" I demanded.

He just sat there. He shook his head slightly and stared down at the corner to the left of him.

"I'm sorry for what I said. I'm sorry that I love you but I'm not in love with you. I'm sorry that I am obviously wasting my time by coming here because I wanted to salvage our friendship. If you can't handle that Edward will always be the man in my life and that he no longer needs you to be his number two then maybe you should just move on already." I snapped.

Nothing. He just sat there like the undead.

I turned around to leave and I was about to walk out but I paused. "You know I really need you. You are my friend but it's obvious that you don't want that. Good-bye, Jake."

Walking out toward my car my fury pushing me. I couldn't believe that Jacob was being so ridiculous. Hello! I was giving him all the opportunities to go out and find a life. If we had kept up with this preposterous _Tria Fata_ ideal of The Second, Jacob would spend the rest of his life watching from the sidelines waiting for the moment to be tagged in. I was doing him a favor for demanding that the Second idea be dismissed and let he treated me like I ruined his whole life.

In a tizzy I drove around not really knowing where I should go. I didn't want to go to Warner Bros. because knowing Edward he would try to pin the blame for Jacob's and my dysfunctional relationship on me. I ended up driving to Wilshire, parking and slamming the car door as I made my way to the shop.

"Hi, can you tell Marcus J. that Isabella Swan is here to see him." I knew I was about to catch hell. I never did call or text Marcus back after that day on The Onion talk show. I was about to have my ass handed to me.

The girl working the store picked up the telephone and called him. I wandered around looking at his new designs in the store. A couple of people were shopping about.

"Miss Swan, he said that he doesn't know of an Isabella Swan." The poor girl looked like she was in the middle of passing messages off between a quarreling mother and father. I huffed irritated and this might have been the straw to break the camel's back because I decided to take out the middle man or in this case the middle girl and push past her heading upstairs to where I knew he was working.

"Marcus!" I called out as I reached the top of the steps with my eyes probably as red as a bull.

"Are you out of your damn mind?" Marcus gasped throwing some fabric over what he was working on.

"Really? You don't know of an Isabella Swan?" I scoffed.

"Well, you never call. You never write. What was I supposed to think?" he crossed his arms and looked away.

I walked over to him and placed my hands on his arms. "Marcus, I'm sorry. I have just been crazy busy. I wasn't avoiding you…you aren't upset with me are you?"

He turned his head to look at me, "No." he replied softly. "I just wanted to express my appreciation, that's all."

"I didn't do anything." I admitted.

"Bella, my dear don't ever think that. You are a true friend." He paused and looked around awkwardly, "So do you want to see some of the designs I have been working on for that wedding dress of yours?"

"I'd love nothing more." I smiled.

Edward and I still hadn't settled on our colors although we really hadn't discussed them seriously. I had a couple of colors rolling around in my head and of course Marcus tried to poke it out of me but I told him that once I had discussed it with Edward I promised he would be the first to know.

Monday came and Embry, Savannah and Gracie and I toured the Northwest Academy School. The tour went well and I couldn't get over the little uniform. I had a feeling I was the only one who was excited for that part but in the end we all agreed to give this institution a shot. Savannah promised me once more that she would try to incorporate herself into the school but if she ever felt uncomfortable she would tell me straight away. I only hoped that she would be able to make at least one friend here. Which she did. Some may call it irony but I always thought it was something from a higher power when she managed to finally find a best friend in what also happened to be the daughter to one of Embry's biggest rivals. But we would have to fast forward a lot to get to that story.

My first radio show had my stomach in knots. Partly due to the fact that this would be my first interview since The Onion talk show and we all know how well that went. A driver was sent from the label to pick me up and deliver me to the Wilshire studios but most of my morning was thinking about how Embry's song was debuting sometime this morning and I could hardly wait. I knew if I turned on any hip hop radio station I was sure I would hear it but I wanted to wait because I wanted to hear the unedited version.

"97.5 P.O.P. FM the music you want, right now. This is Brian Creston and I am happy to introduce to the show Isabella Swan. Welcome Isabella to P.O.P FM and thank you for coming in this early morning."

"Thank you for having me." I replied.

"We are about to debut a new track off your album Night and Day but first I wanted to ask you that E.C. Crime also dropped his single today. I know you two are good friends, did you plan that?"

I laughed. "No, actually we didn't even realize it until a couple of days ago."

"A little healthy competition?"

"Well, we are completely different artists and of course there is no competition. Embry is one of the finest rappers of his time. I am honored to even know him. I have learned so much from him." I answered.

"What did you think of his single?" Brian asked.

"Uh…I actually haven't heard it yet. He was being a real butt about letting me listen to it. I heard the whole album a couple of months ago but he absolutely refused me the single which has frustrated me to no end."

"So even now with it playing across radio stations, you still haven't heard it?" he asked.

"No. I wanted to wait until I get the unedited version. Nothing irritates me more than having to listen to the edited versions of things especially with rap."

"We have the unedited version if you want to take a listen during the commercial break. How bout it? Maybe you wouldn't mind if we could make a reaction video and upload it to P.O.P FM dot com."

How did I feel about that? I always thought it was weird that people would tape themselves reacting to something they were watching or listening to but I guess I could play along. I can't imagine Embry's song causing too much of a reaction from me.

"You're on." I smiled.

"We have a trooper. But first let's talk about this single of yours."

"Yeah, I probably should or else my label might be disappointed in me for spending all my time on Embry's music and not my own." I laughed.

We spent a little time talking about the two albums coming up and the first single before the commercial break.

"Thank you for doing this, Isabella. For some reason these type of videos always get a lot of hits on our site." Brian said as the small film crew came in and set everything up.

"It's no problem and please call me Bella."

"All right we have the song all ready to pot up."

"Just make sure this isn't going out over the airwaves. I hate to see you in trouble with the F.C.C. for the first f-bomb that Embry's sure to drop." I teased.

"Don't worry we got it covered. Okay, go." Brian signaled the camera and he pressed play. The music started and Embry's single _Stronger Now_ played. He rapped about all the things that life had thrown at him the past few years but he's stronger now. He rapped about how he overdosed but he was stronger now. And the last verse he rapped about me and how I was the reason he was stronger now.

I was listening to every word closely not wanting to miss a thing. The song kept going and with his beat and words I knew this would be an instant hit but when I heard those words he wrote about me, I couldn't hold back the tears. I tried. Good god how I tried knowing that I was supposed to remain professional but never in my life did I feel so... honored. E.C. Crime was my favorite rap artist of all time. Hell, he was my favorite artist of all time and now Embry E.C. Crime had rapped about me on his single. Honored could not truly express how I felt in that moment.

At the time I was embarrassed that I had agreed to do the reaction video and when I left the building and the driver asked me where I wanted to go I chose Warner Bros. because some part of me wanted to get to Edward. I didn't know what to say to Embry. I didn't know if WMG was going to be happy with my interview or how they would feel about the video.

I could hear my phone ringing and I saw Edward calling but I knew I was going to see him soon so I ignored the call sensing it was the best thing to do at the moment. I had a million things going through my head. Embry, who wrote something so beautiful and powerful. WMG who I had yet to hear a reaction from, what were they going to think? Jacob who still lived with us for the time being but hadn't talk to me for days and then there was Edward. Edward, who I worried, was leaving me in the dark over a few things.

The car pulled up right outside our production offices and I thanked the driver for taking me around that day. I walked up to the doors and let myself in greeting Angel along the way to Edward's office. She seemed tense. Other people were looking at me as I passed. What was going on? This couldn't be over the reaction video, could it?

I entered Edward's office, "Edward, something's seriously wrong out…" I stopped in mid sentence.

There was a woman in Edward's office dressed in a rather tight business suit and she was accompanied by two gentlemen who I immediately recognized from past events.

"Bella, these people would like to speak to you for a moment. Could you close the door?" Edward asked.

Slowly I closed the door behind me and walked over to take Edward's hand. I was suddenly very nervous. Why would the Secret Service be here in our production offices?

* * *

**AN:** Thank you for reading and reviewing. I am sure that some of you would have liked more Edward in this chapter but there were a lot of things that needed to happen so please bare with me. He will be back. Sorry it took longer for me to update, I was sick this week and wasn't able to go to work. I usually work on this story when I am at work so that's why the delay. Hope to get you another update in a couple of days. THANK YOU once again!


	19. Chapter 19

**CHAPTER NINETEEN**

_"No. I mean it. The President of the United States himself could walk in and tell me that it was a matter of grave importance and I would say Mr. President, my apologies but I have to decline."_

I didn't think it would actually happen.

Two men in serious suits stood standing near the door on guard. Stefan Vladic was sitting in a chair next to the woman dressed in the tight business suit.

"Bella, this is Erica Jefferson and she is with the Presidential Inaugural Committee." Edward introduced.

"Hello." I replied softly as I sat slowly in Edward's office chair which he pulled out for me.

"Hello, Miss Swan as you know the Presidential Inauguration is approaching and I serve on the committee to insure that our country's time-honored and historical ceremonies are presented with utmost respect and dignity. After careful consideration from the committee as well as the endorsement from the President elect, I am here to represent the committee in requesting that you perform for our ceremonies on the twentieth of January."

I stared at her like she had three heads; in fact I probably wouldn't have been in as much shock if in fact she did have three heads as opposed to what she had just proposed.

"…uh…wha…wh..." no intelligent words here.

"Bella, I'm sure I don't need to tell you what an honor this is, a real feather in your cap especially as a new artist." Stefan sat up straight and proud.

"Wait, I don't understand. Is this a joke? I mean what? I mean…WHAT?"

Edward squeezed my shoulder, "It's not a joke, honey."

I snapped my head to him. "You did this, didn't you? I said that not even the President himself could stop me from taking a break and this is either some type of test or joke you're trying to play on me." I stood up and Edward tried to interrupt me but I kept going as I started to pace.

"Or maybe you're just doing this because I refuse to tell you who I voted for and you think that by accepting or not accepting this preposterous offer that my acceptance or refusal will give you a hint as to what I voted. Really, Edward." I shook my head.

"Bella..." Edward said but I ignored him and continued my rant walking around the office.

"I really don't understand sometimes the lengths you go to play such a silly joke. You got Stefan in here for goodness sake and you even managed to get these guys all dressed up and acting like Secret Service." I walked straight up to one of the men in the dark suits, "You're good." I slyly praised.

"Miss Swan, I can assure you that this is no joke. I have an official letter here if you would care to see. And those gentlemen really are Secret Service. When it comes to the inaugural ceremonies everything is kept to the most highest degree of confidentiality. Which means that you nor any other person in this room may discuss what we have offered even if you were to choose to decline." Erica stated.

I backed down from the Secret Service gentlemen and looked back to her. My embarrassment thankfully had yet to catch up with me.

"Why me? I can't imagine why you would choose me?"

"There has been a large push with integrating the younger generation in becoming more active in their country's affairs. This election had the highest voter turnout of people ranging from eighteen to thirty since ninety two. The President elect has his reasons for why he mentioned your name to our committee and we feel that you may help with our goal by ushering in a generation of American's who may have felt overlooked in past years. Our hope is to have you perform _My Country, 'Tis of Thee_ with a choir of young children. You are the present and they are the future of the United States of America."

"This is serious. You all are being serious." It started to really hit me what Ms. Jefferson was here for. I could feel the blood drain from my face.

"Very serious." She affirmed.

"Isn't this wonderful? Think of what it will do for record sales." Stefan glowed.

"Edward?" I looked to him.

"This is up to you. Whatever your decision is of course I will support you?"

I didn't know what to say. Part of me was still thinking that this was just some elaborate hoax but I knew that Edward wouldn't be so cruel to let it keep going on like this. Another part of me was thinking that our new President elect must be off his rocker.

Why would he want me? Maybe he felt some sort of obligation to help out my career since Edward worked so hard to further his. Maybe this was all just payback? No that can't be it, I mean George Clooney did five times more work for the election funds than Edward and they weren't asking his flavor of the month to perform. But what if this was orchestrated by Edward and our soon to be commander-in-chief. Ohh Bella, do you really think that the next leader of the free world really spent as much time thinking about this as you are. I mean for god sakes he has wars and a recession to deal with. Whether or not you sing at his inauguration I highly doubt tops his list of pondering.

"I need to think about it." I replied.

Ms. Jefferson rose from out of her chair. "We will need to know by the end of the week. I hope you will place a great deal of thought into this decision."

Well, duh! Thankfully I didn't say that out loud.

"Absolutely." I shook her hand.

"I will remind you that this conversation needs to be kept private. Good day." She replied and she was led out by the men in the dark suits.

Once they left, Stefan closed the door quickly behind them. "What do you mean you need to think about this? Do you have any idea what kind of honor this is? How could you say anything but yes?"

"Stefan, this isn't some silly award show or Halloween party to perform at. This is going to be one of the biggest events in the history of this country. I will not just say yes to something without really thinking it over first. You yourself said that I am a new artist. What do you think it will do for record sales if I were to choke on stage in front of millions of people who will be watching from around the world?" I sat back down in the chair frustrated.

"Bella, you're not going to choke. This is your job and I know a thousand artists that would kill for this. Are you going to disappoint your label?" Stefan asked.

"Stefan, back off. This is Bella's choice." Edward looked pissed but I couldn't let him rip Stefan a new asshole without help, after all we were a team.

"You don't get to decide what I do or don't do. I have many jobs and if you're so worried about the label then you could go right ahead and drop me from it. I will not have anyone control me which is why I never signed any contract beyond the two albums which I have already produced for you. I am under no obligation to do anything more for WMG. My decision to perform at the President's Inauguration will not be based on what my label wants. If you can't give me a couple of days to think it over and make a decision that is right for me then you can just go right ahead and leave."

Both Edward and I were standing strong in front of Stefan's chair. He slowly stood up. "I think we are all getting a little irrational. I will go ahead and depart and will await your decision."

Once Stefan shut the door behind him, I took off for the small bedroom next to Edward's office and laid down on the bed. It wasn't even noon and already I felt like a month had passed since this morning's radio interview. I felt the bed dip down from Edward's weight and his body mold itself to mine. He didn't say a word he just ran his fingers through my hair and lightly massaged my scalp which worked wonders from the splitting headache that I felt.

"Baby, I'm sure you're feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment." Edward said softly.

"Overwhelmed? I'm a lottawhelmed." I flipped over to face him, "Just tell me, did you have anything to do with this?"

"What? No."

"Do you think that it's possible that your friend el presidente did this as some sort of thank you for everything you did to help raise money for his campaign?" I asked.

"Bella, why would you think that?" he questioned.

"I don't know. I mean…why? Why? There is no logical explanation for what just happened in there."

"I said I would support your decision. If this is too much, then decline. I won't be disappointed; I just hope that you won't be disappointed in the future when you look back on this. I know we joke about me not knowing how you voted in the election. If this is some sort of moral dilemma…"

"I already told you, it wouldn't have mattered to me who was elected President. I would support him no matter what and it wouldn't be an attack of conscience for me. I wouldn't feel bad for singing at the inauguration for someone I didn't vote for."

"Really? Cause I would have a problem." He replied.

"You have many problems."

Edward looked down at me, "What problems do I have?"

"Well for starters in exactly t minus sixty days you will be the sap owner to one bat shit crazy wife. You think I was a pain in the ass when I was just your girlfriend you haven't seen nothing yet. I'm sure I am just one gig away from the nut house. Secondly, at this point my baggage far outweighs yours and if there is any indication of the silence in our house from the past few weeks I am pretty sure you are best manless which is many thanks to me. You're welcome. So as I see it you still have plenty of time to jump in your jet and fly off into the sunset because once you say "I do" that whole for better or worse part is pretty binding and even if I do sign a prenup which I plan to do, the only family jewels that may be protected will be the ones in that binding contract."

"You're not signing a prenup."

"That's what you got from that rant?" I huffed getting off the bed and throwing my hands up in the air.

"I mean it, Isabella. You sign something, I will tear it up." He replied forcefully.

"I'm not going to spend our marriage with the media planting seeds of doubt into your head. There will be a prenup; in fact there will be four. One I will give you every five years until our fifteenth wedding anniversary. This will protect you and all your assets. Don't take the high road here Edward. I'm doing this for you."

Edward walked up to me until his face was mere inches from mine, "No." His eyes were cold. "We no longer practice a majority of things I believe in from _Tria Fata_. I have taken a back seat on many issues in the past few months but not this. You will not sign anything. Am I making myself clear?"

We both stood there in some sort of dominant staring contest neither of us budging.

"You won't go back on your word. There is nothing you can do about it. I'm signing the forms." Inside I was feeling a bit shaky but I wasn't about to let Edward see that.

"I won't punish you, that is true but I won't marry you either. If you or I can't trust one another then there is no reason for us to be married. I don't want a prenup because I trust you, Bella. If you sign then it means you don't believe me and I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't have faith in me."

"This isn't about my faith in you. I'm protecting you." I yelled. "What happens if ten years go down the road and I've turned into some narcissistic demon bitch who out of vengeance or hatefulness tries to take you for everything you're worth? I don't know what Hollywood will eventually turn me into and I won't take that risk."

"You still don't get it Bella. If you left me there wouldn't be anything for you to take. Without you, I would no longer exist."

I folded my arms over my chest and scowled toward the corner away from him. I couldn't believe that he would be so…stupid.

Edward came up behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders. "And I would never allow Hollywood to turn you into a narcissistic demon bitch. I would take you away from all of this before I let happen."

I felt him kiss the base of my neck. "Hmmm…bat shit crazy…" he mumbled.

"I heard that." I huffed.

Edward laughed, "Wasn't trying to be subtle."

I turned back to face him and he wrapped his arms around my lower back and brought me in to him. "What's really going on? This isn't just about the president thing, is it?" he asked softly.

"I…I just feel like I am losing control. My life feels like any moment it will spin out of control. I hate feeling like this."

Edward put his hand on my face and softly rubbed the circles beneath one of them. "Come on. I will lie down with you. I think you need a nap and maybe after you will have a little more clarity."

He pulled me over to the bed and I laid down upon his chest. He was right, I did need this. It felt so good to just close my eyes and I could feel my body relax because he was there holding me and I always knew that I was safe there in his arms. Safe from decision-making. Safe from crazy propositions. Safe from the world.

I woke up a couple of hours later and I could see even with my face smashed into the pillow that it was now four pm. I could feel that Edward was gone and that sadden me. I turned over on my back and wiped a little drool from off my mouth, lying there just staring up at the ceiling.

"Maybe you were right. It's a good thing I'll never marry you. I'd probably drown in my sleep."

I jumped up in surprise that I was not alone. Jacob sat in the corner on a chair.

"What are you doing here?" I snapped.

Jacob lifted up his hands in surrender, "I come in peace." He put his hands down and then walked over to our mini fridge and pulled something out, "See, I even brought an offering."

He handed over a piece of New York cheesecake with strawberries on top. It was one of my favorites that came from this restaurant called The Palm. Normally I would turn my nose up at any sort of offering but my period was coming on soon and after the day I had; I deserved it.

I didn't say a word and I could tell that it was bothering Jacob. He was squirming like a worm while I sat there and quietly ate my offering.

"I…I…" Jacob sighed. "Look, I'm sorry for…kinda being a jerk."

"Kind of?" I pointedly questioned.

"Fine, I was a jerk. I just… I can't explain it. I understand where you are coming from but I don't think you know how hard it is to have feelings for a person and know they will never return them."

"Uh…Jake, that was my whole childhood. I always had feelings for people and they never returned any feeling other than hatred. But…I get what you're saying. I'm sorry. Truly I am but I can't change how I feel. I value your friendship and to be honest the last couple of weeks it didn't feel like you valued mine and that hurt."

He walked over and sat on the bed, "Bells, of course I value you. I'm sorry. If it makes you feel any better I have taken your advice and have actually sought out other girls…well one girl in particular."

"Really?" I smiled, "Who?" I felt like a gaggle of gossiping girls sitting around eating cheesecake talking relationships.

"I met her recently and she is…amazing. But I don't want to talk about it too much cause it's new and we just started to date. We haven't even gone public. Mostly it's just sneaking around."

"Wow, Jake. That's so wonderful. You won't even tell me her name? I think I deserve it."

"Bells, I promise if this turns into something then I will bring her by to introduce you but you of all people should know how great it is to have something to yourself and how great it is to be able to keep that from the world."

"Fine, I will try to be patient." I pouted. "So what does she do for a living?"

"Bella." Jake replied in warning.

"What, I can't even get tiny details?" I pushed.

"Eat your cake." Jake demanded. He got up from the bed and started to walk around a little.

"Hey, have you noticed your assistants have been dating?"

"Dating who?" I said with my mouth full of cheesecake.

"Each other."

"What? No there not." I dismissed.

"Bella, you haven't seen anything? Dude, I walked in on them making out near the basketball court. Didn't hear me though. I guess they were a little preoccupied."

"Wait a minute. Ian and Emma? You're sure." I asked.

"I'm telling you. Apparently you are wildly unobservant. I'm sure there were signs." He replied.

"No fucking way." Always a lady.

"Edward, come here for a minute." Jacob called out toward Edward's office.

"What's up?" He asked coming in.

"First of all you left me alone in here with Jacob. Kind of creepy how he was all watching me sleep." I replied.

"Somehow you look like you came out unscathed." He rolled his eyes.

"Hey, don't go off book here. Have you noticed anything weird about Emma and Ian?" Jake lowered his voice like they had super hearing.

"You mean that they're dating." He replied.

"What? How does everyone know this?" I asked baffled.

"Told you. Completely unobservant."

"Did they say something to you?" I pressed.

"No, but when we were in D.C. I noticed Ian go into Emma's room which wouldn't have been weird but then I could see small little touches every once in a while." Edward said suggestively.

"Why didn't you say anything?" I asked.

"They obviously want their privacy who are we to call someone out for secretly dating, plus your mind needed to focus on other things and I didn't want to distract you."

"Hmmm…well now I'm going to feel all weird when I see them." I said.

"Bella, just look the other way." Edward mandated.

It did feel weird seeing Emma skip around the office and give Ian these shy sly smiles. I really was the most unobservant person on the earth. How could I have not seen it before? Now it was all I could see and for some reason I felt compelled to just call them out on it hoping it would make it easier on them but Edward said under no circumstances was I to do anything of the kind. Still every time I would see them I couldn't help but smile and remember when life was like that for me.

Christmas was next Thursday and after the house was decked out with lights and holiday trim I couldn't wait for Edward's and my first official Christmas together. Thoughts of last year ran through my mind and I shuttered. This year since we had so many people in our house we agreed to draw names and do Secret Santa exempting Savannah and Gracie of course. I drew Becky and I was extremely thankful since I always found men hard to shop for.

Edward invited my parents over to spend the holidays with us and of course my mother couldn't wait to talk wedding.

"I'm just saying that you are getting married in less than two months and you have uneven number of bridesmaid's and groomsman, you have no venue, no colors. Honestly Bella, what do you have?" My mom was starting a chicken and cheese enchiladas happy to be back in my kitchen.

"I have the man I love and my sanity."

"Well that's not enough. What about a dress? Flowers. Photographer. Cake. Centerpieces. Dear lord do you even have a theme?"

"Mom, I will put you in touch with Emily our wedding planner and you can coordinate with her."

"Sometimes I just think you love to raise my blood pressure." She threw the kitchen towel down in frustration.

"Renée, it will be done. Don't worry. In fact on Monday we are going to meet with Emily and go over all of those things." Edward yelled out over the television.

My mother sighed and went back to her dish. Since we had so many people living here she always said that Italian and Mexican was the best food to make for a large crowd.

"So there is something that I wanted to talk to you about." My mom stopped what she was doing and looked over to me. It started to worry me that she suddenly became serious.

"What is it, mom?" I asked.

"Well, your father and I have been talking and I have decided that at the end of this school year I want to retire."

"Wow, really?"

"Yes. I want to spend more time with your father and…I would like to be around more. I realized during Thanksgiving that I really liked being around you and my granddaughters. You know I see those girls as my granddaughters, right?"

I smiled. "Yes, I know. So…what were you planning on? Moving in here because I have to tell you we are getting pretty full up here." I laughed.

"No. Of course not but your father and I want to move closer. It's such a pain to have to drive an hour and a half to get here." She explained.

"Wait…so you are going to sell our house?" I asked.

It was at this time that Edward came over, "Honey, your parents want to be closer. Isn't that nice?"

"Well yeah but that is my childhood home." I looked down at the countertop. Edward started rubbing my back.

"Bella, if you don't want us to move we won't." My dad had joined in the conversation.

I looked up to him and for a moment I realized just how old he looked. My dad was sixty-two and when I thought about him I guess I always had this image in my head that he was still just over forty but the years had taken a toll as well as his health and then I looked at my mother and no longer did she look as young either. It was my childhood home but I was being selfish. My parents deserved the best and now I was in a position to make sure they got it.

"No of course Daddy, I want you both to be happy. It's just a house." Edward gave me a kiss on the head and my parents both smiled.

After dinner I took a glass of wine and went to sit out on the balcony off Edward's and my room. I looked out over the pool and watched as the water glistened under the moon.

"You okay?" Edward asked joining me.

"Sure." I replied softly.

He came and sat down beside me on our little cozy couch.

"You were quite during dinner. Are you upset with your parents?"

"No."

"Bella." He said my name with that knowing sound.

"I'm not upset, I…I'm sad. Aren't I allowed to be sad?"

"Your parents just want to be closer. I know that you loved that house but you aren't living there anymore and…"

"Edward, you don't get it. It doesn't matter that I don't live there. I look at that house and I don't see just a house. I grew up in that house. I walk into the front door and I see the banister that I broke when I was messing about. I go up to my old room and I can still see the place where Jessica would sit on my window seal and talk about her hopes and dreams. I walk out into our backyard and see the summers my parents, Jessica and I would spend barbecuing and swimming. And when that house sells it will feel like all those memories will just stay there. It's not just a house."

"Okay. I'm sorry. You're right. I'm sorry, baby." He pulled me to him.

"No. I'm just being emotional. I want my parents to be happy so I will say good-bye and in the end move on. Stop looking at the past and look towards the future and all that." I stood up and walked over to the balcony rail

"Bella, what if.."

"I'm going to D.C."

I turned back to face him. "I have spent so much of my life afraid. Afraid of what people will think. Afraid of failing. Afraid of even getting into a relationship with you and I'm done. I'm done of always being scared and I would hate myself for passing up on an opportunity that is once in a lifetime. And I know it will make my parents proud. They have spent their whole life sacrificing so that Jessica and I could have good life and now it's my chance to make them proud. I'm going to D.C."

* * *

**AN: **Once again I apologize for taking a while with this update. The funny thing is I know what I am going to write I am just having a hard time focusing on writing it. But don't worry I will finish. THANK YOU FOR READING AND REVIEWING! I promise I will work harder!


	20. Chapter 20

**CHAPTER TWENTY**

"This one is a beautiful little winery less than two hours away in Temecula. I know it's not as posh as the wineries you'll find in Santa Barbara but…"

Emily had been going on for what seemed like an eternity on venues and my attention span caught the first flight out a couple of hours ago when she started mentioning how all these venues could hold over five hundred people. Since the mention of this little tidbit, every image she showed on her little power point presentation had me envisioning all the different ways I could make a complete ass out of myself by tripping, fainting, vomiting and any other personal problem I could experience. In some ways it had turned into a game for my little imagination.

My mom slapped me in the shoulder. "Ow!" I complained.

"Pay attention." She scolded.

I knew it was a bad idea to include her in on today's meeting.

"So what do we think? Are there any places that caught your eye? I can arrange for a private tour." Emily suggested.

I looked over to Edward and he looked back to me. We both just stared at one another but it was funny because even though we were looking right at one another we really weren't looking at each other if that makes any sense.

"Uh…what did you like?" I fumbled out.

"I…Sunstone Winery looked nice." He replied.

I know this sounds horrible but I had no idea what he was talking about and now for a little confession which I never told anyone before now. I lied.

"Really, I loved that one too." I tried not to sound too excited or else he might think I was really lying, which I was. I just wanted him to pick a place already. It didn't matter to me at that point where we got married. In fact I would be much happier if it was just us a couple of people and a courthouse but I knew he wanted this big white wedding so I lied to my fiancé.

"Really?" Edward asked giving me the full force of his eyes trying to bring forth a confession.

I quickly nodded my head and gave him a big closed mouth smile. I turned around to my mom hoping to take the attention from me, "What do you think, mom?"

"Sunstone is breathtaking. I can just see the pictures all ready." She looked like she was about to faint just trying to imagine it.

"Great, so we are all in agreement. Sun…stone it is. Uh…where was that again?"

"It is in Santa Ynez." Emily replied. "I know it's kind of far but once you take the private tour and decide then I can do all the rest."

"Why do we need to take a tour? We have pictures and more importantly I trust you." I said.

"Of course you need to take a tour. What if you get there and the bathrooms are far from the venue or the sun sets in the wrong place. You can't find out these things until you go to the place itself." My mom pestered.

"Edward, we don't have time. You know there is a lot coming up. Don't you think we should just place trust in Emily knowing she would never show us something that wasn't up to _Wedding Wishes_ standards?" I knew that if I could get Edward on board nothing else would matter.

He looked to be in thought for a minute while I anxiously awaited his verdict.

"Bella's right. We have a lot to do coming up. I'm sure that it will be perfect when we arrive." Edward stated and I let out a huge sigh of relief.

"I just don't understand you too. What could be possibly more important than your wedding? You have the whole month of January coming up. I'm sure there is time for a quick getaway." My mom complained. We still hadn't told her or my dad about the Inauguration plans because we were sworn to not tell anyone but I think for her sanity I was going to have to let the cat out of the bag.

"Why don't you go ahead and start working up a contract with Sunstone, Emily. If this is what Bella wants then the decision is made."

Edward looked to me again and this time I did feel the guilt creeping in. I wanted to tell Edward that I thought this was what he wanted but I put my faith in Emily. I knew she would create something so beautiful that when Edward and I arrived we would both be happy. Well that's what I was hoping for.

"Have you too decided on colors or an overall general feel? It could really help me out moving forth with getting ideas." Emily asked.

Once again Edward and I were stumped. We hadn't really discussed this much. Hell, we hadn't discussed this at all and now it felt like we were standing in front of the teacher trying to explain why our homework wasn't done.

"Uh.."

"Um.."

Both Edward and I looked lost.

"Oh for goodness sakes." My mom threw her hands up in the air. If Emily was the teacher my mom was the principal.

"How bout you name a color you like and I'll pick a color too." I suggested to Edward.

"Bella, what if you pick colors that don't go together." My mom interrupted.

"Mom, would you just give it a rest. We are trying here, just give us a moment." I snapped. Her constant pecking made me snap. She immediately backed off and looked hurt.

"Renee, we value your opinion we just need a minute." Edward went into damage control mode.

"I'm sorry mom but I'm already stressed out, you are always on my case and I need a break."

The whole situation had gotten tense real quick. You could tell that Emily wanted to be anywhere else at the moment.

"Mommy, it's three o'clock on the dot. You said you'd watch a movie with me." Gracie interrupted our little meeting and I was never more thankful.

"You're right, I did promise." I went over to her and picked her up. She was all dressed up in her princess dress with matching tiara. Whenever we would watch a princess movie, Gracie just had to be dressed for the occasion.

"Thank you Emily for all of your hard work. Edward and I will make some decisions and be in touch." I smiled half heartily and turned around and continued to leave with my youngest.

Upstairs in one of the family rooms we had turned this area into Savannah and Gracie's play room. There were big comfy couches and a big screen television as well as some toys in the corner.

"So what's on the menu for today?" I asked going over to the DVD selection.

"Mommy, you can't have a movie to eat." Gracie giggled. And then all of my problems were gone. In some sort of hormonal moment of weakness I went over to her on the couch and hugged her. I could feel the tears build.

"What's wrong, mommy?" she asked worried.

"Oh I'm sorry honey, I'm just having a bad day and then you made me feel so happy that I couldn't help myself." I tried to explain.

"Well if you're happy then why are you crying?"

"Because when you get older, you get silly. I'm just being silly."

"Do you mind if I am silly with you guys?" Edward's voice startled me and I quickly jumped up from the couch and made a mission of finding a DVD and trying to make sure he didn't see my silly tears.

"Uncle Edward, we're gonna watch Sleeping Beauty. That's a girl movie." Gracie told him.

"I don't mind watching a girl movie if it's with my best girls."

"Okay, but I warned you."

Just listening to Gracie made me cheer up instantly. I located the Sleeping Beauty movie that she had requested and made work of getting in all started. Once the DVD started up I made sure that the tears were dry before turning back to Edward and Gracie sitting upon the couch.

"Do you want me to make some popcorn?" I asked.

"Yes, please." Gracie replied.

"I'll be right back."

I hurried out of the room and went toward the upstairs kitchen. It was a quarter of the size of our downstairs kitchen but we mainly used it for times like these. Popping popcorn and getting drinks.

"Bella, what's wrong honey?" Edward asked from behind me as I stared at the microwave. "I'll talk to your mother."

Still I couldn't find it in me to say anything. I felt him come up from behind and place his hands on my shoulders.

"You don't like Sunstone."

"No. It's fine. They are all fine. You like Sunstone and I know that Emily will make it beautiful." I replied.

"There is something wrong and you're not telling me." He pressed.

I turned to face him. "There is just so much to think about and I'm overwhelmed. I can't imagine how people do this without a wedding planner. I know that all I have to do it just say what I want and it will come to pass but there are just so many decisions and how am I going to know if it's the right decision. What if I pick colors that don't go together or cake that tastes awful or we have a lopsided bridal party? I just feel so lost. Can't you just decide everything and I will show up? I promise I will show up if you just make all the decisions." I pleaded.

"Bella, this isn't hard. You're making this way harder than it needs to be. You are extremely creative. I am not going to decide everything. We will make the decisions together."

"Hey, did you all ditch me?" Gracie stood with her hands on her hips and tapping her foot. She didn't look happy.

"No, of course not." I reached in and took the popcorn out of the microwave and shook it into a bowl. Edward carried the drinks and we made our way back to the family room.

Gracie un-paused the movie and Edward laid down on the couch and situated me next to him and I pulled Gracie next to me. We all were able to reach the popcorn and get comfortable.

"So what color did you choose?" I whispered making sure I wasn't disturbing Gracie.

"Uh…well I like a lot of colors but knowing the venue I think green would be nice." He replied.

"What kind of green?"

"I don't know a darker green, I guess or maybe a light green but nothing too neon or pukey."

I laughed. "All right, we will tell Emily that we want a non pukey green."

"So what color do you like?" he asked softy.

"I kind of like pink." I was watching Sleeping Beauty and I have to admit I liked the color. "But a soft pink. I don't know if Pink and green necessary go together. Or what my mother will think of the combination."

"Baby, it's perfect. Pink and green. We made a decision." He kissed my hair and I looked back at him. I felt relieved.

We made a decision.

I knew that I needed to go and have a talk with my parents. I was a bitch earlier to my mom and I wanted to rectify that and finally tell them about the reason for the stress I was under. But before I managed to make it down the stairs to seek them out I fired off a text to Marcus since I did promise him that the moment I knew the colors I would S.O.S. him immediately.

_Pink and Green_

Didn't take too long to receive a response.

_What kind of pink? What kind of Green? You do realize that this could be brilliant or a disaster._

I couldn't wait to reply to that.

_A soft pink, like a baby's butt and not so pukey green :-) _

Marcus's reply came quickly.

_Great, I can't wait to tell the press that the color palette that I was inspired from was Baby butt pink and non pukey green._

I knew Marcus would never let me down.

My parents were a little unbelieving of my soon to be involvement with the upcoming ceremonies in Washington. I had to bring Edward in to confirm in order for them to believe me. Once it set in, my mother was in tears and gushing. I guess Edward was right. It wouldn't matter that she didn't vote for the new President when it came to her daughter performing at the ceremony her politics flew right out the window.

It was Christmas Eve and Embry and I did all we could to get the girls up to bed as early as possible. I know that I never mentioned what happened after I finally ran into Embry the first time after I heard his new single and that is mainly because there wasn't much to tell. You see Embry and I sometimes didn't need words to communicate. Most of the time we settled for the ole one arm hug and a quiet, "thanks." We always had such a deep understanding of one another that words were rarely used when needing to express ourselves.

As soon as the girls were in bed it was all hands on deck and every single person had a job which I assigned them to do. We needed all the time we could get to set up everything. The great thing about having an assistant is that they were able to wrap gifts, a job in the past that I found tedious.

My goal was to turn our family room and kitchen that was attached into a birthday zone for Savannah and leave the entry den full of Christmas spirit. The plan was to have everyone open gifts in the morning and then around eleven when it was time for breakfast we would all head into the kitchen for the birthday bonanza. Savannah and Gracie didn't know of the birthday bonanza part.

Our friends or extended family as I came to know them were all invited over that next day for the birthday party. So you can imagine the prep work that needed to go into that. My mom was in the kitchen baking and cooking with Becky. Jacob and Embry had brought in ladders and were hanging up the hundreds of glittery streamers from the ceiling all in Savannah's favorite colors purple, blue and silver. I was decorating the easy to reach places, my dad was filing the piñata with candy and was in charge of hanging it up. Edward was in charge of being Santa and he had the task of putting out all the Christmas gifts.

It was two am before any of us were able to go to bed and I happily drug my butt up the stairs and got into bed. It was only four hours later when I felt a tap on my cheek.

"Mommy." Gracie whispered.

I groaned and turned over to snuggle closer to Edward for safety.

The girls both giggled. "Tickle her toes." Savannah ordered.

I felt the small paws of one determined little girl, touch my feet.

"Edward, make them stop." I whined.

"Girls, you need to go back to sleep. It's only six." Edward called out.

"But we're not sleepy anymore." Gracie protested.

"Then go and wake up your father." He replied.

"Okay." They went scampering off into the wee morning hours on a mission.

"You're brilliant. This must be why I love you." I snuggled in closer.

"Well, you know that's not going to hold them off long, right?" Edward asked.

"Stop talking. Some of us are trying to sleep over here." I growled.

For a few minutes it was bliss but then a knocking came.

"B. There girls are up. Time for presents." Embry ordered.

"NO!" I moaned.

"Come on, it will just get worse. Up you go." Edward said as he poked me in the side causing me to shriek.

"Traitor." I huffed pulling myself out of bed.

Edward and I each put on our robes and headed downstairs where we found the girls jumping around the vast Christmas tree still dressed in their pajamas.

"Santa came. Look! Santa came."

I could hear the chanting but what Santa needed to bring me was a large dose of caffeine.

"Quarter cream, two sugars." Jacob handed me a cup of perfection. Seemed that Jacob would make a fine elf.

"Thank you. Many blessings upon your house." I replied after taking a sip.

"This is what you get for sending them to bed at eight pm. Wired crazed little monsters at six in the morning." Embry complained.

"Fine, next time I won't forget to lock them in the dungeon." I kidded.

We all gathered around and handed out gifts mostly watching the girl's sequel with delight. Edward and I wanted to save Savannah's video camera for her birthday gift and opted to give the girls bicycles instead. Of course there were other gifts as well, clothes and various toys. I may have gone a little overboard but I couldn't help it. It was my first Christmas as a mother.

"Charlie, this is from Bella and I." Edward gave my dad the thin envelope to open. "Merry Christmas."

"What's is this?" My dad asked. He pulled out the contents and I laughed out loud when I saw him pull the item closer, inspecting it like he wasn't sure if he was seeing things clearly.

"I don't know if your team will make it to the Super Bowl this year. As much as it pains me to say, I know they are doing well and so whether or not they make it; we can still go and enjoy the game." Edward explained.

"Wha…wow. This is just the…greatest…thing." My dad looked choked up. I knew that going to a Super Bowl was always a dream for him.

"Gee, thanks. I would think I was the greatest thing." I teased.

"Oh Bells, of course you're great. Without you, I would have never met Edward."

Everyone laughed at my dad's little joke. I guess that's what I get.

I got up pushing off the wrapping paper on my lap and went over to the tree to bring back a gift for Edward. I had no idea what to get him. He was always so good at gift giving and as time was running out I gave up on the whole idea of trying to out gift him.

"You are like the hardest person to shop for so I wish I could have been more thoughtful this year but I just wanted to say that I love you more than anything and thank you for loving me too." I handed the box to Edward.

"I know I'm hard to shop for because everything I would want is right here." Edward leaned over to kiss me. "I love you too, Bella."

Edward turned and pulled the wrapping paper from off of his gift. I was finally in a position to afford something nice and even though I knew I had more than enough money to pay for Edward's gift it was still hard for me to hand over my debit card after seeing the total.

Edward pulled the Rolex watch from out of its pristine box.

"I had it engraved. It looked like something you would wear." I was trying to explain my choice in gift.

Edward turned it over to read the inscription:

_My love for you is like time, never ending._

"It's beautiful baby, I love it." He leaned over and kissed me one more time. "I'd like to give you your gift later in private if you don't mind."

I got a goofy little smile on my face. "I love gifts in private." I replied suggestively.

"Oh Bella, get your head out of the gutter." He rolled his eyes.

As soon as the last gift was open and we spent a little while with one another it was time to explain the day's events.

"Okay as we all know that today is a very important and special day because maybe you haven't heard but a certain girl is turning nine years old today." I announced.

Everyone started to cheer and Savannah looked a little red from the attention as she smiled widely.

"So before we continue we all should say a big Happy Birthday to Savannah."

There was a loud "Happy Birthday!" from everyone.

"Now, girls I want you to go upstairs and I have put out a special rack in your closet of clothes for you to choose from because in one hour time there is going to be a big party happening down here."

Gracie jumped up all excited.

"Really?" Savannah squealed.

"Yep, go and get dressed. You better hurry."

Both of them took off running and it meant that all of us were going to have to take off running as well especially if I wanted to fit a shower in before everything started. We all left the mess in the den for now and went off toward our rooms.

"Wanna shower together? Could save some time." Edward grabbed a hold of my hips as I was walking up the stairs.

"When does that ever save us time, Edward?"

"I'll be good." He vowed.

"Somehow, I don't believe you." We reached our room and I took off toward the shower. "Stay back, mister. We are on a serious time crunch." I warned him with the shake of my finger.

"Fine, but hurry up." He huffed.

I did hurry up because I knew it was going to be next to impossible to shower and get my hair dried within the small window of time. I wanted to beat my girls down to the kitchen and living room. I would be so upset if I didn't get to see their faces.

My makeup for the day was minimal and I made it out of the bedroom and down the stairs to witness Embry trying to hold them off at our opaque sliding glass doors to the kitchen.

"You can't go in there just yet. It's a surprise." Embry looked up and saw me coming, "Thank god you're here. These little party monsters can hardly wait."

"Before you go in let me take a look at these two stylin girls. I want a picture." I pulled out my camera phone.

"Mom, come on hurry." Savannh whined. Gracie got into pose mode the moment I mentioned picture.

"Come on go stand by your dad." I shooed them toward Embry. "Say cheese."

"Cheese." They sang.

"All right, now it's your turn." Embry started to take the camera from me.

"Want me to take one of all of you?" Becky said coming down the stairs.

"Would you?" I asked.

We all got together and that was our first picture all together that wasn't brought on by paparazzi.

Finally everyone in the house had arrived and Embry made a great show of opening the doors and debuting the party room.

I will never forget the looks on those girls faces, well before they took off and went into a crazed frenzy. The cake was out and on display. We had picked the cake up the day before and had a beast of a time finding a place for it in the refrigerator. It was three tiers and had all the colors I had requested.

Jacob went over and started the music up which was definitely a change from the Christmas music that every radio station played this time of year. In fact if you were to look at pictures from that day you would think it was from any other day of the year which is what I wanted. I wanted Savannah to know that she was not an afterthought just because her birthday happens to coincide with someone else's.

All of our friends and family started to arrive and we greeted them with birthday hats and hugs. When Jasper and Alice managed to make it to our door I couldn't believe how big Alice looked.

"My god, are you charging it rent?" I laughed. Alice was a couple of weeks overdue and from the looks of it Jasper and she needed this baby to come, stat.

"You have no idea. I'm about to go insane. At first I loved being pregnant but I swear I am one step away from giving myself a C-section." She huffed.

"Be sure to keep sharp objects away from her." I said out the corner of my mouth to Edward.

They laughed and we made our Christmas and well wishes to one another.

By one o'clock everyone had arrived. The food had subtly changed over from brunch to lunch snacks. The boys were outside barbecuing, the kids who included Garrett's and Kate's daughters were playing games with each other and us girls were standing around the kitchen gossiping and snacking.

"So have you finally settled on colors?" Jacqueline asked me.

"Yep. We decided to go with baby butt pink and non pukey green." I smiled while tossing a carrot into my mouth.

"Great, I hear non pukey is all the rage this year. I can't wait to be seen in it." Rosalie cringed.

"You'll look fabulous darling. It's me that has to worry. Non-pukey never does anything for my complexion." Jacqueline added.

"Well, if it makes you feel better. I'm pretty sure you'll be in baby butt." I advised.

"Thank god. I have the perfect lipstick for baby butt." Jacqueline replied.

"Mom, when do I get to open presents?" Savannah tugged on me stopping our fascinating conversation.

"You want to open them before lunch?" I asked. "Go ask your dad and see if he's fine with it."

Embry was watching the basketball game with my dad and Darren when Savannah went up and asked her question. She hurriedly came back smiling. "He said I could open one gift now."

"Do you want to open the one from Edward and I?" I asked.

"Yes."

"I'll go get Edward." I went outside and shouted for Edward to come. I approached the shrine of gifts and pulled ours from the stack.

"Happy Birthday, honey." I handed her the gift and she tore into it.

"What is it? What is it?" Gracie shouted.

"Oh my god, you got me a camera." Savannah shouted.

"Yep. You can film and take pictures, the whole nine yards." Edward said.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you." She came up and hugged both Edward and I.

After lunch we were able to open the rest of the presents which took a little while but I swear I had never seen Savannah smile so much before. It was a real transformation. I look back on the past couple of months and I had of course seen the radical transformation in Embry but I failed to see just how much more alive Savannah looked. And I was thankful.

We sang the traditional Happy Birthday song and Savannah blew out nine candles. I was in the middle of cutting the cake when Embry announced that he would like to give his daughter a gift. I myself had failed to notice that Savannah hadn't opened a gift from her father.

"Nine years ago today I was blessed with the greatest gift a person could receive on Christmas day. Savannah, you and Gracie mean the world to me and I love you. Happy Birthday." Embry handed over a small thin rectangular present.

"Thank you, daddy." Savannah replied softly. She opened the gift and looked at the object. "It's a photo of a horse."

"Not a photo. A real horse. Her name is Misty and maybe tomorrow I can take you over to meet her." Embry explained.

He got her a horse?!

"You got me a horse?" she exclaimed. "Oh daddy, thank you."

Savannah threw her arms around Embry's neck and he kissed her forehead. Looking at the two of them, yep complete transformation.

After a rousing match with the piñata which Emmett even tried to take a blindfolded swipe at, the party was dying down and people were saying their goodbyes. I was exhausted and an early night was on my agenda.

"Thank you so much for coming." I hugged Charlotte and Peter.

"Merry Christmas." They said as they departed.

"Jasper, what's up man? You look a little worried over there." Edward said toward Jasper sitting in the corner with all of his and Alice's' stuff.

"Alice has been in the bathroom for a while and I keep asking her if she's okay but she just tells me to leave. I hope she's not getting sick, she did eat a lot more today than she's used to." Jasper sighed.

"I'll go check on her." I gave Jasper a warm smile before heading off to the bathroom. I knocked softly before calling out her name.

"Uh…I'm fine. Just…go." She sounded worried.

"Alice. What's wrong?"

Nothing.

"I'm coming in." I opened the door slowly and found Alice standing in the corner, shaking.

"I made a mess." She looked up to me apprehensively. I looked down and on the ground was some…fluid. "I've been trying to clean it up but I have to stop every couple of minutes because I keep feeling this pain."

"Uh…Alice, your water broke."

"I know but I didn't want to leave a mess." She shrieked.

"Alice, your water broke." I said a little higher pitched.

"You think I don't know that, Swan." She said through her teeth and then grabbed onto the counter, "Not again." She screamed a little.

I stood in shock a little, "Uh….JASPER!" I shouted. I didn't know what else to do and it was obvious that I was of little help.

"Bella, I don't want to go to the hospital yet. I'm not ready." Alice pleaded.

"What do you mean you're not ready? You've been looking at every sharp blunt object like it's been your ticket to freedom. You're ready."

Jasper and Edward came rapidly to the door and barged in on our debate.

"Oh my god. Uh…we…got… uh…" Jasper was more unhelpful than I was.

"I'm calling for an ambulance." Edward pulled out his phone and dialed immediately.

"No. Please Bella, can't I just stay here with you?" she was shaking. I walked over to her and put my arms around her.

"You need to go to the hospital. You want to make sure that your baby is safe right? I don't think a bathroom is a very safe place for you to give birth. I mean think of what the tabloids will say. Alice Whitlock gives birth on an unsanitary bathroom floor? And then you know I'll take pictures and sell them off to the highest bidder and I can't imagine you'd want the whole world to see you lying in your own goo."

Alice smiled up at me. "I guess you're right."

"Alice, we have to get you to the hospital." Jasper thawed out and was trying to catch up.

"Ambulance is on its way." Edward came back in.

We all stood there in that bathroom which never seemed tiny before but when you put three grown adults and one crazy prego chick in, it suddenly seemed claustrophobic. The paramedics arrived and set Alice up, her contractions seemed closer together. Edward and I followed after in our car leaving Embry with the girls. I guess Savannah would have one more person to share her birthday with.

* * *

**AN: **Thank you always for your reviews, they help so much with fueling me on. I know that people have asked some questions in the past wondering more on the character's descriptions and stuff and I try not to put in too much description when it comes to certain aspects of the characters because I want readers to make up their own images in their heads. I know some probably picture Kristen Stewart and or Robert Pattinson and that's fine but just in case you have other ideas in your head that's great too. I also try not to dive too much into politics but I know that's hard with this portion of the series. This is the reason you never find out who Bella voted for and I also want to point out I try to stay away from mentioning parties and colors because I myself can't stand political debates and I want to try and keep this story free from that. Thank you all again for taking the time to read and an extra special shoutout to those who review.


	21. Chapter 21

**CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE**

"Oh my god, doesn't he look just perfect." I whispered in awe.

Alice wasn't one of those diva mothers who felt the need to draw out her labor. She quite literally was pushed off the ambulance and not more than twenty minutes later it was all over. In fact if Edward hadn't found a parking space when he did, we probably would have missed Jasper running out shouting, "It's a boy."

Of course we had to wait to see Alice and the little bundle of joy, Jackson Jasper Whitlock but we waited patiently while our friends showed up to the hospital one by one.

When it was time for Edward and I to go in and see little Jackson something about the whole event was rather life changing. At the time I blamed it on my impeding menstrual cycle but I knew when I looked at little Jackson a part of me felt the need to run out and get me one of these. It was like the heavens opened, light shined down upon me and a chorus of angels sang as an egg rose up out of my ovary.

Edward didn't respond to my little wonderment he simply brought me closer and kissed my neck. I was only twenty-three and already I was feeling baby fever. This was not good. I couldn't do this right now. What about all the things I wanted to accomplish before I was chasing around toddlers and changing diapers. The egg jumped back in, the angel's stopped singing, the light ceased as if someone hit a switch and the heavens closed up again.

We could wait.

Edward and I were driving home later and I couldn't help my blank stare out the car door window while Edward held my hand and lightly massaged it.

"A wonderful miracle, huh." He said.

"What is?" I asked lost momentarily.

"Alice and Jasper. The baby."

"Oh. Yeah…wonderful." I continued to look back out the window.

"What's wrong, Bella?"

"Nothing. Just tired is all." I quickly explained.

"No. That's not it. What happened? A half hour ago you were all amazed and now you're like a… shell."

"I'm just tir…"

"And don't tell me that you're just tired." He interrupted me. "Bella, why don't you ever just tell me what you're thinking? I have to pull everything out of you and even when I do that I only get half-truths. Don't think I don't know." He huffed.

"Why are you so mad at me?" I uttered.

"Bella, I want you to communicate with me." He pulled into our driveway and I started to open the door. "No, you're not leaving this car until we've had this discussion."

"I'm tired. I don't understand what you don't understand about that. And yes I have thoughts, I have lots and lots of thoughts and sometimes I don't feel the need to share every one of them with you for various reasons mostly because I know that if I were to share them, you probably wouldn't like me very much." I snapped and continued my overly dramatic exit from the car.

"Isabella." Edward bellowed. "We're not through. Come back here."

"I am going to my room. If you want to continue this, then that's where I'll be. I don't need to stand out here yelling back and forth with you. Merry fucking Christmas, neighbors. Don't mind our shouting match I'm sure you can tape it and send it in to T.M. fucking Z." I shouted out toward the quiet neighborhood.

"Just because I no longer punish you doesn't mean you can act like a brat." Edward spit.

"Now that you no longer get to control me, means I can act however the hell I want." I could feel my eyes practically burn through Edward and he immediately backed off from me.

He slowly shook his head. "I don't know what happened to you but I wonder how I can be in a relationship with someone who won't even trust me enough to talk to me about their problems." Edward sighed and walked past me into the house. "Merry Christmas." He whispered leaving me standing on the doorstep.

Immediately I felt myself thaw and reality set in. What just happened? I sat down on the doorstep and I could feel my tears fall down my face. The cold started to set in as I sat there taking the time for some serious reflection. I was starting to get really cold so after a half hour I picked myself up knowing that now would not be a great time for a case of pneumonia.

I walked into the house and all the lights were out except I could see a faint light coming from the kitchen. I hoped it was Edward. I wanted to apologize and try to work this out. This was not how I envisioned my first Christmas with Edward was going to go.

"Dad?" I called . My dad had been rooting in the fridge looking for left overs. The decorations all still up from the party that seemed days ago.

"Oh..uhh hey, Bells. Whatcha doin up this late?" he asked.

"We just got back from the hospital. Alice had her baby." I paused for a moment. "And then Edward and I got into a fight."

I looked down ashamed.

"At the hospital?"

"No. Outside just a few minutes ago." I sighed.

"Uh…would you like some cocoa?" That was how my dad always cheered me up when I would wake up from a bad dream in the middle of the night. Now my bad dreams were morphing into reality.

"Sure. If you wouldn't mind."

My dad pull a mug from out of the cupboard and started to make the cocoa. "So…do you want to tell me what's wrong?" My dad asked awkwardly probably afraid I would take him up on it. Which I did.

"I don't know what to do, Daddy. Edward and I want different things right now. It's not like I don't want to get married or have kids with him but it always feels like he wants everything, right now. He always wants me to tell him what I'm thinking and the truth is that if I told him what I really wanted he would be so…disappointed. I would tell him that my dream wedding would be less than fifty people and it would take place in the backyard of Villa Stella Mia in Italy. I would tell him that I want to wait at least two years before I started thinking about kids. But if I tell him then he would make it happen and I would be selfish because I know that he would give up his dreams for mine. So what do I do?"

"Well Bella, I think your problem is that you both don't know how to compromise. I have been married for almost forty years and I can tell you that marriage is hard. You can love a person more than anything but if you don't have communication and the ability to be able to compromise than marriage can swallow you up. Is there a reason Edward doesn't want to get married in Italy?"

"No. I vetoed it actually because I knew he wanted to invite over five hundred people and it would make it really hard to those five hundred people to put out such an expense." I explained.

"Who cares? If that's what you want and that is what he wants then you do what you both want. If those five hundred people want to come then they will make it happen and if they can't come well then maybe you can get closer to the fifty people mark which will make you happy."

"Dad, we already signed a contract with Sunstone and I'm sure it will be lovely. I feel like such a brat complaining about what I'm sure will be over a million dollar wedding."

"You're not a brat. You just know what you want and there's nothing wrong with that unless you never voice that causing people around you to go insane." He gave me the knowing look. "So what about children? Edward wants them now?"

"Yeah." I replied.

"What's wrong with that?" he asked.

"Daddy, I'm only twenty-three." I remarked slightly outraged.

"And your mother and I thank you for that. Glad to know that we never had to go through some kind of sixteen and pregnant drama but you know your mother and I wouldn't be upset if you wanted to give us more grandchildren."

"What about my future? I'm lucky that Savannah and Gracie are both at an age where I can still work but if I have a baby there will be no time to focus of my dreams. What's wrong with waiting a couple of years?"

"Well, I understand but you got to try to at least see it from Edward's perspective too. Trust me I was an older parent and it's hard. Even if you were to give birth right now, Edward will be an older parent then I was when I had my first one. It's not so easy to do when you get to a certain age. You don't have as much energy and sometimes I feel that you and your sister may have gotten the short end of the stick with the small amount of activity I was able to do with you both. You start to have fears that you might not make it to walk your daughter down the aisle. You worry that you may never see your grandkids. Time seems to move slowly until you finally realize one day that it flew by so fast you didn't even notice and now you're stuck in a used up body, tired all the time."

Hearing my dad's point of view really helped me put things in perspective. Part of me felt sad for Edward knowing that all these thoughts might have plagued him this whole time. Another part of me was upset that here he had been on my case about wanting me to open up about all of my feelings and he had been sitting on some pretty hefty feelings of his own that didn't seem like he was planning on sharing.

"I never really thought about it. I think all the time about having a baby and then all these fears start. I love the age that Savannah and Gracie are at because they can tell me when they're hurt or hungry and can understand me when I tell them something. A baby…I can't imagine all the ways I could fuck up a baby. What if I don't feed it enough or feed it too much? What if I do something wrong and it dies? Edward would hate me if I killed his baby…I would hate me."

"Bella, every parent goes through those fears. After your sister was born you mother and I were afraid to even leave the room or we would watch her sleeping and worry that she could just randomly stop breathing. It's perfectly normal to feel that way but I can't imagine that you wouldn't be a terrific mother. You already are one."

"Thank you, daddy." I smiled small.

"Uh…Charlie, sorry to interrupt but I…need to talk to Bella." Edward said quietly from the kitchen door.

"Sure, no problem. I will just take my sandwich and go. Good night."

I sat on the kitchen stool looking down at my mug of cocoa. I wasn't sure what to say. I knew I should just start with an apology but I hadn't found my voice. Edward walked over to the cupboard and took down a mug for himself and started to make some tea. The whole process took over two minutes but when you have an elephant as large as ours in the room it felt like an eternity.

"My dad said that our problem is communication and compromise. Which I know you would agree with the whole communication part but I wonder if there is more to our problems than just communication and compromise." I said evenly.

"What do you think our real problem is?" Edward asked.

"I think…we are…" I sighed.

Edward stood there staring at me not even blinking an eye.

"Age difference. I think that's our big problem." I whispered.

"It hasn't felt like a problem before." He replied directly.

"We want two completely different things right now and I think that's because of our age difference."

"Bella, all I want…"

"That's not true." I cut him off. "I know what you're going to say. You're gonna say that all you want is me and that's not true."

"Yes it is. If we remained engaged the rest of our lives and…never had children together…" he paused and look absolutely devastated.

I stood up and placed my hand on his face. "That's not true."

"I just need you, Bella."

"I can't do that to you. I love you too much to just see you give up everything you want in life." I took a breath and backed off a little.

"You…never…want to have children with me?" he stammered.

"Of course I want to have children with you but you just seem to want everything so much quicker than I do. My dad helped explain since he was an older parent and I now understand what your rush is but I'm just not ready and I know that in the end one of us is going to be resented. The longer we wait the more you will come to resent me and if we do things on your timeline I'm worried that I may resent you."

"This is where compromise would come in." Edward stated.

"I'm not really sure what kind of compromise would make both of us happy. They say that when two people compromise that one normally has to give up more than the other. Besides what kind of compromise could truly make you happy?"

Edward pondered that for a moment and we slowly made our way over to the couches and sat down upon them. "First of all is it just the children timeline that worries you? Or are you wanting to push back the wedding as well?"

I couldn't imagine what it would do to Edward if I asked to push the wedding back. The truth was I didn't mind getting married that soon. The date was never the problem for me it was the wedding itself that made me nervous. Here Edward sat still believing in Christmas miracles and I was like the bringer of black death. No. I couldn't do that to him.

"I can't wait to be married to you, truly. I still wish you would let me sign a prenup because it would probably do more for my sanity then yours at this point. I don't want to push the wedding back."

"Okay." He let out a breath he had been holding. "So it's the children thing that has you worried."

I nodded my head. "Be honest Edward what is the most time you could give me without being miserable."

"Honestly, I don't know. I don't have all the answers, Bella. I know that if it were to happen tomorrow I know you would be miserable but I wouldn't be able to contain my excitement."

"I wouldn't be miserable. I'm sure that some type of pregnancy hormone would kick in pushing me to be satisfied in some fashion but part of me is worried of how you're going to react as well. I mean I know we no longer practice certain aspects of _Tria Fata_ but you have the tendency to freak out a little and…" I paused and decided to change direction, "for shits and giggles let's say I were to get pregnant tomorrow, what would be your expectations of me? Would you try to stop me from working? Would I still be able to travel about without your constant watch over me? I mean what kind of Edward am I going to get?"

"That's a good question. I…imagine that…" he looked lost and then he looked to be in thought and suddenly it became clear. "I see what you mean."

"I love that you want to protect me and I know that when the time comes you would want to protect whatever was growing inside me but I don't want to be arguing with you all the time. I want to work Edward. I want work as long as I can walk because I know that when a baby comes, I may not have the chance to work for several months or years even."

"I will promise to try to remain reasonable as long as you promise me that you won't overdo it and you at least talk to me before accepting any new jobs…when the time comes."

"I can agree to those terms." I replied.

"Okay, well then how's this for a compromise. Most people say that when it happens it happens as far as a baby is concerned so how about we follow that credo and as long as you try to not hold out on me for too long then I will work on being patient. At least I'll wait a year before becoming antsy."

"I think that's fair." I said slowly, "But are you sure you can live with this?"

"I can live with a Bella that will tell me her feelings and thoughts even if she thinks I won't like what she has to say. I don't want to be married to a wall, so can you at least respect me enough to do that?"

"What about you, Edward. You harp on me and yes maybe I'm not one for the overshare but my dad raised some very valid feelings and I never even thought why you are struggling so much with all these issues. Why haven't you been sharing your feelings and thoughts with me?"

"That's valid. I guess I figure the majority of the time you have already to many things to deal with so I try to keep things as simple as possible for you in regards to me." He paused. "But, I promise to be more open in the future and I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too. I know that I was being a selfish demon bitch earlier which is probably one step up from the narcissistic demon bitch that I previously promised you but, I am sorry." I admitted.

"Can you stay here for like two seconds?" Edward jumped up from the couch, "I'll be right back."

He jogged out of the room before I could even reply. I looked over to the clock that now read 1:18 am no wonder my eyes felt so dry and my head was pounding.

"I want to give you your Christmas present." Edward walked slowly back to me. "I know that you were upset when your parents announced their plans on moving so I hope you don't mind but I took your house key down to this jeweler I know and asked him if he could transform it into something really special that you could hold on to for the rest of your life." He handed me a box and I opened it amazed that he could be so thoughtful.

"Merry Christmas, Bella."

Inside was my old house key which had been dipped in gold and the center of the top portion, a heart-shaped diamond was embedded upon it. "Oh Edward, it's beautiful. I love it." I gasped as tears built. Now I felt like a complete über bitch for my actions earlier.

"I have been thinking and I talked with your parents already but I know how much you love that house. What if we didn't sell it?" Edward asked.

"It would just sit there. I mean why would we ever need it? There's really no point in keeping it, no one would live there and it's not exactly a vacation home." I admitted.

"I know but maybe we could turn that house into something special. What if we were to donate it to a struggling family to use as long as they wished with the arrangement that you could still go and visit every once in a while?"

"Really? That is a…really good idea. I mean there are so many people who lost their homes and have been struggling ever since this horrible housing crisis. That would be an amazing thing. I love it." I jumped into Edwards lap and hugged him fiercely. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

"Of course. I would do anything for you." He held my face and looked into my eyes. "I love you so much, Bella. I would do anything for you." And then he gave me the most tender kiss.

"I love you, Edward. More than anything."

Unfortunately with the stress and cold temperatures from that night I did manage to come down with a little cold. My mom immediately started to freak out and go into hyper mother mode insisting that I stay in bed and fight this thing off at once. She would bring me chicken soup and hot tea but it was safe to say that my New Year plans, not that I had any; were officially nixed. Instead Edward and I stayed in those couple of days after Christmas all cozied up on the couch first watching the Kennedy Center Honors which I will admit was hard to watch for me and the we watched as the ball in N.Y.C. went down with Savannah and Gracie running around with the noisemakers my mother gave them screaming "Happy New Year."

When Edward made love to me that night I couldn't help but think of where we were a year ago and how this was just so much better.

The children's choir I was going to be singing with was made up of children from the President's home state and had already been practicing. I was to report to Washington D.C. one week before the Inauguration to begin practicing with them. I had already taken the time during my sick downtime to make sure I had the words down cold.

My parents left a couple of days after New Year's since my mom had to get back to work but before she left Edward managed to give her some extra good news. Seems that Edward pulled strings when necessary and managed to finagle two extra tickets to the Inauguration for my parents. You had never seen two more excited people. I hugged and kissed them goodbye thanking them for all of their help the past couple of weeks and with promises that I would be by soon to help clean out the rest of my stuff from my old childhood bedroom.

It was the first week in January and I was nervous.

"Okay, so you have backpacks and lunches, right?" I asked for the third time today.

"Yes. We have them." Savannah rolled her eyes.

"B. Relax they'll do fine. We all ready?" Embry asked.

Embry and I were going to take Savannah and Gracie to their first day of school. They were all decked out in their little plaid skirts and blue sweaters. They looked precious. We piled into Embry's Range Rover and headed off to the school.

"When we get there do you mind if you just drop us off. I'll make sure that Gracie gets to her class." Savannah asked.

"Why? Worried we'll embarrass you? Was that on the agenda today, B?" Embry smiled over to me.

"Yes." Savannah quickly answered. "Mom you got all weepy just looking at my knee socks."

"Hey, that…is not all the way true." I huffed.

"All right we'll do you one solid. We will drop you off and wait to leave after we see you go through the gates." Embry allowed.

"Thanks, you're the best."

"But, we will be right here to pick you up at two pm sharp." Embry added.

We watched as Savannah took her sister's hand and walked through the high looming gates. I let out a breath as soon as we could no longer see their plaid.

"So, I've been thinking... I know that you have your president thing coming up but maybe when you get back we could work on something." Embry said.

"What is it you want to work on?" I asked.

"I was thinking about a music video for that track on my album A World Away. Maybe you could come up with something and direct it."

"Embry. No way." I laughed.

"What? Why"

"Because you're like my music video guru. I look up to you. You definitely don't need my help to create an awesome video." I explained.

"That's stupid. What does that have to do with anything? I want to work on this with you. I don't need your help but I'd like it."

"I'll think about it but I still don't know if I up to your caliber yet."

Embry drove me to Warner Bros. where Edward was already at. He had been thinking about a new role in a film but didn't want to work on anything until after the wedding. I told him that was ridiculous as long as he could take a week off after the wedding for our honeymoon, what would I care if he accepted a role. He was planning on meeting with producers today around the time I had my meeting with Seth who planned on going over my album release and possible promotions. He knew that I had to leave the day after the albums dropped but thought I could get in some autograph signings the day of.

"Great you're here. Emily sent a whole package of pictures and ideas for a direction you both wanted to go in for your wedding. I put it in Edward's office." Emma started as soon as I opened the door to E=MC2 office's. "Edward has a meeting in five and was asking for you."

I walked into Edward's office. "Hey babe, what's up?"

"I just want to make sure that you're still good with this." He replied.

"Ugh, yes I'm good with this. Geez, now get your sexy ass in that meeting all ready." I huffed.

"Thank you, baby. I love you. See you later." Edward kissed me quickly before leaving.

I looked out the office door and saw Emma and Ian flirting with one another. Oh for goodness sakes.

"Emma." I barked. She quickly jumped up and came into Edward's office slightly worried, like I had seen something. Awe I remember those days.

"Umm…is there something I can do, Bella?"

"Can you close the door for a minute?"

She nodded and went to shut the door. I sat down behind Edward's desk, "So, how serious is this?"

"How serious is what?" she asked slowly.

"Well, I know that Ian was put in charge of making our travel arrangements for D.C. and I thought I should just come out and ask; do we need to book one room for the both of you or two because it really is a waste of money to book two when he or you will just be sneaking off to the other's room the whole time." I rolled my eyes.

"What?" she looked like she was turning green. "Um…I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say. I know we should have just come to you and Edward but it all just sort of happened. If you need one of us to quit…"

"Why would we want one of you to quit?" I asked.

"I wasn't sure if you allowed interoffice dating." She replied.

"Uh...hello!" I practically yelled. "Do you remember who you are talking to? I fucked my boss, I'm pretty sure in some sort of moral or office code I am way worse than you." I laughed.

"Well, Ian always says that he is technically more senior since he was hired first and therefore he is my superior or boss." Emma rolled her eyes.

"You know that's crap, right?" I laughed. "However go ahead and let him keep thinking that because let me tell you that sometimes there is nothing hotter." I got up and started to get ready to leave for my meeting. "Oh and please don't follow our example and start using this office as your personal motel."

"Got it!" she agreed quickly.

I went off to my meeting with a smile on my face. I wasn't sure what Edward would think when he found out about my little interference but I was proud of myself knowing that in some ways I just freed Emma and Ian. Part of me was envious of them and how easy they will have it compared to when Edward and I was outed. Emma and Ian wouldn't have to go through the media gauntlet like we did. No horrendous stories ripping their family's reputations down. Yes I was envious indeed.

I walked into Seth's office where he had a whole presentation all set up for me. There were cardboard stand ups and posters. I picked up a copy of my album and looked it over. I was envious of Ian and Emma but then looking around I knew that if I hadn't gone through all those trials I wouldn't be standing here at this moment and suddenly it all seemed worth it.

* * *

**AN: **Thank you all for taking the time to read and review. I know that I always tell you how much I appreciate it but it's true my readers are awesome! Special shout out to all the people who wished me a Happy Birthday on my facebook page. You sure know how to make a girl feel special ;-)


	22. Chapter 22

**CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO**

The second President I ever met, I was required to do more than give a little smile and a handshake.

"Isabella Swan, the President elect will see you now. You have five minutes."

I didn't really see why it was necessary for me to be here, not that I wasn't honored to be meeting with the soon to be President. I rose up out of the chair, squeezing my fists a little and trying to straighten out my posture as much as possible but my walk was wobbly and it was pretty evident that I had yet to perfect a calm and composed exterior.

Why would the President want an audience with me? I just figured that I would show up in D.C., be in rehearsals for a week and then at the end I would perform and Mr. President would continue down his path of leading a country and I would continue on my path of trying to schedule four music video tapings for the month of February. Never the two paths should cross; that was until I was summoned to the historic Blair House where the President elect and his family were to stay until he relocated to the better side of Pennsylvania Avenue.

But I guess I should back up a moment because it felt like a lot had happened in a very short period of time. After Edward and my little talk about future and babies I suddenly felt like I was trying to beat a stop watch on my career. I felt rushed to try to complete as much as possible knowing that Edward would become antsy in a years' time if one of his swimmers had failed the mission impossible of fertilizing one of my girls before then.

I had one year to cement my standing in Hollywood before the possible deportation back down to obscurity. It wasn't fame I was chasing, it was respect. All I had ever dreamed of was to become successful and well-respected in this industry. I didn't put time in thinking about marriage, babies and homemaking when I was wee girl because I honestly didn't think that was in the cards for me. After years of girls telling me that I was too fat or too ugly and the boys fleeing from me like I was the plague, I didn't sit in my room playing house with my Barbie's and dreaming of the day when I would have my house in the burbs after marrying a doctor and then becoming a baby making factory.

It would take time for me to switch gears and start thinking of my future in different terms, hell I still had trouble imagining why someone like Edward Cullen would ever want to be with me. Usually it was when I would pass a magazine rack and catch a glimpse of Edward laid out on GQ or a Vanity Fair type magazine. I couldn't help myself to stop and stare and then the doubt would start creep in. First it would begin with little things like; man Edward is hot and then it would progress to why is he with me again? And before I would tear myself away from the cover it would end with how long is this really going to last before he wakes up and realizes all the hot girls he is giving up.

Then I would buy a chocolate bar to numb the pain.

Wow that was a tangent. Anyway what I am trying to say is that I was in a meeting with Seth over at the WMG offices and looking through all the promotional materials they had put together for the release of the albums next week. Stefan of course went back to thinking I was his little diamond in the rough once he had heard that I agreed to go to Washington.

"I really love what you did with the posters." I commented looking down at a copy on the table. Something then caught my eye. "What's this?"

"Oh well that's just part of an ad that is running in The Variety and the Hollywood Reporter. We really want to get your name out there and so people will realize how amazingly talented you are." Seth replied.

"Seth." I looked at him pointedly, "I don't need you kissing my ass." I shook my head and laughed a little.

"Do the boys know about this? I can't imagine how much money you all put out for this." I added.

"Bella, it's not just for the song you wrote with Liberty Project; Warner Bros. knows that they are in a very good position for them to be able to pick up a couple Academy Awards for sound, editing and costuming for _Dark Heroes_. So there really is no problem adding your song to the list of considerations for Oscar nominations. _Tortured_ was an original song that was written for _Dark Heroes_ and Warner Bros. was very happy with it."

Yeah…remember that night from a couple of months ago when Jacqueline and the boys from Liberty Project were all sitting around after we had just finished filming the music video and we wrote that song together…so now Warner Bros. was beseeching some media attention to be brought so they could garner another Oscar nomination. During this season, production companies were shameless in begging Academy voters to think of their films above all others when filling out their ballots. The trade magazines would be filled with full-page ads reminding all voters of the gems that were released this year. I sighed at our long shot status on that one. It's not that I didn't love the song that the boys and I wrote but really, Oscar worthy? I don't think so.

"So what next?" I asked.

Seth began telling me that everything was set up for Tuesday afternoon the thirteenth at the Virgin Music Store. I would be doing a three-hour block of album signings. Nothing more was planned since I needed to jump on a plane later that evening for D.C.

I was leaving my meeting and decided to stop by and look in on my boys. I hadn't seen them in a little bit and I was hoping that they were at the studios that day. I knew that they were working tirelessly on getting everything perfect for their first worldwide concert tour which was kicking off some time in March.

"Hey, what do we have here? Apparently Oscar contenders from what my music manager just showed me." I greeted.

"Bella." There was a chorus.

"Haven't heard from you all in a long time and wondered if this big concert tour you're going on made you too good to even talk to me anymore." I perched myself up on a stool.

"What? You crazy. We were just talking about you in fact." Scott replied and then gave a very pointed look to Kyle. Kyle jogged over to the other side of the studio and pulled a rather large item up from behind the drum set.

"We have a Christmas gift for you." Matthew announced.

"What? No. I feel bad. I didn't get you anything." I said feeling slightly embarrassed.

"Well, then consider it a bribe." Kyle handed me a very large object. A very large guitar shaped object.

"What is this?" I shook my head slightly and gave a shy smile.

"We were thinking that we know how much you love to write music and to be honest a piano is not really a very portable instrument so maybe if you learn guitar you could take it on the road with you and it could be helpful." Scott explained.

"You guys are too much." I hopped off the stool and placed the guitar case down on the ground and opened it. "Oh my god it's pink!"

I pulled the hot pink guitar out of the case and tried to put it on. "I love it!" I practically screamed.

"Well, we went ahead and already outfitted it with your first band sticker. Didn't think you'd mind." Mark pointed to the sticker on the guitar which was their album cover and outlined in pink was the shadow that was supposed to represent me.

"Wow, it's like you metaphorically pissed on my guitar. You guys are just the best." I started to hug each one of them trying not to get weepy.

It occurred to me that if I had to go through all that hell growing up with being bullied and picked on maybe it was worth it to get to now. Now with genuine friends. Now with lots and lots of family. Now was perfect.

"Like we said, this is a bribe." Scott replied tugging on my new guitar strap.

"What do you want?" I sighed.

"A video. We are ready to do another music video and since we have had such great success with you at the helm…"Mark started.

"What song?"

"_Frozen Winter_…my song." Kyle answered softly.

The room became very quiet and I didn't know what to think. A couple of years ago Kyle's family home burned down during the Christmas season and his father lost his life in that house. It took a long time before Kyle would ever talk about it. I had only ever heard about it from music articles but when he wrote _Frozen Winter_ for this album I could hardly listen to it because the song was so somber that it depressed me and I would end up crying the whole time. A note to self that happened after I was driving one day listening to the new album and my vision was suddenly so blurred that I had to pull over and park in a Trader Joe's Parking lot until it would pass.

"Uh…" I couldn't say no, right? "Of course I'll do it."

I left WMG shortly after and all I could think was how I was going to have to subject myself to this heartbreaking song over and over again until I could come up with a vision. For anyone who ever lost someone, trust me it's a hard song to get through.

I arrived home and was thankful that Edward was there. He was sitting on the living room couch reading his new script I presumed. I placed my new guitar case down and without a word I pulled the script from him and wiggled my way down into his arms.

"What's wrong baby?" he asked.

I breathed him in and tried to move in closer.

"Bella." He said in warning.

"Just give me a minute. I just need you for a moment." I replied.

He enclosed me in his arms and started to rub my back, waiting.

"What's the guitar for?" he asked after a couple solid quiet minutes.

I shrugged causing Edward to sigh. And he called me impatient.

"I went by and saw the boys today after my meeting with Seth and they asked me to do another video for them. Normally it would be no problem but the song they chose is kind of a downer and now I'm going to have to listen to that song over and over and I already know it will make me sad and I won't be able to stop from going all girl." I huffed.

"There's nothing wrong with going all girl. I happen to like the fact that you're a girl." Edward teased.

"Do you like the fact that I'm going to become a weepy miserable crying fit of a girl?" I snapped.

"No. Not so much."

I sighed and snuggled my way back to my spot on his chest.

"The guitar is a bribe. They thought it would make me say yes to their video. It's pink and I love it so I said yes." I continued.

"Whoa, whoa whoa." Embry's booming voice practically made me jump out of my skin. "So I ask you to do a video with me this morning and you're all" He gave his best high-pitched girl impression, "Oh Embry I have to think about it. I just can't imagine working on something with you right now."

He walked around from the kitchen sink. "And now you agree to do another video for L.P. which would bring your total to three and you won't even consider working with me for video one? That's messed up. Didn't know I had to bribe you."

I got up from the couch ready to defend myself. "Embry, it's not like that. Liberty Project needs my help a lot more than you need my help. Have you seen their past videos? You are already a music video god. I would just mess you all up."

"I see how it goes down." Embry started to shake his head and he genuinely looked upset.

"I'm sorry. You know how high the pedestal I place you on is. Come on man don't be mad." I practically begged.

"Then say you'll do my video…and before the boys. I was in line first." He waved his foreboding finger at me.

"Fine. I'll start thinking of something. Happy?" I shouted.

"Jubilant. I'm off to pick up the girls." He winked and left. Somehow I think I was just manipulated. Damn him.

My mom was so excited about the whole autograph signing event that she insisted that she'd come along and who was I to deny her on her birthday. She showed up bright and early that morning arriving a half hour after the hair and makeup people who were sent from the studio had arrived. I wanted to make my mom's day special so I asked Marcus to design a special outfit for her to wear and I asked my mom to join me in getting her hair and makeup done as well. It was nice to be able to share that time with my mom. She had been so on wedding mode for so long that this was relaxing for both of us.

"Are you sure you don't want me coming along?" Edward appeared behind my chair and was looking at me through the mirror with sad puppy dog eyes.

"You know what Seth said." I replied quietly.

"But I could stay hidden in the background, never even know I was there." He protested.

"You know that's not true. You're like the biggest star on the planet; people will be looking for you. I don't mind you coming and slumming it but Seth said it wouldn't do well." I explained.

Seth had said that it wouldn't be good for Edward to come along that day because any publicist would tell me that in order for my career to go to the next level there needed to be a separation of our two careers for certain events. Since this was my first event in which I would be interacting with my new fan base, Edward had the potential to outshine me which wouldn't be good for the albums. I felt torn; I knew what Seth was trying to say and I personally felt uncomfortable when Edward would watch me while I was trying to work. Part of me still felt silly knowing that Edward who had years of experience on me was watching and I couldn't help but think of what negative critiques could be going through his mind. Another part of me hated saying no to those damn puppy dog eyes. The worst thing about them was he had picked it up from Gracie.

"Okay, baby. I guess I will just have to leave you with your mother. Try and not kill each other." He leaned down and kissed me quickly.

"Oh, Edward I would never kill my mother on her birthday. What kind of savage do you think I am? Mother's Day is far more appropriate." I mocked.

He gave me one last look before shaking his head and leaving.

Seth was already the limo when it arrived at the house to pick us up. My mom and I were all doll'd up and promptly got into it.

"So then Embry said that I needed to get down with my bad self because you agreed to do a video with him and there was to be a party of asshakers. What's an asshaker?" my mom looked somewhere caught between confused and disgusted.

"Mom, he was joking and its ass shakers not asshakers. Embry never does ass shaking videos which is why I respect him. Most rap artists do that crap and it's soo overdone." I explained.

"What video?" Seth asked overhearing my mother and my discussion. Since we had arrived in the limo he had been on the phone and looked as if he wished to be undisturbed.

"I told Embry that I would work on directing his next music video." I paused, "Oh and then I told Liberty Project that I would do their next video as well. Don't worry it will be sometime in February."

"Isabella Swan. You're supposed to be getting married in February. Don't you think you're biting off more than you can chew?" my mom looked positively aghast.

"We're getting married on Friday the thirteenth. After a week-long honeymoon there will still be one more week left in February…okay maybe I will have to push one of the tapings off to the first week of March but I can handle it."

"I don't think that's wise. You're going to want to work on this up until they put your veil on. I don't like it one bit." My mom huffed.

"Oh mom what do you think Edward's going to be doing. He just accepted a grueling role for a film that will take much of his attention away all up until the wedding and after it." So there.

My mom's mouth dropped open and I stopped for a second of patting myself on the back for throwing Edward under the bus to shift back my thinking to I should probably warn him.

"Bella, when are you going to work on a music video for one of your albums? I mean we all are happy when you want to help out a WMG artist but come on you need to start thinking of your own career here." Seth interjected.

I just loved the little dig at the fact that I agreed to help out Embry who wasn't a WMG artist.

"Well, I could do one for me as well…I guess." I really hated the idea of having to be in front of the camera again. But I couldn't argue with him, he was right.

"Look the higher-ups have been meaning to have a sit down with you. They want to make sure that since they have put a lot of money and resources into these albums, they're going to want some reassurance that you will be willing to focus a little more on them." Seth stated.

"I understand but I am more than just a music artist. I have other loves too. I am a team player so when you go back to the boys in blue tell them that not only will I do the videos for Liberty Project and E.C. Crime but for every video I do for other artists I will do one for me as well. Will that appease them?" I negotiated.

Seth nodded stiffly, "Yes, I believe so."

"Oh my goodness, look at all those people." My mom shouted pointing out the window.

"What's going on?" I asked looking, trying to get a glimpse of the cause.

"Uh…Bella they're here for you." Seth remarked.

"Me? Why would anyone waste their time standing in line for me?"

"Oh wow, baby you're famous." My mother looked at me in awe.

"Yeah, and it didn't take a sex tape to get there." I jested. "Edward would look damn good in a sex tape."

My mom slapped my arm, "Don't you even think about it."

"I'm with Mrs. Swan on that one." Seth agreed.

"Geez, guys I was kidding." I rolled my eyes.

The limo pulled into an underground parking structure and there was security and representatives all ready from Virgin to welcome us. The whole experience was surreal. I quickly learned that my autograph was a tad long to sign the full Isabella Swan so that was definitely something I would think about changing in the future but for now I figured it was best to stick to the same signature. All the people were super nice and I tried my best to be "likeable" since that was what Seth harped on me at our little meeting. After the couple hours I was obligated to do I continued on because I felt bad seeing how these people spent so much time waiting for me. However, after another hour or so; Seth reminded me that I needed to catch a flight so we packed on up.

I listened to _Frozen Winter_ part of the flight to D.C. and eventually I was able to shut off my feelings and get down to thinking up a concept. We arrived in D.C. in the early morning hours which was quite the task for Edward to get me up and off the plane. I was able to sleep a couple more hours at the hotel before I was due at rehearsal.

Working with little people seemed easier since I had been around Savannah and Gracie. Most of these kids were around Savannah's age. About fifty students from three different schools made up the choir. Their part was to sing the ooo's and ahhh's in the background and then they would finish up the last verse with me. I had a blast working with them mostly because they were so excited and that energy was the best to be around.

I was right in the middle of the final rehearsal for the day when I saw Edward walk into the rehearsal space and of course like the spaz I was, I faltered on the line I was singing. See what I'm talking about, I always get flustered when I know he is watching me. I would worry about Tuesday but I think that the fact that the entire country and several places around the world would be watching was enough to stop me from worrying about Edward for the day.

The song finally finished and we were excused. I walked over to Edward and he gave me a great big hug.

"Honey, you were terrific." I cringed at his words. "Stop it. You were." He insisted.

"Thanks." I mumbled.

"Miss Swan." Erica Jefferson approached us. I hadn't seen her since that day in our office.

"Erica. Pleasure to see you again." I greeted.

"Nice to see you too." She paused. "I am here to inform you that you have a meeting at four pm with President elect."

"What…wha…why…why..why would you want that?" I fumbled.

"It's customary. There will be a brief meet and then a photo-op of the pair of you for media purposes. The children are to meet with him tomorrow." She stated like I would be sitting down for tea with old friend and not the soon to be leader of the free world.

"I can't imagine any scenario where this is a good idea." I wasn't even sure if I was talking out loud or if my words were even coherent. It felt like my tongue was swelling up.

"Bella, this is a very good thing. You should meet with him. I think you'd like him." Edward tried to calm me by shaking me a little probably hoping I would snap out it.

"There is a car waiting outside to take you to Blair house." Erica said.

"Shouldn't I at least change?" I broke out of my little trance.

"Well I suppose the car could make a brief stop at your hotel but you really must hurry. We haven't got all day." She replied.

"Of course. Come on honey." Edward started to pull me along and I went willingly knowing I was of little use at the moment.

The problem was when I arrived back at the apartment I nearly tore my suitcase apart to look for the right outfit. My mother would never let me hear the end of it if I met the President in anything less than perfect.

Finally I found a somewhat workable navy outfit. I noticed in the past that it was proper to wear patriotic colors when having a picture taken with the President. Edward said I looked beautiful but how could I count on an unbiased opinion out of him.

"Wait, I want to take a picture real quick and send it to Marcus to get his approval first." I stopped as Edward was trying to push me out the door.

"Bella, you don't have time. I told you that you look beautiful. Now go." He blocked me from coming back into the hotel room.

"You're not coming with me?" I asked.

"They requested you. You'll be fine. I know you will do great." He replied.

"No. I don't want to go alone." I started to push my way back into the room.

"Honey, I will be right here when you get back. You have to go now or you're going to be late." He gave me one last kiss and like a parent dropping their child off at school on their first day he just cut the cord closing the door in my face.

I sighed and walked with a security officer back down to the car.

So now I was walking toward the looming door to the office where on the other side the most powerful person I ever met was situated.

"This is Isabella Swan. She is the one you requested to sing at your inauguration." A secretary introduced me.

I walked forward and managed to raise out a hand toward him for the traditional shake. "It's an honor to meet you Mr. President…elect? Or is it just Mr. President or what up Pres?" Oh my god shut up! Stop talking Bella! "I told them this was a bad idea."

I shook my head uneasy while my heart was still racing. I could feel my chest start to rise and fall a tad too quickly.

The man laughed. "You remind me of Edward. It's nice to meet you too, Isabella."

"Remind you of Edward? I don't see how that's even possible. Edward is like…so much better at this stuff then I am." I replied flustered.

"Well, I guess what I meant to say is that I can definitely see what he sees in you. You're perfect for him." The President replied.

"Uh…thank you? Um…I just have to ask. It's been killing me really but Edward would never admit it so here it goes. Did you request me to sing because you felt the need to square things off with Edward since he helped raise all that money for your campaign?" Now I was talking at super speed.

"Why would you think that? If that was my criteria then I would have called up Clooney."

That's what I said!

"I know but…I'm a nobody. I can imagine someone in your power… or I mean someone of your stature who is coming into power could get huge names for this gig."

"This gig." He stated.

"Uh…your little inauguration…I mean big inauguration. It's big. Really big." I tried to correct myself but ended up confusing him more. "Can I sit down? Standing in front of you is really making me dizzy."

He gestured for me to sit on the couch and I quickly did so.

"When I was on the campaign trail I was going from hotel to hotel and half the time my room was being filled with people working around the clock to try to get me to where I am today. The television was always set on CNN or some news channel and it became tedious. So one evening I decided to flip around a bit and see if I could find something else to watch, even if for only a few minutes and I landed on a television special where my new friend and campaign contributor was giving an interview with his new girlfriend."

I searched my memory and quickly was reminded of the first television interview I ever gave with Pamela Stewart and was trying to think of why he would bring up that right now.

"And then you said something that stuck with me. You said I was born in America. My parents were born in America. My grandparents and their parents were born in America. I am an American and I proud of it." He quoted.

"I remember." I replied softly.

"The majority of American's have become apathetic to their own country. It takes a war or a horrific event to bring us closer together. I requested you to perform because you are the type of person I would want representing me and this country on inauguration day. I hope that in my four or eight years that I hold this office that more people will become proud of the country that they are citizens of again. It's a wonderful thing to be proud of one's heritage but what about the heritage of America? Many people suffered and fought hard hundreds of years ago to afford us the freedoms we have now. I hope that people will realize what it exactly means to be proud to be an American once again."

I sat there with my mouth slightly open in awe. I felt like there should have been some patriotic music playing in the background. Hearing him talk I could now see first-hand why Edward was so passionate about this man and his campaign.

"That was very moving, Mr Pre…sir." I replied. "Thank you for allowing me to be a part of this historic day. I will try to not let you down."

"I'm sure you'll do great." He smiled.

A knock on the door alerted us and a couple of people came in to get ready to take our picture. As we got into place Mr. President said one more thing to me. "So Edward wondered if it was a good idea for me to allow you to sing since he is pretty sure that you didn't vote for me." He smirked at me.

"That bastard." I said slightly outraged. "What did he tell you?"

"He gave me a call last week to congratulate me again and then wondered if it was a brave move to have someone on stage who possibly wasn't a supporter. He said I should look into your voting records just to confirm."

"I told him it was none of his business to know who I voted for and I didn't confirm or deny whether or not I voted for you sir." I huffed.

"I told him that I'm sure that I could just ask you and you would give me an honest answer." He replied, "So Isabella Swan…"

"I'm not telling you how I voted." I cut him off. "That is for me to know and if you really are that desperate; in a couple days' time you will have all the power at your fingertips to find out. I'm sure a great use of that CIA resource of yours will be plenty." I replied indignant.

"Oh, is that what they're there for. Good to know. Well it has been a pleasure to meet with you, Isabella." He gave me one last handshake for good measure.

"Please we're practically old friends, call me Bella. It was so nice to meet you Mr. President. Good luck on that whole recession thingy."

I smiled one last time and proudly walked out of the room into the elevator and out the door to my car. Once I was in the car I gave out a sound of relief that I'm sure scared the driver.

"So how did it go?" Edward's smile was large when I finally returned back to the hotel.

"Uh…good. I'm pretty sure thanks to me that the ole Pres won't be requesting your help with campaign funds in 2012" I smirked. I walked toward the bedroom to get dressed leaving Edward looking a tad confused. "Oh and nice try, babe."

"What ever do you mean?" he feigned ignorance.

"Even the President of the United States couldn't get you the dirt on me. I suggest you move on to a higher power."

"No. This just means that I have to move on to plan B." I furrowed my brow as he shook his head slowly. "I'm just going to have to torture it out of you."

Suddenly Edward turned into a wildcat chasing me off into the bedroom where he "tortured" me for hours and hours. Unfortunately for Mr. Cullen he was unable to extract the information he needed so he may have to work a little harder on me tomorrow. Somehow that didn't seem like a problem for me.

* * *

**AN: **So I just decided to work on a chap by chap basis meaning that I will post chapters the moment I have finished them. I usually don't get a lot of opportunity to write on the weekends so the next chapter probably won't be up till next Wednesday. I am really dreading having to write the next couple chapters because they really hit home. Thank you once again to all my fabulous readers and my amazing reviewers.


	23. Chapter 23

**CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE**

"Long may our land be bright, With freedom's holy light…"

Only one more verse to go… thank god I didn't have to sing the Star Spangled Banner.

"Protect us by thy might, great God our king."

And scene. A massive sigh of relief, thankfully masked by cheering crowds. I did it! Yes, my fellow Americans the hard part has truly passed for this great country.

I stepped back and shook Mr. President's hand once more and went to find my seat. I was decked out in a bright royal red coat that Marcus made for me. I was pretty sure that one could see me even from miles away. The coat was a welcome relief to the cold temperatures that day. Makes me wonder what genius thought it would be a good time of year to place the inauguration during January in Washington D.C. a city not foreign to snow and freezing temperatures.

Now that my part was done it was off to focus on the many parties that would be happening all over the city tonight. Scratch that, balls. Large grand balls where you were expected to dress in ball gowns and every conversation was about money or politics. The difference between parties and balls were that at parties it was expected to have fun at balls it was expected to die of boredom. The difference between Edward and myself was that, Edward preferred balls and I preferred parties. Go figure.

When the inauguration was through the plan was to meet my parents back at the hotel. I told Edward it would be hard for us to meet up seeing how their was thousands of people to wade through to get to one another but he was insistent that I not go back to the hotel by myself so here I stood at the edge of the authorized personal only area waiting to be picked up like the child I was. I stood there for an hour and still nothing. I pulled out my phone and tried calling him again and there was no answer. Another half hour passed and I had had it so I texted Edward a message and set off for the hotel on my own.

I'm not sure if you have ever had to move through a mob to get somewhere but it's like having to trudge your way through a sticky swamp. It's tedious. There were no taxi's around and even if I had managed to get to the subway they were jam-packed and people couldn't even get down to the platform. Our hotel was miles and miles away but there was no choice but to walk…or trudge.

I tried to remain inconspicuous but remember that bright red coat that Marcus put me in, yeah so much for the inconspicuous part. It didn't take long for my fellow trudgers to take notice of me and so my swamp like pace seemed like a speeding freight train to the pace I was at now. I tried to be nice and sign autographs and pose for pictures while trudging but suddenly it was becoming so overwhelming. My cell phone was ringing and lo and behold it was Edward.

"Where are you?" he practically shouted into my ear.

"Lost in a sea of citizens. I tried calling you and calling you. Why weren't you answering your phone?" I snapped back.

"Where are you, Bella? You shouldn't have left."

"Well I wasn't planning on waiting there until the next inauguration. I'm somewhere on Constitution Avenue and I'm trying to find my way back to the hotel." I explained.

"Don't you realize how unsafe that is? Get to a safe place. Give me a landmark you're near."

I looked around to see anything I could give him. I wasn't sure at this point who was more irritated with whom. "Uh…I think there is a café coming up…Capitol café."

"Stay there. I will come for you but stay there." He demanded.

"And how long should I wait this time."

"Just do as I say." And then he hung up. I could feel my blood beginning to boil. Sometimes…. I shook my fist in anger.

I stood near the stupid café for another half hour until Edward finally arrived. Somehow he managed to acquire a government vehicle. He popped out of the SUV and dodged his way through the crowds for his extraction mission.

"Come on." He grabbed my hand and started to pull me back to the vehicle. I hadn't even noticed that he had brought security with him as well and the moment we got into the car the security piled in behind us and we took off like a herd full of turtles. It would have been faster walking then having to drive our way through crowds.

"Why didn't you wait like I had asked?" Edward started in on me before the car door was even shut. I wasn't planning on taking it however.

"Why didn't you answer your phone? I waited over an hour and a half. What was I supposed to do? You weren't calling me or texting me back so yeah I decided to find my own way back."

"Bella, you are no longer just another civilian. Don't you realize that? It is unsafe for you to just pop around on your own. I don't care if you had to wait three hours for me to get to you, you should have waited."

"No, we should have just done things the way I wanted to from the beginning. You should have taken my parents back to the hotel and I would have just met you there. We both would have been to the hotel by now. I didn't need you busting down here with Seal team six to escort me back to the hotel. Sometimes I wonder if I'm your fiancé or your hostage."

"Sometimes I wonder if you really are that naïve or just being hard-headed." He spit back.

"Pull over." I told the driver. "I'll walk." I put my hand on the car door ready to tuck and roll out of the car if necessary.

"No you're not." Edward commanded and he took a firm grasp onto my wrist.

"Let me go." I looked him straight in the eye with fury.

"No." his eyes were burning as well. "When we get back to the hotel room you can act like a brat all you want but right now you aren't going anywhere. I'm not going to allow you to risk your life just to prove a point. So sit back."

I turned my body away from him and crossed my arms, I was so furious right then that he dare not speak to me.

The crowds slowly started to dissipate and another half hour later we were finally back to the St. Regis. I tore out of the car not allowing any room for Edward to catch up with me and arrived back to our suite where my parents were waiting.

"Oh baby, you did so well. Your father and I couldn't be prouder." My mom hugged me. "Where's Edward? What took you so long? Emma, Ian and us arrived back here over an hour ago."

I went over and hugged my dad. "Edward was being difficult so you always have to add on two hours of slag time when he plans anything." Right then Edward walked in and still didn't look very happy. I didn't care, I wasn't happy as well.

"I'm so proud of you." My dad said quietly when I hugged him.

"Edward, what took you so long?" my mom asked.

"Ask your daughter. She didn't want to stick to the plan so I had to chase on after her." He replied.

"No. I waited for an hour and half for someone to show up and they never did and that someone couldn't take the time to answer their phone." I snapped back.

"Well, I managed to get a great picture of you shaking the President's hand." My mother continued not even taking notice of Edward's and my little spat.

"Mom, dad I think I am going to go and lay down before all the festivities begin. I'm pretty beat." I pulled my coat off and laid it on a chair.

"Yes, Charlie we should go back and lay down for a while too. We were up so early and I'm sure we will be out late tonight."

They left and I was already off to the bedroom, stripped down to my underwear and in bed before Edward could continue our argument, which was wise that he didn't however it was during this time in our lives that Edward found different ways to fight and for the record, he didn't fight fairly.

After a nerve-racking performance it usually didn't take much for me to pass out hard. I would sleep only a couple of hours and it would feel like days. When I managed to open my eyes a squint I could see how dark the room had turned from day to early evening; a light crept in through a crack from the bedroom door. I felt something roaming up and down my body. It took only a moment to register Edward's hands pulling my backside to him. His fingers leading their way down to my special spot and then he started to play. I let out a soft moan not even remembering that I was supposed to me upset with this man.

"That's right baby, feel my fingers." Edward's husky voice filled my ears.

I pushed myself on him; grinding on his hand wanting more. Edward removed his hand and suddenly I remembered I was upset with him. I was about to bitch but then he pushed me over onto my front and climbed on me. It was then I realized that he managed to completely undress me and now he was naked on top of me pushing his firm member onto me.

"Edward…" I tried to protest. Not that it wasn't hot but come on I couldn't get any of my girly bits excited in this position.

Edward secured my hands down to the bed above my head. "Do you feel what you do to me?" he pushed his dick into the crevice of my butt. "Do you have any idea how much I love you?"

"Edward…uh…" it turned into a moan when he reached down and dipped a finger into my now dripping pussy. Yes, my kitty knew what was coming. Edward released me and allowed me to turn over and like the desperate strumpet I was, I immediately opened my legs for him and he gladly obliged.

He entered me swiftly and then I didn't care what infractions he was on my shit list for. He went back to pining down my hands up over to my head. "Isabella, you drive me crazy. You never listen to me." He leaned down and nibbled on my neck. He stayed inside me not moving and I whined trying to push him in further.

"Edward, come on." I moaned.

"Silence. I want you to listen to me." Slowly he pushed himself further inside me as his mouth reached my ear. "You are no longer Bella Swan the adorable young intern at some production company. You are now famous and you cannot just wander around without someone with you who can handle if a situation turns ugly. I am not going to punish you but I love you too much to see anything happen to you." He started to slowly pump in and out of me causing my rebuttal to fly out of my head.

He leaned down and sucked on my nipple ending it with a harsh little bite. I cried out but the pain was oddly sensual. I grabbed his mouth and stuck my tongue down his throat. I was never more turned on and confused at the same time. It felt like savage beasts mating. So much power. So much need and want and desire.

"Promise me you will listen to me." He pushed in and out more rapidly. Oh my god I wasn't going to last long.

"Be my good girl. Say you're mine." He slammed into me and I cried out.

"More, harder." I groaned.

"Say you're mine." He growled.

"Uh…I…Edw…" I could only focus on my impeding orgasm.

And then he stopped and pulled out completely.

"Come on." I cried.

"Say it, Bella."

He looked me in the eye and it threw me off guard because I could see something in them.

Desperation.

This was all about control. I took away all his control when I made him promise to never punish me. I took away his control when I made him choose between _Tria Fata_ and me. Now he had nothing left to use to make me see his reasoning.

"I've always been yours." I replied sincerely. I placed my hand on his cheek, "Edward I am yours as you are mine."

He slowly pushed back into me never taking his eyes off of me, "Promise me, Bella. I need to know."

"Okay." I pushed myself up allowing for him to go in further. "I promise."

Edwards's hands grasped onto my hips and then I really unleashed a beast. He didn't stop; one hand reached up and pinched my nipple. He kept sucking on my neck and the moment I started screaming out he bit down a little. My heart was racing so hard. I placed my hand on my chest to feel the rapid beats of my heart. My head fell back onto the pillow in a satisfied relief. I could tell Edward was getting close by his pace so I squeezed my kegel muscles with all the might I had left in me.

"FUCK!" he roared and filled me with his hot torrid cum. Edward seemed to have a little trouble catching his breath as well but he pulled out and pulled me to him, spooning me.

"I hate fighting with you." I whispered.

"I know. We've had a couple doozies lately." He sighed.

"I don't mean to be difficult but sometimes I think you go a little overboard."

"Bella, you don't know what I know about this business. People can become obsessed or a crowd can turn ugly, quickly. Most people feel like you owe them something and they can become vicious. I…just want to protect you. Will you at least let me do that?"

"I appreciate that but…" I sighed.

"You promised me." He reminded.

"You coerced me."

"Play to your strengths, baby."

"Uh…you're so frustrating. Oh and by the by, I hate when you call me a brat." I declared.

"I know you do. That's why I do it because you may not believe it but you are acting like a brat. I will always call you out on it because I am ensuring that you don't turn into that narcissistic demon bitch you so warned me about." Edward replied.

"Well you make me into a brat by being all…frustrating." Damn my vocabulary.

"I will try to not frustrate you but you started it." He teased.

I flipped over, "Really, Edward you're resulting to childish taunts. You may want to go back and ask Gracie or Savannah for the updated rebuttals from the playground." I smirked.

"Couldn't resist." He leaned down and kissed me, his hand on my lower back bringing me closer. "I never got to tell you just how amazing you were today."

I blushed and looked down, "Thank you." I replied softly. "Do we really have to go to this thing tonight? I want to stay here." I wanted to get off the subject of my performance, hearing praise just felt weird.

"Yes, baby. I'm afraid we do have to go and put an appearance in. Think of your parents. They are so excited for this."

"Trust me Edward, my dad isn't even thinking about this ball. He's too busy focusing on that Super Bowl thingy you're taking him too."

"Super Bowl thingy? Don't be jealous now."

"Its football, I imagine grass growing would be more fascinating. I think I will just enjoy my weekend testosterone free with my girls. Embry is leaving a couple of days after we get back and I plan on putting in some time with them seeing how things are about to become a tad bit crazy around the Cullen/Swan/Call/Black home."

"That's a lot of slashes. Maybe…" Edward was interrupted by a banging on our door.

"What time is it?" I jumped up and looked over to the clock. "Oh my god. Edward we're running crazy late. You answer the door; I'll jump into the shower."

I ran into the bathroom in a frenzied pace. So much to do in so little time, I had a feeling my mom was about to rip me a new one.

There's not much to write about with this particular ball. We came; Edward looked dashing in his tux, I managed to ooze a particular amount of grace and it was a good time to be had by all. I was anxious to just get back home. It's funny I had always wanted to travel and now that I was finally at a point in my life where travel was expected I found that after a week I would be itchy to get home. I think this time it was because I knew all that needed to be done so I asked Edward to allow us to leave early the next morning.

The wedding was weeks away and somewhere in there I needed to do preproduction for four music videos. My plan of attack for the videos was to hire two different crews; one crew to work on video one and video three and the second crew to work on video two and four. Each video would get one week of my time to film which means that the moment I arrived home from our honeymoon I would be working nonstop for a straight month.

"Mommy, we saw you on the T.V." Gracie was the first to greet us like usual.

"Oh did you? Are you ready for presents?" I asked.

Her face lit up. Edward had followed in through the door with the rest of the suitcases and ceremoniously dropped them down in the foyer.

"Where's your sister?" I continued.

"She's upstairs with Tiana." Gracie stretched out her name dramatically like Tiana had become a thorn in her side suddenly.

"Who's Tiana?" I asked looking upstairs toward the direction of their bedroom.

"A girl at school. They won't let me play with them." She huffed.

"Well, maybe you'll want to play with the toy we brought you that's in my bag." Edward sang.

And Tiana was all forgotten.

I left Edward with the task of doling out the gifts and went on upstairs, very curious of this Tiana person. I was gone a week and now there was a friend I never knew about. Embry really sucked on the whole updating me thing while I was gone.

I poked my head in and saw the television on to the Disney channel and Savannah and Tiana sitting at the table drawing and laughing. Oh my god, she looked happy. I stood there in awe for a minute knowing what this meant to my daughter. Her first friend.

"Hey, stop spying."

I looked back to see Embry right behind me. I punched him in the shoulder. "How could you not tell me about this?"

"Not a big deal. Her mother called and got ahold of Jacob last week to arrange a play date or whatever and the nanny dropped her off. No need to stop the presses."

I walked with him away from the girl's bedroom and toward his room.

"Well, you need to keep me updated on these things. This is Savannah's first friend here. It's a big deal." I exclaimed.

"Wow, I don't think I want to be around you when she gets her period for the first time." Embry laughed.

"Yeah, just yuk it up." I sighed. "So what's been going on? Did you decide what day you are leaving for New York?"

"Yeah probably Friday. The shows not till Saturday but I thought it would be good to get in a couple of rehearsals. Did you have time to come up with a concept for the video?" Embry asked as he dropped down to his couch.

I sat down next to him and slightly cringed. "I'm not sure if you're gonna like it. I can come up with something different if it's too much." I offered.

"No. I wanna hear it. I'm cool."

"Okay. So I thought about starting off on a street lined with brownstones. When I think about your past, I imagine you living on a street in Brooklyn that's lined with old brownstones. So we see you sitting on the stoop and you rap the first part of you song. In the back ground we see someone come out of the door behind you and go down the steps and walk right in front of you continuing down the street. You jump down from your stoop and continue off the same direction as the person who passed. We see you walking down the street rapping and I know that Chandra sang your hook so I thought maybe she should be the one you're following. The camera will pull out and see how close you are to following this girl or Chandra but it's like she's in her own world she has head phones in her ears and is completely unaware of what is going on around her. No matter what you say about her or what you rap it's almost like she doesn't want to notice you there. You continue to get closer and closer until you are just mere inches away and it doesn't even affect her. But then you actually make physical contact with her hand and she realizes that you are there. She pulls the headphones from out of her ears but it's too late. You sing to her that it's over now and you continue to walk on without her. Suddenly she is behind you trying to get your attention and is the one being ignored. You go on with your life."

I breathed out a sigh and let my words sink in for a minute, "Oh and I want to do this all in one take, no editing or splicing shots together."

His eyes snapped up to look at me. "What? How?"

"It could be done with a truck and a jib. It would require a lot of rehearsal especially with the walking because I basically want you in step as close as possible to the girl or Chandra."

"Bella, who did you think I wrote this song about?" he asked.

"Your…wife?" I replied awkwardly.

Embry gave a small smile. "Why would you think that?"

"Because you rap about how you would tear your heart for her and how she drives you crazy but you will always love her. Sounds like Sabina to me."

"Bella, I didn't write this song about Sabina. I do love her and I don't honestly think I will ever love another woman the way I loved her. She was my soul mate but I wrote the song about you."

"WHAT?" I might have been a tad too outraged with my ecstatic WTF moment of denial.

Embry got up from the couch with the same smile on his face. "Listen to the song again." He laughed a little and started to go toward the door, "Oh and I love your idea but I won't do it with anyone but you in the video."

He left me there sitting on his couch surrounded by my cloud of confusion. What the fuck. What the fuck! I couldn't stop thinking about it until finally I had the genius plan to run off to my room and grab my iPod. I wrestled the ear buds into my ears and started the song.

_"Eyes meet I feel a rush, seeing you its all enough…"_ How could this song be about me? This was a love song…well a really fucked up love song. I listened further.

_"Saved me from further sin my life's not worth my skin…"_ slowly it started to make sense. This wasn't a love love song. It was a song of appreciation and he was raping about if I were to ever leave what that would do to him. Albeit kinda weird twisted things he would hypothetically do to himself. But I could finally understand the lyrics on a whole new level. At first I was worried that he meant that he was confessing he had a crush on me but that wasn't it at all. I understood what he was really saying, it was about our friendship.

Wow.

Just wow.

This may change my video concept however when I tried to approach Embry about it he insisted that we keep the old idea but maybe tweak it. We would talk about it some more when he got back. He promised he would of course be back in time for the wedding.

Edward had agreed to take a couple of days off with me and go and help out my parents with trying to pack up the remaining stuff from my old childhood home. My parents were still looking for a house but were in no rush since my mom still had to work till June to finish out her school year.

Our plan for Thursday was to drop off Savannah and Gracie at school; I made arrangements for Emma to pick them up that day and drive them out to my parents' house. I was hoping that packing would go fast and we could have dinner with my parents before going back home before nightfall. That was the plan…

January 22nd on a Thursday morning at some time after five AM a loud banging came on Edward's and my door. Jacob undeterred by our silence from sleeping that morning decided to bust on in yelling like a mad man. My ears and brain couldn't even make out what he was yelling about. Was there a fire? A hostile take down? Armageddon?

"Jacob, what the hell?" I yelled out. "Keep it down. The girls are sleeping next door."

Yes, I was one crazed monster in the wee hours. Never one to feed after midnight.

"Jacob, go back to bed." Edward mumbled.

"You'll never believe what just happened." He replied animatedly.

All the sudden my phone started ringing. "Don't answer that. I want to tell you." Jacob demanded.

I looked at my phone with one eye since my eyes still hadn't adjusted to light this early. Seth Clearwater was calling me. I hit ignore and flopped down back onto my pillow, "Go to bed, Jacob. Come back when the suns up."

"No. Just listen to me. So I was sitting there in my room with the television on because you know what today is right?"

We didn't answer.

"Oscar nominations." He said it like there should have been a drum roll to preface it.

"Oh." I yawned. "Did ya win something?" I mumbled.

"Win? No it's the nominations. You don't win…yet. I mean unless you talking about a nomination…then yes, you did win something."

"Jacob, go to bed." Edward growled and then threw his pillow off into the general direction of Jacob.

"Dude, are you like not listening to me. You have an academy award nomination." He said every single syllable.

"That's nice. Add it to my others. Now shut up and go to bed." Edward grumbled.

"Not you, man. Arrogant much? Bella! You got the nomination." Jacob huffed.

I laid there for a minute not really comprehending his words. It was still too early for comprehension something I tried explaining to my English teacher in grade school but alas that never stopped them.

Edward sat up in bed throwing the covers slightly off me.

"What?" he replied.

"Bella just got her first Oscar nomination." Jacob said once again. "Oh, and uh you didn't get nominated this year. Sorry, bro."

I finally sat up slowly. "Is this some kind of joke?" I looked at him murderous. Any other day it would be funny. Scratch at any other time of day it would have been funny but not when one dares mess with my early morning hours of sleep.

"It's not a joke." Jacob crossed over to our television and turned it on. He found our DVR remote and found his taping of the announcement. He fast forwarded to the Best Original Song category and pressed play.

Even seeing it and hearing it did nothing for me. Edward and I sat there like cavemen staring at fire for the first time. My phone rang again and absently I picked it up.

"Isabella Swan, have you seen. You're my little hit making factory." Stefan sang.

"muveraarffalahlea." It wasn't a word but it was the only thing going through my mind that I was able to make audible.

"Huh?"

Jacob took the phone out of my hand, "Man, she's going to have to call you back. I think she's in shock." He hung up and tossed the phone back down onto the bed beside me.

"Baby, this is amazing." Edward said softly. "You deserve this."

I still hadn't cracked well maybe I cracked but not in the way they wanted me to. I just sat there staring at my name on the screen obviously right next to Liberty Projects name as well.

"Uh…Jacob give us a minute." Edward got up and started to push Jacob out the door forcefully.

"Wow…no thanks, no gratitude. This is the last time I try…."

Edward closed the door cutting him off. He walked back over to where I sat slightly comatose. My phone started to ring again and that snapped me out of it for a moment to take the phone and fling it across the room like it was a hot potato. Edward a little surprised by my outburst jumped a little before walking over and hitting the mute button on it. He returned to me and dropped down in front of me.

"Baby, this is a great thing, right? It was one of the things on that bucket list that you told me about awhile back. You did it." Edward smiled.

"Did you do this? Did you pay someone off?" I asked.

"What? Why do you always think I have something to do with things involving your career? Bella, that's insane. You did this. All on your own…well not technically on your own. The boys helped too but that's not the point. You can't keep assuming that I am the one responsible for your career milestones. You did this!"

"I'm sorry…it's just that I'm having trouble feeling my face at the moment. Am I drooling?"

Edward laughed and stood up to take ahold of my face and brought his lips to mine. "Feel that?"

"Uh huh. I think I need more just to be sure this is reality." I coaxed.

Edward picked me up from the bed and pulled me in for a deeper longer kiss.

"I'm nominated for an Academy Award." I giggled. "Oh my god. OH my God! Oh my god, OH MY GOD!"

"Okay baby you have to keep it down a little. Savannah and Gracie, remember?"

I flopped back down on the bed with a grand smile. I couldn't believe that this was possible.

For a brief period of time I was on top of the world. I was going higher and higher. Everything was going great in my life and it felt like nothing could stop me now. However, when it came to Academy Award Sunday and they announced the winner, I was never more relieved at that point in my life to hear someone else's name called.

* * *

**AN: **Hope everyone will hang in with me for the next couple of chapters. I am almost finished with the next chapter and it is the hardest chapter I have had to write yet. Thank you for always reading and reviewing, giving me the confidence to keep going forward. Thank you, thank you, thank you!


	24. Chapter 24

**CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR**

How many times throughout your life have you wished you could go back and change something or take something back hoping that it would change the outcome? No matter how many times you think you could do something different, it's one of the cruel rules to this world; there are no do overs. No true second chances. What's done is done and there's nothing you can do to change it now.

"Oh my…daddy, you look dashing." I remarked amazed at the suit that Marcus had made for him. My poor dad was the only male invited to today's fitting and you could tell he was just a tad bit uncomfortable. My wedding party sans the groomsman were all here for the first glimpse of Marcus's genius hard work.

First up were Savannah and Gracie who I helped dress in their little flower girl dresses. Rosalie, Angela and Jacqueline could dress themselves just fine which left my mother to help me into my wedding ball gown after I was done oooing and awing at my dad.

"Oh, Isabella this is just the most stunning dress. Marcus you really did a master piece." My mom shouted out to him. I could hear him wrestling around with my dad trying to get the suit to just fit him right.

"Thank you, Renée. I do try."

I snorted at Marcus's retort as my mom lifted up the dress to place it over my head. "I think I am going to need your help with the corset." My mom called back out to Marcus.

"I think she's gonna need help finding my head." I shouted out.

Marcus came in to help rescue me from the layers of chiffon and organza.

"Stand still, Bella." He commanded.

The dress was finally over my head and lay properly onto my body. Marcus didn't have a mirror in the room where I was being dressed he said he wanted to wait for the dramatic unveiling out in the other room which had mirrors all around.

I could see that the bodice was made of a fine Ivory brocade. I was happy that Marcus decided to go with Ivory and not white. Not many people could pull off stark white. The full gown had a soft baby pink underlay that managed to give just a hint of pink to my dress and the ivory organza overlay was outfitted with tiny little crystals that were hand sewn and scattered about on the skirt of the dress. The sleeves were small and off the shoulder.

"Marcus, I can't believe you made this for me?" I managed to get out before crying.

"No. No tears. I don't want anything ruining the material. Who knows what human tears would do to this material." Marcus waved me off.

"As opposed to what? Demon tears." I jested.

"Yes well." He looked up and appraised me, "Not too shabby. You always did clean up nicely."

I launched myself at him and tackled him into a big hug. "You're the best." I whispered.

"All right, all right. Don't wrinkle it. You have no idea how much time it takes to steam a beast like this." He looked over to me. "You ready?"

I smiled and nodded. We went out through the curtain and I was met by my friends gasping at my appearance. I walked forward toward a mirror and couldn't help but gasp a little myself. Marcus made me look beautiful. And for the first time I didn't care how large the audience was going to be at the wedding because all I could picture was me standing there in this dress with Edward in his formal suit.

"She's having a bride moment." Jacqueline sang.

I rolled my eyes and gave her a small smile.

"Mom, you look beautiful." Savannah praised.

"I can't wait to see Edward's face." Angela laughed.

"I wanna wear the princess dress." Gracie added.

"You will get to wear your princess dress someday after you meet your Prince Charming." Rosalie placated her.

"Bells, I…you look beautiful." My dad was having trouble with his own words.

"Okay, I want to take some pictures of the lot of you. I promise these will not be released to anyone but I want to see how the clothes photograph and see if I need to make any changes." Marcus announced holding up his camera.

The next twenty minutes he took pictures of us from all sides. The bridesmaid dresses were a soft baby pink, long and flowy but not full like my dress was. The flower girls dresses looked exactly like my dress but they didn't have pink in them at all, something that Gracie had creative differences over with Marcus. I promised her that we would get her pink rose petals for the ceremony to throw out down the aisle.

The last picture was of my dad as Marcus placed us next to one another.

"It's almost like practice. You'll have to walk me down that aisle and not step on this monster of a dress." I teased.

We linked arms together like we would be when the day came and Marcus took his final snap from his camera.

"So how did it go?" Edward asked me the moment we returned home.

"It was…amazing. I can't wait for you to see…everything. Marcus did such a great job. I loved everything about today." I beamed.

"I can't wait to see you. Drives me crazy that I was the only one who didn't get to see how lovely you looked."

"You'll get your turn." I replied coolly.

I walked around to the refrigerator and pulled out some strawberries for a snack.

"Embry called and said he probably wouldn't be able to talk to you until tomorrow since he has his show tonight." Edward remarked.

"Oh…okay."

"And Seth called, he said it was rather urgent and since you didn't answer your phone he started to bug me on mine." Edward rolled his eyes.

"What did he want?" I asked.

"I don't know. Probably to go over your nomination or something."

I reached in my pocket for my phone and dialed him up.

"What's up Seth?" I asked with a mouth full of strawberries.

"Do you ever answer your phone or do you just not answer when I call." He asked sounding irritated.

"Depends on my mood. I can't talk all day so…"

"Fine, well we received a request. AEG called and they want you to perform at this year's Grammy awards."

"I'm not even nominated. I thought only nominees performed." I mumbled with the bite of another strawberry.

"That's not true. That's only for the Oscars. They probably see what a popular overnight sensation you are becoming and want to strike while the irons hot and nab you before you perform at the Oscars. The Grammy's are on February eighth." Seth explained.

"When do I have to let you know by?" I asked.

"Come on, Bella. Do we really have to do this dance? We all know that you will say yes eventually. Why do you feel the need to raise WMG's blood pressure every time?"

"Man, what side of the bed did you wake up on today? You do realize that February eighth is five days before my wedding. You know, that invitation that was accidentally sent to you a couple of weeks ago that according to Emma you still haven't RSVP'd to."

"I told you I was coming." He sighed dramatically. "Anyway with the Inauguration having like a billion more watchers than the Grammy's. You already know that this is cake compared to that. You can throw in a little performance before jetting off up the coast. Performing now puts gets you in good standing with Grammy voters for next year's awards."

In my mind I was going over the logistics. He was right, for the first time ever I didn't feel as stressed even being on the biggest music award show stage. I cringed thinking of what my mother was going to say when she heard about this one. "All right. I'll figure something out."

"Great. Who's my favorite whittle Academy Award nominee." He said like he was talking to a dog.

"Hanging up now." And I did.

"So…what's on February eighth?" Edward asked the moment I set my phone down on the counter.

"Uhh…Grammy's" I cringed thinking about how he was going to take this.

"Oh Bella, you sure do like to keep yourself busy."

"Are you mad?" I asked sheepishly.

"No. Of course not. I don't have to get mad. Your mother will be mad enough for the whole world." He laughed and I scowled at his amusement.

"Oh and speaking of my parents, they are expecting us for Sunday brunch tomorrow to continue some more packing. I think we should finish it all up tomorrow." I added.

"Bella, maybe we will finish up your stuff but your parents have a long way to go." Edward kidded.

He was right. When we went over there last week after we got back from D.C. the house looked like a tornado hit it. My parents could sometimes be pack rats and there were mountains of things to go through. My mom and dad had been working on the downstairs office which was the hardest room according to them because it had the most paperwork to go through.

The next morning we packed the girls up with some form of entertainment to sustain them for the day knowing that if they got bored there were more chances of them getting into something they shouldn't. My mom had chocolate chip pancakes all ready when we walked in. She always made big breakfasts. Eggs, bacon and toast to top it all off.

"So you all ready for the big game next Sunday? Must hurt knowing my team is far superior." My dad laughed. He couldn't wait to rub it in to Edward's face the moment his team won their spot at the Super Bowl.

"Well, any team can just get lucky, Charlie." Edward replied.

"Sooooo…." I dragged out the word to get everyone off the topic of football. "I wanted to let you know that Emma booked rooms for us at the Sunstone Winery for the Tuesday before the wedding up until Saturday. Okay?" I asked.

"Are you sure that's going to be enough time?" My mother pondered.

"Mom, that's three days before the wedding. It's plenty of time. We have the rehearsal on Thursday."

"When is your bachelorette party?" my mom asked.

"I told the girls I didn't want one." I hunched my shoulders.

"Why? It's tradition." My mom replied shocked.

Edward shook his head with a sly smile.

"What's that look for?" I zeroed in on him. He just shook his head some more, his smile getting more irritating.

"What? What do you know?" I huffed. "They're not planning something behind my back, are they?"

Edward held up his hands in surrender and even though he wouldn't tell me, I knew something was going on and I planned on getting to the bottom of it after we left my parents.

"Edward." I huffed.

"Let's change the subject. Why don't you tell your parents about your interesting job offer that you received yesterday?" Edward gave me his award-winning smile and I was about to hit him but I remembered there were little ones present and I had the duty to teach them that violence was never the answer.

"What did you say yes to now?" My mother practically shrieked.

"One little performance. Really not a big deal. I will be in and out in under five minutes." I tried to clarify.

"What performance?" she asked a little more calmly.

"The Grammy's. How about that? Your little girl is going to be on Music's biggest stage. Ta-da."

"And uh….when are these Grammy's going to be taking place?" Edward asked trying to rub more salt in my mother's wounds.

I narrowed my eyes at him, "February."

"February, what?" my mom asked taking Edwards lead.

"Eighth. Which as you know leaves me five whole days before the wedding so plenty of time to still get stuff done and be rested for the big day."

"Why would you allow her to do this?" My mom brought out naughty shaking finger and started to reprimand Edward.

I turned to Edward with a large smile on my face and with my moms attention turned toward him I couldn't help but shake my finger at him as well mocking him for what just blew up in his face.

Edward sighed and didn't have a reply for all the world. Looks like I won this round Mr. Cullen.

After brunch, Edward and I headed upstairs and my mom promised to entertain the girls downstairs with making crafts.

My room was nearly empty except for two medium piles of boxes, a couple of pieces of old furniture and my old childhood twin bed. I sat down and started to go through a box.

"Babe, do you want to take these books home or give them away?" Edward asked staring at the rest of the books on my book shelf.

"Ummm…take them home. I might get rid of some of them but I think I'd like to keep the majority of them." I paused and watched as Edward started to pick books up and lean over to place them in a box. I loved the tight white shirt he was wearing and I couldn't stop my staring.

"What are you looking at over there?" Edward caught me.

"Uh…something I plan on boxing up and taking home tonight." I giggled.

"Oh really and what would you do with all this?" He asked waving his had up and down the length of his body.

"Naughty, naughty things." I teased. I got up from the carpeted floor and started to walk toward him. "In fact its kind of been a fantasy of mine since we started all this for you to take me right here in this room on my old childhood bed. Wanna wrestle some springs with me?"

"Uh…your parents are downstairs. There's like no way that's happening." Edward tried to put the brakes on me and my whole plan.

"So…they've been downstairs before and that hasn't stopped you."

"Bella, no. Maybe I could get them to go out for an evening but not now." And he went back to placing books in the box.

"Never have any fun." I pouted.

"Sorry babe, I'm this close to sealing the deal with getting your father to allow me to marry you. I'm not about to mess this all up now." He laughed.

I sat back down on the ground disappointed in my boy scout of a fiancé.

We worked for another three hours. I went downstairs to grab more tape for the remaining boxes that still needed to be taped shut.

"Hey, mom do you have any more box tape?" I asked.

"I think your father has some in his office." She replied. She was up to her elbows in glitter and glue.

"Thanks." I went down to the office and it looked like my dad had taken a bathroom break because he wasn't inside. I walked in looking around amazed at how much stuff was still in here. Tape. Tape. Where's the tape.

"Mom, where is it?" I called out.

"Did you check the drawers in the desk?" she answered.

I went around to the desk and started to pull out drawer after drawer. The bottom one was stuck so I pulled with all my might and landed on the floor with the drawer in my lap. I looked around self-consciously happy that no one was there to witness my embarrassment. I rubbed my backside a little, ooo tape. Found it.

I looked up to see what had caused the drawer to become wedged. In the back was this small stack of envelopes. I pulled them out to inspect them, my inner Nancy Drew at work. They were letters. Letters that were addressed to me. Unopened.

I opened one letter from the stack of seven or eight letters and pulled the paper from out of the envelope.

_Dear Bella,_

_I know mom and dad must be driving you crazy from all of my "antics" and I apologize to you for that. I wished you knew how freeing it can be, out on my own. Here I am not known as the daughter of a sheriff or a teacher. I can be anything I want to be. Sounds great right? Well I thought so too but to be honest, it can get pretty lonely up here. I wish you could come and stay with me for a week or two but I know our parents would never allow that. _

_There is so much more to life then you can possibly imagine. Right now I imagine you sitting in some classroom as the teacher drones on and on about math or chemistry which let's be honest, the Swan sisters aren't exactly going to make their mark in this world through math and chemistry. The point is that I sincerely believe that you have it in you to be something great. I now know that my path is not leading toward greatness. Long gone are my childhood fantasies of success and that is what college teaches you, reality. I don't want to bring you down, that is not my intension on the contrary I want you to listen to me good and hard when I tell you that I do believe that you can go out to Hollywood and truly make something out of yourself. Don't listen to our parents if they try to hold you back. They may try to scare you off with the horrors of the Entertainment industry but know that you are stronger than that._

_I met a guy a couple of weeks ago. Remember I told you about him in my previous letter. He makes me feel like I am a strong empowered woman who makes decisions for me and not out of fear of what society will think. I hope one day you can feel that too. I know that boys were never really nice to you when we were younger and I wished I would have stood up for you more. I'm sorry for that._

_I haven't heard from you and I was hoping that by now you would have written me back. I will await your letter with eager anticipation and hope that you will get your lazy butt in gear and write me._

_Gotta go Bella._

_ Love you always your sister, Jessica_

I hadn't even noticed the tears that were streaming down my face until one landed on the page bubbling up over the word sister.

I was in shock. I must be in shock. Jessica wrote me? I don't understand. Why wouldn't I have gotten these? Why? I was shaking, my hands were shaking.

"Bella, I've been waiting for…what happened?" Edward immediately registered the hurt on my face.

"Uhh…there letters…uh…Jessica…" I couldn't even get out an explanation. It felt like blood rushing to my head and it started to pound.

"What?" he asked trying to make out my words as he pulled me up from off the ground.

"Your mom wants to know…" My dad paused in the door way looking at Edward and me. I could see his eyes visibly look down to the stack of letters in my hand. "Uh..Bells…"

"How could you do this to me?" I choked out.

"Bells…" He started to explain.

"You kept these from me. Why?" I yelled. "These were my letters. Why would you keep them from me?"

"At the time." He paused. "Your sister was going through a bad point in her life. I didn't want her to influence you."

"Influence me? What did you think she was writing to me about? The proper concoction to make heroin?" I was having a hard time breathing. "She wrote about dreams and her hopes for me and silly little things. She was my sister."

My mom rushed into the room hearing my melt down.

"Did you know about these?" I spit, but she just hung her head down in shame.

"Every…day…I wondered if there was something more I could have done. Every damn day of my life I blame myself for it. She was your daughter but she was my sister and you had no right. You didn't even open them to see what she had wrote to me you just wrote off my relationship with her."

I was shaking and crying so hard at their betrayal.

"Bella, we're sorry." My mom started to say.

"What do you think that did to her, not receiving a reply from me? She talked about how she was lonely and…and to her she probably thought I didn't give a crap about her. You both never even gave me phone number that last year she was at school. You…."

Edward tried to hold me to try to calm me down, "Baby."

"I will never forgive you for this." I gasped.

"Bella." My father pleaded.

"Just…stay away from me." I panted.

I pushed my way past them clutching the letters to my chest. "Savannah, Gracie we have to go. Get your things together." I started to throw all their things into their backpacks.

"What's wrong mommy?" Gracie asked.

"Bella, please let us just talk for a moment." My mom begged.

I pulled on one of the girls backpacks and picked Gracie up and took Savannah's hand charging toward the front door.

"What's happening?" Savannah asked.

I helped them both into the car not even aware if Edward followed me or not. At that moment I would have left him behind but thankfully he arrived to the driver's side just as I closed the back door. I got into the front seat.

"Baby, don't you think…" I cut off Edward from whatever peacemaking talk he planned to give me.

"Edward. Get me out of here or I swear to god I will jump out of this car and not care where I end up."

He started up the car and headed home. I managed to not cry any further willing myself to not scare the girls in the back any more than I probably already did. The moment we got home I quietly asked Edward if he could watch over the girls for me and I immediately retreated to our bedroom but halfway there I realized that I didn't want to be bothered so I discretely made my way down to the wine cellar. People in our house rarely went to the wine cellar. I would have gone to the panic room that Edward had installed a couple of months ago if I didn't think it would immediately alert the security team.

Down there in the comfort of our wine room I randomly grabbed a bottle and went over to the table to uncork it. Drinking more than a swig straight from the bottle. Always keepin it classy. If I wasn't so upset at the moment I would have gone up and told Edward how great his wine selection was.

I sat down on the ground leaning my back against the wall ready to read the letters that I should have read eight years ago. I opened every one of them and then arranged them in the order they came. I was able to actually see the slow dramatic change in my sister through her words. The first letter was peppy and exactly the way I remembered her before she left for college and slowly they became more and more depressing. She would ask forgiveness as if I was the one to grant it. She would talk about her life turning to black. She asked me to remember her.

She already knew she wasn't going to be around much longer.

I remember when Jessica died, I was in complete denial. Even seeing her body in the casket didn't wake me up because she didn't look like herself. With her being off to school so many miles away it was easy for my mind to just imagine that she wasn't dead, she was just at school but then after a year it finally hit.

I remember sitting class and suddenly not being able to focus. I had to leave the classroom and it wasn't something too strange because most people just thought I was strange to begin with. I went to the place where I usually ate lunch everyday by myself, it was my secret place I used to call it because most people didn't frequent the corner behind the auditorium and I broke down. I mourned the death of my sister there, alone.

It took a couple of months before I could stop crying myself to sleep and begging for answers from god. I started to become intrigued by ghosts and the afterlife hoping that maybe I would see my sister again but it never happened. But eventually it gets easier and slowly you start to not think about the person as much until one day you wake up and your mind starts to wonder if they were ever here. You forget about the way they used to laugh and say you name.

Having these letters; I could hear her saying every word and for a brief moment I felt like I had my sister back. Reality sets in and just like that, she's gone again and I'm left here feeling betrayed by the two people I counted on most in my life. I'm left here in pain all over again. I'm left here with nothing more than an empty wine bottle beside me.

"God, Bella. I've been looking for you everywhere." Edward rushed over to me worried. That's all Edward ever is…worried.

I laughed out loud a little at my thoughts ending in a small hiccup.

"You drank the whole bottle?" Edward asked pulling my empty friend up from the floor beside me.

"No. Don't take away Mr. Bottle." I tried to swipe for it but ended up landing on Edward's feet.

Edward placed the bottle down on the table, "Let's get you up to bed." He leaned down with the intension of picking me up.

"Don't take away my letters. They're my letters." I grabbed onto my letters, clutching them to my chest.

"I'm not going to take away your letters. Just let me help you up." Edward replied patiently.

I was more the a bit wobbly when I finally was able to get to my feet but Edward who didn't seem to have as much patience anymore just picked me up.

"Are we going for a ride?"

"You're going to bed." Edward replied.

We got up and out of the wine cellar and Jacob was there. "Good, you found her."

"Jacob, we're going for a ride." I called out.

"Watch the girls." Edward said to Jacob.

"Did you know she wanted to be a professor? She used to say she was going to go to Oxford and nab herself a British professor and then they would have professor babies." I don't know why I was giving Edward random facts about my sister.

"She used to say that being a vegetarian would be worse than death."

Edward placed me on our bed and helped me out of my clothes.

"She kept her promise to me when she graduated high school and was out all night long at grad night the next morning she didn't even go to bed because she had promised to take me to the first showing of the new Batman movie."

Edward helped me under the covers.

"Don't leave me. Please don't you leave me too." I pleaded through my watery eyes.

"I'm not going to go anywhere." Edward leaned down and kissed my forehead. He placed my letters on my side table and then got up and started to undress, climbing into bed with me. Holding me while I once more mourned the loss of Jessica.

The next morning, I could feel my head before anything else would register. I tentatively opened my eye to be welcomed by the sun. Images floated through my mind of what happened the previous night and it was safe to say that Bella and alcohol never mixed well. I really needed to learn that lesson already.

Edward walked into the room carrying a tray.

"I was hoping you would be up. I know you didn't have dinner so I made a heavier breakfast." He explained placing the tray down in front of me.

I was happy to see that he spared me from his famous hangover concoction. I have learned that wine rarely made my stomach turn after drinking it but it did give me one pounding headache which is why I was thankful for the aspirin that Edward had placed on my tray as well.

I took them first.

"I'm…sorry…for last night." I started to apologize.

"Bella, it's okay. I'm just relieved that you decided to stay here. When I couldn't find you I was worried that you might have taken off and with your emotions I can't imagine how that could have turned out."

We both started to eat quietly for a few minutes.

"I think that you need to at least hear what your parents…"

"Edward, please. I just…please." I looked at him practically begging for him to drop it.

"Okay."

"Would you mind if I didn't go to work with you today?" I asked quietly. Edward said he didn't mind and he even let me mope around the house over the next couple of days without giving me grief for it or bringing up my parents. Of course I could see my parents house phone number light up on my phone a couple of times but I quickly would hit ignore and continue to go on without a second thought. Finally I was ready to do something about the funk I had been in.

"I am kind of in need of some therapy. Would you mind taking me to WMG?" I asked Edward on Friday morning.

"Of course not, baby. I already took the girls to school this morning and will have Emma pick them up and bring them back to Warner Bros., okay?"

After a nice long shower, Edward drove me into Warner Bros. dropping me off in front of the WMG building.

The boys had been busy designing out their concert tour and I would have felt bad pulling them away from their work any other day, but today I allowed myself to be selfish. The moment I walked in and they saw my face I just said, "Hey, I'm in need of some therapy."

They dropped what they were doing leaving their manager, Thomas behind and we walked over to find a vacant rehearsal space.

I started to pull out the letters that Jessica wrote me and I laid them down on the piano. "I want to write a song that can bring some form of honor to my sister's life. These were her words and I want to use them for lyrics. Maybe you guys can start playing around and give me some inspiration."

The boys went over and picked up their instruments. I helped with trying to locate a sound for the next hour while thinking on my sisters words. Slowly the pain started to relieve itself and over the next four hours we spent writing that one song; this was the best therapy possible.

Around four o'clock we received a surprise visit. I was sitting around finally able to laugh again at jokes that Aaron had been making when Edward walked in.

"Hey babe." I smiled at him, happy I was able to smile again.

He looked…different as he slowly approached me, "Honey, I…uh…we need to go. Your mother called. Your dad's in the hospital."

For a minute while I was trying to process his words a million emotions flew in head. Surprise, anger, disbelief, fear…

"I'm sure he's fine. He's been in the hospital a couple of times over my life. He's always fine." I reassured.

"We need to go." Edward said once more.

"All righty." I jumped up from my chair. "Thanks guys for your help. You're the best."

"I hope every things okay, Bella." Scott replied sincerely.

I waved him off, "I'm sure he'll be fine." I rolled my eyes at the situation.

I walked out hand in hand with Edward. We got to the car and Edward paused before turning the car on. "Baby, he had a stroke." He informed me seriously.

"Well, he had a heart attack when I was five. I'm sure he'll be fine. They'll probably just put him on some horrible diet again."

"This is serious." Edward said trying to make me understand the severity of the situation.

"Edward, I said he'll be fine." I replied gritting my teeth. "Just drive. My daddy will be…" I couldn't finish the lie this time so I faced forward and started to squeeze my fists, focusing on the pain of my finger nails going into my palms.

No do overs. No true second chances. Yes, the rules were cruel.

* * *

**AN: **Thank you for your reviews and taking the time to read this story!


	25. Chapter 25

**CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE**

Arriving to the hospital in record time, Edward managed to take control of the situation. Looking back I am rather thankful since my mother was a complete mess when we finally were able to get to her and I was...well very unhelpful.

"I haven't been able to see him. I don't even know what happened. How did this happen?" My mother fretted.

"I'm sure he'll be fine, mom. Let's just sit down and why don't you tell me what happened." I tried to remain calm.

We walked over to a couple of chairs and sat down. Edward made himself a little partition to separate us from the all the energy going on in the hospital around us.

"Well, we had been arguing the past couple days and so your father had been sleeping downstairs. I came down this morning on my way to school and I saw your father on the ground in our living room. I ran over to him and I said, Charlie, Charlie. I tried shaking him and he mumbled something and I was so scared. I called 911. I thought maybe he had another heart attack, it reminded me of the heart attack he had a couple of years ago." She looked down; lost. "And now I've just been sitting, getting no answers from anyone." She shrieked.

"Renée, why don't I go and see if I can find something out." Edward offered. With Edward's notoriety; he was always able to get answers out of the many willing nurses who would jump to help him out.

"Oh that would be great, Edward. Thank you." She squeezed Edwards hand before he left to go and find a doctor.

"Mom, I know he will be okay. Dad is the strongest person I know. He's gotten through I'm sure much worse. Just…you see." I told her.

She took my hands in hers and tried to keep her tears from falling but it was of no use. After a couple of minutes sitting there in silence she looked over to me, "Bella, we really are sorry for…keeping those letters…"

"Mom, please. We don't need to talk about that right now." I replied.

Edward came from around the corner, "Okay, they are still running tests but they have assured me that they are going to send someone out to talk with us soon."

And then we waited. Sitting in a row; in a line of nervous energy.

Have you ever had to wait at a hospital. I imagine it must be the closest thing to purgatory. Waiting. Pressure mounting. Knowing that the answer you seek could very well determine where you will end up.

"Family of Charles Swan." A doctor finally announced.

We walked over to the young doctor to hear the news.

"We are still not aware as to the extent of the damage that Charles incurred. It was a massive stroke which depending on his reactions when he wakes up, we will be able to better gauge the situation. You can go in and see him now."

"So, you still don't know anything?" I asked harshly.

"Like I said we ran tests but we won't know fully what we are dealing with until after he wakes up." The doctor replied.

"I want to see him, where is he?" My mom stepped forward.

We were led into his room. He laid in that hospital bed looking peaceful, unaware of what was going on around him. My mom walked up to him and took his hand, "Charlie, uh…you need to wake up. We are…well Bella's here and so is Edward."

She looked over to me, "Say something. He needs to know that you're here."

"Uh…dad…" I couldn't think of one thing to say. Could he even hear me? Edward could see a panic in me and so he stepped up, "Charlie, you're kind of freaking out the women here. I…we need you to wake up. Super Bowl's coming up. I know you can't wait to rub that in my face."

He tried to keep it lite which I appreciated.

My phone rang and I could see Embry calling me. "Excuse me." I walked out of the hospital room and it felt like I could breathe for the first time.

"Hey, what's up?" I answered easily.

"Hey, B. Just checking in with ya." Embry replied.

"Oh, uh not much. How's the writing been going? Have you been productive?" I asked wanting to take the focus from me.

"Hey, let's stop talking about me and maybe you can explain why I saw a commercial for the 51st Grammy awards that said you were going to be performing. What's that about? And why do I have to hear about it from the television?"

"I…forgot. No big deal." I tried to downplay it.

"Well, I will definitely be home for that. That's crazy, our little B all grown up and booking Grammy's."

"Uh…yeah…look I have to go, but you kick ass in NYC." I replied.

And we hung up.

"Why didn't you tell him?" Edward asked.

"There's no reason to. I don't want to mess with his focus. He is finally getting to a point where he can really make something out of his career again and I'm not about to let a little family drama get in the way of it. I'm sure by the time he comes home; my dad will be up and moving just like old times."

"Bella, he had a massive stroke. I think you need to take this seriously." Edward said.

"Edward, I'm not deaf. I heard what the doctor said but she doesn't know my dad. I know what my dad is capable of and he is going to be..."

"Fine. Yeah you've said that." Edward interrupted.

I walked back into my dad's hospital room and there was no change. The next day was the same but this time he opened his eyes. I knew he would get better. Then it was Super Bowl Sunday and my dad opened his eyes for a couple of minutes again and that was the last time he ever opened his eyes for us.

On Monday, when Edward and I arrived to the hospital my mom was there already and she was near hysterics.

"I don't understand, but he opened his eyes." she was telling the doctor just as we walked in.

"Renée, what happened?" Edward immediately went over to her and caught her in his arms before she fell down to the chair.

"I was just informing Miss Swan, that we have not seen any improvements of Charles's health and at this point you need to take the time and decide what kind of life you want for Charles. I'm not sure if he has talked with you about his wishes…"

"Wait a second. Yesterday, he opened his eyes, what do you mean there's been no improvement?" I snapped.

"It's what we would call a sleep/ awake cycle. Today he hasn't opened his eyes and his vitals have gone down consistently each day. You can keep him alive, hooked to all these machines and maybe he will recover enough to hear you but I don't foresee him ever being able to move or talk; his life would be very limited. You need to ask yourself; would he want that kind of life?" She looked over to my mom who was crying in the corner with Edward's arms wrapped around her. "I'm very sorry."

She left and the boulder that it felt like I had been carrying on my shoulders the past couple of days, seemed to get heavier. I stood there just staring at my father lying in his bed.

This can't be happening. There has to be some other way.

All the times I have cried and now I just couldn't stop…staring.

Edward finally pulled me into a hug and even then I couldn't register what was going on around me. Edward told my mom that we were going to take her back to our house that evening. She needed to get some rest and didn't want her to be alone right now.

When we got back to the house I still couldn't find words. My mom excused herself to the guest bedroom that was always reserved for my parents. She needed to lie down and be alone for a moment.

"Hey, how's it going?" Jacob asked somberly. He came over and pulled me into a strong hug.

"Kinda sucky." I replied quietly.

"Kate and Garrett took the girls tonight and will take them to school tomorrow, okay?"

I nodded absently.

"Maybe when I get out…would you like to sit on the couch and watch some TV? I could give you a really good back massage. I think you need it." Jacob offered.

"Get out from what?" I asked.

"Uh…the guys are here. We're just having a brief meeting. I'll be out in ten. Promise."

_Tria Fata._

I nodded and Jacob jogged off toward Edward's office. I sat at the kitchen bar just staring at the pattern in the granite.

_Tria Fata._

Suddenly something occurred to me, I jumped down off that bar stool and took off to Edward's office. I slide the door back quickly; the bang from hitting the wall causing it to vibrate slightly. Everyone jumped at the sound and turned to look at me.

So different from the last time I was in this room surrounded by this particular crowd.

"Uh..." I walked in slowly. "I know that I'm not supposed to be at one of these things but…if you would just give me a moment."

"Of course, Bella." Carlisle replied gesturing for me to take the floor.

"Thank you." I whispered. I walked forward a little, "My dad is in the hospital as I'm sure you know. I…I know you have the ability to do things. I know you have power, I've seen it. I am asking…no I am begging you to please help him." I pleaded.

"Bella, we can't…" Edward started to say.

"Yes, you can. I know you can. You have to. I will do anything. You can…spank me…hit me whatever it is you need to do to me, do it." I started to break down. "Please. Just help him. I will marry Jacob if that is what you want from me. Money, I will give you every penny I ever earn. Please." I could feel my chest rising, trying to catch a breath. "Please."

Edward came over and tried to hug me but I fought him.

"I don't need your pity." I cried. "I need you to just fix this. I know you have money and for once I don't care how much it costs. I don't care if people only ever see me as a gold digger. I will do whatever you ask of me for the rest of our lives. I will give you children, lots and lots of children. I will stop taking the pill and I will do whatever you want. I will quit my job. I will stay here in this house and never leave it; if that is what you wish."

"Baby, please…"

"No. Please help him." I cried. "Edward, please." I sobbed.

"Baby, we can't."

"Why not?" I demanded.

"Because we're not god." He replied somberly. "I would give you the moon if I could but…" Edward stopped and looked absolutely defeated.

I slowly looked around to our audience. Garrett, Jasper, Emmett, Carlisle, Jacob and Peter.

It sobered me up and I let go of Edward's arms, slowly shaking my head. "You won't help me." I whispered. "No one can help me."

I walked out of the room and went down to my wine cellar. The bottle from my previous wine night still sat on the table where Edward had left it. I picked it up and went and sat in the corner thinking of how I got to this moment in my life. A couple of weeks ago, nothing could stop me. I was reaching new heights and finally able to get to a happy point in my life and now…

I was just like that wine bottle in my hands, empty. But… I threw that wine bottle as hard as I could against the wall and it smashed into pieces.

There. That's better. Now, I was just like that wine bottle.

I didn't cry again that night after my rejected offer from _Tria Fata_. One loan tear was all that escaped the next day when my mother and I finally decided to take my father off the machines that had been keeping him alive. The doctor said that it could take minutes or even hours, she advised us against staying there for it. I didn't want my dad to die alone.

Edward tried to pull me from the room but all I had in me was anger, bitterness and pain. Those three things were no match for Edward. I asked him to leave me alone with my dad for a minute after my mom was done saying her good byes. My mom said it would be too hard for her to stay so Jacob agreed to take her back to our house.

So here I sit; the result of my failures and guilt lying on the bed before me. There was no question in my mind who was at fault. Blame was something I wore, well. I walked over to my dad and held his hand one last time.

"So…uh…I guess…" I stopped, upset at myself that I couldn't even find something to say.

"I wish I could say something to express how sorry I am for doing this to you." I paused and fought back any tears. When I was angry I could hold back.

"I prayed for you but I don't really think God listens to my prayers…didn't work for Jessica. I hope you can find Jessica, I'm sure that she will be a much better daughter to you…

"uh…you were supposed to walk me down the aisle…now what am I going to do? I can't do that walk without you. I know I don't deserve you but…" I trailed off and was unable to continue.

I let go of his hand and went to sit back down in the chair. Edward walked back in; he had Emmett with him.

"Bella, I know you want to stay here but sweetheart, I am asking you to rethink this. I was there when my father passed and it's hard." Edward looked me in the eyes, begging.

"I will not leave him here to die on his own. I owe him this. It's the very least I can do."

"I will stay with him." Edward vowed. "Emmett will take you home. You should be with your mother now."

"Edward…" I started to protest.

"No. Bella, your dad would have wanted you at home…with your mother. I am going to stay, he won't be alone."

I sighed and I didn't know what to do. Edward walked forward and held his hand out to me; tentatively I took it and rose up out of the chair.

"Okay." I surrendered.

My father passed away on February 3rd, 2009.

I couldn't cry. I could feel myself full of bitterness, pain and anger. Oh, and of course there was a heavy dose of guilt. That's all I could feel or would allow myself to feel. I had lost my sister and now my father.

Bitterness. Pain. Anger. Guilt.

Planning a funeral was never easy but I'm starting to become a pro I thought cynically. Edward was more help then I was. Over those next few days all I did was stare and think. Even my mother didn't pester me. We were in the middle of planning a wedding; the beginning of lives and now we had shifted to plan a funeral. My mom couldn't perform a eulogy so she asked if I could get up and say a few words.

I stood up in front of a large crowd on that cold Thursday afternoon at Forest Lawn cemetery out in Burbank.

"And so we meet again." I started. "I…uh…am getting a little too good at this. I probably could do this professionally…by now." Yes my humor was wildly inappropriate but like I said bitterness, anger, pain and guilt.

"My father was a good man. He was a Sheriff and as some of his department who are here can tell you he was fair and honest. My father was a husband, he…well my mom and dad they…you couldn't find two people more perfect for each other and I know that he could never love another person the way he loved my mother. Charlie was a father. He was a quiet person but he always knew what to say and when to say it. As you may know… I had a sister who passed away a couple of years ago and it changed my dad. He was never the same after that. I think with the passing of my sister that it may have caused a crack in his heat. My father was a man of faith and I know that now he is with Jessica…his heart can finally be healed."

I took a deep breath, "Thank you for being here today. I know how much it would have meant to my dad and it means the world to my mother and I."

And that was it.

We sat and watched as they lowered him into the ground. My mom sobbing and I still couldn't find it in me to cry. Shock, disbelief. How could I be sitting here this moment and watch them cover up the man I called daddy. Every pile of dirt that they shoveled down onto his casket felt like someone hitting my chest.

I walked away from where my mother stood greeting the people who had come to the funeral. I couldn't take the lies at the moment. I couldn't bear to hear one person say to me that my dad was in a better place. I might scream and never stop.

My eye caught something and I almost lost it. At the edge of the pavement was a photographer snapping pictures of my dad's funeral. You have got to be fucking kidding me.

Angela caught me before I got too far. I don't know what I was planning to do but I'm sure it was going to be violent.

"Bella, stop. Stay with Rosalie." She held me back until Rose could try to pull me away from the situation.

"That fucking prick." I spit.

"I will deal with it. Go." She commanded.

By then Edward had come to help Rosalie.

"Thank you, Angela." Edward said taking me into his arms.

I was shaking so bad. "Let's get you back to the house." Oh yeah the after party.

I hated having to entertain people after a funeral. Couldn't people just leave us alone? But it was tradition and my mom needed it more than I.

I felt like I could claw my face off. Would this feeling ever go away? I needed to do something but what? It was then I realized that I really fucked up. I should have told my dad everything I was thinking that last moment in his hospital room. I wasn't sure if he could even hear me. Now I would never have that chance.

With everything that had gone on, I never had called Embry to tell him what had happened but lucky for us; we were in the media so it didn't take long after my dad passed away on Tuesday for him to call me up. He said he was going to jump on the next flight out but I begged him to stay where he was because I needed to know that he was there in New York doing something he loved. If he came home it would add further to my guilt knowing he ended something great to be there for me. He understood that. He knew all too well what was going on in my head.

I really wished he would have come.

I couldn't be selfish.

I was sitting in our living room surrounded by my friends who I was using as a shield against any other person who came to our house after the funeral. My friends knew I wanted little contact with others at the moment and they allowed me to sit there, unengaged.

Seth and Stefan walked up to give their condolences near the end of the gathering and I motioned to Angela to let them pass.

"We're really sorry Bella. I hope you know that we are here for you." Seth offered.

"Thank you." I replied quietly.

"We went ahead and took the liberty of cancelling with AEG. I'm sure they'll love to have you next year." Stefan added.

"What? Why would you do that?" I replied a little louder than I probably should have. Suddenly something occurred to me. Stefan's words washed over me and for a brief moment it was enough to sober me up.

"Bella, you just lost your father. We would never expect you to still perform." Seth replied.

I looked down still thinking, "Call them back. Is it too late? I still want to do it."

Edward could see something going on and he came over quickly to defuse the situation.

"Bella." Seth started.

"What's going on?" Edward inquired. I think he thought they were harassing me, not the other way around.

"We…just told Bella that we weren't expecting her to still perform on Sunday and she still wants to." Stefan seemed stunned by my attitude and yet oddly in favor of my "dedication".

"Honey, no one expects you to do that. You definitely aren't going to do this right now." Edward stated.

"Yes. I am. I made a commitment and I need to do this. And no one is going to stop me." I looked over to Stefan, "Book it. I will be on that stage come Sunday."

It was probably the most passionate anyone had seen me since last Friday. I know you probably are all thinking that I was some really messed up crazy bitch. Looking back on it, I would have to agree because you see at the time all I could think was that I needed to figure out a way to tell my dad that I was sorry and for some insane reason I thought that being up on one of the biggest stages, that maybe just maybe God would allow my dad to look down on me and see it. God, owed me that much. I needed my dad to know how much I loved him and how sorry I was for ruining his life.

* * *

**AN: **Thank you for taking the time to read and review. I have decided to place Crossfade on hold until I complete this story. Sorry but I really want to be able to focus my attention on this and this alone for right now.


	26. Chapter 26

**AN: **I dedicate this chapter to my dad.

**CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX**

Focus. I learned quickly that if I didn't want the pain to start creeping in I had to focus on something. I left my audience from my father's funeral and immediately went upstairs to get on the phone to start making calls. I had two full days to put together one hell of a performance. Focus, Bella.

"Heeeyyy…B." A very surprised Justin answered after two rings.

"Justin, I need you. I need a really big favor." I started without so much as greeting.

"Uh…well I'm sorry I couldn't make it today. I heard. I'm…so sorry, Bella." Justin sounded sincere.

"Don't." I stopped him from going further on that sentiment. "I appreciate it."

"Did you get the flowers? I sent you flowers, well to you and your family." He interrupted.

"Uh…yeah. They're beautiful. Thanks." I had no idea which flowers he sent. Our house looked like a florist shop and I started to hate it. Seeing the flowers reminded me of why they were sent. The smell reminded me of the indoor mausoleum where my sister was interned and it would make my stomach turn. I would need to get rid of the flowers soon.

"Look, I know that this is horribly last-minute but I really need a huge favor. I was asked to perform at the Grammy awards and well I have decided to change the direction of my performance. I wrote a piece of music and I know you can play piano. Could you do this for me? I would, but I really don't know if I could focus enough to play the piano and sing."

"Bella, why are you doing this? You just lost your father. I'm sure that AEG will understand, I think you need some time…"

"Can you do it or not?" I snapped. "Look, if you don't want to, I'll ask someone else but I need to do this. I don't expect anyone to understand but I thought that maybe you would help me out. Obviously I was wrong." I started to hang up the phone but he called after me.

"B. Yes of course I'll do it. I owe you that much. I'm in Vegas but I'll fly back tomorrow and then we can go over your music." Justin affirmed.

"Thanks. Truly." I whispered.

"No prob. See you tomorrow morning at your house." He hung up and I exhaled. I hated that I went off on him a little but I needed to stay focused and anyone who wasn't going to help me, needed to stay the hell out of my way.

The next person I needed was Marcus.

I fired off an email to him because I couldn't bear to deal with him if he felt the need to educate me on my fathers' loss as well.

_Marcus,_

_Sorry I'm cutting this close but I really need your help. You did a fall fashion show last year where you showed that Avant garde black dress. The full one. I know I can't possibly fit in it but do you think you could tailor it for me for the Grammy's come Sunday. I have decided to do the show and no, I don't want to hear anything about it. Please just let me know, yes or no. I owe you big with this one. Please let me know._

_Bella_

I was pacing about in Edward's and my bedroom and about finished typing up my email on my iPhone when Edward walked in.

"We need to talk."

I held up my finger silently asking him to wait, wanting to finish my thought before he started in on me. I hit send and looked up.

"What is it?" I replied clipped.

"Bella, I don't think this is a good idea. There is no reason why you should even be contemplating this right now."

"I have a very good reason why I need to do this. I appreciate your concern but I'm fine." I walked over to the closet and started to change out of my modest black dress. I was about to hang it up when it occurred to me that I never wanted to wear it again. The memories from it being too great. I threw it at the trash which was right next to Edward.

"Sorry, I wasn't throwing that at you. I meant to hit the trash." I pulled my leggings off and started to slip into some yoga pants and a comfy t-shirt. Edward reached down and picked up my discarded dress and held it in his hand.

"Could you please get rid of that for me?" I asked.

He looked down at it and sighed before dropping it into the trash can. "Honey, I think…you need to take some time off."

"I'm fine." I insisted.

"No. You're not. I know you and no matter how many times you tell me you are fine. I know better. You can't lie to me. You are not thinking clearly and I am telling you; you are not going to do the Grammy's." he contended.

I pulled the shirt over my head, gave him a good stare and then I brushed past him like he hadn't said a word to me. I headed off to the bathroom to start washing the makeup off my face. Focus.

"Bella, I mean it." Edward reasserted.

"Let me make something very clear to you. I am doing the show. No one is going to stop me; in fact it would take an act of god to keep me off that stage." I replied quietly, darkly.

"I can stop you." He countered.

"Oh, right. Your little _Tria Fata _play group. Using their power for your own good. Good to know that you guys can do something…" I spit.

Edward took a firm grasp of my shoulders. "Bella, I know you blame me for not being able to help your father but we don't have the ability to change life or death. I would do anything for you if I had that capability. You're hurting and you're in pain. I understand that. Please just let me help you."

"I don't need your help." I yelled. "What I need is to put together a performance and you've already made it quite clear that you don't plan on helping me, so do what you want. I can't waste any of my time standing here fighting with you. I have a show to put on." I pushed his arms away and stormed off.

I refused to sleep with Edward that night and wanted to opt for the couch in my office but as I was passing by Savannah and Gracie's room that evening I couldn't help but stop and check in on them. They were already in bed asleep. We had taken them out of school the past couple days because they too needed time to grieve. My dad had become a grandfather to them even in his short time of knowing them.

I walked into their fairy forest bedroom and went to sit down on the edge of Gracie's bed. I loved watching them sleep. It was now above all else you could truly see the innocence of a child. How I missed being that age.

"Mommy." Gracie stirred a little.

"Hey, I'm sorry. Go back to sleep." I whispered.

"Are you and Uncle Edward fighting? I heard him tell Uncle Jacob he was mad."

No matter how hard you may try to keep things from children; they always know.

"Well, we are just trying to figure out how to deal with our sadness." I wanted to breakdown but I couldn't. I wouldn't do that to my five-year old. Instead I slowly climbed into bed with her and lay down next to her.

"Go to sleep, mommy. When the sun rises up, it doesn't look so bad anymore." She patted my arm and placed her blankie on top of me before snuggling down under the covers.

It wasn't my intension to sleep there that night but when I was shaken awake the next morning I realized that I must have fallen sound asleep before the thought of retreating entered my mind.

"Bella."

"Bella." Edward said my name gently over and over.

"Wha?" I opened my eyes slightly while wiping my mouth clear of any residual drool.

"Justin's here." He replied.

"Oh…okay." I started to push myself up off the bed trying to ignore the pounding headache I had. Edward helped me up and steadied me.

"Thanks." I whispered before heading off to our bathroom so I could try to at least make myself presentable for Justin. Edward followed me.

"Can we talk?" he asked.

I soaked a wash cloth and started to clean my face. "Honestly Edward, I don't really have the time and I know that I certainly don't have the energy. You have made yourself quite clear on where you stand. Noted. But you don't understand and I need to focus because this is greater than you or me. I'm sorry." I splashed my face full of water to clean off the remaining soap.

"I don't understand." He agreed. "I know that everyone has a different way they grieve. I wish you would…I don't know grieve with me but I know now that it's probably not going to happen. I don't think that this performance is a good idea. I don't understand what could possibly be going through your mind but like I said before, I will always love and support you. So if this is what you need to do; then I support you."

I slowly turned to face Edward. "Really?" I asked in the smallest voice.

"Yes, baby." He came a little closer and gently pulled me to him. "Please don't sleep away from me anymore." He added softly in my ear.

I nodded and started to pull back. "Okay." We stayed there for a moment and then I needed to get moving. "I have to go."

Edward gave me one last lingering kiss upon my forehead before he would release me.

I felt bad making Justin wait for me since he was doing me a big favor but when I finally was able to find him downstairs I could see I wasn't causing much of an imposition as my mom flounces around the kitchen making one of her large breakfast's.

"Man, momma Swan this has to be the best French toast I've ever tasted." Justin said through a mouth full of food.

"Oh, well thank you. You just eat up. I have plenty more. How would you like your eggs?" she asked.

Savannah and Gracie were sitting at the table trying to crane their necks over to the cartoon network that played in the family room right across the way from the kitchen table.

"Hey." I announced my presence. "Sorry, I took so long."

"No prob." Justin got up haphazardly to give me a quick hug.

"Bella, why don't you sit on down. I have bacon and toast all ready. Let me get you some French toast." My mom pointed to the chair.

"Well, we gotta get going. Justin and I have a lot to work on." I tried to weasel my way out of breakfast.

"That's nonsense. You need a decent meal. Don't think I didn't notice that you barely ate anything the past couple of days." She pushed a plate in my hands.

"Mom." I whined.

"Now, Bella."

I sighed and sat down at my place. I hope Edward wasn't taking notes. After all these years she still could put me in my place and tell me what to do.

I looked over to Justin and he smiled widely with his mouth full.

When I was finally able to pull Justin away from the table and out to my office where my grand piano stayed, my stomach turned from the food I was forced to eat.

"Okay, so where's the piece?" Justin took his place at my piano. I went over to a filing cabinet that I had put in and unlocked it.

"I wrote the music a couple of years back but never could find any words." I pulled the music sheets from out of my folder and walked back over to the piano and laid them out for him. He started to play the notes. A slow suffocating tune came out. Each note sounded darker than the last. The slow tune turned fierce and then dropped off to a place where no hope could ever be found.

Justin exhaled when he was finished. "Wow…uh…that is really something. Do you need me to make changes to the tempo?"

"No. That was perfect." I said just staring at the keys. "Really. I want it played just like that."

"Uh…okay. Well, how bout them lyrics." He looked up to me.

"I don't have any lyrics." I admitted softly.

"B. This performance is less than two days away. You were supposed to go to a rehearsal today. You will probably need to be at a rehearsal tomorrow. What are you going to do?" he said slightly panicked.

"The words…I'm not worried about. They'll come." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Oh…well I'm glad you're not worried." He replied sarcastically. "You do know this is the Grammy's. Thee biggest stage in music. I don't think you should be so cavalier."

"I'm not. Look, I get it. You're worried. You don't want to put your reputation on the line for this. I understand. I will find someone else." I huffed and walked away from the piano pulling my music sheets from off of it.

Justin sat in silence at my piano for a few moments while I went over to my desk with the intention of locking everything back up.

"Would you just wait a minute?" he snapped. "I didn't say anything about my damn reputation; I just wished you had more of a plan."

He walked over to me and held his hand out. "Give me the damn music." He demanded.

I looked him over; still fuming slightly.

"I mean it. Give me the damn music." He raised his voice. I handed him the music sheets; never taking my eyes off his.

"I know of a couple of violin players that can really make this great. I will see you for rehearsal tomorrow at Staples, okay?" he asked and I nodded. "I gotta get going. I need to practice. See you tomorrow, B."

He walked toward the door and before he left through it I whispered, "Thanks."

He paused as if he wanted to say something but then thought better on it.

I arrived at Staples Center the next day. Stefan and Seth were there already to greet me and probably assure themselves that this was a good idea. I don't think I managed to assure anyone after that rehearsal however.

If it wasn't for Justin I probably wouldn't have had as much as I did. He took care of directing lighting and sound. The violin players were there and situated. Their rehearsal went flawless. It was the only time in Grammy history where the producers of the show allowed a performance to go on without having seen it first. It wasn't because I had a certain amount of clout either. Everyone there knew that I was the low man on the totem pole when it came to success. But due to the recent publicity that I managed to garnish from my father's passing; something in them said that it would make for good television to have me sing that night.

I have to pull you out of the story for a moment and briefly try to explain to you a few things. You see when I first thought about writing out my life story I was a tad reluctant because I knew in order for my story to be accurate I would have to go into details of my life that I wanted to bury. When my dad passed it was the lowest I ever was. I treated the people around me horribly. I treated myself horribly. There was never a moment in my life that I could look back upon that was darker than this. I hated myself. All I could focus on was my bitterness. I was angry at god. My family. The circumstances. Even my father though I would immediately feel even more guilty after those thoughts. I just wanted to curl up and allow my mind to disappear.

I never will understand what the producers at AEG were thinking when they green lite my performance for the next day. I hadn't even sung at the rehearsal. All they had to go off of was Justin's piano playing and the violinists.

That performance earned me a spot in the top five Grammy moments of all time. It's not something I was proud of either. Seeing a person suffer a breakdown on live television was definitely not something a person should be given honors for. I never watched my performance after until I was on being interviewed by James Lipton a couple of years after and even then I cringed and turned away. The Entertainment community at the time praised it for it rawness. But you know those crazy people in Entertainment.

It was twenty minutes till curtain up for me. Marcus never replied to my email. I was planning on going out with what I was wearing. I didn't do the red carpet. I came through the back and sat in a green room with Edward until my performance time. Thankfully they had placed me thirty minutes into the program so I wouldn't have to wait too long.

Marcus came rushing through with a couple of P.A.'s pushing people aside.

"Wardrobe coming though. Move out of my way." Marcus snapped at the stage crew.

"Marcus." I stood up shocked. "You came."

"Well, it does take time you know." He looked at me with questions and possible fury. "Let's get you dressed." He sighed.

I went into a dressing room with him.

"What were you planning on wearing? That?" he looked me over with disdain.

I don't blame him I was wearing some dark jeans and a black tank top. Definitely not Grammy worthy. I shrugged my shoulders in response.

I pulled the clothes off from me; tossing them to the side. Marcus unzipped the enormous bag and out popped all the black tulle one could ever need. He made a job of hoisting it up and over me. The dress probably weighed thirty pounds. He had to help me move around to ensure I didn't knock anyone or anything over.

I'm not sure why I picked that dress. When I thought about the moment I would be standing on stage; the dress from Marcus's previous season fashion show popped into my mind. Maybe because it was black and depressing. Or maybe because it looked like a vortex down a really fucked up rabbit hole with the mounds and mounds of tulle. When I looked at the crazy mixed up dress; it reminded me of me.

Edward had already taken his seat and Justin was there and ready to go. I walked out to my mark. The lights were down and even though the sounds from the crowd were almost deafening I couldn't focus on a thing. Those next few moments were like an outer body experience.

The lights slowly faded up and there I stood in front of millions of spectators and what I prayed was my father; hopefully being allowed to watch from above. Those first few moments of Justin's piano playing; I will admit that I hadn't a thought in the world. I had finally gotten what I wanted. I wanted to be up here; I fought for this but now what do I say? How do you tell someone I'm sorry? Somehow I'm sorry just didn't seem to validate all I had done to my father.

_I search all around for you_

_You're nowhere to be found_

_I'm lost without you._

_Dear god please let him listen to me now._

And just like that I started to sing everything I could think.

_I hope that you can hear me._

_This is my last plea. _

_I'm begging you to forgive me_

_As I pray you're in heaven; the precious, the few can see._

_You told me to reach for the stars_

_Your life you spent helping me to touch the sky_

_But I'm falling back down to earth _

_And in misery, here I lie._

_And it's the higher that you are _

_The farther you will fall_

_I wouldn't speak to you _

_I wanted you to say you were sorry_

_Now I'm the one asking for you to forgive me._

I was finally able to cry. I held it in as long as I could; the tears just barely brimming.

_And it's the higher that you are _

_The farther you will fall_

_This was the day, a very gloomy day_

_They put you in the ground, And took my heart away._

_My mistakes piling up one by one_

_I'm the one to blame, no one can argue._

_I used to laugh and sit upon your knee_

_And I now I will be dancing solo at my wedding_

_No one to walk me down the aisle_

_Now one to blame but me._

I finally couldn't stand; my legs breaking beneath me. And it finally hit me; my dad was dead. He was gone; he couldn't see me. He would never hear my apology. This was all for nothing.

_I'm breaking down_

_Why won't you hold me?_

_All alone now_

_Darkness comes over me._

_I'm reaching out for you_

_Just out of my grasp._

_All alone now_

_I'm all alone._

Ending up in the pile of tulle which surrounded me like a dark cloud. I was all alone. Blackness. My mind was gone.

I don't remember exactly how I got off stage when the lights finally went down. Jacob told me later that it was Justin and that helped me off. It was the single most eerie moment to hear Staples center so quiet, most people probably in shock of witnessing career suicide.

Marcus helped pull me off the rest of the way and briefly like going in and out of consciousness I was able to know certain things going on around me. Marcus pulling the dress from off of my body. I remember him dressing me back into my jeans and black tank top himself, probably realizing that if he didn't I wouldn't know any better at the moment.

Then Edward was there; calling my name trying to reach me.

"I'm ready to go home now." My voice not even sounding like my own.

He nodded and slowly walked forward to pull me into his arms and help steer me out of the venue. He held me tightly while we were in the limo riding home. My Edward. My dear poor Edward, who I probably aged during our lives together worse than father time could do. Always the dutiful one. Always taking care of me.

He took me up to our bedroom and set me on the bed, helping me out of my clothes. He kept watching me like he was waiting for something but all I could allow myself to do was to just stare. My mind already swallowing me up. He helped me under the covers and then went to the closet to undress out of his suit. He came back and got into bed softly rubbing my back. And there I stayed not leaving that room for over a weeks' time; only leaving the bed to use the bathroom.

I went to sleep that night and I had a dream of my father. He was sitting on a park bench and I walked up to him and we took a stroll in the park, just like we would have if he was still here. I woke up that night and then something finally occurred to me. I could see my dad in my dreams. I could see my dad and suddenly that's all I wanted; sleep. When you sleep you dream and when I dreamed we weren't in pain anymore.

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AN: THANK YOU FOR READING AND REVIEWING! I really appreciated the high amount of Guest reviews from the last chapter.


	27. Chapter 27

**CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN**

Lost.

Completely lost.

I didn't know what day it was and I didn't care. At some point the sun had come up and disrupted my sleep. I didn't think I would be able to get back to dreaming as long as that vile sun stayed up shining brightly into the room. Finally I ripped the covers off of me, I stormed over to the curtains; drawing them shut.

Better.

Much better. Back to sleep.

Edward woke me at some point and I could see that there was no light coming from beneath the curtains. Must be night. What small light there was came from the lamp on Edward's side of the bed end table. He placed a tray down on the bed and then it seemed like he was coaxing me to eat. He sounded like Charlie Brown's teacher.

I looked at the tray and then turned back over to get back to sleep. That must have upset him because this time his voice boomed so loud that I could make out some of what he was saying.

"Bella… not… back to sleep… you eat. Not going… allow… waste away."

Reality check, Edward. I already was wasting away.

He stood in front of me holding a thermos of soup. He leaned over and brought his face close to mine.

"If you don't eat at least the soup then I will call Dr. Smith and have her stick a needle in you and feed you intravenously. Is that what you want?"

I looked up at him; slowly blinking. I pushed myself up and took the thermos from him and continued to down the contents keeping an eye on Edward.

Fine. Keep me alive, bastard.

I finished and didn't even bother with wiping the sides of my mouth. I simply placed the empty container on my side table and turned back over and slept some more.

I had more dreams of my dad but it wasn't every time I would go to sleep that he would come to me; still it was a lot better than having to face reality or pain.

Edward would try to stay around in our bedroom either working at his laptop at the corner desk or watching television, sitting on our bed. I think he was worried I would try to kill myself but he didn't know I would never have it in me to do that.

Being brought up in a somewhat religious setting; I was told over and over in Sunday school of how committing suicide would never allow me to enter the pearly white gates. It's what kept me from it during all those years I was bullied. Over my life I have contemplated it but damn that upbringing of mine which always stayed in the back of my mind. I hated it here but there's that old age question; what if? What if there was a place worse than here and you were sentenced to an eternity of it. Well that thought is what always kept me from it. Edward didn't know this of course so he would do his best to stand guard or at least have another person around if I should get such a notion.

I had visitors. Don't get me wrong. Edward didn't just lock himself upstairs with me all alone. My mother would come by and pet my head kissing me and telling me how much she loved me before she would leave. If I wasn't asleep I would fake it. I didn't want to deal with anyone however sometimes it wouldn't matter.

"I know you're faking. I'm not stupid, Bella." Jacob sighed. He jumped onto the bed with a bag of chips and started to eat from them like we were merely sitting around and watching a movie of the week.

"You know how many times I have watched you sleep. I can tell."

Creepy much.

I opened my eyes and looked up at him from where my head rested on the mattress.

"There you are." Jacob smirked.

I turned over hoping that he would get the hint and leave but this Jacob we're talking about. You would have to hit him in the head with a sledge-hammer and it still wouldn't be enough.

"I know you're suffering. I get it. Hell I've been there. I have lost both of my parents. It's the worst thing in the world. The people who love you and dedicate every part of themselves to you and then one day they're just taken from you. You get angry and you start to feel the whole world is against you but it's not Bella. We're still here and we're not against you. I love you. Edward loves you. Your mom loves you and those incredible girls out there love you. They miss you."

Great add to my guilt.

"Your father wouldn't have wanted this of you. He loved you. I have to believe that he is in a better place. He's not in pain anymore."

I pulled the covers over my head and tried to drown out his voice, immaturely covering my ears with my hands.

After a couple of minutes I felt the bed move and him leave.

Finally, peace.

It was a little while after that when Edward came back into the room. He went straight into the bathroom and I could hear him start the water in our bathtub. When he walked back out to me he was naked but I just continued to stare out the window not really sure if I was dreaming or if I was back in reality. I had slept so much that it was causing my mind to question what was real and what was fake.

Edward pulled the covers from me and the breeze from the movement caused little goose bumps to take up residency all over my body. Edward started to undress me; pulling my nighty off of me he let off a loud sigh. Probably didn't care for what he saw at the moment.

He picked me up; securing me tightly in his arms and carried me into the bathroom, stepping into the bathtub. Kneeling down, I could slowly feel the warm water come over me the lower we got. Edward sat down and placed me between his legs. I will admit the bath water did feel nice. The warmth made me sleepy and content. We stayed there for probably twenty minutes. Edward made no attempt to talk to me nor did he try to get me to talk with him.

He started to scrub my body clean. One of the things I loved most about Edward was the times he would share a bath with me. I love feeling his hands all over me. The way he would shampoo my hair and scratch my scalp always caused complete and utter relaxation. It was never about sex. Just a man who loved his woman and wanted to give her the best attention.

He finished off washing my hair by pouring water over my head and making sure all the soap was clear. Gently he leaned down and placed a long soft kiss upon my neck. He whispered how he knew I was in pain and wished there was something he could do. He told me that he loved me.

I shivered slightly and Edward took cue that the water was much too cold so he reached down and retrieved the plug allowing the water to drain from our bath. I was freezing by the time Edward managed to hoist me out of the bathtub but he rubbed me down in a fluffy towel and then placed me back onto our bed. He left briefly to return with some warmer pajamas and began to dress me. With all the exertion from the bath I slowly nodded off.

This was my life. I was going to spend the rest of it in a bed where a bath would be considered the taxing part of my day. Eventually my fiancé would get tired of me and he would kick me out, I was sure of it. My friends and family wouldn't want anything to do with me and I wouldn't blame them. I deserved every bad thing that came my way.

Nightmares came this time. I dreamed of my dad lying on the floor where he collapsed in the living room. There was nothing I could and for some reason I couldn't physically reach him. I just stood back screaming and crying with an imaginary boundary holding me back.

I woke suddenly and laid trying to forget the vicious dream.

The door opened slowly. I was still facing the window. It was probably Edward with more food to force down my throat.

"Hey B." Embry whispered before coming around the bed and setting himself up on it.

I looked up at him; making lingering eye contact. Embry laid down beside me and pulled me into his arms and suddenly I couldn't stop myself. I cried. I broke down. I sobbed. I wailed. Embry just held me. He didn't tell me lies. He didn't tell me that everything was going to be okay or my father was in a better place. He just held me while I grieved.

Why Embry? What about him made the difference. Like I said before; we had completely different upbringings, Embry lived below the poverty line the majority of his life. He was beaten by his father, uncared for by his mother. I on the other hand grew up in a nice middle-income upbringing where both of my parents strived to make my life better in every way. Yet, I always identified with Embry, mainly because I could feel his pain through his music. He lost a lot of people over his life and he understood how horrible the polite lies could be when you were in pain.

He spared me. All he did was hold me and let me cry. Feeling that release was freeing. I cried so hard that I exhausted myself and even though my nose was stuffed so I couldn't breathe through my nostrils any longer, I eventually passed out harder than I had the past couple of days.

I don't know when Embry finally left but his arms were replaced with another's.

Edward held me all night and the next morning when I woke, he was there holding me still; like he was afraid I was physically coming apart and it was his job to keep me held together.

I managed to get out of his arms and steal away to the bathroom. For the first time in days I managed to brush my teeth and wash my face. Gross, I know but you wanted the nitty-gritty.

I then decided to try out a shower. When the water was warm I stepped in and could feel the tension in my shoulders release a bit but like turning the faucet on and off I eventually couldn't handle it any longer and I dropped to the floor breaking down all over again.

Edward found me curled up in a ball in the corner of our shower. He didn't even hesitate; with his boxers still on he sprang into action and enter the shower.

"Baby?" he crouched down to hold me. "Oh, honey." He whispered pulling me tight.

"He's gone, Edward." I muttered through my gasps for breath trying to look up towards him; the water from the shower head spraying down upon us.

"I know, honey. I am so sorry. God, Bella I am so sorry." I could tell his voice was breaking.

"Sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for. Geez, Edward I'm sorry. I'm sorry for how I treated you. I'm sorry; this is all my fault. If I hadn't fought with my dad he would still be here. I caused this…"

"No, Bella. You didn't. You can't believe that." Edward stated strongly. "I know you blame yourself but baby, you dad had poor health. You didn't cause that."

"I was so horrible to you. I don't know why you stay with me. Can't you see everything I touch, every person who comes into my life…I ruin lives."

"That's not true. Sometimes in life there are people who are given harsh trials but you weren't the cause. You're not to blame for the decisions made by others. It's okay to cry. Your feelings are valid but please don't shut me out. I love you so much. I will be here no matter what ever happens to you or to us."

We stayed in that shower for a little while longer until I could feel my tears start to slow. Edward helped me up and dried me off. I think he was waiting for my cue as to what I was planning to do now. Was I getting better? No. I didn't feel better. I just felt…drained.

I climbed back into bed and snuggled deep down under the covers.

February 13, 2009.

The date of our wedding. I laid in bed unaware of what today was supposed to be. Edward lay next to me, holding me and probably completely aware of the date.

It wasn't until later when it finally dawned on me and then I felt even worse. All that money. I can't even imagine how much it cost to call off a wedding of that size.

"Could you please try to eat something, baby. It's killing me to see you like this. This isn't healthy." Edward pleaded.

"Maybe later. I don't feel too well." I whispered and shut my eyes.

Edward sighed and rolled off the bed to leave. I'm sorry Edward but food just didn't even seem appetizing anymore.

"GET UP!" Embry walked into my bedroom and yelled so loudly that it immediately startled me.

I turned over to face him and he came forward and pulled the covers off me, tossing them to the ground.

"You didn't allow me to just waste away and now I'm not going to allow you to waste away."

I sat there staring up at him not moving.

"I mean it Bella. You're going to come downstairs. You're going to eat a full meal and then if you want to come back up here and cry yourself to sleep then that's up to you. But as of right now, your meals are no longer going to room serviced to you and you are going to get the proper amount of nutrition."

I still sat there staring up at him like a misbehaved child who was getting reprimanded.

"Do I need to carry you? I will carry you." Embry continued to threaten.

I balled up my fists. Embry raised an eyebrow challenging me.

"Fine." I huffed. Using all my energy I stomped out of bed and Embry gave me the gesture telling me to lead the way. I hadn't walked this much in days and even in that short time my muscles must have begun to atrophy because it was taking everything in me to go the short distance of out my bedroom, down the stairs to the kitchen.

I thought I was going to be met with a house full of people but there was only three. Edward, Jacob and Embry.

"Where is everybody?" I asked quietly.

"Thought you wouldn't want too much attention so Becky helped your mom take the girls out to the Apple Pan for dinner." Edward informed.

"What is this? Some kind of intervention." I snidely remarked.

"Call it what you want but you're eating here in this chair. One full meal before you can get up." Embry pulled out my chair and I sat down awkwardly awaiting for the rest of dinner companions to join.

A chicken Caesar salad. Edward always did make the best salad but it didn't do anything for me but make my stomach turn. However, I ate it. In silence. Hardly looking up from my plate.

"Bella, tomorrow I asked the boys to come by and maybe spend some time with you. Scott, uh…Liberty Project." Edward broke the silence.

"Why?" I asked.

"You know why." He replied.

I can just imagine how that conversation must have gone. Hey, Scott can you wrestle up the rest of the band and come help save my fiancé. She's one string short of a full guitar, if you get my drift. Yes, Edward was desperate. He knew that in the past the time I spent with those guys always left me feeling better. Embry was here and was able to get me to do things that I wouldn't listen to Edward for but it still wasn't enough.

After dinner I was allowed to go back to my room as promised and Embry made sure I was able to get there just fine.

"All right, warden; you've done your duty." I said climbing back into bed.

"Warden? Uh Bella…you can leave this room at any time. In fact, please leave this room." He huffed.

"Just go." I sighed.

"What the hell is the matter with you? Yes, B you lost your father and he's gone and that's shitty but I think I remember someone once telling me that I was handed the worse hand but I still had a few cards to play. You said that you knew that your sister wouldn't have wanted you wallowing around in her death. That she loved you and would have wanted you to be happy. You told me that! You knew that my wife and my best friend wouldn't have been happy with the choices I was making. Do you really think that your dad would have wanted this for you?" he gestured to me.

"Bella your dad loved you. I know from being a father I would never want this for my daughters. So go ahead and cry, hell I still cry but then I get the fuck over it and I figure out a way to fight. So fight, god dammit!"

His chest was rising and falling from the strain he had put on his words. I hated how right he was. Using my own words to bite me in the ass but…

"I can't." I whimpered. "It just hurts all the time."

I started to break once again. "I feel like I can't breathe. I…wish I could just…take his place. I would trade places if it were possible. I don't want to be stuck here in this…purgatory. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up."

"Like you'll never find a reason to laugh again." He replied softly, knowingly.

I nodded.

"Like the world would be a better place without you in it." Embry sat down on the bed. "I know. I feel that too but it will get easier. Not better just easier. But you gotta try. You can't just sit up here extracting yourself from the world because then it will get worse. Worse for Edward. The man is literally pulling his hair out. Worse for Savannah and Gracie. They finally found some stability and if you don't fight you'll take that from them. You have so many family and friends and you staying up here…it will be worse for everybody. The world will not be a better place."

"I just miss him so much. I will always know that my last moments with him will be me, yelling at him. I can't get his face out of my mind. His broken face. I have images of him lying on the floor all alone thinking that I didn't love him." I sniffled.

"B. Come on. Your father was an intelligent man. He wouldn't think that. He knew that you loved him just like you know that he loved you. What do you think he would say if he was right here, right now looking at you like this?"

And for the first time I couldn't stop the involuntary smile I gave. "He'd probably call me silly for making such a fuss." Embry smiled a little as well. "Then he would have wanted to know if his team won the Super Bowl." I shook my head.

"That sounds about right." Embry acknowledged.

"This all still really sucks." I whispered.

"Yeah, unfortunately that's what life is…one giant suckfest and then you die."

I cringed and looked at him dubiously. "So uplifting. Don't become a motivational speaker anytime soon."

"Damn. Guess I'll have to let that dream go." He shook his head sadly.

"Well, it's a good thing you have that semi-successful rap career to fall back on." I noted.

"Semi? As in less than?" he replied offended.

"Above average?" I contended.

"You may be in mourning but don't think I won't kick your ass." He mocked.

And for the first time since I can't remember, I outright laughed seeing the expression on Embry's face.

"Wow…you see. That didn't hurt so much. Let me make sure your face didn't crack from that joyful moment." Embry reached out to inspect my face and I swatted his arm away. "Told you. Easier not better, right?"

I nodded.

"And tomorrow when you have breakfast with the girls it will get a little easier."

I sighed, "They must…they think I abandoned them." I guessed.

"No. Edward told them at the beginning that when a person passes away sometimes the people closest need some alone time to grieve. He explained it better than I would have. Edward's good like that but they just know that right now you're sad and hopefully you will get better."

"He thinks of everything." I replied quietly.

"Yeah, well…so I will see you down for breakfast at ten? Don't need to come up here and drag you out, right?" Embry got up from the bed and started to leave.

"Yeah…ten." I gave a small smile.

Embry closed the door behind him and I picked myself up. I walked over to our balcony doors and walked out onto it. The moon was getting fuller and it lit up the backyard nicely. Not as nice as when the moon shined bright over Lake Bracciano but still. God how I missed Italy.

Italy.

Love.

Edward.

Wedding.

CRAP.

It suddenly dawned on me that if things hadn't become so fucked up; we would have been married by now. Somehow that brought a trembling to my chest as I tried to fight back more tears.

"Darling, is everything okay?" Edward called from behind me. I couldn't face him. Instead I just hung my head in shame.

Edward walked up and placed his hands on my shoulders, "Bella."

"I…I…I'm just so sorry. I just keep finding ways to fuck up everything." I murmured.

"Baby, there's nothing to apologize for. You didn't fuck up anything." He tried to console.

"Wedding…all that money…my fault." I stuttered.

"Oh…well, sweetie it will happen. Don't worry about that."

I started to shake my head while the tears traced down my checks.

"Bella." Edward called after me but I couldn't answer him.

"Bella." He forced me to turn around to him. "Someday we will get married and it will be one of the happiest moments of my life when I can officially call you my wife but right now, let's not worry about that. I would much rather have you come back to me first. This past few weeks were hard but I just need you. I miss talking to you and holding you, seeing the light in your eyes. I miss you."

He crushed me to his chest, "God, I miss you."

Edward this beautiful, patient man. I knew then that Embry's words were true. I needed to move one and even though it felt like my heart would never be healed, for Edward's sake for the sake of my children and the sake of my family and friends I needed to fight and move on.

The next morning as much as I still fought with the overwhelming pain I managed to meet everyone downstairs for breakfast and give small smiles to everyone. The only smiles that I managed to be genuine were given to Gracie and Savannah. They were so happy to have me downstairs eating with them again and made sure to seat me between them at the breakfast table; them I could smile for.

I had to fight.

Seeing my mother was harder because she was the constant reminder. However I was thankful that she had stuck around to help out with the children. In some ways I think it was best for her as well because she didn't have to face an empty home. She put her focus into the girls.

After breakfast as promised the boys stopped by for some therapy.

"Bell, we're really sorry." Matt started but I quickly ended it.

"No. Please. I'm sorry but I need to figure out how to move on and I can't do that if I'm always reminded."

We all sat around on the big comfy couches in the pool house that I had turned into my office.

"All right." Scott agreed. He walked over to the corner and picked up the guitar they had given me and held it out to me.

"I don't know how to play." I stated.

"Well sometimes just strumming around on it can help you with ideas." Scott insisted.

I started to try to do what he said but after a couple of seconds I stopped. "This is nuts. We don't have time to focus on writing. The Academy Awards are one week away and we gotta start practicing." I set the guitar down.

"Uh…are you sure that's a good idea?" Aaron cringed slightly.

"I know. I fucked up at the Grammy's but I can't sit here knowing that we have such a short time before the Academy Awards. I'm sure you don't want to perform with me after what I did at Staples; I was out of my mind but if you just give me a chance I think I could come up with something really great for the Oscars."

"Bella, you didn't fuck up at the Grammy's. Your performance was raw and in some ways kind of beautiful. You can't see it because you're too close but in ten, twenty years I think you can maybe understand why it wasn't fucked up at all." Matthew replied.

"So…?" I waited for their reply on the Oscar performance.

"Do you really think you are ready? We're not gonna be upset with you if you're not." Scott responded.

I sat for a moment and really thought about it. Was I ready? Well, I guess a little more time would have been beneficial but it's not like I could go to A.M.P.A.S. and ask them to push back their award show to give me more time to heal. I may not be ready all the way but when I think about what I must have done at the Grammy's well I needed to redeem myself and I knew that this song would be perfect.

The song about a man who was a superhero and the sacrifice that he made to ensure that the woman he loved would be safe. Somehow that seemed quite on par with what Edward and I were going through. Edward sacrificed the wedding of his dreams for my well-being. I needed to fight to get back to normal and what's more normal than performing on Hollywood's biggest night.

"I'm ready."

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**AN: **Sorry to do this to you but I might not be able to update until Tuesday. My work has been swamped due to the beginning of award season and I have been unable to work on the story since I have been working late every night. So sorry :-( Thank you for continuing to be dedicated to this story and for reviewing!


	28. Chapter 28

**CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT**

"I have been thinking about this for a long time. I know that what I am about to propose may…worry you but please just hear me out. This is not about seeing how far I can push the envelope and contrary to what you may think this is soo not about me trying something with you, Scott."

Scott's eyebrow rose and I think that I definitely had all the guy's attention. I stood up from the couch and began to pace in front of the boys, wringing my hands together with nerves. Ever since it was announced that we had received the nomination, I had started to think about what I would want to do for this performance. When I was a young and watched the Academy Awards at my home; it was my favorite part of the show to watch the five nominated songs being performed. Sometimes the studio decided to go with simplicity and sometimes it was a full on big musical dance number with lavish sets and costumes.

"Since you are the lead singer, Scott; I want you to represent our hero. I want the sets to be different buildings in a metropolitan like atmosphere. Each one of you will be placed upon the roof of one said building with your instruments. The spot light will come up for your intro and we will find you crooning on top of the building. Each light on the rest of you will come up slowly. My shadow outline will be seen in the window of a building and as the song progresses I will come out onto the roof like the damsel watching the sky for my hero. Now here is when it can get a little…scary." I tried to break this to Scott as easy as I could. "You're not afraid of heights are you?"

"Uh…no…" Scott replied unsure.

"Great! So I want you to be hooked into wires and you will essentially fly on up to greet me on my rooftop. We will have a short personal moment of singing to one another before you pick me up by the waist and fly with me essentially over the city. Kind of like dancing on air…"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa…uh back up. You want him to fly?" Mark asked.

"Well, yeah but there are wires for all that. They made Aladdin and Jasmine fly on a magic carpet back in the early ninety's at the Oscars. I'm sure we have come far since then with what they can do. All I want is for the pair of us to sing while essentially floating over the city and then when the electric guitar comes in for the frantic part of the music I just envision us both spinning about…"

"Spinning?" Scott interjected.

"It's symbolic of what love can feel like. Spinning out of control. I want this moment to be dramatic and then when the music is just at its hardest, we kiss. Oh my god with the proper lighting and everything coming together at once…it will be epic." I over dramatized.

"We kiss?" Scott pulled me back out of my vision.

I started shaking my head with a small smirk, "Geez, grow up. It's acting, I'm not going to try to slip you the tongue." I rolled my eyes.

"Okay so first you want me to fly then you want me to spin and then a kiss which lastly will result in your fiancé punching my lights out." Scott reevaluated everything.

"This is Edward we're talking about not the Incredible Hulk."

"Edward SMASH." Kyle interjected to which I couldn't help but slap my head with my hand. There's always one.

"Anyways…" I continued loudly to get us back on track. "Edward has to kiss random women all the time. So…he has no reason to be upset. We are two professionals who will be performing in a professional arena."

Okay Bella, who exactly are we trying to convince here; you or the boys. "Maybe we shouldn't tell him just yet." I added.

The guys started to laugh a little, "Scott's gonna get his face smashed in. Scott's gonna get his face smashed in." Matthew taunted.

"Okay, can we grow up here for a minute?" Scott tried to regain order. "I think your idea is good but I just don't know if the Academy is going to go along with it. It sounds very involved. Plus I don't have to wear like spandex and a cape do I?"

"Leave the Academy up to me to convince and as far as wardrobe I still see you in rocker jeans and cool button down shirt. A modernized take on your common superhero. I would never put you in spandex…I don't think you could pull it off." I remarked.

"Maybe we should try the spandex…I mean if we want to look professional in our professional arena…" Matt snickered.

Scott gave him a sharp look that promptly shut him up.

We didn't work on new music but at least we could all sit around and talk about this upcoming performance. The boys told me of going to the Academy Award Nominee luncheon which they could immediately see in my face of my jealousy so they tried to downplay it a tad. My father was in the hospital at the time the luncheon went off and I was sad to have missed it but somehow with my talented fiancé I was sure that we would be back there again sometime throughout his career.

I knew that I needed to get on this performance so I called up Seth and asked if he could arrange a meeting due to some things we needed to discuss. Seth sounded a tad surprised to be hearing from me but arranged a three pm meeting for Monday. I told Edward that Monday morning I would be returning to work.

After the boys left I felt exhausted. My body was still not used to the energy I was putting out. Amazing how just one week in a bed could deteriorate one so quickly. But Edward seemed positive and less stressed as we lay in our bed and talked with one another. He held me close to his chest dragging his fingertips gently through my hair down my neck and back again.

"Edward, thank you. I know it's not much but it's all I can say. If it wasn't for you I honestly don't know how I would've been able to survive the past couple of weeks." I said quietly, honestly.

"You're welcome but there's nothing to thank me for. You mean everything to me and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you."

"I don't want to talk about my dad for a while, I am still trying to work through this and I hope with time I can someday talk to you more but for right now would it be okay if I didn't?" I asked.

"I'm here whenever you need me." He replied.

Even though I had been practically in and out of consciousness the past few days it did leave me with a lot of time to reflect. Think about how I would change things if given the chance to go back and do so.

"I have been thinking with my dad's passing I need to start focusing on the important things. I have been so focused on my career that I have started to put the people who really matter to me second and I don't want to do that anymore. After the Academy Awards I want to take time off and focus on family, focus on you and get my priorities straightened."

"Bella, there's nothing wrong with working but it's all about balance. People do it every day; they have careers, families, friends and fun. You just have to find a happy medium. I don't want you giving up your career dreams I just want you to be able to find some balance."

His voice was like velvet. He should do voice over work but then again there really isn't anything that Edward wouldn't be good at.

"I want to take a vacation. One with anyone and everyone. I want to show the girls something outside of this state. I want to go back to Italy. I want to go back to the place you fell in love with me and I fell in love with you."

"We'll we can go back to Italy but that's not where I fell in love with you. I think I fell in love with you at that bus stop when you were so determined to piss me off." He laughed softly and I couldn't help the smile spread over my face at the memory.

"Determined to piss you off? Did it work?" I smiled up at him.

"Oh yes I was thoroughly pissed but I also knew that night why I was so mad at you; it was because I knew I finally found my love and she at the moment seemed determined to hate my guts. Don't think I didn't notice the look of disdain you gave me in that meeting earlier that day."

"I can't believe you remember that" I replied open-mouthed. "And it wasn't a look of disdain it was a look of rebuke. I was confused and irritated by your arrogance. You were this big time producer and you seemed to be so apathetic to the project."

"It wasn't the project. I was surprised to see you at that meeting after I was already having trouble keeping a clear mind around you. After the basketball court incident I didn't want to be around you because I thought it was inappropriate the pull I felt toward you. You were so young and naïve; I felt like I could ruin you."

"You did ruin me. I have had a crush in you since I was a young teen. I was fine not having you around the first couple months I was an intern because I was worried of making an ass of myself in front of you which I did and I still thank you for calling me out on my embarrassing introduction." I replied sarcastically. "I tried to not think of you. I tried to tell myself a million times that I accepted your job offer because of the opportunity and not because of you but I knew that I was only lying to myself. That my feelings were just some school girl crush and I refused to validate them until the morning I woke up and saw that you stayed with me all night even after I threw up on you."

"That was something that I hope we never have to relive." Edward laughed.

"Me too!" I completely agreed.

We stayed quiet for a little bit.

"You and I have come so far. I think back to all these different moments and I'm so happy that you were the one I shared them with." Edward said softly.

"I love you Edward." I replied sincerely.

"And I love you, always."

Monday.

One of those kind of days that you hope doesn't end as poorly as it started off.

And no I didn't have a case of the Monday's.

Jacob seemed a tad bit worried of my mental health still and found that it was his job to follow me around like the pestering mutt he was. I'm being harsh I know but when I still think back to that day it makes my blood boil.

The morning started off fine as usual. Emma seemed pleased to have me back seeing how she had fielded my calls and emails since my…hiatus. In the office it seemed just like any other day. Maybe a couple more head turns and stares but nothing that I hadn't already become accustomed too. I was a tad surprised when Jacob decided to tag along. I think he knew that Edward would have a hard time making sure I was mentally capable and felt that he could help.

"I'm bored." Jacob plopped down in my cubicle. Yes I still had a cubicle.

"Well, you didn't need to come today. I'm sure there are many more interesting things you could think of to fill your day." I replied never taking my eyes off the email I was responding to. I knew that I needed to get the right set constructors so I had started to reach out to my contacts.

"Let's go eat. You don't have to be back until three. We could fill our time with a nice juicy steak." Jacob suggested.

I stopped typing and looked over to him slightly irritated.

"All right a nice juicy salad for you." He amended.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I snapped. "Are you calling me fat?"

I couldn't resist.

"What? No. I would never." Jacob jumped up, straightening out his posture; tripping over his words.

"You're so easy, Jacob." I laughed and returned to my typing.

"Come on…I'm dying here." He whined. "My stomach's all growly."

"Fine. If it will shut you up. But I need to be back soon." I replied exasperated. "Sometimes I don't know who whines more; you or Gracie."

Edward said he had a late lunch to go to so he didn't want to come with. Jacob and I set off for Urth café, a trendy little spot on Melrose and I guess it was nice to get back out in the world as they say. Jacob made it a point to find a place that was somewhat isolated from the viewing public. Such a change from when I usually go out to eat with him, so I appreciated the gesture.

"So…uh…have you and Edward talked about a…" Jacob seemed at a loss for words.

"Just spit it out." I chided.

"Are you planning on rescheduling the wedding?" Jacob replied. He looked down and then looked up to see my reaction.

"Oh…uh…no we haven't really talked about it." I said quietly. Somehow I was kind of relieved that it was Jacob and I having this conversation and not Edward.

"Well, I'm sure Emily can get it all up and moving again." He prompted.

I sadly nodded my head and took a sip from my cappuccino.

"Bella, you do want to still get married, right?"

I sat there staring into my cup. "I don't know." I whispered.

"What? Why?" he was almost as shocked at my answer as I was.

"It's…silly really." I shook my head at my own moment of stupidity.

"I'm sure it's not. Come on Bella. I know how much you and Edward love each other. Whatever your reason is you can tell me. Maybe I can help." He offered.

I took a breath and thought for a moment. I knew what my reasons were but I didn't exactly want to hear Jacob laugh in my face at the moment.

"Bella." He prodded.

"I'm scared." I answered honest.

"Of what? Edward? He would never do anything…"

"No, of course not of Edward. Edward has done everything for me. I don't even understand why he's still with me. I'm scared…of being happy."

I brought myself a little closer to Jacob.

"Every time I manage to find happiness…something always screws it up. I was so happy just a couple of weeks ago. I felt happier then I had in my entire life. Then…" I trailed off and once again my vision was slightly obstructed.

"I can't. Who will be next?" I whispered.

"Oh Bella." Jacob looked at me with his sad eyes. "You dad didn't die because someone upstairs arbitrarily decided that you were too content in life. That's not how that works."

"You don't know that. I'm scared all the time. I'm afraid to laugh too much or …I just want to stay under the radar. Besides, I honestly don't know how I would ever make it down an aisle. If Edward and I were to have a wedding, it would kill me the whole time knowing that my dad was supposed to be on my arm. He was supposed to give me away. If I had to walk down that aisle all by myself; I'd probably collapse. I don't want to embarrass Edward on what's supposed to be the happiest day of our lives."

Jacob sat in thought for a couple of moments. "What if you were to let me take on the task of deciding who was going to walk you down the aisle? You don't have to walk by yourself and I know that whoever did walk you down the aisle it would have to be someone that you really loved and valued. Would you let me work on that?"

"I don't know." I said softly.

"Give me a chance and I will find someone worthy. No one could ever take your father's place but I think I can find you a good second best."

I sighed, "I guess but that still doesn't do anything for my other fears."

"Well, I think with time that maybe you can see the good things in life once again and hopefully you can get that silly notion out of your head. Believe it or not; no one is out to get you."

As much hell as I give Jacob; that lunch was really something that I needed. I didn't even realize how stressed I was and just taking the time to talk with him really helped me out. However my new found respect in Jacob ran short as we were leaving the café and ran into an old friend of mine…well…

"Well, well, well. Isn't this quite a coincidence." Cynthia Moore gave me a devilish little smile.

Now I don't know if you remember the last time I ran into Miss Moore but let me give you a slight recap. She was one of the hoes who dated my fiancé and decided to show up to Edward's Italian Villa back when Edward and I were first dating. That night ended with her upstairs in the bed naked and me just a tad bit drunk. Remember? Well go back to the first part of our story if you need more of a refresher.

I exhaled and smiled back at her, "How do you do Miss Moore?" I returned her devilish smile with a sickening sweet smile of my own.

"So…you are looking mighty different since the last time I saw you. It's funny I didn't even recognize you the first time I saw you on Edward's arm at the SAG awards but then they said that you were his personal assistant and it all clicked. Can't say I blame you. If I was working under Edward…well I would be under Edward too." She laughed a little.

"Yes, well I think I remember the last time I saw you and it looks like not much has changed. Oh and clothes are a good look for you; good to see that you found some." And in this corner.

"Ladies." Jacob stepped in between us to stop whatever battle was in the making.

"Jacob. I have missed you." Cynthia replied longingly.

I furrowed my brow for a minute and looked over to Jacob.

"Well, I wish I could say that it was mutual." Jacob remarked.

"Missed him?" I asked.

"Oh, Jacob didn't tell you?" she acted surprised.

My eyes burned into Jacob as to what she was implying.

"We dated briefly." He admitted.

Oh my god!

"She was the girl you were dating since before Christmas?" I practically screeched.

"Well, I wouldn't say dating as much as fucking." Cynthia giggled.

Jacob rubbed the back of his neck, uncomfortably. I couldn't help but smack him in the arm.

"What's the matter with you?" That was rhetorical.

"Now Isabella, no need to pick on poor Jakey here. Sometimes a man needs a certain level of class to fulfill his needs. I'm sure Edward could tell you all about my class." She replied suggestively.

"Class?" I laughed. "Now Cynthia, no need to go on making up stories and using words for too large for your everyday vocabulary. If you had as much class as you say you have then why again am I the one wearing this ring?" I held up the nice flashy rock on my hand to remind her of who she was dealing with. "Edward told me all about the desperation you went to, to try to land a rock like this. So…so…sad."

"Bella." Jacob scolded.

Okay that was a lie but bitch started it. Cynthia looked momentarily put off for a moment but recovered quickly.

"Well sweetie you may wear the rock but perhaps you're the one who needs some tips. Why else would Edward ask me to be his love interest in his next movie? Edward and I did have some mighty passionate times together. Care for some lessons?"

"Movie?" I asked.

"He didn't tell you?" she started to laugh. "Sounds familiar. I have a lunch meeting with him today to discuss the role. Have fun with your rock; I'll be sure to have fun with…something a little harder." She winked and turned around to walk back toward her car.

I stood there on the sidewalk seething watching her drive off. How could Edward have told me about this?

"Bella…"

"Not one word." I snapped at Jacob. I flipped around quickly to seek out my car. The sooner I could get back to Warner Bros. the sooner I would have words with my fiancé.

We climbed into the car and I couldn't help myself. "Really Jacob, what is it? Do you feel the need to stick your dick into every girl Edward has been in?"

"I don't know what I was thinking. We met at a party and she was funny and…I knew that Edward and her dated and when I asked Edward if it was okay he said he didn't mind. I just thought what the hell. But then I started to see that she wasn't a good person; she was kind of fake and arrogant…"

"No shit!" I spit.

"I ended it a couple of weeks ago. That's why I was all moody back in January."

"I don't understand how you could even begin to contemplate that disease factory." I huffed.

"Well…Edward technically was there first which means if she did have diseases…"

"Shut up. I can't think about it. I just want to go home and soak in a bath of lye." I shivered from the heebie jeebies of even thinking of Cynthia Moore and Edward together.

With my semi maniac driving I managed to get back to the studio in record time. I jumped out of the car and started to make my way to Edward's office.

"Bella, I'm sure that Edward has a perfectly good explanation. Just calm down." Jacob tried to keep up with me.

"What's going on?" Edward stood up from his desk probably hearing all the racquet from my stomping and Jacob's lame justifications. Jacob looked between us and decided that anywhere but here was a good life choice.

"You'll never believe who I just ran into, sweetheart." I was trying to rein in my anger but I think it read rather clear on my face.

"Uh…who?" Edward cringed not wanting to really know the answer.

"I'll give you one guess. You two have quite a history together and apparently that late lunch meeting you have today is not just with fellow producers."

Immediately you could see it dawn on him who I was speaking of.

"Bella…I…" Edward placed his hands on his hips. Something he always did when he was about to start explaining something.

"No. You know what? Just forget about it. You didn't think it was important to tell me of lunches with your ex's so I guess you showed me where I place."

"Uh…Bella. You have a meeting." Emma uneasily interrupted us.

"Of course. Let's go." I turned from Edward's office.

"Wait would you talk to me about this for a minute?" Edward called after us.

"I have a meeting to get to and you have a lunch. Have a good meal." I sang.

Edward followed me out of the office and jumped into the golf cart with Emma and I.

"Please just let me explain." He huffed.

I started up the cart and pulled out of the space and started to zip my way over to the WMG building. "What's there to explain? I get it. She is a beautiful girl and your fiancé isn't capable of handing your needs at the moment so why not hire someone you had incredible chemistry with."

"Stop it." Edward reprimanded me. "That isn't it and you know it. I technically haven't hired her yet. We are just meeting with her today to see if she would be right for the role. Cynthia is a talented actress and I wasn't the one to bring up her name for casting. This is just a meeting, that's it. Nothing more."

"How are you so incredibly naïve, Edward? You wouldn't be sitting down and having a meal with her if you all weren't seriously thinking of casting her. How stupid do you think I am? And then on top of it all you never once told me that this was happening which makes me think you were purposely hiding it from me. How is that supposed to make me feel?"

"Bella, I didn't tell you because it all came up last week and I didn't think that given where you were mentally last week that you would want to hear of my luncheon plans." Edward replied.

We arrived at the building and I jumped out of the cart. Poor Emma looked rather uncomfortable.

"Well have a nice lunch. In fact Cynthia made it a point today to tell me all about her "class" so I'm sure you are in excellent hands." I focused on heading to the entrance but Edward still felt the need to continue this conversation.

"Honey, yes we dated for a while." Edward started as we entered the elevator.

"You don't have to tell me, I saw the E! True Hollywood story."

"Would you just give me a minute?" he snapped.

"Well, I say you have about twelve floors, if that works for you." I answered looking up at the elevator panel where it read the level.

"I am merely having a professional conversation regarding a professional opportunity."

And just like that it hit me. He was using the same words I used yesterday when I was talking to Scott about our kiss during our Oscar performance. I was sure that Edward didn't listen in on our conversation and it should have been a slap back to reality but I was too steamed to think on it.

"Well I will certainly remember that the next time a "professional" opportunity comes my way." I replied.

"Bella don't be childish."

The elevator chimed and the doors started to open. Emma practically ran out of the stuffy elevator compartment.

"Childish? Oh baby, you have seen nothing yet." I turned to him as I was leaving. "Have a nice lunch." I smiled and then ran my hand down all the elevator buttons assuring that he would have to stop on every floor all the back down to the lobby.

Okay, yes I will admit that was childish.

"Isabella Swan for Mr. Vladic and Mr. Clearwater." I give my name to the well dressed secretary behind the desk that sits out in front of Stefan Vladic's office. I have never been to Stefan's office since all of our meetings in the past took place in the conference room.

The secretary announces my arrival with the telephone and I take the opportunity to apologize to Emma for putting her in an uncomfortable situation earlier.

"I am sorry. I never want you or Ian to feel like you were put in the middle of one of Edward's and my…issues."

"It's no problem. I get it." She answers.

"It's not fair, I know. You and Ian I'm sure have issues of your own and yet you never bring that drama to work. It must be hard." I acknowledge.

"Sometimes, but we both know how lucky we are to have the jobs we have with the small amount of experience we have so whenever we worry about it spilling over into our work we make a deal to wait and handle it after we end our day with you and Edward."

"That's very…professional and mature of you. Something that I have let to learn, obviously."

"I don't think so. It must be really hard being in a situation where essentially Edward could work with an ex in a very intimate environment. I think if I had to deal with Ian in those circumstances it might cause me to be a little crazy too."

"Miss Swan; they're ready for you." The secretary announced.

Stefan's office was large and very modern. Sleek black sharp edges and mirrors everywhere. Made me think that Stefan must like looking at himself to be surrounded by that many mirrors. One wall had a case filled with trophy's and plaques from various musical awards.

"Isabella. What a surprise." Stephan greeted me with arms wide open bringing me in for a kiss on the cheek. "So great to see you back again."

"Yes, well…I have a show to put on so…" I dismissed.

"A show?" Seth questioned.

"I was nominated, well Liberty Project and I were nominated for an Oscar and in past years it has been customary for the nominated artists to put on a performance." I replied.

"We didn't think you would be up to it." Seth answered uneasily.

"Now Seth, if Isabella is ready to return…you can't believe how ecstatic we are with how well your albums have been selling. After the inauguration your sells went up but after the Grammy's well your sells went through the roof." Stefan replied elated. He practically had dollar signs shooting out of his glassy wide eyes.

"Good to know that my mental breakdown was able to generate adequate numbers for WMG." I quipped.

"More than adequate. You went to number one." Stefan smiled.

"Can we get back to the Academy performance?" I walked over to the couches that Stefan had set up in his office and waved for Emma to join me.

"Do you have more of an idea for this performance?" Seth asked.

"Seth, she's a genius. Never question a genius. When you finished that Grammy performance broken on the stage it was so haunting you were all anybody could talk about for days after." Stefan beamed.

"I have a good idea for what I want to do for the Academy Awards. I have already discussed this with the guys and they are placing trust in me. I will pay for all costs but I need you to get A.M.P.A.S. on board." I tried to get Stefan off his current topic and back to the matter at hand.

"What do you need?" Stefan asked.

"I based the performance off the movie so it will require a lot of wire work. If you could just get me access to a team of professionals in this area I am sure I could make a great performance that should make Warner Bros. and WMG proud." I explained.

"Well, I'm sure we could put you in contact with the right people but it could become pricey seeing how you have less than one week." Stefan replied while stroking his beard.

"I don't care. I will expunge all cost to Warner Bros. and take it upon myself after what I did at the Grammy's I want to get back in Hollywood's good graces." I declared.

"I don't believe you are in Hollywood's bad graces but I look forward to see what you have come up with. I will put you in contact with some brilliant wire workers and please let us know if we can do anything else to assist." Stefan responded.

"Excellent. Thank you." I replied sincerely. "I am meeting with some able set designers and construction teams today to start with set building."

"Please send over the schematics the moment you receive them as I'm sure the Academy will want to sign off on them." Seth added.

"No problem. Thank you. Both of you. I know that what I did at the Grammy's wasn't professional and I apologize for any negative press it brought to you."

"Not negative. Absolutely not but that does bring up something we need to have a serious discussion about. I know you currently don't have any representation. No agent or publicist but I want you to seriously consider acquiring a team. WMG has had to field all calls as I'm sure so has Edward's publicity team on your recent…success. It would be wise of you to obtain representation going forth in your career since it seems that you will be with us for quite some time. In fact next week I was hoping to bring you by to meet one of our newest acquisitions and be instrumental in helping further her career." Stefan informed.

"Who?" I asked. I was very curious.

"Nothing to think on now, Isabella." Stefan waved off. "We have been thinking a lot about the role you have played here at WMG and to say the least we are very happy with your work. You have managed to work with a wide range of artists and from what I hear at very little compensation for your services. We want to keep you happy, don't we Seth?" Stefan looked over to Seth and gave him the eye.

"Yes, of course. We are more than pleased with all the hard work you have put in; which is why I will work hard to ensure that you will have everything you need for Academy Sunday." Seth stepped up.

"Excellent again I thank you. Emma." I rose off the couch; readying us to leave. "Gentlemen. Good day."

"Good day, Bella." Seth replied.

"Look forward to seeing what you come up with." Stefan remarked while walking us out. "Please give us a ring once you have a design plan."

I nodded and smiled to them one last time.

Now it was on to deal with set designers and crew and after that round two of what I'm sure would be a rather epic conclusion to Edward's and my earlier discussion. Somehow I had a feeling that one of us would be kicked to the metaphoric couch for the night. Ohh and how right I was.

* * *

**AN: **Thank you as always for taking the time to read and review. After a lot of thought I have decided to just make Part Three really long and then Crossfade will pick off sometime after Working Title ends. Hope I manage to keep your interest.


	29. Chapter 29

**CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE**

I will admit that I was on pins and needles the rest of my day. Sitting down with set designers and trying to use all my might to focus on the performance was not working. Images flashed through my mind of the tricks and flirting that must have been going on somewhere in our great city. Somewhere out there was my fiancé being lured into some Venus fly trap.

I was relieved when I was finished and able to head home for the day. Jacob of course escorted me and kept trying to tell me all the different ways he knew that Edward would never fall for Cynthia Moore's tricks but it just caused me more stress and I finally had to tell him to zip it.

"Tough day?" Embry appraised me the moment I walked into the kitchen.

"You have no idea." I replied.

"Mom, mom oh thank god you're home." Savannah latched onto me. "I have something so incredibly amazing and wonderful to tell you. Please, please, please let me go."

"Wow, what is this amazing and wonderful thing." I asked surprised by her sudden desperation.

She stood practically bouncing up and down.

"Tiana's mom got us tickets to the Justin Bieber concert and she said I get to go. Please let me go." She begged.

I looked up to Embry who looked positively nauseous.

"I was afraid this day was going to come. All right, I'll round-up the crucifixes and you call the priest. Your daughter is in cahoots with dark forces." I said serious.

"Mom." Savannah dragged out the word.

"Why does she gotta be my daughter when she's possessed by dark forces? I specifically remember you agreeing to take responsibility of her when she goes mad. I think it falls under the talk about that special icky time when she is marked by the red beast in her preteen's." Embry replied.

"You guys suck. What's the matter with Justin Bieber?" Savannah put her hands on her hips and stared us down for our jokes.

"You wanna tell her or should I?" I asked Embry.

"Savannah, I know your little friend is probably in love with Justin Bieber but that doesn't mean you have to be. There are plenty of other artists out there that your mom and I could learn to live with. Don't be a sheep!" Embry tried to impart.

"Can I go or not?" Savannah huffed.

Embry looked over to me and even after the good fight, we needed to concede that we had lost. "I will talk to Tiana's mother and if I feel comfortable then I guess so."

Savannah started to squeal and resumed her jumping up and down. "Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you. You're the best." She screamed before running off upstairs.

I sat down at the bar exhausted. "Why did it have to be my child? Why god? Why?" I cried.

"You know what's going to happen next, right?" Embry asked. "She will want to play Justin Bieber music on our stereos."

"Stop, I can't listen to this." I put my hand up to halt him.

"Then she'll want to play it in our cars." Embry continued.

"NO! Never." I wailed.

"And before you know it; we're the ones being suckered into going to Bieber concerts." He sighed. "Like stabbing my heart with a knife. I had hoped that she would have inherited my music taste." Embry shook his head.

"There's still hope. We still have Gracie." I said optimistic.

We both turned our heads to see Gracie dancing in front of the television to one of the High School Musical movies.

"Never mind." I stated.

We both sat at the bar and drowned our sorrows with some comfort food. Chips, M&M's and trail mix.

Edward walked into the kitchen only a few minutes later and he did not look pleasant.

"I need to speak with you; upstairs now." He looked directly into my eyes and from the tone in his voice I could tell that I was in trouble. That was the same voice he used to use right before he took me over his knee.

I slowly slid off the bar stool wondering what would make him so upset. I knew that he wasn't going to punish me but still it didn't make it easy knowing he was walking right behind me right in prime range of my ass. Why was he mad? I was the one who wasn't told about his lunch date with his ex-girlfriend.

Walking past Savannah and Gracie's bedroom I could see Savannah still jumping around talking on the phone to Tiana. The site would have made me laugh or at the very least smile if I wasn't so worried about what was about to be said to me.

We entered our bedroom and Edward made sure to shut the door firmly behind us.

I turned to him, "So…How was your lunch?"

"Short. Cynthia will not be joining our cast." Edward stated.

I knew it was because of me.

"You didn't have to do that." I replied softly.

"Yes I did. Like I've told you before there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. I'm not about to risk my marri..." he stopped himself and recovered after a second. "My relationship for a movie but I want to ask you something and I want you to be honest with me, Bella."

Uh oh here it comes. I really hope I wasn't cringing. God, how I wanted to reach up and touch my face to check.

"Did you or did you not tell Cynthia that I told you that she was desperate to land me."

Crap.

"Maybe." Now I was most definitely cringing.

"What's the matter with you?" Edward spit.

Gotta get on the defensive.

"She was being so bitchy I was just trying to take her down a peg." I sounded like a five-year old.

"Bella I expect that from her which is why I broke up with her." Edward's eyes burned with fury and his words might as well been spit with fire.

"I can't believe you would stoop to her level. You blatantly lied to her and you made me look like an asshole. She probably thinks that I sat around telling you all about my relationship with her; laughing at her pain."

I didn't know what to say. Suddenly I just felt incredibly guilty. My eyes started to burn from the salty tears but I kept them at bay knowing I couldn't allow them to fall. I didn't feel guilty for what I said to Cynthia; I felt guilty for throwing Edward's reputation under the bus just for the few seconds of gratification I got from seeing Cynthia become as affected as she affected me with her words.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

Edward looked at me and it didn't look like he was accepting my apology.

"I love you but right now I can't look at you." Edward replied. He shook his head and then walked out of our room.

Okay now the tears could fall. I slid down to the floor and curled myself up into a tight ball against our bed. I didn't know what to do. All I could feel was guilt. Horrible guilt. For the first time I now understood what Alice had always said about the benefits of being in a domestic discipline relationship. I used to think the girl was crazy for saying there was an upside to being spanked now I think I would gladly take it if I knew that Edward would forgive me and talk to me again.

After a little when I finally managed to pick myself up. I went to our closet and changed into something a bit more comfortable and then pulled the blanket from off our bed and set off in search of the dog house that metaphorical couch I had mention previously, had just turned into a reality. It was most definite that that is where I belonged.

I didn't eat dinner and I went the long way to my office to ensure no one would cross my path. It was probably only eight pm but nothing felt better than to just curl up on my couch all snuggled under the blanket to try to find sleep.

Sleep came after another short crying jag. I say short because with all the events that happened today it didn't take much to knock me out. But it couldn't have been more than a couple of hours before I was being shaken awake.

"Come on. Time to go to bed." Edward called out to me.

Half asleep; I shrugged off his touch and turned around to face my couch to snuggle deeper into my blanket.

"I mean it, Bella. Time for bed." Edward said a little harsher.

"No. Just leave me here." I moaned.

"No. I told you; I don't like you sleeping out of our bed."

I turned over to face him. "I didn't think you would want me in your bed tonight."

Edward crouched down next to me. "It's our bed and I want to establish right now that no matter how upset we become with one another it is never okay to sleep in separate areas. I don't want a marriage like that."

"We're not married." I reminded him.

"Not yet but in my mind we have been. Come upstairs."

"Edward, I really am sorry." I started to cry, "I didn't think. I was just…she made me so angry and she was being such a bitch. I wanted to be a bitch right back."

"You don't need to outbitch her. You're better than that. I will continue to hold you at a higher standard." He said directly.

"Will you do me a favor? I know I don't deserve to ask anything of you but please I just feel so horrible. Will you spank me?" I sniffled.

You could see the shock or maybe horror register in Edward's face. "Absolutely not." Now he seemed even more pissed off. He stood up from where he crouched and ran his fingers through his hair.

"How could you ask me that?" he snapped.

"I'm sorry." I replied shaken. "I just wanted this feeling to go away and now all those things that Alice said finally made some sense."

"Fuck, Bella." He shouted and started to walk away; he turned sharply to face me once more. "I will never touch you like that again." He gritted through his teeth shaking a pointed finger directly at me.

I knew that he was stating that he wouldn't touch me but something about his whole demeanor really started to frighten me. I pulled the covers up; shaking beneath them. "I'm sorry." I cried.

He took in my appearance and immediately softened.

"Bella." He walked a couple of steps closer and involuntarily I pulled back trying to burrow myself further into the couch. "Baby, I'm sorry for yelling at you."

He joined me on the couch and tentatively took me into his arms.

"No. This was all my fault. I just keep…fucking up today." I shivered.

"I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. You have to understand honey that touching you like that will never be something I could ever do again. The amount of pain I felt when you were staying with Embry; it was crushing. It scares me to think I could ever feel that way again. I promised you that I would never lay another hand on you and I meant it."

"Just thought that maybe it would make you feel better and me too." I whispered.

"There are going to be times when I'm upset with you. I may yell or say some harsh words and I could walk away but I will never leave you. I told you that I would stop you from becoming a demon bitch and what you did today was really bitchy so that's why I reprimanded you for it. There are many things that you and I no longer practice in regards to _Tria Fata_ but I still honor the foundation of _Tria Fata_ which is to create a fulfilling, safe and loving environment. When I took the oath for you it means that no matter what you may do or what you say; I will never leave you and I will never stop loving you. That's why I feel like we are already married. Of course I still want to make it official because I want the world to know that you are mine."

There was so much to say but I couldn't find a word to start with.

Edward continued. "You could leave me. Every time you are upset and you leave or hide away in our wine cellar; it scares me because there is nothing binding you to me. You never took any oath. You haven't said any vow's. Which is why I am so relieved when you do come back or I find you. I'm scared all the time that you may leave me."

"I would never leave you. Don't get me wrong it has crossed my mind before not because of you but because I still believe that there has to be something better out there for you. Someone better. When we were in Italy after my run in with Cynthia the first time; I thought that having a drink or two would help clear my mind."

"A drink or two? Bella you were drunk." Edward interjected.

"I know but that's just it. It didn't help clear my mind because my mind was already clear. Cynthia was the epitome of everything you should have in a woman. She's gorgeous. She's well versed in Hollywood. I'm sure very well versed in sex."

"But she's not who I want." Edward interrupted.

"If I wasn't so selfish I should have left you then. You made me feel unlike anyone has ever been able to make me feel my entire life. You made feel cherished and I couldn't bring myself to end that feeling. Then when we came back here after Italy and it was made quite clear to me with your publicity team that I was not worthy; I should have left then but you didn't give up on me. When I was at Embry's house I'm sure you must have thought that I never wanted anything to do with you again after what happened however even though I was so upset with you, I was scared that this was the end and that wounded me. Now I look back on everything we have been through…everything I have put you through in the past eighteen months we've been together and I really don't know how you manage to still love me. The patience you have should qualify you for sainthood."

"It's easy when you love that person. Cynthia and I have been broken up for some time and I think that I would know by now that I don't want anything to do with her personally and you should have trusted me. Eventually we will cast someone in that role and that person will be in very close intimate situations with me for the camera. I need you to trust me, Bella. I will never cheat on you. I'm not going to suddenly change my mind and throw away everything that I value and hold dear. Do you trust me?"

"It's not you I don't trust." I sighed frustrated. "I just hate…I hate…" I was unable to spit it out.

"What?" Edward asked.

"I just wish I was more…I wish I had slept with more guys before you."

Edward looked at me in shock.

"That didn't come out right. I mean that if I had had more sex with different guys then maybe I would have been more sexually experienced. I just feel like a complete sexual retard. Cynthia knew right where to hit me with her words. She didn't go for the usual you're fat or a gold digger jabs that most usually say; she knew I was sexually inexperienced and was unable to satisfy you the way she had been able to."

"Why would you believe that?" Edward asked incredulously. "Have I ever said to you that I was sexually dissatisfied with you?"

"Well, no but that's just because you're too nice to." I replied.

"Bella, you are being ridiculous." And then he promptly hit me in the face with a couch pillow. "I'm going to go ahead and let you in on a little secret. Please take it from me since I have had more sexual experience."

"Go ahead; rub it in." I mumbled.

"Stop it." He scolded. "Do you think that sex with me is good? Do you feel unsatisfied? Unfulfilled? When it's over are you sometimes relieved?"

I looked at him like he was crazy.

"I think that sex...with you is like the best thing that ever happened to me. There are days when I wonder how I can go so long without it. To be honest." I added awkwardly.

"When you're with someone, anyone; sex feels good and yes it gets you off but when you're with the person you love and there's that added spark. You feel every touch." Edward placed his hand on my neck and caressed it. "When you can anticipate every move. That moment when you cum and you hear the vocalization from your partner and it makes you want to never stop cuming. There isn't any way you would ever want to go back to random careless sex, trust me."

Just hearing him speak to me in his raspy voice was causing tingling down below and it reminded me that we hadn't had sex in quite a few weeks. I wasn't even aware I was panting. I started to push my thighs together to feel some relief.

Edward held out his hand firmly grasping onto my leg; stopping me.

"No. You don't get relief. You wanted me to punish you for what you did earlier. Then no relief. You can go to bed and know that I don't want you touching yourself and I'm not going to touch you either."

What was this? I stared at up at him; my mouth opening in surprise. It was the very opposite of physical punishment. In this form he wouldn't touch me at all and in some ways this was far worse. He knew that I didn't have to listen to him but he also knew that I had felt guilty enough to do as he asked.

I started to pout and Edward pulled himself from off the couch and held out a hand to me.

"I think it would be safer for both of us if I were to stay here for the night." I replied.

"Out of the question. Do I need to carry you?"

I pushed up from the couch and Edward wrapped the blanket around me to ensure that I didn't get cold since we had to cross the backyard to get to the main house. He took my hand and led the way back. We quietly made sure to not disturb the girls; entered our room. I jumped back into bed as Edward walked off to the closet to dress for bed but he didn't dress per say in fact he did the opposite. He wore his silk black boxers the ones he knew always drove me crazy and had become a signal in the bedroom that we were both about to get lucky. I couldn't believe he would stoop so low.

I turned over. I didn't want to face him. I tried imagining that he was wearing a chicken suit anything that could make him unattractive and make me less horny. But it didn't work. Edward pulled me to him and spooned me and I could feel the silk brush up against my back side and I couldn't help but squeeze my thighs again. Edward reached out and grasp my leg. "Stop."

I whined.

"I know this is hard but you deserve this and I hope next time you find yourself in a situation you will take the high road, understand?" he asked softly in my ear.

"Yes." I replied softly.

"Good girl."

Edward wrapped his arm around me and settled his hand on my stomach lightly rubbing it. It started to growl and he stopped.

"What did you have for dinner?" he asked and I immediately flinched.

"Uh…what did you have for dinner?" My attempts at misdirection failed miserably.

"Bella." He warned. "What did you eat?"

"I…ate my pride." I replied.

Edward huffed and removed the covers. "Come on. Up you go."

"Can't I just have a big breakfast. It's late." I replied.

"No. You know this is unacceptable. UP!"

"So pushy." I grumbled.

"That's right. Something occurred to me earlier when I was down in my study trying to figure out what to do with you. I haven't punished you. I haven't really been looking after you the way I should; mainly because a part of me was scared. After you left me last year it altered the way I think about you and our relationship. I promised you that I would never punish you physically or otherwise and that has led you to do some things that I have been strongly against recently. I still believe that it is my job to look after you and make sure that you follow a certain level of respect and order. Respect to me, respect to yourself and respect to others. So like I said I will not punish you but I won't allow you to get away with things any longer. I pray you will not leave me. I hope you will respect my role in your life. So right now you need to eat something that I might normally look over it but after the past couple of weeks where you have significantly lost weight and been under nourished I will not look past it now."

I stared up at him stunned at his words. I heard every word he said but I had trouble wrapping my mind around it. Edward held out a hand to me, "Will you respect me and allow me to do this?"

I looked at his hand and it was more than just a polite gesture to help me out of the bed this was some unsaid agreement. A handshake. It was about trust and love. Do I love Edward and if I do I should trust that the decisions he makes are for my benefit. After seeing what I was capable of today…

I reached out and took his hand. "Yes."

He tightened his grip in reverence to my decision and I followed him out of our room and down to the kitchen. The neon clock on the microwave read 12:03. It was a new day.

When I awoke later that morning after Edward prepared a ham and cheese sandwich for my nutritional needs; I laid in bed thinking over everything that happened yesterday. Edward was still next to me; his warm body pressed up against mine.

I looked over to the clock and was thankful that it was Embry's week to take the girls to school a schedule we had worked out a while back that we put back in place after my mother decided that it was time for her to head back to my old childhood home. We tried to get her to stay longer but she said she needed to get back to work so with regret she left.

I was amazed at how having her around was such a comfort and help. The girls loved her and it was nice to know that she was here and able to watch after them. I didn't think I could ever trust a stranger to look after my kids. I just hoped that she was able to get on fine now that she was alone. My father gone. My sister gone and I was living an hour away with my fiancé and family. I respected her strength but I hoped she would seek me out if the loneliness became too great.

But back to Edward and our new arrangement. Even now as I stare up at our ceiling, I still didn't know how I felt. Was it the right decision? Would this eventually lead to more problems? Do I really trust Edward in this new role he was planning on taking on in my life?

Edward rolled over and nuzzled his face to my neck and started to kiss me. "Good morning, beautiful."

"Morning." I answered back.

"Is everything okay?"

I nodded.

"Bella, talk to me."

I shrugged.

"That's not talking to me. I want to reinstate our talks. I want you communicating with me again." He declared.

"Just trying to work things out in my head?" I replied.

"What do you need help working out?"

"I don't really understand how this is going to work? What you talked about last night."

Edward pulled me to him and mindlessly ran his hand up and down my stomach. "Well like I said I am not going to physically punish you but I hope that if I ask you to do something or to stop doing something then you will respect me enough to listen to me and know that I am going to be very disappointed in you and I don't plan on tolerating your poor choices and if that means I have to talk to you until I am blue in the face or find a way to stop you; I will."

I sat in silence still unsure how I felt.

"Last night, I asked you to not touch yourself and I didn't touch you. I knew that you wanted relief but I didn't give it to you. Was that too harsh after what you did?"

"No." I replied.

"Good. Does it make you feel better today knowing that because you endured that I have more respect for you and that I completely forgive you?"

Yes. It did. I didn't feel the overwhelming guilt anymore because Edward found a way to help me.

I nodded and Edward kissed my neck.

"It's not my intention to turn withholding sex into a punishment but I will do whatever works to get you to understand that I am not going to allow childish behavior, unsafe actions and or disrespect. Do you think you could allow certain types of punishment back into our relationship for the sake of our relationship knowing that you will experience that freeing feeling of forgiveness?"

I didn't answer.

"I love you, Isabella. Please know that."

I turned my head and looked up into his eyes. "I do. I'm willing to try things your way. I love you too."

The look on Edward's face was adoration, love, relief, and respect. He turned me over and brushed his lips softly over mine. Running his hand up and down my body, seeking passage and as much as I wanted to grant him I was fully aware that I needed to brush my teeth first. I gently pushed him off and tried to relieve myself from his grasp.

"Let me brush my teeth." But he held onto my wrist.

"No. Stay with me."

"Please. I won't feel comfortable until I do so."

Edward released me and I ran off to the bathroom for my morning routine. When I got back Edward had put on a robe which surprised me because I thought he wanted to continue where we left off. He sat on the bed his back to the headboard.

"Okay…I'm back." I announced with an awkward smile.

"I was thinking that maybe we should talk about…the wedding." He proposed.

My smile faltered and I swallowed harshly. "Oh…uh…" I started to look toward the ground trying to think of a way to not have this conversation right this moment.

"What the matter? Where did you just go, Bella?"

"What…would you like to talk about specifically?" I asked still standing at the end of the bed. Edward reached out for me and I almost didn't want to go to him because I knew if he got ahold of me he wouldn't let me leave until I uttered every last thought.

"Bella." He shook his hand at me telling me to take it. I walked over slowly and placed my hand in his and he helped me back up on the bed.

"All right. Now tell me what has you worried." He implored.

"It's funny. I just talked about this with Jacob yesterday." I said.

"Well now you can talk about it with me." He pushed.

"Can you just go and ask Jacob. I don't really fancy having to explain this twice." Edward was shaking his head even before I could finish my statement.

"No. Jacob isn't a part of this relationship. This is you and me and if you have something to talk about regarding our relationship then should be able to bring it to me."

I sighed, "Oh god… look just know that this doesn't have to do with you and it doesn't have to do with me not wanting to marry you. I'm just having some issues that I need to work out before I can think about getting married."

"What issues?" he asked. "I can help."

"No. That's just it. You can't help. This is something that I am trying to figure out and I have to do it on my own." I explained.

"I don't believe that. There is nothing in this world that a person has to do alone. I want to help you Bella and this is going to be one of those times that I am not going to allow you to just get out of talking to me. If you can tell Jacob, you can tell me."

"Mentally…I cant wrap my mind around marrying you right now. I feel like there has to be a balance maintained. I worry that marrying you would make me…happy." I finished awkwardly knowing how stupid I sounded and the look on Edward's face told me how stupid I sounded."It doesn't make sense I know."

"God." I yelled out in frustration. I started to pant and was unable to hold back my tears.

"Baby, it's okay. Just try to explain." Edward said softly.

"I…I…I don't want to be happy. I…worry that I don't know, god or some other power in the universe will see my happiness and take aim at me. Find ways to ruin my life again. I was so happy and then everything happened with my dad and I…I…don't want anything bad to happen with my mom…she's all I have left from my immediate family or what if they take you next or Jacob or the girls, Embry…everyone is like a target to fucking ruin my life."

I don't even think I was using my indoor voice any longer. He asked and it all just started spewing out.

"Jacob says that this feeling will pass but then I have to think about my dad not being there to walk me down the aisle. Do you know how shitty that feels? The whole day at our wedding I will be constantly reminded that I don't have a father to walk me down the aisle. I don't have a dad to give me away. No dad for the father daughter dance. I have no one." I cried.

I used my arm to wipe away the tears and snot that probably was forming.

"Jacob says he's gonna help with finding a replacement but no offense to Jacob he's going to fail. This day is supposed to be about you and me but I don't know how to not think about my dad."

Edward pulled me into his arm. He didn't say one word, he just held me an allowed me to finish my crying. When I finally was able to breathe normally again he spoke.

"Thank you." He whispered.

"Huh?" I didn't understand.

"Baby, I have wanted for so long for you to just open up to me. I don't have the answer to your issue. I want to tell you that you're wrong. There is nothing out there that wants to keep your life unhappy but it doesn't matter what I tell you; I think you just need time. You need time to realize that you're wrong. God does want you to be happy. I can't imagine living in a universe that would feed off your pain. Your dad's death is still fresh and I know since I lost my father that that too takes time. So I will wait. You will be happy again. I am going to help you laugh again. I want to help you smile and I will make that my mission. I know that you already marked Jacob to fail but I know him and his heart and he really is going to do everything he can to find you the best possible person. Just keep an open mind. That sounds hard but please try."

I nodded my head and we continued to lay there. I thought on Edward's words. I wanted them to be true but time would tell.

Edward was right and eventually, I was happy again. I would go on to get married and once more I would be on top of the world. But I was right too, and the next time the target was Jacob.

* * *

**AN: **I wasnt planning on releasing this chapter this soon but after the myrid of dissatisfied reviews from the previous chapter I guess I figured what the hell. This could piss you off more or maybe even satisfy some of you. I have a feeling I am about to get a lot of strongly worded comments. I hope you like it but once again I understand if this story is not to your liking but personally hope that you will continue to read on. At this point I am hoping that the wedding will be within the next five or six chapters so don't worry I do plan on gettin them hitched sooner than later and I think that the replacement that Jacob decides on is a good choice. I'm sure that if you are thinking about it some of you may already try to figure it out. Once again thank you for taking the time to read.


	30. Chapter 30

**CHAPTER THIRTY**

Dear me; thirty chapters of the third portion of my story. I honestly can't believe that I made it this far. I started writing this story of my life a couple of months ago and even though I was gung-ho on it in the beginning I have slowed down but it is what I anticipated. The first section of my book was all about the exciting days of new love, when Edward and I were young, fun and flirty. The second part I went on to dive deeper into our relationship when things could no longer be just young, fun and flirty. And now I managed to get through one of the tougher parts of the third portion. Not to say that from here on out things got easier in my life but I always knew that writing on my dad's death was going to be particularly difficult.

Oh no, things did not get easier but as I start to think about my life after my dad's death a lot happened which makes me think that I probably will go on for another thirty chapters before I get to my last page. Funny, I already wrote my last page. I already know where I want my book to end and I will warn you; I have a feeling that many readers will not like me for it.

But I have you here now and as long as you keep following me down the rabbit hole then I will continue onward.

After Edward's and my talk; things did change in our household. Edward was one hundred percent serious when he said that he was going to take on the task of bringing communication, respect and yes punishment back into our relationship. He held his promise to me and never did spank, smack or hit me in any way but he was an actor and what are actors? They're creative and Edward was very creative in finding ways to punish me for any transgression. In fact I never knew one could do so much with handcuffs…but I'll get to those later.

But Edward also maintained patience. Sometimes it felt like he had all the time in the world. Far more patience then I had. He had no problem holding me hostage until I communicated with him my fears, thoughts or feelings on nearly anything. Unfortunately Edward had mastered me, and in some ways I thought maybe he could even read my mind but that wasn't the case; Edward had mastered how to read me. Sometimes he knew even before I did that I was planning on holding back or even worse, lying.

In some ways I truly do believe that this lifestyle is what saved me. Looking back on that period in my life I was tense, stressed and worried. Even if I managed to find ways to look positive and strong on the outside something I did for my family and friends; on the inside I was always so close to breaking. Edward could see this and he found a way to help me in a way which I found acceptable. Not to say that I was always so cheery on the idea of punishment but after it was over the release I experienced was invigorating.

I know the term punishment may make some of you think horrendous things so if it bothers you then just replace the word punishment with partner building exercises. Will that make you feel better? I wasn't punished I was enduring a partner building exercise.

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences or A.M.P.A.S as they're referred to, by the grace of god managed to green lite my performance idea. I imagine because I agreed to pick up the bill on every aspect including a nice tidy sum for the worker's compensation insurance for just in case. It wasn't the flying aspect they were worried about; seeing how they had done it many times throughout the show's history. It was the combination of spinning and flying. Apparently a lot could go wrong with that combination.

Scott had to work with experts in the industry on learning wire work, something that he had been timid on at first but when he finally got up in the sound stage and was really able to give it a go, he loved it. I had to put some work in as well and it's not as easy as some make it look. There is a lot of muscle strength that goes into keeping oneself steady and upright. However this was minimal work to the pain and suffering I had to go through when it came time to explain to Marcus that the dress he made for the performance needed to be cut in certain places to allow room for the wires.

"You!" Marcus clutched the satin red ball gown in his hands; holding it close to his body like a rapid dog about to lunge. He stood pointing one menacing finger in my direction. "You come in here and dare think to suggest turning one of my masterpieces into some holy monstrosity."

"Marcus, I am not asking that you change the dress I just need you to put two small little openings for the wires."

"How exactly are you planning to make two small holes without altering the integrity of my design? When you came to me a couple of weeks back and asked me to make this based off of your little napkin scribble; did you at any time think you should bring up the fact that you planned on being hoisted up into the air and spun around like some crazed Mary Poppins?"

I almost laughed at the memory of my napkin scribble. You would have thought that I had brought in some contaminated waste with the way he held up my design in disgust. He stated with the money I made these days you'd think I could pop for a sketch book. I had a sketch book but when I took the girls for breakfast one morning it was either using a napkin or the place mat from the Denny's restaurant to draw out my sudden inspiration. The place mat was Gracie's lifeline when the waitress gave her crayons to use on it, so napkin it was.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking about the wires, I guess. I was just so excited to see what you would make and you made an amazingly beautiful dress. I don't mean to ruin your creation but if you don't make the adjustments for the wires then I will have to wear the harness over the dress and I think that would ruin your vision significantly." I might as well have been on my knees begging him to see reason.

Marcus plopped down on a stool still clutching his dress, "I just don't know what to do with you."

"I know. Being friends with me isn't easy." I apologized.

"Being friends with you is very easy; being a designer for you, well sometimes I want to wring your neck. I already have to take in quite a few inches since someone decided to go on the Hollywood diet the past couple of weeks." He huffed.

"I didn't lose that much." I defended.

"Are you kidding me? You look like a skeleton. It's disgusting. You're definitely down to a size four."

"Really?" I gasped and turned around to find a mirror to examine myself. I pulled my clothes to tighten them around me.

"Stop it." Marcus barked and then tossed the dress to his work table. "Really, Bella. This is something you should not celebrate. You look gaunt and contrary to popular belief this," He said waving a hand up and down, "Is not sexy."

"It's the thinnest I've ever been." I replied longingly into the mirror.

"I liked you much better before and I'm sure your fiancé would agree."

I turned back to him. "So…do you think you can fix the dress?" I asked timid.

"Fix it? It's already fixed. You want me to destroy it and yes I can destroy the dress…for you."

"Thank you." I replied sincerely.

"But you have to do me a favor. For the love of god; eat something."

I laughed a little, "Trust me with Edward patrol; I can't escape a two thousand calorie diet these days. I'll be back to my ole plumpy self in no time."

"Good because I refuse to alter any more dresses after this including the big white one in there." Marcus retorted waving a hand toward the closet where my wedding dress rest in peace.

"Well, you might need to hold on to that one for a while. Don't know when we are going to be needing that." I sighed.

Marcus came over to me, "Bella, whatever it is that you're waiting for, believe me when I tell you; Edward is worth more. Don't give up on love. It's the only thing worth living for."

I wasn't giving up on love. I just wanted to hold off for a little while. I was waiting for the coast to clear. Was it safe?

Scott and I had been practicing the blocking using the wires in one of Warner Bros. empty sound stages. They managed to use a set up very similar to the one we would find at the Kodak Theatre. It was three days before the 81st Academy Awards. Today was our first rehearsal using the set that I had commissioned to be built. Tomorrow was the full dress rehearsal.

The Kodak was busy when I arrived. People running every which way. I'm sure it must have been similar to when we went to rehearsal for the Grammy's but I could hardly remember anything from that day. I arrived earlier then the boys because I needed to have a sit down with the stage managers and directors for a brief meeting to discuss the direction of the performance.

I guess I should mention that Edward did try to come with me to rehearsal today; I worked hard to get him to believe that I didn't want him to see all my hard work when it was in its raw form. I wanted it to be a surprise when he saw it with everyone else come Oscar Sunday, well at least that's what I told him. In the long run it didn't matter if Edward would have come since Scott and I agreed to leave the kiss for the big show. Instead we just ran through the motions not practicing the kiss.

It was Oscar Sunday before you knew it and every part of yesterday's rehearsal went wrong. One of the directors of the Academy Awards got this brilliant idea of having the buildings that were our set pieces move as Scott and I were hoisted over them to give off the effect that we were flying over the passing city. Great idea but bad execution. The guys had to get used to being moved around on the buildings while they played their instruments, something that they didn't account for. In addition the set wasn't designed with that in mind and it took them two hours to place the set pieces on better rollers. Then To top it all off Scott and I decided to go for the kiss in rehearsal and ended up practically head butting each other hurting our teeth in the process. It was a miracle that we both still had all our teeth after that, plus it was just plain embarrassing.

I told Scott that maybe we should change it into a strong embrace instead since we hadn't practiced being that close together on wires. With the combination of spinning it really wasn't like I had pictured for the kiss. I guess Edward will never know.

"Mommy, you look beautiful. When can I get to be beautiful and wear pretty dresses?" Gracie asked.

Savannah, Gracie and Becky were sitting around in my bathroom watching as hair and makeup put me together.

"You already are beautiful plus you can wear pretty dresses whenever you feel like it, just so long as you don't get them dirty." I replied.

"But I want to wear makeup." She whined.

"You don't need to wear makeup. Your skin is flawless." I told her.

"Gracie, I can paint your fingernails if you like. It's makeup for your nails." Becky offered.

"All righty." She got up quickly to go and find a nail polish and I thanked Becky for doing this.

"Uncle Edward I'm getting fingernail makeup." Gracie shouted running right into Edward.

"Oh, you are? Maybe you should ask Jacob if he would like some as well. Tell him to be sure pick a color to match his tux." Edward laughed and Gracie took off to probably go and bug Jacob.

"Hey honey, what time do you think you will be ready?" Edward came up behind.

"Um…forty minutes?" I estimated.

"Great, I'll start getting ready. I'll be in the guest room." Edward lifted the garment bag for his tuxedo up and off the door hanger taking it with him. Sometimes it still burned me up that he could get ready in such little time.

"Mom, I was wondering if you would come to my lesson this week." Savannah asked.

"Of course I'll come. Maybe I can ride with you. I used to love horseback riding when I was your age." I smiled over to her.

"Did you take lessons too?" she asked.

"No, but whenever my family went on vacations I would try to find a place to go. My sister and I used to love it." I reminisced.

Gracie came running back in with her nail makeup color and Becky got straight away to the task.

"So Becky, have you started thinking about colleges? You still have one more year after this semester but have you thought about where you want to go?" I asked.

"Well I'd like to stay around here but I really want to try out dorm life too. I was thinking about looking into UCLA. They have a good film program and I have been thinking about maybe taking a few classes and seeing what interests me." She replied.

"UCLA is a great school and dorm life is definitely worth trying. I loved living in the dorms I honestly think that it opened up my eyes to a whole new world. Don't let your brother talk you out of it either. We all know how Jacob can get sometimes." I rolled my eyes.

Becky was every parent's wet dream so Jacob was lucky when he took over guardianship. Becky never acted out. She was a straight A student but every once in a while she would want to hang out with her friends, go to a party, a movie, anything and Jacob would go all big brother on her and start demanding to meet these people just to make sure they weren't bad influences. Which would be fine if it wasn't his mission to find something wrong in her friends. A couple of times I had to step in and stop him. She was a good girl and with what she has been given in life I think we could trust her to not go all Lohan on us.

Sorry that was referential; type Lindsay Lohan into a search engine and you will find the hot mess that took up much of the tabloid press back in the day.

The final task was to get my dress on. Marcus and I had another argument when it came to this dress. I loved the red satin ball gown that I was going to be wearing for the performance and told him that I would just plan to wear that for my red carpet dress. The look of horror on his face you would have thought I told him that I was planning on wearing a cat costume to the Governor's after party ball.

It was a shame he won the argument because I rather liked that red ball gown and was sad to know that I would only be wearing it for five minutes before it retired to a closet where dresses go after they've been worn just once. Oh the humanity if one was caught wearing something twice in Hollywood.

So now Marcus was personally stuffing me into a tight black corseted gown which happily showed off my new skelator figure as he was sure to point out but it was rather uncomfortable and I couldn't imagine sitting in this thing for four hours and then going to the ball directly after. The dress was oddly reminiscent of the massive dress I wore at my Grammy performance and I wonder if there was a reason for that.

"Stand still." Marcus grunted.

"Uhhh. Owwww." I gritted though my teeth.

"Well, you were the one who wanted to look like a third world hospital patient. I need to make it tighter." Marcus grumbled.

Gracie laughed at the pair of us. "Mommy, Uncle Marcus is always so funny."

I couldn't help but laugh back. "Isn't he?"

"Wow. Is this for me?" Edward walked in and embarrassingly I gasped. God how I loved him in a tux. He looked like James Bond.

"Give me a minute." Marcus snapped. One last tug and I was in. "Now she's all yours."

Edward walked over and placed an arm around my waist and pulled me toward him. "My god, you are ravishing." He smiled before pulling me into a soft kiss probably making sure to not mess up my lipstick.

"Thank you, I was just thinking the same thing…only about you." I finished lamely. Only Edward could pull off suave.

"Bella, where is your jewelry." Marcus demanded. I turned and started to frown a little.

"Please tell me you aren't planning on going to the Oscars naked?" Marcus gasped.

"Well, I don't need jewels. I have a long beautiful dress and a very flashy man on my arm." I argued ending it by sticking my tongue out.

"Calm down Marcus, you didn't think I would allow her to go to the Oscars naked did you?" Edward shook his head and magically a box appeared. "Besides, I would never want my girl to wear rented jewelry."

"Edward…I…" I started shaking my head.

"Yes. You will accept these. This is a very special occasion. Not every day you are nominated for an Academy Award." Edward popped open the box and nestled inside were two gorgeous canary diamond drop earrings surrounded by small white diamonds and a bracelet to match.

"Ohhh wow. They're exquisite." Marcus gasped trying to nose his way in.

"Yes they are." I agreed.

"Put them on I want to see." Edward coaxed.

"Yes. Yes. Put them on." Marcus was practically jumping up and down.

I pulled the earrings out of the box and walked over to the sink counter; looking into the mirror I secured each earring in its place. Beautiful, yes. Heavy, most definitely. Edward walked up and helped place the bracelet around my wrist.

"Perfect." Marcus sighed.

"Yes she is." Edward leaned down and placed a kiss on my neck.

"Thank you Edward." I said.

"You're welcome. Now we best be going." Edward pulled me along with him. Jacob must have already been on his way. I gave the girls a hug and kiss before leaving.

"We'll see you at the Vanity Fair after party, Marcus." I called out. "Thank you so much."

Now it was time.

"Nervous?" Edward asked when we were riding in the limo.

"Yes but I think it's probably not for the right reasons." I replied. I hadn't even been noticing that I was balling up parts of my dress and squeezing the chiffon. Edward took my hands in his stopping me. I hope I didn't wrinkle it too badly; Marcus would have my head.

"There are no wrong reasons. What has you worried?" he asked.

"I am actually worried about…winning." I cringed.

"Well, I voted for you." Edward smiled.

"Why would you do that?" I asked outraged. "Sorry…I mean…thanks."

"Bella, why wouldn't you want to win? It's a great honor."

"I don't know." I decided quickly to move off the topic so then I offered up my second worry. "Also I just am kind of thinking about having to do the press line. I don't feel well about that. They're going to want to ask all these personal questions and I don't know how I am going to handle that."

"First of all; you really suck at misdirection but we'll come back to that." Edward started.

Damn it!

"Second. You leave it to me. I will make sure to answer any personal question plus I believe my publicist has already asked the press corp to respect our privacy and the professionals on the red carpet are pretty good at respecting those requests. Now back to worry one. Why don't you want to win?"

I didn't want to tell him.

"Bella." He squeezed my hand to tempt me to speak.

"Mr. Cullen, Miss Swan. We've arrived." The driver called back to us.

I breathed a sigh of relief and turned to exit the car but Edward pulled me back.

"Give us a moment." Edward replied to our driver.

"Edward, we're going to stop traffic." I exclaimed. I looked over my shoulder to see the lines of cars around us all trying to get to the same location to let out their riders.

"Then you better start talking to me. I could sit here all day." Edward folded his arms and started to hum like he would do just that; sit there all day causing a major traffic jam.

"This is embarrassing. Come on already." I whined.

"Embarrassing? I'm not embarrassed but if you are then I suggest you start talking and then we can get a move on." Edward replied.

The cars behind us began to honk and you could see our poor driver standing outside waiting for the cue to open the door waving his arms to get the other drivers to pass us. I started to breathe heavily; all the chaos was causing what I think was some sort of panic attack.

Edward grabbed on to my shoulders and shook me a little.

"Focus on me. Nothing else matters. There is no one outside. Calm. Breathe. Calm, Bella. Focus on me."

Slowly my breathes slowed and I managed to tune out the world outside of our limo.

"Why are you worried about winning tonight?" Edward asked calmly.

"I…" I began.

"Close your eyes." Edward said softly and I complied which helped my breathing.

"If I win tonight…something bad is going to happen…I don't want any more bad things to happen." I recited calmly.

"That's not true. Bella, look at me." Edward requested. I opened my eyes and looked into his eyes. "It's not true, baby. If you win tonight; nothing bad is going to happen as a result of it. Bad things do happen but it's in result to good things that come our way. Understand?"

I nodded my head. I felt hypnotized by his voice and I believe that if he had told me I could fly I would have believed him at that moment.

"Okay baby. Ready?" he asked? Again I nodded. Edward leaned over and once more he placed a soft kiss upon my lips. "Let's go."

Edward knocked on the door and I'm sure the much relieved driver gladly opened the door. Edward reached out a hand to me and helped pull me up from the seat. It felt like I had been away from all this madness for so long that once again I felt slightly overwhelmed. The helicopters flying overhead. The screams from the bleachers filled with autograph seekers and star gazers. Men in black suits combing the crowds for security. The massive dresses that lined the bright red carpet and of course the press with microphones and or recording devices all ready.

We had planned our arrival around the Liberty Project boys' arrival so that we could do some interviews and photos with each other. I was thankful for them because between them and Edward both were able to run interference for me to be left with phrases like, "So honored to be nominated" and "I just want to thank my fans for their support of me the past couple of weeks."

Inside the grand theatreI was met with friends, acquaintances and colleagues in our industry. Many people who knew me but not well came up to offer a congratulations or quick hello. Closer friends would hug me and we would share the common pleasantries. Edward had planned it all perfectly to allow not much time for press and friends. We needed to take our seats straightaway for the show.

It was a welcome relief to get out of my dress even if for only a little while. The black dress was certainly tight and uncomfortable. The red dress for the performance was very comfortable however the harness I had to wear under it, wasn't.

"Bella." Scott ran over to me.

"You still have to get attached to your wires and in position. Go!" I shooed him away.

"We should do the kiss."

I was in the middle of having a couple of guys help me into my wires.

"What? No. It didn't work. We don't have the strength to not knock ourselves out and we haven't practiced it successfully even once." I replied rushed.

"We can do this and you're right; this song is about love and your vision was spot on. It won't be as impacting if we just embrace. Look, I'm going in for the kiss and if it means your fiancé punches my lights out then so be it. See you on stage." Scott jogged off and left me with my mouth opened.

Idiot! He's going to get us hurt.

I stood in my spot. Focus. I readied myself by focusing on the performance and imaging the whole thing. The boys started up their instruments and Scott began.

_Distance from you to me._

_Distance; the pain when you're away from me._

_And I want your love_

_But I should let you go_

_If I loved you so_

_I just want to let go._

The guitars and drums started up gaining strength. Louder and louder the went. I walked forward out onto the roof of my building. I could hardly make out the audience because the lights were so bright.

_Please don't leave me here._

_I can't let you go after all I have seen_

_Please don't let me go._

_I want to drown in your love._

_Hold me tightly._

_Where are you now?_

_Why have you left me and why do you let me go._

Scott "flew" up to join me. Focus. Character. Focus Bella. I imagined Edward. A hand upon my check as eyes gazed down upon me. A slow kiss placed on my forehead. I look up and my eyes never leave as he pulls me up and secures a strong arm around my waist, I place my hands up around his neck and just like that we are floating, flying.

_The pain we feel; like being split in two._

_The time passes; nothing will change_

_You can try to leave but I'll still be there._

_One last moment; I want to stay with you_

_I have fallen._

_Fallen_

_Love, we fall not fly._

_The world below us passing us by_

We held onto each other stronger than we ever did in rehearsal. We had to maintain focus on each other to not become dizzy. We spun and then Scott reached his hand up and pulled my face in and we kissed. No teeth colliding. No tongue. I want to reiterate; no tongue.

When we finally did pull away from each other I was so overjoyed that we had managed to accomplish it that the rest of the song I just went through the motions. I couldn't wait to see the playback. I was relieved and gratified and honestly it didn't matter that I didn't win the award because I had a much better trade-off. That performance pushed me back into a professional light and I felt proud.

After the lights and curtain went down; the guys and I all cheered with relief.

"That was awesome." Scott screamed.

"Thank you. Thank you so much. You believed in this when I couldn't." I hugged him and then a couple of stage managers had to push us toward the dressing rooms so they could reset for the next part of the show. Marcus with a sly smile met me back in the dressing room to help me get back into my dress.

"Quite a performance." He said.

"Thank you. Truly Marcus, I couldn't have done this without you." I replied.

"Oh no, missy. That was all you. You think I want to accept credit for something that I'm sure your fiancé will have words over." Marcus started to undress me out of the lovely satin gown and help me back into the tight black number. "As far as I am concerned you did this all on your own. You designed the dress on your own. You sewed it on your own and I was never near you. Even now if Edward asks I wash my hands of you and that kiss."

"Oh Marcus. Edward's a professional. He'll understand." I rolled my eyes.

"Understand that his fiancé didn't give him the heads up? I think not. But you go ahead and keep believing that."

When I finally arrived back to my seat I have to admit I was suddenly nervous. What if Marcus was right?

"Baby you did amazing." Edward stood up to greet me and pull me in for a brief kiss on the cheek. Never mind I was right. Edward was a professional and understood that sometimes you had to do things to enhance a performance.

"Thank you." I sat back down in my seat and he held onto my hand tightly. "Here everyone was worried you might be upset." I laughed.

"Why would I be upset?" he paused. "Oh…the kiss?" he asked.

"Yeah, I told everyone that you would understand." I replied shaking my head at their preposterousness.

"Well, let's watch the show. I don't understand a few things but I'm sure when we get home you will have all the time in the world to enlighten me."

What did that mean? I looked over to him concerned.

"Don't worry about it now, baby. I think you and I just really need to work on our communication and I think I have the best way to do just that." Edward turned back to the stage where the host had walked back on.

Suddenly that kiss didn't seem like such a good idea.

* * *

**AN: **So yes that last chapter certainly received a mixed bag of reviews. I know several "guests" dropped the story and to them I say thank you for taking the time to read, review and add to my traffic and review count. For the brave souls deciding to continue onward; I say a much larger thank you for your dedication and support.

As some of you might know the great purge of 2013 is going on right now on this site. Unfortunately some of us didn't get the memo that we were being thrown back into 1692 where one could be burned at the stake for mentions of certain ungodly themes. Okay, I'm being over dramatic; persons found guilty were not burned at the stake in 1692 they were meerly hanged...If it happens where one of your favorite stories are pulled from this website including this series; there are other websites with slightly more liberal views on creativity where you could go to and obtain these stories. Fiction Pad and The writers coffee shop or TWCS are great websites to use. I am still IBACULLEN on those sites as well if you care to find me or the A Working Title Series.

Thank you once more for reading and taking the extra time to review; I truly appreciate it!


	31. Chapter 31

**CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE**

To say that I was distracted the rest of the show would be an understatement. Edward didn't look upon me with anything less than a happy little grin and light in his eyes. I never realized up until that moment just how good of an actor he was. Really, it was amazing and suddenly I wished I had spent a tad bit more time in those drama classes offered to me back in my school days.

The only moment of relief I experienced was when they announced another person's name for the win. Sad for Liberty Project; yes I was but relieved for myself. Edward gave me another small smile and hand squeeze.

When the show was over; I was happy to get to my feet. It seemed that the dress was less restricting when I stood rather than sit.

"Are we still going to the Governor's Ball? I'd…like too." I asked Edward cautiously.

"Of course, sweetheart. I want you to have the time of your life and since this is your first Governor's Ball; we shall go."

All the parties that happened after the Academy Awards happened in the buildings close to the Kodak Theatre. Edward led me through the throngs of crowds; a nice firm hand holding the whole way.

"Bella, that performance was to die for." Rosalie was the first friend I ran into that night and I blushed giving a small thank you before my gaze turned slightly to Edward. Rose caught it and pulled me away from Edward's grasp.

"Oh come on Cullen. You always get her. Now it's my turn. We're off to find drinks." Rosalie now had me in her firm grasp. Like a child being fought over by two very strong-minded parents.

We were out of hearing distance when she started again, "How's he taking it. I can tell not well."

"I didn't tell him. I never warned him that I would be kissing Scott. I thought he would be cool but I have a feeling I will be hearing about it once we arrive home." I cringed.

We approached the bar. "Two white wines."

"Rose, I'd like the red." I tried to correct her.

"You're not going anywhere near me with red wine. You have a black dress on so you'll be fine when we get tipsy and inevitably spill some but I am wearing yellow and again I say Swan; nowhere near me."

I took my white wine not completely disagreeing with her game plan for the evening. Right now tipsy sounded just fine to me. I sucked down my glass of wine which I believe was meant to be savored and placed the glass back up on the bar. Rose stared at me in disgust.

"Would you like to do keg stands outback, next?" she asked.

"Hey, it may be my last moments of freedom. I think I will grab life by the balls…or whatever they say." I replied.

Rosalie let me order another drink before pulling me away from the bar to a more discreet corner.

"I thought you and Edward were all Tria Fata'd out? What are you talking about last moments of freedom?" she started.

"Well…seeing how lately things have been a tad strained between Edward and I; he I mean…we agreed to reintroduce certain Tria Fata practices back into our relationship." I took a swig from my glass. Just hearing it come out of my mouth was hard.

Rose gasped. "No!" She tried to wrap her mind around it for a moment. "Even the…I mean you trust him to…"

"Wow, Rose. I don't believe I have ever heard you at a loss for words." I laughed. "No Edward is not spanking me again but he does find nifty little ways to punish me and I have a feeling that is what awaits me when I get home."

I looked out over the crowd and could see Edward and Emmett talking. Jacob joined them and I could see Edward point in our direction.

"I…can't believe it. I don't know what to say." Rose added.

Jacob started to walk toward us.

"Yeah well, I think my little bender from the past couple of weeks left him no choice. Not so bad…well yet I mean we haven't really done much yet or at least I haven't done much yet to earn a demonstration of this new relationship. Hello Jacob." I greeted Jake the moment he arrived.

"Bella, you were great. Really it was something." Jacob pulled me into a hug. "I don't think Edward's too too happy. You didn't warn him, did you?"

I slammed back the rest of my drink in answer to the question.

"Would you be a dear and grab me…something a tad stronger." I handed Jacob the glass.

"Yeah…I don't imagine that drunk Bella will help you out any." He replied setting the empty glass down on a nearby table. "We should probably get some food in you first. Come on. Rose, Emmett wants you back as well."

Putting his arms out for each of us to take; like a gentlemen he returned us to our partners. Edward walked me into the dining area and found our table. The food was rather excellent that evening but I was so focused on Edward and the discussion we were sure to have at the end of our evening that I barely managed to find excitement for the miniature chocolate Oscar that was given to each party goer.

I could see my boys over at another table and it looked like Scott was trying to avoid looking at Edward. I don't know what his problem seemed to be. He wasn't the one about to endure a partner building exercise. Did he really believe that Edward would take out our little moment on stage on him? Ridiculous.

"Would you care to dance?" Edward held out a hand to me and I stared at it like any moment it was going to explode? I looked up to him searching for any hidden agenda and he sighed. "I would like to dance with my fiancé. Certainly you could spare me one dance." He replied.

Taking his hand and slowly raising to my feet I glanced around at the other people at our table. Rose was motioning for me to go. She looked like she wanted to tell me that this was a good sign. Jacob let out a breath like he was trying to take bets in his own mind as to what was going to happen next and Emmett just sat there with a sappy grin upon his face.

We walked out to the dance floor. The room was darkly lite with splashes of colored lights thrown on the walls for a sultry night club effect. There seemed to be a thousand people all around chatting, laughing, business deals being made, praise being sung; every single of them having the time of their life.

Edward brought me into dance position form; a nice firm hand placed on my lower back to guide me.

"Bella, calm down. I want you to enjoy yourself. I'm not going to punish you right here. I apologize; I should have never let you know of my dissatisfaction until we arrived home. Please try to relax." Edward whispered in my ear.

"That's like saying, the world will be ending momentarily please sit back and enjoy your peanuts and inflight movie." I replied.

Edward laughed a little. "You picture yourself on a plane when the world ends?"

"Well, I hope to not be alive personally. I'd rather be six feet deep letting the worms crawl in and the worms crawl out."

"Baby, that's disgusting." Edward shook his head at my preposterousness. "Stop worrying about later. It won't be as bad as you think and I have a feeling that you will come to learn a lot about yourself and our relationship. Let's just enjoy ourselves now."

I told you; partner building exercises.

I tried to let loose a little but the Governor's ball was never a place one could really let loose. Now the Vanity Fair party was a different story. The moment that Edward and I returned from the dance floor; Rose was up and ready to move on.

We decided to all share the limo as we made our way to the next party; like a pub crawl this was one more stop on the let's get tipsy and let loose tour. I say tipsy because Edward was sure to watch my alcohol intake and managed to keep me from any drunken behavior but that didn't stop Rose from trying.

"So how's Alice doing?" I asked while waiting for our next drinks.

"She's been good. I swear that baby has just changed her life. She seems completely different…although she doesn't have to contend with punishments any longer so maybe that has something to do with it." Rose offered.

"What do you mean? Jasper's not…" I started.

"Woman, you have the _Tria Fata_ holy grail book in your procession; you'd think you would have read it more." Rose huffed. "It states in the book that after you bear children one is no longer subjected to chastisement because I guess they feel that you are no longer a threat to yourself…you have more to live for and usually a child causes rapid maturity or whatever." She waved off.

"You read the book?" I asked surprised.

"Well Emmett gave me his copy and told me that I could but there were so many phrases and words…I don't know it's all Greek to me. Alice explained it all to me."

"I should go over and see her this week. I want to take some time off soon and reconnect with people. Maybe Alice would be a good person to start with."

"I think that would be nice. You just have to see that adorable little boy. I swear for like a Nano second I thought it would be a good idea to get me one of those but then just thinking about Emmett it reminded me that I already have one child and I just don't know if I could handle another baby." She exaggerated.

I laughed picturing her changing a baby while giving Emmett a bottle.

"Besides Charlotte's due soon so pretty soon we will be surrounded by babies." She continued.

"Jacqueline?" Suddenly I saw someone looking like my close personal friend getting freaky on the dance floor.

"Oh shit. Look at that. She's practically humping that poor boy." Rose replied.

"That's not a boy that's Matthew Picot." My jaw dropped at the sight.

"Who's Matthew Picot?" she asked.

"Rose, did you like not pay any attention to the performance I was just in. He's the keyboardist for Liberty Project." I couldn't believe my eyes as I sat there staring at them.

"Damn, girls going for it." Rose laughed.

Jacqueline was grinding all over him when suddenly I saw some major tongue being flapped around between them. "Oh my god." I half screamed and before I knew what I was doing I was charging over to the two. Rose managed to stop me just feet away from the happy couple.

"Bella, let them be." Rose shouted at me over the music.

"But….its…uh…." I stuttered.

The lips pulled apart long enough for them to catch Rose and I.

"Bella." Jacqueline released Matt and jumped on me with a great big hug. "Oh my god. I was hoping I would see you here."

"Wow had enough to drink?" I asked.

"Come on." She rolled her eyes. "You know Matt." Jacqueline waved Matt over who looked at me with a tad bit of blush creeping up on his cheeks.

"Yes. I do." I replied. "Matt."

"Hey…wanna get something to drink?" he asked awkwardly.

"Yes. I think I do need something rather strong." I acknowledged.

Jacqueline started to pull me toward the bar, "Drinks on me." She screamed.

"Jacks, the drinks are free." I laughed.

"All the better. Then we'll get two. B.T.W., loved the performance." She replied.

"Somehow I think you loved a certain keyboardist more." I retorted.

"Awe Bella, let me have my fun. It's been so long since I had any man between my legs. If I don't do something soon my vagina will turn grey and fall out."

"What sex ed class did you take in school?" Rose asked.

"I'm being serious. I'm not joking. I hear that if you don't use it…you lose it. Gotta keep it pink." She shook a wild fist at us.

"No. Seriously…what sex ed class did you take?" Rose asked again.

"Let's do white Russians. Three white Russians." Jacqueline screamed to the bartender.

"I can't do white Russians. I am all corseted up. What do you think the milk will do to me?" I huffed.

"Fine, I will do three white Russians. Haha get it. I want to do three white Russians." She laughed herself silly.

"So I take it that this was what I was missing by not having a bachelorette party." I looked between Rose and Jacqueline.

"We are still doing a bachelorette party, Swan. The moment you set the date we are back on planning." Rose replied.

"Yeah and there's not going to be some bullshit I can only get tipsy crap. I want you drunk with men surrounding you; grinding their junk in your face." Jacqueline ordered.

"Yeah…I think I just found one more reason to not set that date." I cringed.

"Stop being such a prude. Damn girl relax." Rose yelled. "Now be a good girl and take your shot like a man."

Rose handed me the shots that were lined up for us.

"I happen to like being a lady." I retorted and then held my shot up like a brit drinking tea. "Pinky's out. Ladies."

We slammed back the shot and Jacqueline ordered up more.

"Okay, party animals. Stop trying to get my girl drunk." Edward circumvented the fun by showing up before I could take the next shot.

"What a load of crap." Jacqueline huffed.

"Jacqueline. I'm going to be the one to hold her hair back tonight and deal with all the aftermath. You can wait to have your fun with Bella when you take her out for her bachelorette party but until then I want Bella to be somewhat sober." Edward told her.

"I'm going back to find my catch of the day. Bella, you don't mind if I sleep with your friend, right?" she asked me.

"You are both two consenting adults, however…" I started.

"BYE!" She cut me off and ran back to the dance floor.

"Which friend?" Edward's eyes followed her as she met back up with Matt. "Ohhh."

"What time did you want to leave?" I asked Edward.

"Take your time, baby. But I would like to get home sometime soon." He replied.

"Okay, well I probably should make the rounds and see a few people before we leave. Did you already make the rounds?" I asked.

"Some but I was distracted. Let's go." Edward started to pull me away from the land o drinks and I mouthed a good-bye to Rose.

Coming to these parties were always much more fun in the beginning but over the years they started to become less about fun and more about business. That year's party was the first year where it slowly started to change. I had fun but I did see the reasoning behind going around and greeting people. I stopped by where Stefan Vladic was sitting and tried to keep it brief but he asked that I come in sometime this week as they still wanted to see if I could work with one of their new artists they brought over to the WMG label. I told him I would be in on Thursday and Stefan seemed okay with that.

Before we left I realized that I hadn't seen Marcus at the Vanity Fair party. I scanned the room and even asked Edward if he had seen him but nothing. Odd. I would have to give him a call tomorrow and make sure he was all right.

Now it was time to face the music. I tried to feign sleep in the limo hoping that Edward wouldn't want to get into the discussion tonight since it was already two am when we arrived back at the house but no dice.

I stood in my gown by the bed and he quietly shut the door behind him.

"Look, I know that you want to talk but can we please just go to bed and do this in the morning?" I asked hopeful.

"This won't take long. Have a seat." He gestured toward the bed. I started to sit but then that idea didn't look pleasant.

"The least you could do is help me out of this dress first. The damn thing has been cutting into me all evening." I turned around and Edward helped me out of the corseted back.

"Ahhhh." I groaned the moment I was free.

"You know what baby; how bout we both change first." Edward offered.

"Thank you."

Edward followed me to the closet and we both took the time to put on something more comfortable. I could see Edward pull on a plain white t-shirt which had always been a signal that he wasn't planning on any sexual action. It was usually customary for a good ole roll in the hay after I performed. Sad face but I guess I could understand why so I put on a black tank top and some bed shorts.

After a brief potty session and makeup eradication I was back by the bed ready to start opening statements.

"I would like to start off by stating that I do recognize the necessity of an apology. I can understand why you may be upset with the conclusion of my professional performance that occurred earlier this evening. So, I apologize. However I do hope that you are not upset with the fact that I did kiss Scott seeing how I was just doing it for the performance and of course there are no feelings between him and I. I hope you would know that, right?" I winced.

"Bella, I am well aware that you have no romantic interest in Scott. I am mostly disappointed with you because this is something that was obviously planned and you felt the need to not share with me. I get that it is a performance, like when I have to do an intimate scene with another woman however I have always been upfront with you on all my professional intentions. I have told you in the past that you are welcomed to accompany me on days when I could be in compromising positions even though many actors find it distracting; I never want you to feel concerned about my loyalty to you."

"I know." I whispered.

"Do you? Then why would you need to not tell me of your professional intentions? Why would you try to keep it from me?" he asked.

"I was…worried that you would try to veto it. I have had this vision of what I wanted and at the time I knew that a kiss would be the perfect addition. It wasn't like I threw the kiss in because I wanted to see how it felt to kiss another man." I explained.

"I understand that, Bella. I wouldn't have tried to veto anything if you would have just explained it to me. I understand that you will have to do things some times because a situation calls for it. Just like I hope you understand when I have to partake in those situations because of my work. I hate that you don't want to communicate with me. I hate that I always have to find ways to pull it out of you. Our relationship will continue to be rocky until you understand the importance that communication plays in relationships." He exhaled obviously frustrated with me.

"So…what's my…" I couldn't finish.

"I want you to learn to communicate with me and I think that I have an idea." Edward walked over to his top drawer and pulled it open. Inside he pulled out a black velvet drawstring bag. He walked the bag over to me.

"I want to know, Bella. Do you accept whatever punishment I deem necessary for your actions?" he asked looking directly into my eyes.

"Yes." I exhaled unable to take my focus off whatever was in that bag.

Edward opened the drawstring black velvet bag and felt around for whatever it was he was hoping to find. Finally he pulled out something shiny and silver. I could hear the clanging of the silver pieces.

Handcuffs.

Now I was really confused and I'm sure my face showed it.

"Give me your wrist." He held out his hand and tentatively I held out my right hand and he placed the silver cuff around my wrist closing it and tightening it just enough so I couldn't slide my hand out. Then he did something that suddenly freaked me out. He placed the other silver cuff around his left wrist and closed it.

"For the next twenty-four hours you will need to communicate with me on nearly everything you do. I think you will find that it's not easy to do even the most simplest tasks being attached to me and you will need my help."

I can't believe he did this. Twenty-four hours. I'm sure that I could do more than he thinks… I frowned.

"Gee, what else is in that handy bag of yours?" I couldn't help but mock.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" He closed up the bag. "I want to put it back in my drawer."

Together we walked over the drawer and he placed it inside.

"Bella, off limits. I will know if you touch that bag." Edward warned me.

I rolled my eyes and huffed.

"Now let's get to bed." Edward suggested.

Immediately I started to walk to my side of the bed but being anchored to Edward I was pulled back by his refusal to walk with me.

"You need to talk to me. Where do you want to go?" Edward asked.

"Um…I don't know; a strip joint? You just said let's get to bed. I think my intentions were clear." I answered in a not so patient tone.

"Respect." Edward pointed a strong finger at me and I looked down like the scolded child he was treating me like.

"Edward, may we please head on over to the bed. I am dreadfully exhausted and do not foresee me standing upon my pretty little feet much longer." I replied dramatically.

"Why yes Bella, we may. I would never want to see those pretty little feet impaired." Edward put out his right un-cuffed hand to tell me to lead the way and I pulled my brand new ball and chain with me to the bed.

I sat on Edward's side of the bed and scooted myself over to my side. Edward climbed into bed as well and together we laid down upon it. I hated sleeping on my back. It occurred to me that we hadn't turned off the light and suddenly I wished I had that contraption where all I had to do was clap and the light would turn off.

Hated sleeping on my back and I hated sleeping with lights on. But I was determined to not say one word. I started to try to sleep on my side pulling myself away from Edward to do just so but he fought me on allowing my hand to go, so awkwardly I laid on my side with my one arm being pulled back behind me. Not the most comfortable position but I knew that Mr. Cullen was probably smirking at me and that made my blood boil.

"Sweetheart. I want to go and turn off the light. Can you please come with me?" Edward said after a couple more minutes. He was trying to show me the art of communication by setting an example.

"I'm awfully tired, Edward. The light doesn't bother me. Maybe you can get your key out and release yourself from my side and turn off the light yourself." I replied.

"First of all; I know you're lying which I don't appreciate and if it happens again I will just extend the time for our little trial here. Second, get up." He demanded.

I huffed and dramatically got out of bed pulling him with me the cuff cutting into my wrist.

"Stop it, Bella. There is no need for you to pull so hard. I don't want you hurting your wrist."

"Are you going to turn off the light or not?" I snapped.

"You don't need to act like a brat." Edward replied hitting the switch.

"Well, I'm tired and it's three in the morning and somehow you keep finding ways to keep me awake which makes me wonder if this is also part of your punishment; sleep deprivation."

"I would never punish you like that. And it's your stubbornness that is keeping you from sleep." Edward snapped back.

"Edward, can we please get back to bed. Not like I am going to sleep well at all since I have to figure out how to sleep on my back." I started to march the couple of feet back to our bed and thankfully Edward followed after.

"Switch sides with me tonight. I know you sleep better on your stomach, so you sleep on my side of the bed and I will sleep on yours, okay?" he allowed.

"Thank you." I was sincere.

We climbed back in bed and I moved to Edward's side and laid down on my stomach. So much better!

It didn't take long for me to find sleep and it was probably due to major exhaustion as well as the alcohol I consumed earlier. I managed to sleep well considering my wrist was tied to an anchor.

My face was smashed into the pillow the next morning when I managed to creep an eye open. Absent-mindedly I pulled my hand up to wipe the drool from off my face and was quickly reminded of the events from early this morning.

"Good afternoon, baby. Have good sleep?" Edward called out to me. I pushed myself up and saw him laying with his back on a couple of propped up pillows; his cuffed wrist up behind his head. It occurred to me that this little partner building exercise was probably difficult for him too. I can't imagine why he would inadvertently punish himself for the sake of teaching me a lesson.

"Yeah…it was…different." My raspy voice replied.

"Would you like to shower?" He asked and I nodded in response.

Edward twisted himself back and we both scooted off the bed together. I needed to go the bathroom…in fact alcohol always made me want to go number two the morning after. Disgusting I know but I will embarrass myself for the sake of some understanding on your part. You see like any rational person I didn't fancy pooping in front of my partner. It terrified me when I thought of Edward standing there while I had this uber private moment. Oh god what was I going to do?

"What's the matter?" Edward asked seeing my face full of worry.

"Uh…are you going to go to the bathroom? Um…can't we just take the cuffs off for a couple of minutes?" I asked hopeful.

"Baby, you can go in front of me. I won't judge." He had a satisfied little smile on his face.

"Come on, Edward." I whined.

"Honey, I am going to go to the bathroom in front of you. There's no shame. Everybody poops." He responded.

"Oh great. Be sure not to flush after and maybe you and I can build a mountain together." I retorted.

"That's…disgusting, Bella."

"What? I heard it on the radio. Something people do at party's to screw with the home owner."

"So disturbing. Come on." Edward took my hand and pulled me to the restroom.

"Do you want to go first?" he asked.

"No. I'm good." I couldn't keep the disgust from off my face.

"Bella, you're going to have to go sometime." He argued.

"I think I can hold it for twenty-four hours." I looked over to the clock, "Sixteen hours." I smiled triumphantly.

"That's ridiculous. I'll go first to show you it's not so bad."

I stayed outside the door my hand straining to place as much distance between Edward and I but my ears still heard things. Things that I will never be able to erase from my memory. A part of me thought he was putting real effort into his morning b.m. to show me it was no big deal but I was seriously disturbed. If _US Weekly_ could see Edward Cullen now.

_Stars They Poop Just Like US!_

Finally he was done and I tried to not go near him until he washed his hands.

"You're turn." He turned to me and started to pull me back to the potty.

"Edward, if you make me shit in front of you. I just might not marry you." I threatened.

"Bella, you can't hold it all day."

"Try me. I don't care if I have to prairie dog the rest of the day. I will not go in front of you." I said through my teeth, determined.

"Prairie dog? Build a mountain? What is with the disgusting terms?" he replied exasperated.

"You mess with my private bathroom private time and I become a seasoned truck driver. I warn you it will get worse. Let me out of these cuffs." I demanded.

"No. Go sit on that toilet." He ordered.

I stalked off to the toilet and he made sure to stay on the outside of the bathroom attempting to give me my space. I managed a couple sprays of pee but I refused to give in. Sorry, bowels you can blame the bored house husband for that.

I jumped up from the toilet. What just happened? Edward walked back in.

"Bella, just try." He said frustrated by the lack of poo in the bowl.

"I….I…" I stood there staring. He realized something must have happened.

"What is it, baby?"

"In my mind just now…I…I…I think I referred to you as my husband. That's never happened before." I stood there in shock. Edward's face turned from concern to delight.

"That's…a good thing." He smiled.

"Weird. I don't know what I was thinking. I mean yes it was a sarcastic remark but still." I worked out.

"What was it?" he asked. I cringed. "I won't get mad. I promise." He added.

"Well, I was sitting there done with going…number one and when I finished I was stubbornly not going to go number two and in my mind I apologized to my bowels blaming my bored house husband for this."

Edward smiled and laughed a little, "You had a conversation with your bowels?"

"Wouldn't be the first time. Haven't you ever been in a hurry and tried to cheer them on? Come on; you can do it." I looked up at the furrow in his brow. "No. Just me? Great."

"Thank you." He replied.

"For…teaching you to talk to your bowels?" I questioned.

"For telling me. Communicating with me." He said.

"So…do I get time off for good behavior?" I held up my cuffed wrist in hope.

Edward thought for a moment. "Okay. I will allow you your privacy with your bowels. As reward."

"Yes. Thank you!" I started to do a little happy dance as I was filled with relief.

"But the moment you come back out; back in the cuff. Understand?"

"Yes. Yes. Whatever." I anxiously replied shaking my wrist in front of his face.

We walked back over to the chest of drawers and he pulled the key out of the drawstring black velvet bag. Going back to the bathroom he released me from my confines and I took off for the toilet.

It was the best poop of my life. No lie.

Edward was waiting outside the bathroom door the moment I came back out and I complied with holding my wrist out before I washed my hands. Back in the cuff I went. Now it was onto a nice hot shower.

Edward. Handcuffs. Shower.

Yes. I think I could make do with this nicely. I smiled evilly at the thought. It had been so so long and I was suddenly very horny. And like Jacqueline said; gotta keep it pink!

Ah Mr. Cullen…your stuck with me now….literally.

* * *

**AN: **Thank you for reading! Remember that I have these stories posted on Fiction Pad and TWCS just in case the hostile takeover with the deletion of stories comes my way. Thank you for supporting this story...see you next chapter.


	32. Chapter 32

**CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO**

The nice hot sprays of water come down upon us and I let out a nice loud groan of appreciation to the hot water gods.

"Ah-mazing!" I said aloud.

After a rather amusing discussion over just how Edward was planning on getting off our shirts which I couldn't help but be smug about; he finally went and cut them off. I didn't have it in me to tell him we would have the same problem come putting clothes back on. Well, I had a dress that I could put on without requiring placing my arm through a hole. Edward, not so much. Just the thought when he came to this realization had me gitty.

But back to my fuckawesome shower. It was lulling me into a nice restful, relaxing place. I laid my head on Edward's chest and with his free hand he started to run his fingers through my hair placing small kisses on my head. He stopped the fingers in my hair to give my neck a light massage. I was completely at his mercy. I tipped my head back and Edward pulled me to him; kissing me as the steamy shower just happened to get a tad more steamy.

I pushed my tongue into his mouth and with my free hand I pulled him closer. I was on my tippy toes relying on Edward to keep me steady. I needed this. No space. I needed no space. I could feel him hardening on my stomach and it took everything in me to not jump on. Instead I slowly started to stroke him.

"Wait baby." He stopped me slightly pushing me off.

"Why?" I asked.

"Not right now. Please I just want to wash you." I looked down confused as to why he wouldn't jump on this opportunity. I mean at this point it had been well over a month since we last made love.

"Baby, please." He continued.

"I…just don't understand." I replied truthfully.

"Why don't we wash up and I'll talk to you in the bedroom." Edward said.

I turned away from him confused. So, so confused. Why wouldn't he want this? Was it me? Did he not find me attractive anymore? I don't understand. I know that Marcus jokingly called me skelator but I think it was safe to say that I was still a long way off from that. I mean I was down two sizes since the last time we had sex; you'd think Edward would be all over this now more than ever.

"Baby. Please stop thinking. I can tell that you are already off the mark."

Self-consciously I tried to cover myself. God, I felt stupider now than when we first started exploring each other sexually.

"Bella." Edward called again.

"Would you just; please give me…space." I gasped. "Focus on yourself. I need…." I started to pant. Trying to catch my breath as millions of reasons flooded my head.

"Stop it." Edward ordered. "Look at me." He pulled me to him and forced my chin up to look up into his eyes. "This has nothing to do with all the silly horrible thoughts that are going through your mind. I have been thinking a lot lately and we haven't had sex in quite a while but the more I think about it. I want to wait. I want the next time I make love to you, to be your husband. I want to make love to my wife. Officially."

Huh?

I stood there staring up at him. What? I mean WHAT?

"Why?" I asked somewhat disgusted by the idea. "Is this some thing you're doing because you're punishing me for not marrying you a couple of weeks ago?"

"No. Why would you think that?" He paused. "God, Bella."

He started looking around like he was trying to figure something out.

"I didn't know exactly that's what I wanted until just now. You were starting to go there and I had already been thinking about it but then it just clicked. I want to wait. I'm not asking you to rush back into marrying me just so we can have sex. I have heard that some couples try abstinence before their married to make that first time as husband and wife a little more meaningful." He explained.

"But, we've been doing it…like a lot…before. Why stop now?" I asked.

"Making love to you is the single greatest pleasure I have. Knowing that you are mine in every single way; I know that the next time will be quite possibly the best love-making moment in my life. You as my wife. Everyone will know that you are mine and I am yours."

"But…why couldn't we have one last hurrah before you decide to do this. I mean I have no idea when I will be ready again to try to get married. What if it's months? Years? You want to go all that time with…nothing?"

"Yes." He said simply.

"But…"

"Bella." Edward pulled me to him and kissed me on the forehead. "Baby, please don't think into this. I just really want our first time to be special when you are my wife. I promise I will make it worth your while."

And then I did something incredibly stupid. My mouth got ahead of my brain.

"But…what if it turns gray and falls out?" I cried.

I could hit Jacqueline Wayne for ever putting that stupid thought into my head. Now when I needed to make a good case; I surly just lost it.

"What?" Edward rightfully asked.

"Never mind." I shook my head and turned around to try to finish my shower. Edward using our handy little link to one another pulled me back by the cuff.

"What is going to turn grey and fall out?" he asked.

"It's nothing. It's stupid. Just forget it." I huffed.

"No. Tell me. It obviously upset you. I want to know." He pushed.

I couldn't tell him. I mean I'm sure the man already worked out that I wasn't exactly a rocket scientist. If I told him, it would just give him one more reason to not have sex with me. I mean how unattractive is that?

"Tell me or I will restrict your bathroom privileges and push back our little experiment twelve more hours." Edward threatened.

"Come on. It's embarrassing. It doesn't have any relevance. Just forget it." I complained.

But he was resolved. Edward had resolved face on.

"Ughhhhh." I groaned out frustrated. "Last night, Jacqueline said that you have to keep it pink and if you don't use it meaning your..." I motioned down to the culprit that was up for discussion. "it will turn grey and fall out."

Edward stared at me for a long minute before busting into a fit of laughter.

"I told you it was stupid." I stomped one my feet down in anger.

"You…you…oh my god…"Edward couldn't stop laughing.

"Stop it. It's not funny. It's already been over a month…you don't know." I fought.

"Bella. You can't seriously believe that?" Edward managed to speak a little more clearly.

"No. I don't know. I mean, who knows with me. I seem to have a lot problems down there and I wouldn't put it past karma to find a nice little funny ways of paying me back." I folded my arms over my chest and continued to pout.

"Karma? What could you have possibly done to deserve bad karma?" Edward asked.

"I don't know but it seems to keep biting me in the ass." I shook my head and once more turned around to grab the soap.

"Baby, you dad is not a result of your bad karma. You of all people do not have bad karma."

I didn't answer him because I couldn't agree with him.

"Honey, you didn't do anything wrong. You have to stop believing that. Your dad is probably looking down on you right now mad at me for not kicking your ass. You have to stop believing this."

And even though we moved back into serious territory I couldn't help but make a joke.

"If my dad was looking down on me right now; he would be mad at himself for not being able to kick your ass for showering with his unwed daughter while using his old handcuffs in some twisted kinky fashion."

"You're right. You win…but these are not your dad's handcuffs…ew!" Edward shuttered at the thought.

I smiled back at him and finally we got back to finishing our shower with the score being celibate Cullen; one and horny Swan; none.

We were in the closet after we managed to dry ourselves off and Edward let me go to my side of the closet first to pick out my strapless dress; strapless bra and undies. Then we walked to Edward's side and I nearly ran into the back of him when it finally dawned on him that Edward didn't have a strapless anything.

I stood there smiling triumphantly. "Something wrong, Edward."

"You are getting way too much pleasure out of this." He remarked.

"Hey gotta get my kicks someway since someone took my favorite toy away."

"It's fine I will just make do with the shirt I cut up. See I can be a team player." Edward picked up our shredded clothes and swiftly put the cut up white t-shirt back on. Of course one side flopped over since there was nothing holding it up and he kind of looked like Tarzan.

"You know in fashion that's what we would call a one shouldered hot number." I laughed. "Come here. Let me tie it for you at least." I tied up the mess. It didn't look good but at least it wouldn't be flopping all over the place.

"Thank you, honey." Edward replied.

"Now you get to help me into my outfit." I leaned down and Edward went with me so I could step into my dress and pull it right on up. Getting the bra on wasn't so difficult. This task of dressing ourselves that would normally take us a couple of minutes turned into twenty.

Brushing our teeth turned out to be a little more difficult with the added weight of Edward's hand. It didn't even occur to me that when I held out my wrist last night that I should have picked the less dominant hand. Damn it! What was I thinking giving him access to my right hand?

Now it was on to breakfast…or lunch. Since we had taken so long in the shower it was getting quite late. The girls would be home in a couple of hours and I guess we needed to figure out what to tell them that wouldn't have them running back to their classmates telling of what crazy antics their parents had been up to.

"What would you like to eat, babe?" Edward asked.

"Maybe we should stick to something easy; like cereal." I suggested.

"That's not enough. And we can make anything. Come on; let's make chicken Caesar salad together."

Working together I was surprised just how well we were able to get along in the kitchen. I guess last night when I thought about all the challenges that this little exercise was going to bring us I had been spot on. This wasn't too difficult.

Until…

Eating was a little harder. Like brushing my teeth it was like having a five-pound weight attached to my wrist. Not that Edward didn't oblige and help me out a little but still it was an inconvenience. Edward and I sat at the bar eating our salad. The house was surprisingly silent. Becky, Savannah and Gracie were at school but where were our other home dwellers?

I heard the garage door opening and I was getting ready to give Embry an explanation of what he was about to see. But it was Jacob; still dressed in his tux with wild sex hair.

He skidded to a halt when he saw us sitting there with our lovely matching bracelets on and to be fair I guess it didn't help that Edward's shirt looked like he was mauled by a bear.

"What?" I spit.

"Uh…do I even want to know?" He asked looking between us.

"Uh…do I even want to know why you are just now getting home with greasy sex hair?" I snapped back.

"Cranky. Man, you'd think that you wouldn't be so uptight after the…night you two must have had." Jacob said suggestively with his sly little smile.

And then that pissed me off even more knowing how sexually unfulfilled I was with no hope of future sexy times on the horizon; I threw my fork at him.

"OWWW." Jacob yelled as it hit him in the leg.

"Bella." Edward scolded pulling on my cuff. "Apologize."

I rolled my eyes and huffed out an apology.

"Geez, I'm going to bed." Jacob grumbled.

"What's the matter with you? You really want that to be the example you set for Savannah and Gracie. If one of them had done that they would be on time out." Edward said.

"He just…pissed me off. He always knows right where to….ugh." I fumed.

"Bella, he isn't the reason you are sexually frustrated. I'm sorry that this is hard on you. It was never my intention."

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I mean a couple of days ago I didn't even think about it and now it is all I can think on and I'm actually thinking about masturbating and the only other time I have ever done that, you yelled at me and then flew six thousand miles to punish me for it. Now…" I squeezed my legs together. "God, why now? Why would you choose to become all…celibate now?"

"Honey…"

"And then you just sit there like it doesn't even affect you; like you could go the rest of your life without sex with me and then it makes me think that, god Bella you really must be horrible in bed if he could give it up so easily. Maybe you should have taken Cynthia Moore up on her sex lessons. You stupid sexual retard."

Okay I may have been ranting. Ranting or to rant (v.) 1. speak in loud exaggerated manner: to speak or say something in a very loud, aggressive, or bombastic way, usually at length and repetitively.

"Would you stop it. I don't understand why I need to reiterate over and over just how much I love being intimate with you. You don't need lessons. That's ridiculous. The only reason I want us to try abstinence is so we will have an extraordinary first time as a wedded couple. Stop calling yourself a retard."

And then he did something that even now I can't believe. He lifted up our cuffed wrists and swung them toward my head causing my own hand to hit my forehead. My jaw dropped at the audacity.

"I can't believe you just did that." Without thinking I pushed him forcefully and he lost his balance falling backward and since I was tethered to him I went flying as well. We both landed on the carpeted ground.

"Oww, Bella." He gritted out through his teeth.

"Oww is right; you idiot." I said trying to rub the side of my butt where I landed.

"Idiot?! You're the one who pushed us." He complained.

"You started it." I flicked him in the chest.

"Don't flick me, Swan." He flicked me back right in the boob.

"Now it's on." I threw down the gauntlet…whatever that means and jumped on top of him trying to wrestle him into submission. Good plan but horrible realization that he was stronger than me and we ended up rolling all over the place. Tickling each other. But I would not give in even though my screams would suggest otherwise. I couldn't even try to get up to run away and eventually he had me locked into a position where I was on top of his lap, face down unable to move.

"Uh…your parents are weird."

The voice broke us out of our childishness as we looked up to see Savannah, Tiana and Gracie standing at the door which lead to the garage. Savannah looked mortified.

"Let's go upstairs." Savannah pulled Tiana along with her rushing to get her friend away; sparing us a backward glance that looked rather fierce. Yes, I taught her well.

"What are you doing home so early?" Edward asked letting me go.

"Uncle Edward, it's a minimum day. Duh." Gracie replied and then Embry finally came into the house chatting on his phone.

"Bro…I gotta call you back." Embry said.

Edward started to get up and we both managed to make it too our feet. My hair probably looked wild.

"Gracie, why don't you go upstairs and start your homework with your sister." Embry advised.

Edward and I stood there like a couple of kids waiting to hear the reprimand. Embry stood there with his arms across his chest.

"Embry…it…well I know this must look…" I sighed unable to come up with an adequate response.

"What did I tell you before, Bella? You and Edward…I don't want to know. You two keep your semi freaky lifestyle to yourselves." Embry raised up his hands in surrender and turned to walk away.

"Semi freaky?" Edward asked.

"Don't." I held up my hand Embry's words reminding me of our conversation back in September when I stayed at his house. "Ugh. Now I have to come up with something to tell the girls."

"We will figure it out. Stop stressing."

"Edward, our little girls just walked in with their little friend and caught us….doing whatever this is." I said holding up my cuffed hand and shaking it wildly. "Don't be so calm. This was your idea and you didn't think this through on how it would affect children."

"Honey, who cares. It's not a big deal. You are blowing this way out of proportion. We will just tell them that we were playing a game."

"And just what do you think Tiana's parents are going to think when she goes home and tells them that we were over here in handcuffs playing a game; you with your shredded shirt and all. I'm sure like a kid, they will believe that too." I argued.

I groaned out in frustration.

"I don't understand why you are taking this so badly. We will deal with this."

"No, Edward. I will deal with this. I will have the talk with Savannah and Gracie and try to get them to understand what ever the hell this is and if Tiana's mom calls here, I will deal with it. I don't need your help screwing that up too." I fumed.

"You always want to do everything yourself. You don't need my help." Edward yelled.

"No, in fact I would rather be handcuffed to myself because I could do a lot more things for myself being handcuffed then I could if you were there unhandcuffed to me." I spit.

"You think so. Fine. Let's just see about that." Edward pulled me along with him all the way up the stairs and to our bedroom. We went over to his drawer and pulled out the key. "Your wish, my command."

He released himself from our cuffs and placed the other cuff on my free hand. "Have fun, Bella. Show me how you are so great that you don't need any help in this world."

"I will." I snapped.

"Since you look like some crazed escapee; I will talk to the girls. Go off and do whatever it is that you do, by yourself." Edward stormed out of the room and I was left there handcuffed.

Immediately I started to feel a little guilt creep up. I understood the spirit of what this little exercise was supposed to be and as I stood there all by myself in the middle of our bedroom it started to finally sink in just what I had said and the symbolism of being all by myself with my hands tied.

I sunk to the floor to have myself a little cry. My whole life I felt so very alone. Then in what felt like the blink of an eye I was suddenly surrounded by people. It started with Edward and then Alice, slowly I added to my friends and family list. Embry, Jacob, Marcus, Rose, Jacq.

Edward was now mad at me. I hardly ever saw Alice anymore. Jacob, I'm sure was irritated with me at the moment and Embry probably just thought I was a freak or a semi freak.

Losing my dad was starting to make me lose everything and everyone else. My pain, depression, anger was pushing away the very people who finally made me feel wanted and accepted. I needed a way to find peace.

Edward seems to keep telling me that I need to relax. Why am I so uptight? I feel like my hormones are all over the place. A day at a spa I think could be beneficial but I didn't think showing up handcuffed would be a good idea and then again how was I going to get there. I'm sure I could figure out how to drive but somehow that still didn't seem like an intelligent idea. I have the big spa downstairs and it has been so long since I used it.

Getting off the floor proved much more difficult than you would think. Hell even walking with both hands cuffed was a definite change in the normal motion of my body. I entered our peaceful little oasis and went to the control panel to start up the waterfall and heaters.

Undressing was far more difficult of a task now. The dress was a breeze but my panties was challenging and my bra had me doing a rather unflattering dance. There was no way I could unhook it so finally I decided to just leave it on.

I stepped into the warm pool; all the water jets firing off and I could feel my body instantly relax. Was this how I was supposed to be? I sat down in the water on the marble seat and just like that all my problems seemed to float away.

"Ahhhhhh"

It was quite uncomfortable to still be in my shackles and bra but I managed to forget about them after a while. Normally I would spread myself out for a nice float; that obviously wasn't going to happen now however. I focused on my breathing trying to reach a certain state of mind and of course there were some tears as random images popped up into my mind every couple of moments. Edward. My dad. A wedding that might never be. A realization of what my future held.

I must have sat in that spa for well over an hour. My fingers already pruned as I looked down at my hands.

"I think you will probably rust." I said aloud to my shiny bracelets but I guess it could be taken in multiple ways as I stared down at my naked womanhood.

"What will?" Edward's voice scared the living shit out of me and his voice sent me practically flying out of my seat. My foot slipped on the marble floor and I slid under the water. My cuffed hands trying to steady me and swim up. Water filled my lungs from the sudden surprise and just as I was able to find a steady hold. Edward had a firm grasp on my arms; pulling me up.

I started coughing instantly trying to rid the water that had filled my lungs as I relied on Edward to pull me over to the side.

"Bella." Edward slapped my back trying to help me as I coughed up the last of the water. The whole ordeal really scared the crap out of me. It never once occurred to me that I could drown. I was an excellent swimmer and even thought if god forbid my car went off a bridge I could survive that. But here in my calm little oasis it felt like I nearly did drown.

My fear turned to tears as Edward sat with me trying to console me.

"God, baby what were you thinking coming in here?" Edward was practically panting himself from all the excitement.

"You said I needed to relax…I was trying to relax." I stuttered. "Plus, I was doing fine until you scared me."

"Well this experiment is over." Edward said pulling the handcuff keys out of his soaked pocket. It was then I realized that he was fully dressed and sitting in our spa. "I can't trust you to not get yourself hurt or worse. What if you had slipped getting out and I wasn't here?"

He released me from my confines and instantly I rubbed my wrists.

"It worked you know." I said softly looking down at my free hands.

"What worked?" Edward sighed.

"I get it. When I was stuck all by myself…well I get what you were trying to say. I'm sorry for what I said earlier. It really made me think about a lot of things. Everything from my past, present and even future and it scared me." I put my arms around his neck holding onto him with everything in me.

"I don't want to do this alone. I don't want to live my life always doing things all on my own. I don't want to be depressed and miserable anymore. I just want to rewind my life to six months ago and press pause."

"You can't do that, honey. Life isn't something you can pause or rewind or even fast forward. Life is meant to be lived and what you are doing right now isn't living; you're sustaining. You dad died. He's not coming back and it would have torn him apart to see his little girl just sustaining."

"You're right." I sighed.

"Let's get you out of here." Edward whispered.

He helped me up and I unfastened my wet bra tossing it to the chair.

"Couldn't get that off myself." I told Edward shyly. He held out one of our big fluffy towels and wrapped me into it. He pulled off his drenched clothes and tossed them to the chair on top of my bra.

"I talked to the girls and surprisingly they were more focused on the fact that we were tickle fighting then the fact that we were handcuffed to one another so I think we're good." He said pulling a towel around his waist.

"I hope so. I am not looking forward to that phone call from Tiana's mom. Especially after the bullet she took for me; I already owe Tiana's mom a lot!"

"Bullet?" Edward asked.

"Uh…yeah she is enduring a night of Justin Bieber with the girls. In my book that makes this woman a saint. I should probably invite her over for coffee sometime."

"Come on. You need clothes. The last thing I want is for you to get sick." Edward took my hand and like we were still cuffed together, he pulled me up to the bedroom.

"Bella, I've been thinking." He started the moment we arrived back in our room. "I really liked that idea of a big family vacation. I asked Embry about it and he said he would be up for it. What if we planned a trip for the end of March? It would give us a month to get everything together and decide who we wanted to come."

"Where would we go?" I asked slowly.

"Italy. You said you would like to go back, right?" he confirmed.

"I would love that. Oh…really? We could do that?" I asked.

"We could do whatever we want? The girls have a two weeks off at the beginning of April for spring break but maybe we could home school them if we wanted to stay longer. I think it would be nice to invite your mom along so maybe she could help with that."

"How many people do you think Villa Stella Mia can fit? Just so I have an idea of how many people we can invite." I was already getting excited planning this vacation. I could feel some kind of fire build up inside me.

I sat down on the bed and Edward sat right next to me, both of us still wrapped in our towels.

"Don't worry about space. I have already been talking with a realtor and the property next to our villa is available. Maybe it would be nice to have an additional home since our family is growing."

"Oh, Edward. Are you really going to buy another house just for vacationing? That seems a little extreme. I'm sure I can keep our guest list down."

"Bella, please let me do this. We have all these people who we love being around. I hope that this won't be the last time we go all together. It's a great investment. Let me worry about the space and lets just start brainstorming who we want to ask."

"Okay. Let's do it." I smiled widely. "I can't wait. Thank you Edward." I practically squealed. I threw my arms around his neck and pulled myself to him. My towel fell down causing my breasts to pop right on out. Feeling my sensitive nipples collide with his chest suddenly sent me spinning down to horny town. I couldn't help it. I needed something, anything. My lips found his and he allowed for a brief make out session.

"Please." I moaned as I started to slowly rub my naked center over his still toweled member. "Please." I practically cried.

"Baby, we can wait." Edward moaned but I could feel his resolve weakening or maybe it was because I could feel his cock hardening.

"No. I can't. I need to feel your love. Please, Edward." I stopped and looked into his eyes. I imagine all he could find in my eyes was just pure desperation, mix in a little lust, add a teaspoon of desire and about a pound of plain old hornyness.

"How about a compromise. I will get you off, baby but that's it. No intercourse." He was struggling to find a way to please me.

"I'll take it." I practically jumped with joy. "But just give me two seconds. I am in desperate need of the facilities." I jumped off him and ran to the bathroom dropping my towel on the way. "Two seconds." I yelled out hoping he wouldn't change his mind.

I never pee'd so fast and hard in my life. I was a mess practically banging myself on every sharp edge in my bathroom trying to hurry back fast. I paused looking at myself in the mirror as I washed my hands. My hair was a wild mess, I could take a couple of seconds more and brush it out. I pulled open my top drawer with such force that everything in the drawer came flying forward. My brush included. I picked it up and something caught my eye.

Slowly I placed the brush down and picked up the small rectangular package. It had been so long since I had any need to even look for these. Well that's not true. The truth is I should have never stop taking my birth control but when my dad went into the hospital this little package of pills was the farthest thing from my mind. And of course with the days that followed after I could barely drink a glass of water let alone remember to take the small pill every day.

To think if Edward hadn't stopped me this morning, what could have happened. The one thing I think Edward wanted most and he blocked himself from it. He wanted to wait until we got married. Even now, I can't imagine when that will ever be. Right now this is what Edward wanted from me. He wanted to remain celibate so that the first time as man and wife would be special. Suddenly my hornyness didn't seem so important.

I'm pretty sure that I have no need for you now I thought as I stared down at the package of pills. I tossed them in the trash can below. It would be a long while before I needed them. If Edward was willing to wait; I guess I could wait too. Days? Doubtful. Months. Less doubtful. Years? Quite possibly. Marriage was still not on my radar and as long as we weren't married there would definitely be no need for the package of pills.

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**AN: **Thank you for reading and reviewing. See you next chapter! :-)


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